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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Jan 10 - 04:58 PM
MMario 21 Jan 10 - 03:49 PM
Janie 21 Jan 10 - 03:37 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 10 - 03:28 PM
Amos 21 Jan 10 - 02:13 PM
MMario 21 Jan 10 - 02:07 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 10 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 10 - 01:30 PM
Amos 21 Jan 10 - 12:22 PM
Acme 21 Jan 10 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 21 Jan 10 - 09:33 AM
Donuel 21 Jan 10 - 06:44 AM
mousethief 20 Jan 10 - 09:34 PM
Acme 20 Jan 10 - 07:49 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 07:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Jan 10 - 07:21 PM
Janie 20 Jan 10 - 06:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 06:30 PM
Janie 20 Jan 10 - 06:26 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM
mousethief 20 Jan 10 - 06:05 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 05:37 PM
mousethief 20 Jan 10 - 05:35 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 04:16 PM
mousethief 20 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM
MMario 20 Jan 10 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 02:09 PM
MMario 20 Jan 10 - 01:01 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 20 Jan 10 - 10:15 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Jan 10 - 10:03 AM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 09:58 AM
Acme 20 Jan 10 - 01:56 AM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 11:49 PM
Acme 19 Jan 10 - 10:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 09:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 07:54 PM
Acme 19 Jan 10 - 07:28 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 06:55 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 19 Jan 10 - 06:48 PM
mousethief 19 Jan 10 - 05:50 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 03:20 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM
Little Hawk 19 Jan 10 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 12:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 04:58 PM

Hmmm..maybe it was Mobile. Had to be one or t'other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 03:49 PM

Thanks for clearing that up, Amos. I knew there was an "i" in there somewhere.

well, there isn't an "i" in "there", but there is one in "plagairism"

Not that plagairism is spelt with a numeral one, but that there is the letter "I" used.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 03:37 PM

Oh yeh, Biloxi. That's the stuff they inject into your butt to cure the sagging, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 03:28 PM

Biloxi. It was in Biloxi!! Now I remember, when it's too late. Damn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 02:13 PM

It was just a grammatical slip, MM. He meant he fixes plagiarism up when folks don't do it slyly enough. He should have probably said, "I improve plagiarism."



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 02:07 PM

YOu correct plagarism or plagarize correctly?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 01:31 PM

See? I correct plagarism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 01:30 PM

Well, that's another good reason not to live in SoCal. Eventually you'll wash away.

Boy, have I started a tempest by posting "The Yeller Rose Of Idaho"!! Seems like there's an earlier version, dating back to the 1840s, and "Soddy" House just ripped it off and changed a very few of the words. Here's the earlier version:

There's a spud bud out in Idyho
That I'm tryin' not to see
No other feller loved
In quite the ways as me
She threw a fit when I left her
It like ta broke my heart
My liver, spleen, and kidneys
And prit near every part.

CH: She's the cutest little spud bud
Thet Idyho ever knew
Her eyes jist like rubies
All red and bloodshot through
You kin talk about your Clemmie
And sing of Lucy Lee
But the tater bud of Idyho
Is tryin' ta find me.

Where the Portneuf River's flowin'
In the muskeeter-filled summer nights
She walks along the river
Jist a-cryin' 'neath the moon
I know her daddy's lookin'
Since we parted long ago
He's got a big ol' shotgun
And the baby's comin' soon.

(CH)

          --attrib. Andy Ohnemus, 1841


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 12:22 PM

I always thought that was spelled "sammidge".

Weird times in the Surreal Corral. Last night the rains came down in sheets, something our sunny little village is not used to even though it happens once a year. This morning it was still raining.   I was safely ensconced in the local library's meeting room running a training session on knot-tying for the edification of thelocal Civilian Emergency Response team members. Meanwhile, at the company, the lower floor where the manufacturing area sits was being flooded by the waters breaking through a collapsed six-inch drain pipe about four feet below the floor. The pressure of the combined waters was so great that when blocked by the bad drain pipe they backed up clear into the building. Several inches started building up on th emanufacturing floor in minutes, with no sign of stopping. A dozen people were bringing in huge pumps, manning buckets, and scrambling all through the night to move the water away, open up the floor, empty the pit, etc., etc. WHen I came in at 5:45 this morning it was down to wet-vacuums and brooms, and a long-term plan to open the floor and completely removbe and replace thirty feet of drain pipe. Exhausted sleep deprived volunteers were wandering around cleaning up and looking dazedly heroic as folks do whohave fought the storm through the night.

For me it was a normal morning, but a whale of a lot of action had gone on while I was out!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 12:09 PM

Racing against the clock today, MOM. Fix me a quick samich for lunch?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 09:33 AM

There's a yeller rose of Idaho
That I'm agonna see
No other feller loves
In quite the ways as me
She laughed so when I left her
It pirt near ta broke my heart
I promised to return agin
And never more ta fart [sic].

CH: She's the cutest little spud queen
Thet Idaho ever knew
Her eyes are bright like rhinestones
They sparkle like the dew
You kin talk about your Clemmie
And sing of Lorny Lee
But the yeller rose of Idaho
Is the onlyest gal fer me.

Where the Snake and Salmon are flowin'
In the muskeeter-filled summer nights
She walks along ol' Main Street
Drummin' up trade every night
I know thet she remembers
When we parted long ago
I promised to get my clap cured
And never more ta go.

(CH)

          --"Soddy" House, Songs of Olde Idahoe
            (Hoarville, Idaho: Pants Press, 1897)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 06:44 AM

Good morning, here's the paper.
Would you like coffee or tea?

Hmm I believe I'll have tea/

We as Americans grind our heros' bones for tea.
We drink it down and say "its such a pity".
We lighten up in mysterious ways
We embrace our heros and turn them into strays.

Oh sure we love our athletes
We love our amorous heros
We love our wealthy streets
We love more reducing heros
to sacrificial zeros.

When we are bored by excellence
When we are too envious
We cut the exhalted down to size
We even tingle with enjoyment if our victim cries.
Ohhh it feels so good you can't imagine.
From rags to riches to rage is our fashion.

For example todays newspaper page
shows Tiger Woods in a hood
sporting a beard with the grimice of a cynic.
Roaming the grounds
of a sexual addiction clinic.

sip GULP mmmm

AAhh what could be better than Tiger Woods tea.
You see...
Now we can gloat,
vicariously
We Are Now Better Than He.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 09:34 PM

Janie, be careful of the cheap Oz shiraz. I hear they contain natural mellowing agents. Or is that ketchup?

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 07:49 PM

But Janie, you've been around. I know I saw you on a couple of other threads.

Summing up the last couple of weeks? Just the usual BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 07:47 PM

Janie:

How were we supposed to know you were gone instead of just playing in the backyard in your hidey-hole among the forsithia out there?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 07:21 PM

It was a nice wake, Janie. We all brought our surfboards and went wake-surfing. Gluon drove the boat. Strange how that little duckdog can navigate a nineteen-dimensional universe, go backward and forward in time at will, and juggle 300,000 Higgs bosons without dropping a single one, but he/she/it can't stand up on a surfboard to save his/her/its life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 06:39 PM

You're just mad 'cuz I didn't show up for your wake!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 06:30 PM

You were GONE?

Oh, yeah. Well, we missed you, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 06:26 PM

Speaking of minimalism, could some one post the Readers Digest version of what has been happening here at Mom's place the last couple of weeks?

I ain't got the time or concentration to catch up.   

And some sibs you lot are! Nary an anguished and anxious word about my absence. Why, I coulda been kidnapped by a Yeti, run off the road over an imbankment, trapped in my car with two broken noses and nothing to drink but the case of cheap, aussie shiraz that was belted in on the passenger seat (Thank God for screwcaps!) - I mean, that is what I would have said if I had been in that predicament. I coulda chased Gluon down a wormhole only to land on the set of Stargate Atlantis, where I was mistaken for one of the symbols on the gate that fell off, and stuck back on with superglue! I could a had a brainfart, moved to Massachusetts and voted Republican, for chrissake!

Sheesh. Some family you are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM

O! O, G!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 06:05 PM

Soon we'll be down to posts of just one letter each.

We now return you to your previously scheduled minimalism.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 05:37 PM

Hear, hear!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 05:35 PM

There, there.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 04:16 PM

Knowing there is a there there is an illusion, but it is an important illusion. Otherwise, why, gosh, you'd be responsible for EVERYthing!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM

On the other hand if you leave here to go there, you may find that when you get to where you thought would be there, you aren't there at all, but you had been there all along, back when you were here, and now you need to go back to here to be there once again.

But truly, that's neither here nor there.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:19 PM

But there is there when we are here, so why isn't there there when we are there?

Oh - is it like tomorrow is tomorrow when it's today - but when tomorrow is today then tomorrow is the day after!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:09 PM

We are never "there", Grasshopper, because we do not know where "there" is. Many times you will find that when you get there there is no there there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 01:01 PM

Are we there yet?

Where are we headed, anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:46 PM

Then old Rapaire he heard a voice
'Most clear as any bell.
"There's fudgicles and Drumsticks, son,
To be found in them thar hills."
Now, where thet voice had come from,
Rapaire jest did not know.
But he was partial to them Drumstick thangs,
So he told Ma he would go.

Then Little Hawk he lumbered up,
Fixing to join the fun.
It warn't because he wanted to,
But jest not to be out done.
And BWL strapped on his shoes
Made for crossing niege glacée,
Said he was bored with waiting 'round
And he'd go for the next of Kay.

So Janie and Stilly limbered up
And lined up in the yard
In a little old New England sleigh
Pulled by a Saint Bernard.
They knew those boys were trouble-bound
And always full of sin
And in case they had to be found,
They agreed to chip on in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM

Drop around, good Shame, and I'll explain it all to you quite thoroughly. Julie is one hot babe who has the hots for you for some reason. Jack Slade is a local bartender who has heard of you and wants to see if you can drink as much free beer (your choice) as you say you can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:13 PM

HEy, fuckhead. See the link. Google the names. Read the effing thread.

Dweeblet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 10:15 AM

Who the flip are Jack Slade and Julie Benis?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 10:03 AM

Fudgesicles....

When I was a young'un, we made chocolate milk using nonfat dry milk. It sucked when freshly mixed, but it you let it sit in the fridge overnight it tasted identical to Yoohoo chocolate drink, which is pretty much just a melted Fudgesicle. It was cool 'cause Mom (my mom, not our Mom) wouldn't buy Yoohoo. If we wanted it, we had to use our allowance money. But we could mix up a pitcherful of homebrew for free and save our allowance money for candy and other drugs.

I think Mom would like some to wash down her Creamsicles, but I'm not going to make it for her. Somebody give her a buck so she can buy a Yoohoo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 09:58 AM

I've been partial to Drumsticks and still eat them.

Amos, you missed the special treat good ol' Jack had for Jules. You really should do more thorough research.

Months later, Slade was returning from the Pacific Springs Station when he received word that Jules Beni was in the area. Some of Slade's employees captured Jules and took him to the Rocky Ridge Station, binding him to a post in the station's cattle-yard. There, Slade would periodically, through the night, stick his head out the door and take pot shots at Jules, nicking him. In the morning Slade finally dispatched Jules, cutting off his ears and turning one in to a watch fob and the other into an 1860's version of a worry stone. Jules, himself, may not have been so innocent [he had shot Slade six times with a revolver and emptied a sawed-off shotgun full of buckshot into him]. Most sources say that Slade used Beni as a target for at least two days before administering the coup de grace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 01:56 AM

I was more fond of fudgesicles, myself. And that's not a bad one to resurrect, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 11:49 PM

Rapaire's obscure reference to the Slade/Beni legend is explained here.

I LOVE that BWL brought up Creamsicles. It is one of those nouns that needs to be resurrected every decade or so just for the sheer joy of it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 10:26 PM

Right now, MOM has forgotten about dinner and wants to stomp off to Massachusetts and kick some butts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM

Mom doesn't want pizza or barbecue. Mom wants Creamsicles!

She wants LOTS of Creamsicles!

She wants a box of two dozen, and she wants them all for herself!

You ain't gettin' any, so don't ask!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 09:03 PM

Dear Shame,

SHOULD you ever decide to visit, I can assure you that I'll stand treat, just as Jack Slade treated Jules Beni, only my treat will go on for a couple of weeks 'cause you're such a guy.

Sincerely yours,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 07:54 PM

Dear Shame,

I'm so sorry to disappoint you. Truly, I am. I assure you that when YOU die I shall toast your memory with the best whisky I can get, and then I shall pour it onto your grave. Of course, I'll run it through my kidneys first.

Shame, did I mention my new pistol? It's a Sig Sauer .40 calibre, holding 15 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber. Of course, I don't use jacketed ammunition, so the hole is about four-tenths of an inch going in and about an inch or more across going out. Terrific tissue damage, as you would expect. I used it to win the Stafford Cup from the New Northwest Practical Pistol Shooting Association -- 30 rounds at ranges from 5 to 150 meters, and I scored a "possible", hitting dead in the centre of the "kill zone" on every target. I also did the knifework and unarmed combat portions of the competition and tied for first in both. Not bad for an old geezer, eh?

Drop around and visit sometime.

Your pal,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 07:28 PM

Sitting in the waiting room of the guitar studio, listening to the learning phases of a Bach piece. Mmmmmm! It's so lovely, I want to enjoy a mellow evening, not break the mood cooking. Do you think MOM would prefer pizza or BarBQue for dinner tonight?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 06:55 PM

And none of us was much inclined
To jump in for her plan,
For Ma she drove a hard, hard trail
As tough as any man.
She'd eat the man for brekfuss
As stopped her in her way
So it didn't sound like a heap of fun
To mush to the next of Kay.
And we knew that road was awful hard,
Unmarked in the frozen hills
And we'd all heard tell of those who'd tried
And died from ice, or spills
Or died from the heart-stopping Northers there
That rip yer lungs away,
So there wasn't much incitement
To suit up fer the next o' Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 06:48 PM

Youse flipheads make me SAD! Here yer lifes are goin' by and alls you can think to do with yer time is right a hole lotta stoopid poems and stuff on this here thred. Whatta buncha LOOSERS! It's pa-flippin'-thetick is what it is. Youse all otta get a flippin' life, eh?

Rapaire - I thought you was dead and berryed by now. But you are not I gess. Too flippin' bad! I allready got drunk celebratin' yer flippin' deemyse and even gave out some free dope to my pals. You OWE me.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 05:50 PM

At least he's not firing the surgeon general.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM

There's places where they say its cold
At 45 degrees
And places where it gets so cold
It makes you lock your knees.
There's regions where the cusswords hang
All frozen through the winter
And come to life at the start of Spring
Making raucous roars a-splinter.
There are lands where the sun never shows its face
Throughout the winter's day
And places where the white bears live
Where it's too damn cold to pray.
But the coldest stretch I ever saw
And the toughest winter's way
Was the trek where Ma nearly broke her neck
Making Thirty Four of Kay.

It was warm enough when we started out
Down in Thirtythree and Six.
And when Mom said she'd had a thought,
We thought we knew her tricks.
So we lazed around by the fire bright
In a warm and friendly snow,
And Mom explained what she had in mind,
And where she planned to go.
Wal, the dogs were stretched in their snow-hole beds
Dreaming of canine beers,
But when she spoke each raised his head,
And flattened out his ears.
And they all shivered, as if a chill
Or a williwaw, as they say,
Had come sweeping down from the northern peaks
Out by Thirty Four of Kay.

Now Ma, she knew them dogs clear through
Each blooded breed and line
And in those parts, the people said
She had half a canine mind.
So she knew what she would have to do
To break them from their beds,
And she uttered a cry like wolves in heat
And her whipped snapped over their heads.
So one by one the dogs stood up
And snarled with an awful sneer
But Ma she stood and stared them down,
And pretended not to hear.
And one by one those hell-hounds flinched
ANd into their traces lay,
They could tell that Ma would brook no stop
Til the Thirty Four o' Kay.

The boss-dog there was B.S. Buck,
Her was long in tooth and fur.
There wasn't a bitch the length of the line
But Buck and conquered her.
And there wasn't a dog in the whole damn team
As they snarled right whar they stood
That didn't remember some frozen night
When Buck had drawn his blood.
And Buck was the last to creep to the trace
And he stared in an evil way;
You could his heart warn't inclined to start
On the trail to another Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM

Ah, zee song ov zee 'Orse Pucky is 'eard in our land!!

You are fictionalizing again, chér Rapaire, in a vein as toxic and wasteful as M. 'ack's worst imazhinings.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:20 PM

Au contraire, mon vieux Amos. Et Petit Hawk aussi.

For some time NSA satellites have been able to record video sequences through interfering media such as leaves and roofs and thus there is an extensive "library" of the solitary vices you both indulge in. Being a simple country librarian, I wouldn't know how to break into this database, nope, but I have somehow been made privy to some of the materials therein and must pass these messages along:

Amos, "flogging your dolphin" is not something to be taken literally and I'm surprised that the ASPCA or a similar organization hasn't yet interfered. LH, the long, lush growth of green hair on your palms did not come from a bad lot of Rogaine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM

The reason you have not, oh Confabulator, is that my vile solitary habits are entirely unknown to you; habits such as contemplating the greatest good, dreaming up random acts of kindness, composing lyrical pieces, dream of a Better World, designing deathless literature, and so on.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 12:48 PM

Amos - "I am sure, sir, that playing with your own piece is a continuous source of delight to you."

You are going too far when you say that, sir! I have not spoken a word on this forum about your own vile solitary habits, because I am a person with some sense of restraint and mutual respect...unlike yourself! I am now compelled, however, to respond in kind. It is my opinion that if you persist in "spanking the monkey" any further you will not only go blind...he will start hitting back!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 12:17 PM

I'd leave Ericsson alone, if I were you.


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