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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 15 Sep 07 - 12:57 PM
Acme 15 Sep 07 - 12:37 PM
Acme 15 Sep 07 - 10:33 AM
Amos 15 Sep 07 - 12:32 AM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 10:09 PM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 09:21 PM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 08:14 PM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 06:04 PM
Acme 14 Sep 07 - 05:31 PM
Acme 14 Sep 07 - 05:31 PM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 03:20 PM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 02:40 PM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 02:31 PM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 01:56 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 01:44 PM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 01:38 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 01:34 PM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 01:25 PM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 01:05 PM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 12:56 PM
Acme 14 Sep 07 - 12:37 PM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 11:39 AM
Little Hawk 14 Sep 07 - 11:32 AM
beardedbruce 14 Sep 07 - 10:45 AM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 10:44 AM
beardedbruce 14 Sep 07 - 10:38 AM
beardedbruce 14 Sep 07 - 10:34 AM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 10:32 AM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 10:32 AM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 10:18 AM
Rapparee 14 Sep 07 - 09:02 AM
MMario 14 Sep 07 - 08:36 AM
Amos 14 Sep 07 - 08:12 AM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 10:39 PM
Acme 13 Sep 07 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 07 - 10:12 PM
Genie 13 Sep 07 - 09:25 PM
Genie 13 Sep 07 - 09:17 PM
Genie 13 Sep 07 - 09:14 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 07 - 07:18 PM
Amos 13 Sep 07 - 07:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 12:57 PM

We were on the way to twenty K
Just north of nineteen five
And the gang was lazing 'round the deck,
Just glad to be alive,
Old Maw stood on the after deck,
Jes' squintin' at the sky,
Sez she, "I think were fer a blow!
And a blow both wide and high", sez she.
A blow both wide and high.

Well the fellers laughed, and at the jack staff
Glory jes' flapped in the haze.
We had no fear of weather then,
In them balmy summer days.
But Maw she knew a thing er two,
And she said, "Make fast below.
Tie anything down you want to keep.
Fer it's settin' up to blow, me lads
It is settin' up to blow."

Well, Stilly lay on the foc'sle head,
A-working on her tan.
Rapaire was up the topmast stand,
A most peculiar man.
Old Hawk lay out on the quartrdeck
Dreaming of Shatner dreck.
When a cat'spaw whiff blew the flag out stiff,
ANd Maw yelled "Alive on deck!!"
Oh, she hollered "Alive on deck!"


Just across the beam, like a tripper's dream
I could see big Nineteen Five.
Looming out of the haze in a summer day,
As the breezes came alive.
And off the bow, just a point or two,
If the light warn't playing tricks
I could see the twice- occulting light
That stood fer nineteen six, oh, boys,
That far-off nineteen-six.

Ole Maw she grabbed a backstay then,
And she rared back with a yell,
"Now trim them sheets, you useless slugs!
Or she'll take us all to Hell!"
Then a gust came up, and it backed around,
And it slammed us by the bow.
"Go slack them halyards, make a reef!
An' by Jaysus, do it now!!"
Ole Maw said, "Do it now!"

Folks, we're going to break here for a commercial, but we'll be back with more of this death defying tale of Maw and her Ne'er-do-Wells, so stay tuned. Do you sometimes suffer from unquenchable thirst? Is your life haunted by some undefined, unfillable hunger? Folks if it is, you need Topless Soda, the bottle that has no top, but always finds a bottom. Topless Soda is good for men, boys, women and children. It liberates the bashful and calms the beastly, brings wisdom to the foolish and restores humor in the bitter. There's nothing like it on the market today, folks, and believe me, your life will start changing for the better when you start going Topless.



Hzzsssss zptttthtttt crackkkkllles hisssss...Don't touch that dial!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 12:37 PM

Yippee!

I picked up my first two little cherry tomatoes from my fall garden! They're just beginning to turn pink, so now they're on my windowsill. (It has been my experience that tomatoes that get all the way red on the vine get eaten by birds before I get to them.) I have a bunch more still green, different types, including one plant that I haven't grown before that is very compact. I'll have to figure out what that variety is, it would grow well in a pot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 10:33 AM

The Big Bang wasn't to big to begin with, eh?

Hey, it's Saturday! I have to work this afternoon, darn it, but then it's nice almost-fall weather. Time to go dig up a flower bed, I think! (I found MOM down at the back of the yard turning the compost pile this morning. You guys help her move the sticks out of the pile and I'll use some of the finished stuff in the flowerbeds.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 07 - 12:32 AM

Do you know that Dork's Grift is a proper Googlum -- a Google search that turns up only one hit? That hit happens to be this very thread just a short while ago.

Hmmmmmm????



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM

Classic, my good man. Simply classic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:09 PM

Not since Dork's Grift, no. Before that, well, maybe once in a while. Where do you think the Idaho Legion got its start, anyway? Verdun? Antietam? Trenton? Agincourt? Ft. Whoop-Up?

No, it was at the Battle of Dork's Grift, where a hundred thousand screaming Anasazi warriors attacked Number B Company, Idaho Territorial Militia and Home Guard. Quickly forming the famous Idaho Square, they circled the wagons and took cover amidst the rocks and sagebrush. For nearly a week the battle raged and at one point it appeared that Thirst would overtake the Company; fortunately it was found that one of the wagons was hauling iced beer to the mines. Drawing ever closer together as men and women were wounded or killed by the hostile actions of the enemy, the Company was down to its last few rounds (saving one for each of themselves instead of being taken alive and sober) when the screaming Anasazi broke off the attack and saluted the bravery of the defenders -- and left defeated, their deadly cheong sams and ao dais trailing in the dust, their power broken and never to be regained.

This is remembered at every Legion meeting, which begins with the traditional toast, "To the Dorks!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 09:51 PM

Rapaire, do you guys in Idaho ever have nightmares about tens of thousands of chanting African tribesmen bearing down on you, waving bloodstained assegais?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 09:21 PM

Do-rags. Man, here in Idaho we don't, ya know, do do-rags. We are, like, awesomely cool. We wear these.   Jutht to, you know, like pith people off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 08:14 PM

Here is, like, a hot item no cool dude should be without! The do-rag, man! These are way cool for chicks too! Check it out, doooood! The guy in the ad knows that majorly hot babes like the chick in the ad will be, like, magnetically drawn to him when they see him wearin' his do-rag.

Super Cool Do-Rags

I don't know about you, but I don't, like, even think about goin' to the mall and hangin' out without my do-rag. No way, Jose! Know'msayin'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 06:04 PM

Or refrigerator==>reefer.



Parents==>'rents.


(Cheap parents, therefore, become "low 'rents".



Well done Still! Hard to believe we're more than half way to the big TWENTY K!!

Stop me before I rhyme again!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 05:31 PM

another big number


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 05:31 PM

Actually, it is

refrigerator => fridge

No idea how the "d" got into the word.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 04:40 PM

Well, I don't know if that is true, but Chongo says it's considered normal ape dialect now all over the world. He has a profound respect for Mr Burroughs' influence on the role of apes in popular culture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 03:20 PM

Yes. He ran the store here right after he got out of the Army.

It is rumored that he learned "KREEGAH! Tarzan bundolo!" from a guy who drank some of the locally distilled whiskey here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM

Neato! He served in the US Cavalry too, didn't he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM

Yes, he ran a stationer's store on East Center Street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 02:40 PM

I wonder what could ever have prompted him to move?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 02:33 PM

Much better then having died there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 02:31 PM

You are aware, of course, the Edgar Rice Burroughs once lived in Pocatello, Idaho?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:56 PM

"S'up, Dooooood?" LOL! That really says it all, doesn't it?

Watch a few episodes of Trailer Park Boys and observe J-Rock closely. He has all the jargon down pat.

What concerns me is that Chongo is far more articulate than a lot of the young people I see around here...and he's not even human. Mind you, he grew up in a different era, and he has read all the Philip Marlowe and Sam Spade stories, plus most of the Edgar Rice Burroughs books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:44 PM

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law."
                  -- Aleister Crowley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:38 PM

Would it not be worse should we dangle our participles or split an infinitive in front of our dear maternal parental unit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:34 PM

I believe that you have all lost whatever wits you may have had. To use common vulgarisms in Mom's presence is to shame yourselves! Zooks! Who would have thought that you would stoop so low as to use terms for a common tear-sheet in front of Mom! 'Sblood! It is enough to make Jesu weep!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:25 PM

Yowzah. Right arm. Farm out, man.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 01:05 PM

"God be with you" = goodbye

Television = TV

refridgerator = fridge

yup - the whole language is just going downhill


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 12:56 PM

"I say,old fellow" ==> "Dooood!"

"What's new in your life?" ==> 'Sup??

"Good morning, how are you?" ==> 'Sup, dood?

"I agree completely" ==> 'T'on!!

"Most impressive display..."==> Bomb!!

Eventually, this will produce a pre-Neanderthal vocabulary of subtle simian grunts, whistles, and hums.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 12:37 PM

blog
net


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 11:39 AM

things like that happen in just about any situation.

texting; the internet; commercial kitchens, etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 11:32 AM

"those who are too lazy, dull, or maladroit to say one full syllable correctly"

Yeah, there's been a lot of that going on. Such folks find even one distinct syllable hard to handle, but two...or three....they will do almost anything to avoid the stress of clearly enunciating two or three syllables!

Some examples:

"neighborhood" -   "hood"
"All right!" - "'Ite!"
"brother" - "bro"
"afro" - "'fro"
"Do you understand?" - "Know'msayin'?"
"And then I said..." - "So, I'm, like..."

Does anyone have some more?

And by the way, the folks I refer to are NOT all Black people. Uh-uh. Not by any means. No, this mental rot, passed on via TV, has found a happy home in a generation of young suburban white people who like wearing baseball caps backwards and shuffling around in pants that are 3 sizes too large. They disgust me...just like we longhaired youths in the late 60's disgusted our parents! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:45 AM

"Our common thread is our adherence to the universal doctrine of religious freedom:

"Do only that which is right".

Every person has the natural right (and the responsibility) to peacefully determine what is right. We are advocates of religious freedom.

The Universal Life Church wants you to pursue your spiritual beliefs without interference from any outside agency, including government or church authority.

"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:44 AM

Damn you, Merriam Webster!!

Bruce:

I like ULC. I had forgotten abotu them.

Why did you take that somewhat unusual step?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:38 AM

crossposted:

"We should steal a march and found a church actually NAMED 'The Universal Church","

I am ordained in the Universal Life Church. (ULC)


http://ulc.net/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:34 AM

So, Santa is really calling out for protitutes?


Or is he just reading from his "naughty" list?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:32 AM

I was re-reading your blurb on the Romist's version of ex cathedra, old fruit, and I think they missed a bet. We should steal a march and found a church actually NAMED 'The Universal Church", promising only to promote truisms that are universal (to humans). Our motto would be, "If It Ain't Universal, It Ain't Shit!".
We could put magnetic signs on the doors of all our cars reading "Universal or Bust". Those who chose the latter would be redirected to the nearest Golden Globes Temple, an organization I also founded. Since believe in God is not universal, we would leave that out. But all humans acknowledge being alive, and being at least partially aware, so we could play that up. Breathing in and breathing out would be a big touchstone. I think we're really onto something here. Since no icons are, indeed universal, we could have a whole section of the website dedicated to iconclasm. Our only icon would be a perfect circle, with no meaning attributed (since everyone likes circles but no-one agrees on what they mean).

YEah, I betcha we got a weiner here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:32 AM

Merriam Webster lists it:

Main Entry: ho
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural hos or hoes
Etymology: alteration of whore


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 10:18 AM

I don't think there is any such noun. In my dictionary, Ho! is what is properly called an ejaculation, teenieboppers, like it or not. It is inserted into sentences or calls, etc. to accentuate rhythm for shared effort such as in running up a heavy squaresail: "Heave-ho! We're bound for South Australia...". Or, it is inserted as a challenge, announcement, or greeting: "What ho, varlet!?" "Laaaand-ho!! Laaand-ho!" SOmetimes, it is used as nonsense syllable to facilitate rhymes: "Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to work we go!"

It is true that in some other languages such as Ebonics, the word is used as a slang contraction for 'whore' by those who are too lazy, dull, or maladroit to say one full syllable correctly, but really. We are speaking English here.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 09:02 AM

Did I mention that I recently found my yo-yo? Or that the Smothers Brothers will be performing around here next April?

I don't think it was nice of Amos to call Mom a "ho." I think he should be either keelhauled or sent to bed without dessert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 08:36 AM

Amos? Did you just call MOM a Ho?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 07 - 08:12 AM

YO!

Heaaaave-HO!


After all it's your Mom.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 11:39 PM

Who'd have thought the old librarian had so much savvy in him!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM

Chorus:
Whatever you say, say nothing
When you talk about you know what
For if you know who could hear you
You know what you'd get
For they'd take you off to you know where
For you wouldn't know how long
So for you know who's sake
Don't let anyone hear you singing this song

And you all know what I'm speaking of
When I mention you know what
And I think it's very dangerous to even mention that
For the other ones are always near
Although you may not see
And if anyone asks who told you that
Please don't mention me

And you all know who I'm speaking of
When I mention you know who
And if you know who could hear me
You know what he'd do
So if you don't see me around
You'll know why I'm away
And if anyone asks you where I've gone
Here's what you must say

Well that's enough about so and so
Not to mention such and such
I think I'll end my song now
Sure I've already said too much
For the less you say, the less you hear
And the less you'll go astray
And the less you think, the less you do
And the more you'll hear them say


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:43 PM

YEah. God knows WHAT would happen if those lists of overdue fines from 1997 got out, and those inventories of the "Library Books Sale Cheeep!" authors were to be leaked to the press. Karl Rove has now been forced into retirement just for leaking the name of an undercover librarian!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:39 PM

Never, ever, mention those documents again. You work in a library and you know what happens to those who do, or you've at least heard rumors, which are actually Truth. You know about the Pseuds and how they take those who even breath the faintest hint of Certain Documents away. I can only mention this here because this is MOAB and the Pseuds have given Permissions. No one should even try to guess at the contents of those documents. If you want to see your children grow older, please don't mention those documents again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:26 PM

The guy who cut my hair for several years was the best hair cutter I've ever been to, and over the years he became a good friend. I know I'll eventually get it worked out, but I won't have as good a chat in the chair as I used to, I know that.

Whatever happened to those things that [as seen on TV] you could attach to the vacuum cleaner hose and cut your hair at a uniform length? I think that would appeal to Rapaire no end. And if he wasn't using it to cut his hair he could use it to shred top-secret library documents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 10:12 PM

I too now cut my own hair. I simply cut what I can see and reach easily and let the rest alone. While this does make for an interesting "look" it also established me as unique, just like everyone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:25 PM

Stilly River Sage,
I've long since given up paying people to cut my hair. Too many tales like yours.   Most hairstylists just have no clue about how curly hair changes - e.g. in apparent length - from its wet to its dry state, so they inevitably cut mine WAY too short. They also disregard my desire to compensate for a natural "widow's peak," and the result is I usually end up looking like I have a sort of cross between a football helmet and a bicycle helmet on my head till my hair has a couple weeks to grow out - at which time I can tweak the front myself.

So I cut mine in the shower stall, usually without benefit of mirror till later.   Usually it works pretty well.   If not, it'll grow out just as fast as when the salon butchers it, and I don't have to pay $10 to $50 for the assault.

*g*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:17 PM

[[Amos is actually George W. Bush, President of the US.

I'm sorry to have doubted you, Mr. Prez. Is it true that Jena is preggers?

Rapaire]]

No, Rap. I'm inclinated to surmisify that this is a case of mistaken identicality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 09:14 PM

Nah, Rap,
When Amos says he's speaking "ex cathedra," he just means he's plopped down in his ergonomically designed seat in front of his monitor as he "speak" with his fingers on the keyboard.

Either that or he was once married to some woman named Cathy Dra.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:18 PM

You can also get a "neck job". They surgically remove your neck, placing your head directly on top of your torso. This eliminates any further comfort or beauty problems associated with that ever troublesome bit of anatomy, the human neck, an appendage which many of us feel we could well do without. Still, you might then find yourself bothered by the subsequent feeling of your hair touching your shoulders and back....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 07 - 07:01 PM

Hell, you don't have to swap genders to go bald, Stilly. Unless you really, really want to.


A


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