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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 27 Jan 08 - 10:35 PM
Acme 27 Jan 08 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 08 - 04:50 PM
Acme 27 Jan 08 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 08 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 08 - 12:35 PM
Amos 27 Jan 08 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 08 - 12:06 AM
Acme 26 Jan 08 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 08 - 10:53 PM
Amos 26 Jan 08 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 08 - 06:12 PM
Amos 26 Jan 08 - 04:31 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 08 - 03:32 PM
Acme 26 Jan 08 - 01:13 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 08 - 01:04 PM
Amos 26 Jan 08 - 12:39 PM
Janie 26 Jan 08 - 12:17 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 08 - 10:39 AM
Acme 26 Jan 08 - 01:16 AM
Amos 26 Jan 08 - 12:28 AM
Acme 26 Jan 08 - 12:14 AM
Amos 26 Jan 08 - 12:00 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 08 - 10:13 PM
Amos 25 Jan 08 - 08:42 PM
Amos 25 Jan 08 - 06:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 08 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 08 - 06:14 PM
Amos 25 Jan 08 - 06:10 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 08 - 02:50 PM
Amos 25 Jan 08 - 10:39 AM
Acme 25 Jan 08 - 10:11 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 08 - 09:56 AM
Amos 25 Jan 08 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 08 - 09:33 AM
Amos 25 Jan 08 - 08:04 AM
Amos 24 Jan 08 - 11:24 PM
Janie 24 Jan 08 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 08 - 09:01 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 08 - 07:42 PM
Amos 24 Jan 08 - 07:32 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 08 - 01:32 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 08 - 01:27 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 08 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 08 - 12:55 PM
Amos 24 Jan 08 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 24 Jan 08 - 09:09 AM
Acme 24 Jan 08 - 12:18 AM
Amos 23 Jan 08 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 08 - 09:47 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 10:35 PM

Wisdom runs deep in Texas, so they say. From politics to dog-bathing.

When in doubt, consul a Texan.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 06:28 PM

Two is enough for us. They're clean and smell sweet and are quite frisky. I chose the warmest part of the afternoon for bath time, but with time left for sunshine so they could dry completely before sunset. It is still January, after all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 04:50 PM

They are starting to put some of the dogs taken from Michael Vick's place up for adoption.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 04:24 PM

Well it turned nice down here and I'm heading to the back yard right now to grab the dogs and bring them in for baths. Those two girls have gotten a tad stinky over the past few weeks of cold cold weather.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 12:48 PM

Just to make the whole Legion thing more interesting, it's started to snow and later today that will become rain AND snow. The Legionaires and Legionettes started running around, sticking to each other and to things and I'm not at all sure that I'd want to sleep with my face glued to Red Ale's posterior as Saddle Sammy had to.

It ain't a purty picher up there right now, nossir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 12:35 PM

Just as soon as enough acetone gets here.

Arkansaw stuck himself to the tap on the beer car. Lizziebelle and Rowdy stuck themselves together. Peeleg managed to stick himself to his Ronny Ray Gun (shoots genuine sparks when you pull the trigger!) which he managed to stick to the Colonel-General's...backside. And she is stuck to the statue of the Unknown Idahoer out in front of the Hovel.

I told 'em, "The Legion Always Sticks Together!" but I think they're going to change the Legion's motto when this is over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 11:20 AM

Dear old Rapaire, always ready and hot to trot when the subject turns to long, narrow explosive objects.

I think we ought to send the Legion into New York State to secure it for Obama.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 12:06 AM

Here is a little bit. Check out St. Barbara for a bit more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 10:57 PM

Tell us where we can learn more about this group, what is important to them, and what stories they tell themselves? Are there any novels or texts written? What, in other words, is in their canon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 10:53 PM

YOU ever deal with the International Brother and Sister Hood of Cannoneers and Other Big Gunners (IBSHCOBG)? The Union has a short fuse, is quite touchy, and explodes if they think you're ramming it to their membership! They'll recoil from any slight, perceived or real, and target you for firing a member whether it's effective or not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 07:26 PM

Hell, if you fire 'em with those .75's still attached, they won't have any hearing!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 06:12 PM

Not without a hearing -- they're unionized.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 04:31 PM

Hell, fire the lot of 'em!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 03:32 PM

They found some old (very old!) ammo for the 75. Those who found it also had superglue on their fingers. This is going make things a little difficult.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 01:13 PM

Gosh, MOM, get up! It's a gorgeous sunny day, finally! Let's go outside and make some vitamin D!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 01:04 PM

That's good and I'll pass it on. They've been trying Superglue, but now we have fingers stuck to fingers and other body parts stuck to other's body parts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 12:39 PM

Re: puttees -- wrap them tightly around the ankles and calves and hold the end down while applying a thin layer of exterior stucco all 'round. Problem solved.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 12:17 PM

No spud guns?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 10:39 AM

Well, the Legion is ready for them. The old French 75 has been cleaned up and is ready to go, if they can find the ammunition for it. Likewise the Bofors 40mm twin mount. The troops have been issued the rifles from the armory and have taken themselves to The Bunker over on 6th Avenue for supplies and rations and the daily issue of "rum" (one liter per person, 151 proof). Several problems have arisen and perhaps someone can help:

1. How do you wrap puttees so they don't fall apart?
2. Where can you get a lot of ammunition for .57-90 caliber rifles?
3. The Legion needs a large sign that reads "Be SURE to tighten the cinch before mounting the horse!"
4. Another large sign is needed that reads "The saddle horn goes to the front!"

Your help would be greatly appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 01:16 AM

Good analogy. I wanted to share, but didn't have anything to elevate, except the moment itself. I'm tired of sorting and boxing books. I have cabin fever after several days of bad weather. I have to do SOMETHING to reach outward. (I'm not so desperate to swing by the Legion Hall, though. That would be suicidal. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 12:28 AM

That's kind of like taking out your favorite Barbie Doll and crowning her Miss America. It is cute, but somehow the point is obscure....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 12:14 AM

21742


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 12:00 AM

Well, that's what gets you called a "monster", you know. And its a shame, really it is. The world needs more...understanding, is what. Clear the air of all these value judgements. Do monsters not hunger? If you cut them, will they not bleed? If they may not eat, will they not faint? Surely, the quality of mercy shall not be denied monsters who are so close in kind to our very kin!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 10:13 PM

Or they might find the girls to be tasty young things. Literally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 08:42 PM

I think we ought to gather up all the "really smokin' hot" lasses who are all the rave on daytime TV and scandal sheets these days, and send them over there. They being all that hot and all, would melt the pinions right out from under her, smoke her scantlings and drive her crew to desperation from wanting to touch such burning sexiness from across the Galaxy. It can't miss.

Unless they are not as hot as they are cut out to be...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 06:17 PM

But they won't even venture forth until Spring....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 06:15 PM

Don't get all shook up. I've alerted the Legion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 06:14 PM

HOLY CRAP!!

They've landed! That's an interstellar battle cruiser!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 06:10 PM

The more widely known SOE has no comma. I have certainly street of the BSI.


A&*&*&&.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 02:50 PM

S.O.,E.   

I use the abbreviation used in Stanley Lovell's classic "Of Spies and Stratagems".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 10:39 AM

I wasn't referring to the MMC, but to the S-O,E remark which had no leads. I don't have time to try your mental contortions, and my Ovaltime Decoder went South three weeks after I got it out of the corn-flakes box. So it is now South Decoder.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 10:11 AM

Amos, just get out your Ovaltine decoder ring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 09:56 AM

Oh, hell, Amos. You could break the MM code with a simple letter-frequency count. Even I could have made a better one -- for example,using several letters or numbers for the letters "E" "T" and "A" would by itself complicate breaking substitution cipher (at least for English).

Then shift the remaining letters by the day of the week, changing the shift direction at predetermined intervals.

Or use computer-generated one-time encryption pads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 09:41 AM

Knock, knock!!

Who's there?

Argo.

Argo who??

Argo Fugyaself!


Rapaire,

That's a nasty little code you have dere. For a library type person you certainly relish being obscure. Perhaps you were swapped at birth with a politician's child?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 09:33 AM

Amos is all at sea
Trying to punctuate MMC
Even though at first, you see
The abbreviation was Ess Oh comma Ee.

       --Amanda Rhiolite Cowsburr, Poesy For My Lovey-Pooes
          (Burley, Idaho: Gagg and Hurle, 2004)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 08:04 AM

I guess MMC doesn't punctuate, huh? Risky.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 11:24 PM

Now seven hundred, twenty-five
Past K-the-twenty-first;
And some of our stuff is better yet!
But some, by far, the worst.
We dipsydoodle down the road,
With ups and downs and sways,
But, boys and girls, I'm here to bet,
We'll make Twenty-two of K!!
Oh, the bumps may come, the bumps may go,
But this I'll often say:
Before ole Ma gets buried cold,
There'll be Twenty-Two of K!

Wilson Thunderthud Resonance
Echoes from the Night Jar
Collected Songs from the Pacific Outback
Jess,Riddle, Queueless,
Seattle, 1967


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 11:21 PM

Hi Mom. Sorry to be so neglectful, and want to assure you that I will continue to be neglectful over the next several days. No time to catch up on the frippary amongst the sibs. Just know that I hold you in deepest regard, and please, somebody pm me in the unlikely event that my neglect should lead to her collapse.

Love,

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:01 PM

AND the ring could magically fit anyone's finger just by adjusting the circle part! AND it had a magic decoder. Here's a hint about the Magenta Maggot's Magic Code: A=26, B=1, C=2, D=3 and so on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 07:42 PM

Heh! ;-) Yeah, yeah...

I know how your mind works.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 07:32 PM

Projection, projection, M. Hawk!! I said that about your thumb, not Rapaire's finger!!!


:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 01:32 PM

And here Amos has been telling me your finger was brown.

Just goes to show how little he knows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 01:27 PM

The ring also had the magic power of turning my finger green!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 01:11 PM

Wow. I can't figure why that has not become the top-selling superhero character concept of all time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 12:55 PM

"In darkest day, in brightest night,
No carrion shall escape my bite!
MAGENTA MAGGOT!"

I was chosen by The Ancient Elders Of Eldritchdom and given the Ring Of Power that transformed me into the Magenta Maggot whenever I recited the above bit of poesy in the presence of Something Dead And Rotting (which was usual in the Student Union). There would be a flash of magenta light, a fetid odor, and the Magenta Maggot would appear where before there was only a mild-mannered News Editor for an obscure college newspaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 10:06 AM

This sobriquet--was it invented by you? Or supplied by one of your secret liaisons? Enquiring minds want to know...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:09 AM

We also used to have rocket wars. We'd make rockets out of paper matches and shoot them at each other. Finally the Student Union Gestapo made us stop.

And I will make a confession now, after all these years. I will disclose my alter ego, my secret identity.

                I was the Magenta Maggot.

Surprise you? Yes, I once stood for all that was Good and Pure and Truthful and Rotting! But that was years ago, and much has happened since then; the World no longer requires my services. But be aware that I still have the pipe and I still know how to smoke it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 12:18 AM

21700!

Okay, so I'm a little slow in acknowledging it. I just counted back. It was me. I confess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 11:01 PM

Excellent tale, Rapaire, and it disproves my hypothesis. You have clearly been a troublemaker all your years. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:47 PM

The usual bunch were sitting around the Student Union, drinking Coke and talking and harassing each other between classes when the talk got around the slapping someone.

I told one of the women that if they ever did have to slap someone to cup their hand. That would concentrate the force of the slap.

The next Monday she came in, laughing like crazy. Seems like over the weekend she and her boyfriend had had a discussion and he had said something to the effect that a woman couldn't slap him hard enough to cause him pain. So she slapped him as I told her to.

He passed out from the pain. Seems like slapping that way concentrates the force into the trigeminal nerve -- and that's EXQUISITELY painful.

He never made any such comments again and she was glad to take the wind out of him!


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