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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 07 Aug 15 - 05:43 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 07 Aug 15 - 10:09 AM
Acme 06 Aug 15 - 11:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 15 - 09:08 PM
Amos 06 Aug 15 - 02:36 AM
Acme 05 Aug 15 - 11:59 PM
Amos 05 Aug 15 - 05:23 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 05:14 PM
Amos 05 Aug 15 - 04:58 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 03:32 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 03:17 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 05 Aug 15 - 03:13 PM
GUEST,Le Rapparee en Paris 05 Aug 15 - 02:56 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 02:16 PM
gnu 05 Aug 15 - 02:14 PM
Amos 05 Aug 15 - 11:41 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Aug 15 - 10:04 PM
gnu 04 Aug 15 - 02:43 PM
gnu 04 Aug 15 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 15 - 10:47 AM
Amos 04 Aug 15 - 02:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 15 - 09:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Aug 15 - 06:21 PM
gnu 03 Aug 15 - 04:39 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 03 Aug 15 - 02:14 PM
gnu 03 Aug 15 - 12:47 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 15 - 12:02 PM
Amos 03 Aug 15 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 02 Aug 15 - 08:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Aug 15 - 06:50 PM
gnu 02 Aug 15 - 05:21 PM
Ebbie 02 Aug 15 - 03:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Aug 15 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 15 - 09:25 PM
gnu 01 Aug 15 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Aug 15 - 09:00 PM
gnu 01 Aug 15 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 15 - 04:33 PM
Amos 01 Aug 15 - 12:52 PM
Amos 01 Aug 15 - 12:42 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 01 Aug 15 - 12:34 PM
Amos 01 Aug 15 - 12:20 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 01 Aug 15 - 12:03 PM
gnu 01 Aug 15 - 11:08 AM
GUEST, ^*^ 01 Aug 15 - 10:43 AM
gnu 31 Jul 15 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 15 - 06:32 PM
Ebbie 31 Jul 15 - 03:34 PM
Ebbie 31 Jul 15 - 03:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jul 15 - 12:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 15 - 05:43 PM

Acme... yes but not in open forum. I should not have done so just yet. A moment infused with The Devil's Alcofluence and a 'mood'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 07 Aug 15 - 10:09 AM

Has MOABland completely emptied this week? Is anyone still at home, keeping an eye on MOM? Ireland, Paris, the upper Midwest . . . oh, wait. I'm home. I guess it's just MOM 'n me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 15 - 11:14 PM

The last post was not looking at any adjacent remarks as BS - it was a quick drop in to boost MOAB before heading to bed. Interesting story, gnu. Is it one you've told somewhere else before now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 15 - 09:08 PM

Hi, Mom. I'm not in gay Paree. I'm in Goshen Indiana. All the male waiters at the restaurant we ate at tonight were obviously gay, but that doesn't make it gay Goshen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 15 - 02:36 AM

Guess the moment ran a bit long, there. We are ramping up for our flight to Erin and a week on the broad, misty back of the silver Shannon. I swan it shall be a merry and restorative time.

Maggie Darling Dogg has a small injury on her left forepaw and limps around. The vet provided an antibiotic spray and what is quaintly referred to as an E-Collar. Do you know WHY? It isn't because it's electronic, no--it is just a plastic cone that gets tightened around her neck at its narrower end and surrounds her heard like some kind of surreal acrylic halo or a megaphone with a confused soul trapped in it. No, it's called an E-collar because it looks like an Elizabethan ruff, anchored to the neck and sticking out around the face like one of those Regina Elizabeth I paintings. How about them apples?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 11:59 PM

MOM, what are you doing down here on the bottom rung of the page? The boys must be out back perfecting that bullshit detector and forgot all about you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 05:23 PM

A moment of acknowledgement for a quiet hero, sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 05:14 PM

No... sorry for my foul up in communication. The diaper incident was in the late 50s while Dad was deployed at CFB 3Wing. Dad was in the prison in the early 40s... WW2. Dropped in behind the lines with a sapper (explosives engineering) team as an evasion and navigation expert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 04:58 PM

ANd why was in there in the first place?   Not the diaper, surely?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 03:32 PM

Ah, gay Paris! I was a babe. I remember the cop with the machine gun scaring the shit out of my mother whilst I was in the back seat of the car with her. I will never forget that imprint on my mind. Funny how something can stick in your memory even when you are just in diapers. She was holding my diapers out the back window to dry them and Dad got stopped as there was an ongoing threat by a faction that used a white flag as their symbol.

I wish I knew the name of the prison in Paris that Dad was kept in. Kept in a dudgeon. There were bars on a window at street level. They used their urine to slowly "scrape away the sand" below the bars. They replaced what they scraped when they knew the guards were delivering meals or might bring back a guy being "interrogated". They made a break and Dad led the way. A French cop drew his pistol and Dad ran straight at him. The cop gave Dad the pistol and the crowd closed in to stop the Germans from getting them. They got out. All except for a few who were beaten too badly to try to make a break for it. I have to stop... I am in tears.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 03:17 PM

Black or red currents?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 03:13 PM

Well, hell, I'll do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Le Rapparee en Paris
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 02:56 PM

Wonderful news! My hearing aids work on French current!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 02:16 PM

Huh? http://smackstephenharper.com/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 02:14 PM

Speaking of The Hair...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 15 - 11:41 AM

Well, of` COURSE bowling balls are bald. Can you imagine what a bowling alley would sound like if they were wearing hairpieces? That clean smashing sound of wood on wood would be gone, replaced by a sort of smarmy muffled dragging kind of fwoosh sound. It would be the laughingstock of sound bites! All the other sound bites would snicker, chuckle, smirk, guffaw, and grimace whenever someone played the old "bowling alley sound clip". A national disgrace would ensue. Not to mention the shedding problem.

TO be fair, a national disgrace is probably going to ensue anyway, even if bowling balls stay bald. But at least it won't be about either robot hair OR bowling ball hair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 10:04 PM

Hi, Mom! I was driving through Nashville, Tennessee today and saw a billboard advertising "robotic hair transplant". Why would anyone want robotic hair? If I were vain enough to want a hair transplant, I'd want human hair. And if robotic hair is so great, why are all the robots in movies bald as bowling balls. If robotic hair doesn't even work on robots, how the heck is it supposed to work on humans?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 02:43 PM

Oops! He make a thou for the PX.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 12:50 PM

If you get to Zweibrücken, say hello to the Heinz family for me and chuck a penny in the Rosengarten pond (just don't get caught... them their Krouts is pretty down on that there eh?). Oh, yeah, the bakery that Carl Heinz started? My old man and him made a lot of coin. My old man would buy flour and contract him to bake a thousand loaves of bread. He'd make 1100 loaves for the PX and they would split the profit on 100 he sold in his bakery. Speaking of, ahhh, errrr, crafty, my old man's scam on buying Mercs to be shipped to Montreal was fuckin brilliant. He was invited to and given a personal tour of the factory. Elvis bought Mercs from him (no scam there; my old man got cut rates)... even had him and Mum over for supper once. He was well trained as an intelligence and subvert warfare officer. Maybe that's why I am so fucked up? >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 10:47 AM

I'm off to France
I'll wear my pants.
And Germany too
I'll spend my due.
Two weeks to burn
Then I'll return.
But with the Web
You can't run or hide from me and I'll try to post as often as I can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 15 - 02:28 AM

Chongo fricassee! Chongo bouillabaisse! Chongo-slaw! Corned Chongo Hash! Paté de Chongo foie gras! There's no limit when the imagination and the chef's brain join hands!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 09:45 PM

And Chumpo is just a grown-up pork chop. I understand that "bush meat" is quite tasty, especially with a chili-and-plantain sauce. "Short pig," we can call it. Or perhaps "squatty pig." Or "waddle pig." Chumpo with crayfish...hmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 06:21 PM

Perhaps the basic difference between humans and chimps is the human ability to recognize "cute". Human babies are cute. That's why we don't usually eat them. Chimp babies are cute too, at least to human eyes. But do adult chimps understand cuteness? I think not. So, sometimes a baby chimp starts to look a bit too much like a pork chop. And pork chops, though remarkably handsome and thoroughly delicious, are not cute worth a damn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 04:39 PM

Ya look em in the eye with a steely gaze and say, "That truck for that truck. How much for my truck and what's the bottom line. Two prices. No more. No bullshit. I'll accept or not. No further conversation after you quote those two prices."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 02:14 PM

Hindsight usually show me that though I *thought* I knew what I was doing when I walked on the lot, I didn't really.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 12:47 PM

I read in the paper that during the whole month of August, you can get up to $12,500 in factory rebates on Prototypes but I say 'bullshit!'. They just jack up the sticker price, screw ya on the trade-in and add "fees". Well, they *try* unless ya know what yer doin when ya walk on the lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 12:02 PM

Got it nailed up tight on the quantum level. Now, if Schroedinger's quantum harmonic oscillation equations can be resolved (or derived) with the Bose-Einstein equation using with the Hermite Polynomial, and the result harmonized with the time variable, then we can begin to see that FTL would be possible by simply ignoring Einstein's limitation on the speed of light and, in fact, "tunneling through" to use another dimension's x-photons entirely. Powered by Bose particles, the energy source would need little power and I have already created such a "battery"; it is currently spread over a hundred or so hectares and needs to be made somewhat smaller for practical application. I hope to have a working prototype in the next few years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 15 - 10:31 AM

There are 7.13 hoomings walking, crawling, dancing, limping, cavorting, cantering, and lying about on the face of Gaia as I write this. We have more hoomings than the planet knows what to do with. Dem hoomings lis like bedbugs, Myrtle! So mebbe dem chimps was suggesting somep'n. 'Course that raises two major questions--which ones to eat, and how to cook 'em.

My grandfather said that he was told my a cannibal chieftain that the best part of a man to eat was the palms of his hands. A delicacy, so to speak. That would especially be true in our times when the human palm has been softened by hours of mindless applauding of halfwits with large amplifiers, I s'pose.

Now 7.13 billion is quite a lot, and the graph is rapidly curving upward. We really need that FTL drive, Rapp. How's that coming?

Also consider that this means there are over 2.27x10^10 human teeth being carried around on this planet. 22,720,000,000,000 teeth is quite a lot, innit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 15 - 08:42 PM

Hey, Chumpo! Here's an abstract:

Folia Primatol (Basel). 1977;28(4):259-89.
Infant killing and cannibalism in free-living chimpanzees.

Goodall J.

Male chimpanzees at the Gombe National Park were twice seen to attack 'stranger' females and seize their infants. One infant was then killed and partially eaten: the other was 'rescued' and carried by three different males. Once several males were found eating a freshly killed 'stranger' infant. A similar event was observed in Uganda by Dr. Suzuki and Dr. Nishida reports an incident from the Mahali Mountains, Tanzania. A different kind of killing occurred at Gombe when a female and her daughter killed and ate three infants of other females of the same community during a 2-year period. There is evidence suggesting that other infants may have died in this way. The paper draws attention to puzzling aspects of infant killing and cannibalism in chimpanzees.


Notice it's by your old girlfriend. So if you become Prez, you'll institute cannibalism and infanticide, huh? Nice platform!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Aug 15 - 06:50 PM

Chongo, you are so full of poop! Claiming to have never mowed a lawn! What about the six months you spent pushing a lawnmower on a Cook County work gang while you were doing that deuce for impersonating a police officer? (CLICK)

Okay, I guess if you want to get technical about it, you weren't mowing lawns, just ditches and secondary road right-of-ways. But, hey, mowing is mowing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 15 - 05:21 PM

I take severe umbrage. Not for anything in particular but simply as a matter of course. You know who you are and you have been herein cited. Knock that shit off eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Aug 15 - 03:53 PM

Halp! Halp! Popeye! OK!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 11:14 PM

I ain't never mowed a lawn yet, 'cause I been livin' in the city since movin' to the USA, see? Seems like a big waste of time to me to mow lawns. I would just get a few goats to keep the lawn trimmed if I had one. After I get elected, I might get a herd of goats put out regular on the White House lawn and save the taxpayers some money. I will also be puttin' a large tree house on the property, for use in warm weather. And then there's the King Kong monument to be erected in New York as a memorial to the greatest ape that ever lived. Anyways, first things first...time to nip over to Alfie's and hoist a couple with the boys. Saturday night's nearly over!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 09:25 PM

Wahl, it warn't me. Ah done got rid of mah lawn mower las year an now I jist let somebody else do it. Worth it, cuz Ah kin git in more fishin', iffen I wasn't traveling. Ah heads off fer France an Germany come this comin' Tuesday. Yup, ah'm invadin'. Gonna take a peak at that there AL-says country and some of Bavaria too. Might even git ta visit with Alanabit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 09:15 PM

Secret to a marriage... yard work and alcohol. Wish I could find the bit on You Tube cause it's funny. Guy with a southern accent. Wish I could remember his name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 09:00 PM

George is married? Mystery solved. Lawn mowing is a way to get out of the house without pissing off the old ball and chain. Go fishing, golfing, or sliding dollar bills under naked women's garter belts, and there's a good chance there'll be hell to pay when ya get home. But ride around on a lawn tractor for an hour and she can't say a word about it 'cause you wuz working. Even if you just mowed the grass yesterday and all you're really doing is driving around aimlessly and drinking beer, it's still work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 05:10 PM

George is mowing his lawn as I type. I shit you not. 29C, 32H and he's mowing again. Heat exhaustion? Dementia? Old Cranky Timers? Fighting with the wife? Maybe the length of my back lawn is pissing him off and he wants to give me a hint? BTW, my back lawn is fine... just not a uniform piece of chemically sprayed garbage. It's not a fuckin golf green. I LIKE clover and such.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 04:33 PM

Yup. 3-7-77.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 12:52 PM

Here in 'Murka, we have our own ways of dealing with such issues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 12:42 PM

I don't think being stuck up is a medical issue, dear. The surgery I recommended was to remove the broomstick you seem to have left lodged up your bottom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 12:34 PM

I've never been afraid to take risks, Amos, but I should think the risk would be far greater where you live, since you have a national health care system that barely rivals that of the early medieval period in Europe. It is my understanding that you have fled to Mexico on occasion to avoid the ridiculously high cost of medical care in the USA.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 12:20 PM

Penelope, with all due respect to your Pluperfect Blood Line and your Impeccable Breeding, you are running the serious risk of showing yourself as a patronizing, condescending snob, which really violates your traditional principles of noblesse oblige, donchaknow. I think some surgical proctology is in order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 12:03 PM

You've been quite entertaining lately, gentlemen. Most amusing.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 11:08 AM

George. You know George... the cranky old git next door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 10:43 AM

Excuse me, that previous post was about Randolf Jefferson "Soapy" Smith. I should have made that clearer.

Any relation to Snuffy, of the last century's funny pages fame?

Who mows their lawn five days in a row?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 15 - 07:52 PM

Bubba? Bubba's a dickwad.

Whilst driving home from the gas station with a full 20l gas can in front of the passenger seat of the car (sold my truck), I pondered what it must be like driving on smooth roads under sunny smoggy skies in Calleeforneeah rather than on the frost heaved pothole patched roads of nb.ca. It must be magical.

31C and HUMID here today. It's the fuckin blue moon I tell ya! I'd go outside and look at it later but it's too hot for me. Glad I don't live in Iran... ~163F heat index??? 163!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 15 - 06:32 PM

Well, yes, Ebbie. Discretion is the better part and all that.

Amos old top, I had a wonderful education in Things Explosive, Stinky, and Incendiary (TESI) beginning in late grade school when my brothers and I discovered a British publication, "The Home Guard Manual," at the public library. From there we went on to bigger and better things, culminating in courses such as "Boobytraps" and "Improvised Explosives" and "Explosives and Demolitions" courtesy of the US military. We also made our own fuel for "model" rockets, way back when. What would you like to know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Jul 15 - 03:34 PM

Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Jul 15 - 03:03 PM

"discretely", Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jul 15 - 12:21 PM

Leave George alone! He's obviously a practitioner of mowing meditation, a mindfulness discipline founded by Guru Bubba Shindawa. It's like walking meditation but the noise of the lawnmower drowns out distracting sounds and engine vibrations transmitted through the handle cause one's fingers to tingle with connectedness to the universe. Guru Bubba Shindawa spreads his teachings through the numerous lawn care product dealerships he and his brother-in-law Swami Jim-Bob Husqvarna, founder of the chainsaw meditation discipline, own throughout the US and Canada.


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