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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 09 - 02:18 AM
Acme 20 Oct 09 - 11:48 PM
Ed T 20 Oct 09 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM
Ed T 20 Oct 09 - 08:44 PM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 08:06 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 05:32 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 09 - 05:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 05:29 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 09 - 05:10 PM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 03:15 PM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 09:47 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 09:19 AM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 09:17 AM
Acme 19 Oct 09 - 11:40 PM
Amos 19 Oct 09 - 10:56 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 09:45 PM
Amos 19 Oct 09 - 08:46 PM
Ed T 19 Oct 09 - 08:12 PM
Acme 19 Oct 09 - 08:08 PM
Little Hawk 19 Oct 09 - 05:48 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 05:04 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 04:22 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 01:44 PM
Amos 19 Oct 09 - 01:29 PM
MMario 19 Oct 09 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 01:14 PM
Amos 19 Oct 09 - 12:54 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 09:09 AM
Janie 18 Oct 09 - 10:54 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 09 - 04:31 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 18 Oct 09 - 03:58 PM
Janie 18 Oct 09 - 02:36 PM
Amos 18 Oct 09 - 02:28 PM
Janie 18 Oct 09 - 02:02 PM
Acme 18 Oct 09 - 01:19 PM
Little Hawk 18 Oct 09 - 01:08 PM
Amos 18 Oct 09 - 01:05 PM
Janie 18 Oct 09 - 12:37 PM
Janie 15 Oct 09 - 11:54 PM
Janie 15 Oct 09 - 11:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 09:49 PM
Amos 15 Oct 09 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 06:27 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 09 - 04:56 PM
Ed T 15 Oct 09 - 04:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM

Shame McBride is actually stone bald and has been since that time he slipped going over the chain-link and razor-wire fence around the gaol in Sudbury and suddenly became an off-key soprano. What passes for his hair is actually the tails of a horse, two dead skunks and a mule, which he super-glued to his scalp. Quite appropriate, actually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 02:18 AM

Well, whoever the woman in question was, she must have really wanted to get away from the work she was doing for awhile, I would figure. And Shane just happened to be there. Sometimes that's all it takes. Just show up at the right moment.

Shane is forever searching for such moments, but he seldom finds them. Don says it's all in your "attitude", and I suspect he's right. Don never lacks for female company. Never. It drives Shane nearly out of his mind. He can't understand why Don succeeds so well at the one thing Shane most wants to succeed at, specially since Don is going prematurely bald while Shane glories in his mop of unwashed, greasy hair...which is a classic mullet cut, very suitable for a guy who idolizes heavy metal "hair" bands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 11:48 PM

That doesn't look comfortable even for the one who modeled for it.

Rap, if you're going to read poetry at work, a word to the wise: be sure it isn't on the day when the staff are carrying their shootin' irons for target practice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 10:53 PM

Possibly Shane's likeness, infixed in a chair?

http://dizzymonk.hotlikepho.com/category/funny/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM

M'sieur Shame McBride c'est un...un...je ne sais quoi. Peut-etre, un cochon, un cochon ivre et un poseur. Mais oui, un poseur ivre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 08:44 PM

A bit of a horsetail that Shane, est cela non vrai?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 08:06 PM

Why yes--"Arena Zamboni". Shane figgered she was Italian, on account of her feet being a bit hairy...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:32 PM

This member of the cleaning staff at the Arena -- was the name "Zamboni" by any chance?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:31 PM

Verily, yea, and forsooth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:29 PM

I think so too, and will recite it at this afternoon's meeting of the Board of Library Trustees. They will also appreciate it, I'm sure. And Thursday I'll read it at the semi-annual meeting of the Library Consortium of Eastern Idaho. Good poetry deserves to be widely disseminated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:10 PM

Then there was the time Shane got it on with one of the female cleaning staff at the Blind River arena after hours...

"Such a lay is experienced by a man (like Shane) rarely and is cause for great elation."

He boasted about it for months afterward to anyone who would listen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 03:47 PM

It was my pleasure--nay, my HONOR--good sir. Such a lay is written for a man rarely and is cause for great elation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 03:15 PM

Thank you, Amos. That was a very nice poem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 12:29 PM

Rapaire he is a naughty lad,
He cherishes just being bad,
Although it makes his poor Mom sad,
All on a summer day, oh!
He brags of using lethal force,
And makes up stories rude and coarse,
And nasty humor does endorse,
Fiddling time away, oh,
All on a summer day.

Rapaire is gleeful, sly and rude,
And speaks of heresy, and food,
Of weapons and of rounders lewd,
All on a summer day, oh!
He takes up poetry from the shelf
In acts of literary pelf,
And claims he made them up himself!
Fiddling time away, oh,
All on a summer day.

His signature you cannot trust,
His colleagues he has roundly cussed,
He ought to be tagged for a bust,
All on a summer day, oh!
And rounded up and put away,
Beyond the reach of the light of day,
Where rats cavort and roaches play,
Fiddling time away, oh,
All on a summer day.

Then in his penance, in the gloom,
Confined in a 12- by 10-foot room,
He'd hum a different sort of tune,
ALl on a summer day, oh!
He'd solemn grow, his tears would flow,
Regret would feed him endless woe,
And thus he would repent, you know.
Ah, fiddling time away, oh!
All on a summer day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 09:47 AM

It's that new-fangled alternating current. Sometimes it's on and alternately it's off. What's even more interesting is that sometimes it flows to your house and other times your current flows out to the power company.

See, the power company is really just a great big bunch of flashlight batteries and there's another bunch of batteries hidden under your house. When the batteries under your house run down, electricity flows from the electric company's batteries and recharges yours. When the electric company's batteries get low they take a charge from your batteries. You have to pay for it no matter what direction it's going because the electricity all belongs to the electric company (except for lightning and other wild electricity, which are sort of like wild animals). When you use it, it makes a "circuit" from the batteries to the lamp or toaster or whatever and goes back into the batteries (the word "circuit" is related to "circle"). A teensy bit trickles out through gaps in the wire's insulation and it's this that causes your batteries to run down (and also causes male pattern baldness, PMS, and various embarrassing itches).

Sometimes the electric company has to replace its batteries and then there is a "power outage." This can also happen when the company has to replace YOUR batteries: they do this via a series of secret underground tunnels that run to every house that "has electricity."

That's why the Legion Hovel is not lit by electricity, but by the rubicund noses of many of its habitues. The noses work kinda like glow sticks: you give them a good whack and a shake to make them work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 09:19 AM

Yes, soiling my pants while eating breakfast makes me want to puke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 09:17 AM

I must say,now that electricity has been invented, the Mudcat works rather well!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 11:40 PM

MOM just loves it [not] when you mingle food and poop and vomit jokes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 10:56 PM

LOL! I prefer those you write yourself!! At least I can trust the attribution!!

Here's what Babelshit says about your Ode to Joy:

O of friends, not these tones!
    To separate let us more pleasant
    anstimmen and joy-fuller.
    Joy!

    Joy, beautiful God sparks
    Daughter from Elysium,
    We entered feuertrunken,
    Heavenly one, your Heiligtum!
    Your charms bind again
    Which the fashion strictly divided;
    All humans become brothers,
    (Schiller's original:
    Which the mode sword divided;
    Beggars become prince brothers,)
    Where your gentle wing stays.

    Whom the large throw successfully,
    To be a friend friend;
    Who holdes a woman achieved,
    Interfere his rejoicing!
    Yes, who also only one soul
    Its calls on that ground approximately!
    And wer's never skillfully, which steals
    Crying itself from this federation!

    All natures drink joy
    At the breasts of nature;
    All good ones, all bad ones
    Consequences of their rose trace.
    Kisses it gave us and vines,
    A friend, examined in death;
    Wollust ward the worm given,
    and the Cherub stands before God.

    Gladly, as its suns fly
    By the sky prächt'gen plan,
    Run, brothers, your course,
    Joyfully, like a hero to triumphing.

    Are umschlungen, millions!
    This kiss of the whole world!
    Brothers, über'm star tent
    A dear father must live.
    You fall down, millions?
    Do you suspect the creator, world?
    Such' it über'm star tent!
    Over stars he must live.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 09:45 PM

I'm sorry, Amos. I apologize. I thought you'd like those songs, especially since I didn't write them. Here's another you might like, since I didn't write it.

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
    Sondern laßt uns angenehmere
    anstimmen und freudenvollere.
    Freude!

    Freude, schöner Götterfunken
    Tochter aus Elysium,
    Wir betreten feuertrunken,
    Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
    Deine Zauber binden wieder
    Was die Mode streng geteilt;
    Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
    (Schiller's original:
    Was der Mode Schwert geteilt;
    Bettler werden Fürstenbrüder,)
    Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

    Wem der große Wurf gelungen,
    Eines Freundes Freund zu sein;
    Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
    Mische seinen Jubel ein!
    Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele
    Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund!
    Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle
    Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!

    Freude trinken alle Wesen
    An den Brüsten der Natur;
    Alle Guten, all Bösen
    Folgen ihrer Rosenspur.
    Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,
    Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;
    Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,
    und der Cherub steht vor Gott.

    Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen
    Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
    Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
    Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.

    Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
    Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt!
    Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt
    Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen.
    Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?
    Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
    Such' ihn über'm Sternenzelt!
    Über Sternen muß er wohnen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 08:46 PM

Rapaire:

You need to learn about possessive forms of common English nouns and plural forms of same.

Aside from that your ribald contribution is now eternally engraved in Mom's heart--somewhere near the bottom near tax collectors and child-vomit. This thread has now memorialized your particular taste in humor...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 08:12 PM

Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei.
Everything has an end, only the sausage has two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 08:08 PM

Heating up the oven for a small pizza and a few other reheatable items for dinner. What would you like, MOM? Some chicken, or broccoli, or maybe some of this baked banana (platano)?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 05:48 PM

N'est n'tang gizlocki des calmo n'kvit! Gesmoria nin scalpnetz em kroschetichi navskalm d'schtenze...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 05:04 PM

Here's yet another song to cheer your day, Amos! I learned it from my dear old Grandmother.

Put on your old grey bustle
And get out there and hustle
Tomorrow the mortgage's coming due;
Put your ass in clover
Let the boys look it over
If you can't get five take two.

Put on those old pink panties
That used to be your aunties
We're going for a hustle in the hay
With a hole in the middle
Where you uncle used to diddle
In the good old fashioned way.

Put on that old grey corset
If it don't fit force it
The boys are minding it today
As the bee's make honey
Get out and make some money
In the good old-fashioned way,

Put on that old blue ointment
The crabs' disappointment
And we'll kill those buggers where they lay;
Though it scratches and itches
It'll kill those sons of bitches
In the good old-fashioned way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 04:22 PM

Amos, I didn't write this but I want to share with you a song that's been in my mind, off and on, for some days now. I thought you might enjoy it too.


Sie sieht neben mir aus oh oh oh oh oh
Wie ein wandelndes Haus oh oh oh oh oh
Steh' ich einmal hinter ihr
Sieht man nichts mehr von mir
Und für mein Gefühl ist mir das viel zu viel oh oh oh

Kaum hat er sie geseh'n oh oh oh oh oh
War es um ihn gescheh'n oh oh oh oh oh
Ihre mächtige Forma fand er einfach enorm
Und er bat galant mich um ihre Hand oh oh

Drum nimm sie dir ich mag sie nicht
Denn sie ist mir zu fett
Sie ist mir zu fett
Sie ist mir zu fett
Drumm nimm sie dir
Ich mag sie nicht
Denn sie ist mir zu fett
Viel zu fett viel zu fett sie ist mir zu fett
Deine Liebe und dein Sehnen
Und dein Herz schenk' dieser runden Schönen


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 02:33 PM

Amos, here are some numbers for the California Lottery which I'm pretty certain are winners:


Mega:        
10         13         18         33         51         43
        
Super Lotto:        
3         6         8         36         47         13

I hope you win big.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 01:44 PM

You're welcome, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 01:29 PM

WITNESS!!! OVER HERE!!! CAN I GET A WITNESS????



Thank you, Rapaire. With that post, you have dedicated the rest of your life to a Higher Purpose than ever you have known hitherto or heretofore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 01:26 PM

oh RIGHT! If I was a bettin' man, I could make a mint off that statement!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 01:14 PM

Amos is hung over again, I see.

Alright, Amos. I shan't do anything to annoy you ever again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 12:54 PM

Rapaire:

WIll you stop already with the covert blame and passive-aggressive self-aggrandizing crap? Many of have shown Mom what we can do or her, and do not need your judgements. It's lucky for you Mom is a thread, that's all...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 09:09 AM

No one really cares for her anymore, Janie. Just me, I guess. Amos is off on one of his so-called "trips"; the police will bring him home later, all covered with yuck from laying in the gutter all weekend or longer. Bee-Dubya's doing pot again, Stilly's gone to the dogs, and I've been to NC and know What Goes On THERE.

So it's just me and Gluon, and that damned duckdog spends the time humping Mom's leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 10:54 PM

Poor Mom. Kicked to the curb for three days, then all we do when we find you again is dust you off quickly, plop you in your rocker with narry a shawl, scone, cuppa or bottle of rum, and leave you again.

Somehow, I suspect you will be fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 04:31 PM

There's a notable clan yclept Stein
There's Gertrude, there's Ep and there's Ein.
Gert's prose is obscure,
Ep's statues a bore,
And nobody understands Ein.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 03:58 PM

WHAT ladies' room at the Hovel? Facilities are just like at your home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 02:36 PM

We have competition. There was just a Google ad up for thread grinding. They'd been at a lot longer also. If I remember - since 1940(or was it 1947?)

BTW, my new reading glasses have blue frames.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 02:28 PM

Good esr peirses are hard to find anytmore. SInce the advent of electronic manufacturing and control systems, the technology of these rare hand-turned gems has been lost to all but a few wizened retired masters of the art. Modern replacements are scarcely worht the persette they are carved from. And the classic Esr syle has degraded to a cheap imitation. Nevertheless we must persevere.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 02:02 PM

Damn! In all the excitement of the homecoming I up and snapped the esr peirse off my glasses.    ntil I get out to the drugstore, I have qn excuse for any typos.

Mebber that would be a good reason to nit get anogher pair?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 01:19 PM

Coma, shomoma, she snuck down to the Legion Hovel and did a Liz the Squeak stunt and accidentally got herself locked in the ladies room.

I'm glad you're back, MOM. Good thing someone finally took the hinges off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 01:08 PM

Birdie num-nums?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 01:05 PM

Mom!! How nice you came back. You were in a coma. But now you're fine and we will live happily ever after. While you were away the Obama administration put I ran in a headlock and they threw out I;m-A-Dinner-Jacket and foreswore nuclear weapons forever, and Obama gave Congress such a tongue lashing that they passed a modern health care act with a universal option, and the economy turned around when all the insirance companies confessed and the large banls paid back all their bailout money. Education got half of the money, too, so the whole scene is looking much healthier. Oh, and Universal Marriage Rights regardless of hue, orientation or gender was added to the Consittution.

Welcome back!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 18 Oct 09 - 12:37 PM

We're home MOM! Did you miss us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 11:54 PM

I'll use the money to buy a dictionary so I spell stuff correctly - at least when I bother to use it.

Or maybe just to buy a bottle or two of nice wine. (To be shared liberally with MOM, of course.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 11:51 PM

Me posts keep pissadearing, regardless of thread to which I post.

Tres strange, not that I take it personally.

At about 9:15 I posted "Hi MOM. I'm home." Expecting accolades from all my darlin' sibs for the long hours I put in today between my public and private practices.

It moved MOAB to the top of the list.

Honest, it did! So I assumed the post "took."

Obviously it did not.   

Now, of course, I anticipate extra accolades for my persistence in calling attention to myself.

Aplause is nice, but I would much prefer that you send money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 09:49 PM

You do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 06:42 PM

Thing about it is, once you done it, you always think twice about those one-liners with the risqué overtones.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 06:27 PM

Being able to make up his mind, he is a decisive excessive recessive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:56 PM

No, Amos is a recessive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Oct 09 - 04:48 PM

Mom.... "Who dat is? She do nails? I need to have my nails did".
Quote Diary of a Mad Black Woman 2005


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