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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 14 Aug 08 - 09:02 AM
Acme 14 Aug 08 - 01:22 AM
Rapparee 13 Aug 08 - 09:24 PM
Amos 13 Aug 08 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 08 - 05:50 PM
Donuel 13 Aug 08 - 05:47 PM
Donuel 13 Aug 08 - 05:39 PM
Little Hawk 13 Aug 08 - 01:54 PM
Charley Noble 13 Aug 08 - 12:40 PM
Amos 13 Aug 08 - 12:35 PM
Amos 13 Aug 08 - 10:05 AM
Rapparee 13 Aug 08 - 09:14 AM
Little Hawk 13 Aug 08 - 12:48 AM
Acme 12 Aug 08 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 08 - 10:14 PM
Amos 12 Aug 08 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 08 - 10:06 PM
Amos 12 Aug 08 - 09:50 PM
Donuel 12 Aug 08 - 09:47 PM
Donuel 12 Aug 08 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 08 - 07:03 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 08 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 12 Aug 08 - 09:59 AM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 08 - 10:59 PM
Amos 11 Aug 08 - 10:56 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 08 - 09:24 PM
Acme 11 Aug 08 - 09:19 PM
Amos 11 Aug 08 - 08:37 PM
Amos 11 Aug 08 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 08 - 07:16 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 08 - 04:33 PM
Acme 11 Aug 08 - 03:51 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 08 - 02:18 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 08 - 01:10 PM
Amos 11 Aug 08 - 12:48 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 08 - 12:36 PM
Acme 11 Aug 08 - 12:13 PM
Amos 11 Aug 08 - 11:02 AM
Acme 11 Aug 08 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 11 Aug 08 - 09:38 AM
Amos 11 Aug 08 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 11 Aug 08 - 09:02 AM
Acme 11 Aug 08 - 01:56 AM
Amos 10 Aug 08 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 08 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 08 - 07:36 PM
Amos 10 Aug 08 - 12:59 PM
Acme 10 Aug 08 - 12:30 PM
Amos 10 Aug 08 - 08:34 AM
Acme 10 Aug 08 - 12:03 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Aug 08 - 09:02 AM

The year I attended the Lord Mayor's St. Patrick's Day Banquet in Dublin they piped in the baked alaska.

The Lord Mayor's wolfhound was also brought in by the hound's handler and the poor little doggie was so hungry it sucked down a whole liter-sized pitcher of cream someone had carelessly left within range. Poor little pup, it must have been still growing and if it was it must now be about 200 feet at the shoulder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Aug 08 - 01:22 AM

It's the diametrical opposite of a Baked Alaska.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 09:24 PM

Well, if anyone's mind is in a whirl mine is. It's got more spin right now than a politician's press release.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 09:12 PM

They only seem similar to those whose minds are in a whirl.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 05:50 PM

Is a frozen tundra like a frozen daquiri?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 05:47 PM

Whooo I"M BACK from a cool ride on the way forward machine.

I met with the heiress to the Exon Mobile fortune in the year 2098.
Basicly her home is one of the few places on Earth that are still survivable. The gorgeous mountain bunker had natural light via fiber optics and required little air conditioning while the iar temp in Wyoming was a cool 156 F.

She showed me the disinformation campaign her grandfather had succesfully peddled at the turn of the century which led to the great warming of 2050 when the dimming factor subsided and added a quick 5 degree global warming.

To say she was grotesque by todays standards is polite but among her peers she was fairly attractive. Now I have what they call a heat wart. The increase in temperatures have hatched some new/old viri from the once frozen tundra of Siberia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 05:39 PM

Hey don't forget Ivans targeted the editor of the National Enauirer with Anthrax. He suffered for his craft.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 01:54 PM

LOL! You amaze me sometimes, Amos. You should be working for one of those grocery store periodicals. You would impart a new aura of erudite sophistication to their articles, and it is sorely needed, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 12:40 PM

I believe that the posts in this thread are rising to new heights, while the thoughts are sinking deeper and deeper.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 12:35 PM

The day some low-life dropped a video on You-Tube of Little Hawk practicing his crotch-sniffing techniques, everything went to hell. His dogs refused to have anything to do with him for violating their ancient rites and procedures; his girlfriend wanted to know who the hussy was he had found to practice on; his lawyer called to say an e-letter had been received from the DA. All in all, he wished he'd never dreamed up the idea of competing in crotch-sniffing. Besides, his knee-caps were all rugburned. Ah, he shoulda stood in bed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 10:05 AM

And have someone take pictures, please...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 09:14 AM

Or you can buy them stilts. Or one of those high-seat unicycles. Or scaffolding with a little ramp for them to run up. Or some built-up shoes.

Geez, LH, don't you like dachshunds? If you did you wouldn't deprive them of the pleasure of crotch-sniffing. In fact, you should try it and then you'll understand.

If you do, let me know the results.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 08 - 12:48 AM

Dachshunds can properly sniff a crotch! You just have to get down on their level first, that's all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 10:58 PM

I doubt there is such a talent as "properly sniffing a crotch".

Oh yes there is! But my crotch pooch is at the vet this week, being treated for heartworms (Sob! Annoying as she is, we miss her!) so she'll have to be more sedate about the nose lunge into the crotch for the next month. She's not supposed to get too worked up.

She's a hyperactive airhead, so this will be a challenge. And her walks to pee are all supposed to be accompanied on a leash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 10:14 PM

Oh, I know where I left them, but I don't really want to go back to the Infantry to collect them. Once was plenty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 10:11 PM

Which raises an interesting subcategory: Things We Pretend Exist Which Are Not There.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 10:06 PM

My boyish grin and youthful innocence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 09:50 PM

I doubt there is such a talent as "properly sniffing a crotch". Another one of the Great Missing Things of Existence, a list for which I am indebted to Donuel for starting.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 09:47 PM

Dachshunds can't be trusted to know anything.

They can't even properly sniff a crotch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 09:45 PM

Ah yes, I have just solved another mystery of the Universe....

They say 92% of the Universe is missing so they desperately called the missing portion dark matter. There is no such thing as dark matter.

Using Occam's Razor I simply put everything that is actually missing and came up with 90% of the missing matter.

Things that are missing accumulate over time so you shouldn't be surprised how many socks alone accumulate over 12 billion years.
There are a bunk of keys and huge piles of cash.
SInce the missing matter occurs over time it is expanding and casuing and accerated expansion of the universe.

Other missing things are:
the actual decisions you should have made
George W's early school, criminal justice and military records
The one year of tax records that you were asked to produce.
Credit for your best work.
Corporate respondsibility to one's country.
All the kids on milk cartons
Love that the church claims to promote.
homework
the memory stick of this week's work

etc ad infinitum!

The 2% still missing is either at the Pentagon or Bush's Swiss Bank account where the Saddam money now resides.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 07:03 PM

MOM! Consorting with low life! Oh, the shame of it!


Must be Amos's influence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 10:17 AM

Cool Breeze:

2 shots cheap vodka, 2 shots 151 proof rum, crushed ice, splash of grenadine, kerosene to fill the glass. Serve flambe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 09:59 AM

Geedub, the clown. Bozo was too smart to run for THAT office. So were Bonzo, Boffo, Bingles, and Clarabelle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 10:59 PM

"It would be like sending Bozo the Clown to the United States Congress"

Hasn't that already been done on a significant number of occasions? And who do we find in the White House, I ask you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 10:56 PM

Oh, you woeful, jaded, world-bitten, life-burnt cynics. What cool breeze do you seek to reinvigorate your poor, charred, overdone souls?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 09:24 PM

I thought it was kinda redundant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 09:19 PM

Bozo the Clown to the United States Congress

No need to insult clowns, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 08:37 PM

I am sure Little Hawk will agree, if he is honest with himself, that dachshunds are fiddle-faddle, an indulgence in frippery, a froth of frivolity, an animalesque minutia, a nuage of nonsense, a chokery of small change, a pungent poke of small potatoes, a truculent trio of trifles, and a tenuous triviality at best.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 08:24 PM

Dachshunds can't be symbols of the phallos, because they are entirely too meretricious, flippant and frivolous to represent anything so serious. It would be like sending Bozo the Clown to the United States Congress.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 07:16 PM

Hardly. Perhaps a symbol, but not a phallic one. As short as their legs are their "phallic symbol" is sanded off as they walk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 04:33 PM

Some have claimed that the dachshund is a canine phallic symbol.

I regard that as a gross libel on a distinguished breed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 03:51 PM

I can see it now. LH parading around his apartment, negligee billowing out and a dachshund under each arm (like Paris and her chihuahua, only longer).

Eewwww.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 02:18 PM

LOL!

My lips are sealed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 01:10 PM

No, Amos...wear it. LH has a Secret, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 12:48 PM

Ah, I can see it now. A flimsy chignon affair with ruffles at the necklilne, and ancient sweat-stains under the arm-holes, discreetly hidden in Little Hawk's desk drawer so he can take it out and sniff it during his long lonely watches of the night patrolling eBay.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 12:36 PM

To hell with Amos's ratty old bathrobe. Who wants that? It's Winona's bathrobe that I have a hankering for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 12:13 PM

Au contraire! I think a bathrobe offered on eBay as one ripped off from the Playboy Mansion will bring in a lot more than the ratty old terry cloth garb from inside Amos' closet door.

IMHO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 11:02 AM

Provenance is not usually important in the bathrobe world, and you're just going to have to take my word for it that it has clear title.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 09:56 AM

No, it's the one he stole from the Playboy Mansion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 09:38 AM

Is that the one you wore to the playgrounds? Or the one with the grass stains, blood stains, and bullet holes in it? Or is it, perchance, the one you got from OJ's yard sale?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 09:18 AM

Well, I don't mind donating things to a worthy cause. You're all wrong there. But I like setting my own terms, is all. Lessee...how about I give y'all my brown bathrobe?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 09:02 AM

'Tain't my problem, Amos. I figgered you'd donate the trip to the Pacific NW Library Association, who would otherwise have to shell out for the airfare. But, oh well, I guess you're the miserly kind who doesn't like to donate time or money to a worthy cause. But that's alright, libraries are used to that sort of thing. PNLA will probably go broke and it will be your fault, but that's okay. I guess it was to be expected. California was, after all, the breeding ground of Proposition 13 and were public libraries had to close due to lack of funding, denying the poor information, entertainment and educational opportunities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 08 - 01:56 AM

Wait till it's covered with ice and drag the kayak. You won't get seasick then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 11:15 PM

Of course I could.

But I doubt she or you would want to meet my fees.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 08:40 PM

Oh! Oh! I have an even BETTER idea. Since Amos likes sea kayaking and I have an employee who needs to get to Kodiak, Alaska, how about if she meets him in Homer and he paddles her out? The Aleut do it all the time, so Amos should be able to do it too! Sure, she has to be there for meeting of the Alaska Library Association and that's next February, but heck, if anyone can take a kayak through forty foot seas it'd be Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 07:36 PM

I'm home, Mom. Amos and his sea kayaking...phooey! Lemme tell ya about the REAL kayaking they do here in Idaho.

On the Payette River there's a few stretches that'll stretch Amos. The Indians knew them as B'dwatr, Ho Oleech'it, and Awf Uknoooo. They are known to kayakers today by the same names. Or try the Salmon -- pick any fork, South, North, Middle, or Salad.

Sea kayaking. Hmmph. Wimps, the lot of 'em. Now, if Amos was hunting those seals, say with a harpoon....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 12:59 PM

UNder the tall bluffs that tower over the sea-caves on the north shoreline of La Jolla, there are wide, flat surfaces worn in the sea-rock, where the sea-lions and harbor seals gather to complain about their lives, or have bark-and-glare contests, or see who's best at neck-wrestling. Further up from the water are rough indentations formed in the ancient sandstone which are perfect for rookeries, where the gulls and pelicans have their meetings.
The Pacific swell comes in across thousands of miles, but today it is low and gentle enough, rising and falling like the breath of a sleeping woman and sending blue water into green light and pushing into foamy breakers which explore the caves and deep grooves in the sandstone cliffs. From up close, you cannot see the tops of the cliffs, and it is perfectly easy to forget the extra-fine homes and paved paths and roads just past the brow. From here, rising and falling with the Pacific swell, all you see it the way it was.

One seal among the group lolling and splashing along the shoreline is a weisenheimer seal. He dives off the rock tanning platform, and then cuts alonng just underwater with one arm-like fin raised up sticking out of the water in a dark curved silhouette. You can almost hear him yelling to his pals on the rocks, "Hey, dude!! Lookit me!! I'm a SHARK!!! Da-da-da-da!!!".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 12:30 PM

Nice! I should get a rubber raft for navigating my backyard creek.

I've done an application of garlic pepper tea mixed with a little compost tea and orange oil to knock out some of the spider mites taking over the garden. It smells rather like salad dressing when you apply it. Always wait to take your morning shower until AFTER you do this work. I knocked off two tobacco horn worms this morning (they do a great job of assuming the exact color of the plant they're munching). scroll down about 1/4 from the top of the page and you'll see my critter. (I didn't link directly to it because you might find the other caterpillars interesting also). I did a little more research. This could also be a tomato hornworm (I didn't look at the white lines to distinguish it) but it seems this becomes the sphinx moth that pollinates the datura and I have a huge datura next to the tomato. Whoa! Who knew?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 08:34 AM

With, please.

It is predawn Sunday as I write. I am about to go back to the shore with my sea kayak,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 12:03 AM

I have some freezer-section ice cream cones. Do you want one with nuts, or without? (The ice cream, not you, or that guy down below. . .)


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