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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 01 Dec 07 - 11:49 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 07 - 09:24 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 07 - 09:09 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 05:57 AM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 11:30 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:38 PM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 09:37 PM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 09:34 PM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 09:29 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 08:02 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 07:46 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 07:11 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 06:28 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 06:05 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 03:28 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 02:45 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 02:23 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 02:05 PM
beardedbruce 30 Nov 07 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 11:46 AM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:13 AM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 12:26 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:44 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 11:25 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 11:01 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 10:55 PM
Acme 29 Nov 07 - 09:20 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 09:03 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 08:47 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 06:52 PM
Acme 29 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 04:26 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 03:09 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 11:49 AM

I spent my childhood summers in a rural area at the edge of a large lake in Washington State. There was a store with a gas pump and we bought gas and oil for the outboard motor and sometimes groceries there. My parents went to school and worked and left us to be cared for by an old friend (still a friend, and she's 93 now!) who lived on a dairy farm that was adjacent to that store (they owned both) and she cooked on a wood burning kitchen stove. And was she a good cook! You Betcha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:41 AM

Well, I think it sucks.


And here twenty- eight - and sixty boys,
The rails are getting warm.
The fire box is stoking up,
As we head into the storm.
Old Twenty-eights a mighty train
And rides a mighty line,
But she's still got several grades to face
On the way to Twenty Nine.
The pressure in the boiler's high
And the driver's in his cups.
The sky ahead is thick with rain,
And the wind is picking up.
But on the wheels, and on the rods,
And on the burnished line!
The MOAB crew has a job to do,
Gettin' to Twenty-Nine.
And the folks know we will do it, why,
They know it sure as shootin'.
They stand with all their children by,
And cheer the driver's tootin'
And wave until the last car's gone,
Over the hills of Time,
Into the mists of the gathering storm,
On the way to Twenty Nine.

Jacob Pandamus Groper
Songs of a Prairie Hopeless
Paynin, Meoirich, & Butte, Dublin, 1954


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:24 AM

It's a Blue Event horizon, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM

Better? How you 'speck Miss Janie to color-coordinate a black hole, wise guy? Answer me that!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:09 AM

Here's a much better hole that what Amos sent you. But I also suggest that you be careful with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:57 AM

Janie:

I dug you a hole. I have sent it along by UPS. Be careful opening the box; make sure you have decided where you want the hole before unsealing it. No feeding is required.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:30 PM

Well then, please dig me and ma a hole. We got fresh apple cakes to bake, we got shortbread to pat out, we got pecans to roast with our top secret family seasonings, we got sweet potato-cranberry muffins to pour into our fancy bundt-shaped muffin pans, we got biscotti sliced and ready for that second crispin' (I think the ashes drifted over the top are right pretty, and lend an interesting texture, don't you?), and, Oh yeh, I saw a groundhog out by the road that is swelled up just right for supper so it won't take so long to get tender.


No kidding, I don't much enjoy skinning and butchering animals, but have done so, and groundhog has got to be the toughest mammal in the Western hemisphere to skin. Must be why, if you can find one big enough, they make such nice drumheads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:46 PM

Wow--an invitation to a luau!!

You can bring Pearl, she's a real nice girl
But DON'T bring Lulu!
You can bring Kate or porterhouse steak
But don't bring Lulu!
Lulu's the kind of a smarty
That breaks up every party.
Oh, don't bring Lulu,
How about Lulu?
I'll bring her myself!


Tum-teee-tim-tee-dum.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:41 PM

Dig a hole, build a fire in it, let it burn down to coals. Put yer bread or whatever ya wanna bake in a Dutch oven, nestle the oven down in the coals, cover the lid with coals, and fill in the hole leavin' a little hole in the top for smoke ta git out. Dig 'er up when the bakin' is done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:38 PM

Nope, not bris, but they cuts 'em at roundup. Brandin', cuttin', and eknockulatin'. Iffen ya'd like some fresh Rocky Mountain Oysters jist drop around come Springtime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:37 PM

Really .Baking oven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:34 PM

Better bring a bunch. The a href="http://www.ub.uit.no/baser/arkinord/details.php?image_id=765">baking oven has gone cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:29 PM

Boys, boys, boys........*sigh*

Well, that's alright. Me and Ma love's you anyway. When yer done caterwaulin' at each other out by the woodpile, thumpin' yer chests,and seein' who can spit the furthest, would you bring some wood up to the kitchen for me and Ma?

Let the Holiday baking begin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 08:02 PM

Do they do bris on them cattle in Idaho? Mebbe that's what LH is on about. That wud be some simpler than the brain thing, I reckon. Not much pay in it, but the tips are enormous...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 07:46 PM

Well, they make a slit around the forehead and peel the skin back and the face forward. Then a bone saw is used to open the top of the skull. When they're all done, they put the skull cap back on and pull the skin back up. It's then sewn up. This is usually done at the hairline or in some other place where, if the body is viewed, it won't be easily seen.

Aren't you glad you asked? What else would you like to know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 07:11 PM

We don't do that out here, pal -- all our cattle are bred to be service compris.

You'll never see a tip jar in a California pasture where cows are being raised.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:28 PM

Is this another tragic victim of cowtipping?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM

I assume they must scalp it first, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:05 PM

A cow, Amos. And perhaps other animals later.

I pulled out my leather working stuff and found I only have one postmortem needle left. They are the finest leather working needles I've ever found since they have a triangular "cutting" point that penetrates the toughest leather.

So for the nonce I'll be sewing a dead cow. I also have some skin from a dead deer, come to think of it.

Besides, you can never tell when you might be called upon to do an autopsy. Do you know how they get to the skull so that the brain can be removed? Would you like to learn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:57 PM

Are you going to be doing a post-mortem, then, Rapaire?

May one ask on whom?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

Okay, I ordered 'em. A dozen double curves 3 3/4" and a dozen of the 3/8 circle needles, 4".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:28 PM

Why is my staff getting all bent out of shape because I have a fax coming on different types of post-mortem needles? I need to order some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:45 PM

Well that would be fine, but usually when I think of a wrap-around I think of soft tropical cotton clinging to a pair of tanned thighs, and the cognitive dissonance of holding this thought in mind while thinking of Rapaire is too much to bear. I suppose I could replace it with an image of a huge pair of dark glasses, or perhaps the windy brouhaha of a universe hauled tight around a terrified ego, but although they would fit the definition, they don't jive with Rapaire's nature much. Well...maybe a little... hmmmmmmm...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:23 PM

Just think of him as "wrap-around", Amos. That's what I do now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:05 PM

GRan idea.

Rapaire, you have once again insisted on mis-spelling your name, or mispronouncing it, opne or the other. Or both.

If you want to pronounce it Raparre, go ahead. But spell it so people can reasonably understand how you want it pronounced. Otherwise, you will be condemned to rhyme with Blaire.

In the event you take this advice, you may use an alternative verse:

In my youth, said the Missus, I studied the law
And argued it loudly and free.
And the strength that it gave, to my brain and my jaw,
Make me louder than bold Raparee!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 01:41 PM

There was a house ( in Vermont, I believe) that was built to use third class mail and catalogs as fuel in the furnace. The owner got on every list he could, and had a barn to store ( over the summer) his free, delivered by the US Mail, source of heat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM

A. You have again mistakenly rhymed "stair" with "Rapaire." "Rapaire" rhymes with "take a pee" or "Mother Machree."

B. As a matter of fact, I got her to complete the LSAT application form and on the Saturday of the LSAT test she had nothing else to do so she took it. So yes, I drove her to the law. Several times, in fact, when we both had classes at the good ol' U. of Akron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:46 AM

Janie,

I wish there was some way to turn this windfall of junk mail into some sort of financial benefit for you. If you started a mailinglist of all those companies, and then offered to sell them a secret list of pre-screenedvictims, ripe for the picking, fully qualified, would that be worth fifty bucks each? I would think so.

Oh, and if they order one, just send them an alphabetized list of the Democratic Congress.

A win win, isn't it? You could promote a list of the Republican administration to the APA, too -- they could pitch DSM IV to them or something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:21 AM

Was it your influence, Rapaire, that drove Pat into the law?

In my youth, said the Missus, I studied the law
And argued each case on the stair.
And the strength that it gave, to my brain and my jaw,
Now allow me to shout down Rapaire!


Yes, I think that must be the explanation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:13 AM

Hey, you badmouthin' my wife, the lawyer? Huh? Are you? You lookin' for trouble? Well, buddy, you come to the right place, 'cause she'll hit you with writ when you ain't lookin' and then kick you right in the torts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 12:26 AM

Isn't it wonderful how much those lawyers care about your welfare, Janie? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:44 PM

Well I done stacked all the cordwood up in the shed like you said, Ma. Kin I have my ear back now?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM

6 more lawyers and 1 more chiropractor.

Just thought you should know.

Acutally, once the two of you are done with the wood, you might need a chiropractor. Let me know if I should pull the flyers out of the recycle bin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM

Only because he had to run in and change it...no, don't ask, Mom...yeah, I had sompn to do with it...but...hey! Leggo my ear!! Awww, Ma!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:25 PM

No, Mom. Not now. It's better if...well, if you insist. Okay, okay, I'll do it. Yes, I promise. You know I will. No, I won't fool around with floozies or boozies! Amos has said that he'll stack the wood, all of it, yes. Yes, I have clean underwear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:01 PM

This cowboy does cords that will keep MOM warm all winter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM

Oops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:55 PM

Here, if you cowboys want cords


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:20 PM

Mock your chores at your own risk, boys! If MOM gets chilly this winter 'cause you two were fooling around, you'll hear about it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:03 PM

Goodness, no! We can't have silliness here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 08:59 PM

Things in a museum don't make a sound, Rapaire, and even if they did you wouldn't get to hear it looking at a 2-dimensional color picture of things in a museum.

Even though this is a BS thread, there's no sense being silly about it!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 08:47 PM

Yeah, but mine sounded better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 07:22 PM

I've done my cord!

And it was a lot harder, too.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 06:52 PM

I've done my cord!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM

While you two argue about who is from a point furthest west, my origins are not in dispute. I'm stuck in Texas for now, but I'm from the Puget Sound in the Pacific Northwest. There is no doubt it is west of Idaho and sticks out way further west than California.

Sheesh.

MOM wants both of you to go split some more firewood and stack it. Neatly this time, none of that chunking it any ol' which way. A cord at least, please. Each.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM

I think we should look way, way, way back and memorialize our roots, and our conquests, and our fuckups. Here is an example:

"From: khandu - PM
Date: 18 May 03 - 09:56 PM

As I have said, the MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS(MOAB) is dying. She may hang on a few more days but she grows weaker with each passing day. She has been a delight and shall be forever honored.

And with the end of MOAB will come the end of the Glorious and Triumphant Reign of khandu, The King of All Mississippi. I have accomplished the tasks for which I came...to make Mississippi and the world a better place and to bring them to the Land of MOAB!

My throne shall not be filled by another...for indeed, who could fill it??? Instead, it shall become a Memorial to remind the future generations of the Glories One Man Can Do (khandu!)! It shall be a symbol of "HOPE" for the despondent, a symbol of "CAN-DO" for the nay-sayers, and more importantly, as symbol of BS for the pious.

Thank you all for the wonderfully massive amount of BS! We shall whiff it forever!

A Sad but Wiser khandu


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!!
From: Tweed - PM
Date: 18 May 03 - 10:09 PM

You are hopelessly nutz, khandoo. As long as thar is BS at Mudcat, MOAB will survive.

Three more weeks Spaw? Mebbe we should send a box ob leftover BlowUp Wimmen for you to cavort wif. I hear thar feetures are molded from that crack whore Penelope Rutabaga obv Twitly.

Come to Mississippi and we'll git you a cake or a sack obv deepfried Twinkies which ar all the rage these days. "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 04:26 PM

Wow! Great links, Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM

Ah, them Cossacks, a beauteous sight, and those Mongols were a terror. I withdraw my case, but I will resubmit it with appropriate chronological parameters and impeccable revisions, next week. Until then, thanks for your punctilious adherence to Truth and Justice, Mister Kent...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

There's these guys. And some Mountain Men as well. And talk about hurrahing and shooting up towns! Don't forget the reason for the Tanabata festival in Japan, either. And as for riding....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:09 PM

Ah, Rapaire, the out-of-plumbness you assert is purely in the eyes of the beholder. Or the ears, or perhaps even some other part of the nervous system necessary to thought.

I suggest you get an eye exam, turn your hearing aid up and get it balanced, and shift to boxer shorts instead of those tighty-whiteys.


A


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