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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

John Hardly 25 Jul 07 - 12:30 PM
beardedbruce 25 Jul 07 - 12:20 PM
Acme 25 Jul 07 - 12:17 PM
MMario 25 Jul 07 - 09:57 AM
beardedbruce 25 Jul 07 - 09:54 AM
MMario 25 Jul 07 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 25 Jul 07 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 09:57 PM
Acme 24 Jul 07 - 09:28 PM
John Hardly 24 Jul 07 - 09:19 PM
Amos 24 Jul 07 - 08:29 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 06:00 PM
Acme 24 Jul 07 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 01:07 PM
beardedbruce 24 Jul 07 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 12:59 PM
John Hardly 24 Jul 07 - 12:32 PM
Amos 24 Jul 07 - 12:18 PM
beardedbruce 24 Jul 07 - 12:04 PM
beardedbruce 24 Jul 07 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 12:01 PM
MMario 24 Jul 07 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 11:53 AM
Amos 24 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM
Amos 24 Jul 07 - 11:13 AM
beardedbruce 24 Jul 07 - 09:53 AM
Acme 24 Jul 07 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 07 - 09:36 AM
Acme 24 Jul 07 - 12:16 AM
Amos 23 Jul 07 - 11:27 PM
Peace 23 Jul 07 - 11:00 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 07 - 10:51 PM
Amos 23 Jul 07 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 07 - 09:39 PM
Amos 23 Jul 07 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM
Amos 23 Jul 07 - 12:22 PM
Acme 23 Jul 07 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 07 - 11:31 AM
Acme 23 Jul 07 - 11:15 AM
Amos 23 Jul 07 - 10:55 AM
MMario 23 Jul 07 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 23 Jul 07 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 23 Jul 07 - 09:27 AM
Amos 23 Jul 07 - 12:37 AM
Acme 22 Jul 07 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 22 Jul 07 - 08:18 PM
Amos 22 Jul 07 - 08:08 PM
Acme 22 Jul 07 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 22 Jul 07 - 04:28 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:30 PM

We were buddies once upon a time
And then you took off on your social climb
But fortune only brought you misery
And now you're cryin' out for sympathy

Well, it's lonely at the top
Yea, it's lonely at the top
Well, if this workin' man were you
He'd just enjoy the view
'Cause it's lonely at the bottom too
Lonely at the bottom too

You're livin' high on easy street
And we're just tryin' to make ends meet
If you get tired of the grind
We'll I'll take your place and buddy you take mine

Well, it's lonely at the top
Yea, it's lonely at the top
Well, if this workin' man were you
He'd just enjoy the view
'Cause it's lonely at the bottom too
Lonely at the bottom too

Like a kitten in the neighbor's tree
Climbin' up to see what you could see
Now you're cryin', 'cause you need some help
Well, everybody's got to help themselves

Well, it's lonely at the top
Yea, it's lonely at the top
Well, if this workin' man were you
He'd just enjoy the view
'Cause it's lonely at the bottom too
Lonely at the bottom too


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:20 PM

Or was it the bootom of a bootle?



Bottom Of A Bottle


Been scared and lonely
I've asked myself
Is something wrong with you
My girlfriend told me
I need some time alone to deal with issues

But something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
What I always wanna find

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

You always call me
And ask me how I make it throught the day
I'm always fallin
I guess it's just god's way of
Making me pay

But something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
What I always wanna find

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

And I,
I wonder why I try
And I,
I wonder why I bother
And I,
I wonder why I cry
Why I,
I go through all this trouble

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 12:17 PM

So near the bootom? Is that like getting near to a large exotic potted plant? Or a device, like a hot stove or a fancy loom for bead weaving? What is a bootom?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:57 AM

That does explain a few things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:54 AM

Wel, it was written in 1752, and we are up to 18464...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:51 AM

So near the bootom? about 12 hours away from the bottom! yeesh - talk about panicing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:46 AM

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
Why mingle with riff-raff like these?
The loos they are filthy, the beer it is worse --
Do you like the pretzels and cheese?

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
Could it be that nobody cares?
You could get mugged right here at the bar --
Come home with me now back upstairs.

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
Amos has searched through the night!
You know that we miss you and love you --
My goodness! Your hair is a fright.

Why, Mom, are you so near the bottom?
We'll fix a good dinner at home!
There's naught but the dregs of society here --
They'd put you 'neath six feet of loam.

Come, Mom, arise to your bower,
And promise you'll never more roam.
Yes, take the beer with you, dear Mater --
Even though it's nearly all foam.

       --Carson Mayhew Wingate IV, Songs of Innocence
          (San Diego de la Verga: Prensa de Polo, 1752)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:57 PM

You're lucky the don't throw you in a kiln and fire you up until the glaze melts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:28 PM

I hate to contemplate what (and where) a skinny fellow like you might consider he has "cleavage. . ."

Forget I mentioned it.

Just try!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:19 PM

potters seem to effect each other in weird ways.   

I usually dab a little Gerstley Borate behind each ear and a bit of Strontium Carbonate between my cleavage. Other potters can't keep their hands off me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 08:29 PM

Yeah, but we've got you (and your bendy pole) covered.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 06:00 PM

That thread is very intense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 05:59 PM

Pop-up tents

No John, it wasn't BWL posting that, but I'm sure he was glad to see you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 01:07 PM

Yeah, I was there when that happened. He was confused by the lights at the stadium and the fact that the Redskins were actually winning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 01:04 PM

HEY!

Our elected officials ( the best that money can buy) have been known to tell the truth on occasion. I heard one actually state that he saw daylight, DURING THE DAY, once.


Besides, the politions that one support ALWAYS tell the truth. It is the opposing ones that always lie.... BOTH sides agree on this, so it must be true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:59 PM

Sometimes the Legionnaires sometimes, albeit rarely, tell the truth. This alone would make them stand out in DC (or as my late FIL called it, "Fantasyland-On-The-Potomac").


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:32 PM

Man, am I embarrassed.

I thought that the "Pop-up Tents" thread was a Cialis confessional from BWL.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:18 PM

Well, yes, but the Legionaires have a little-mentioned problem with electile dysfunction...no-one will vote for them!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:04 PM

18450!


Besides, don't you need to elect them before you can send them here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:02 PM

"Drunken, lecherous, toss-pot, conniving, rapacious, cuckolding, whore-mongering, lazy, craven, cowering, tainted, childish, broke-down, stove-up, dissolute, contemptible, raving, intemperate, boozing, cheating, swindling, gaudy, deceitful, prevaricating, unreliable, treacherous, irrelevant, and trivial scum they might be,"


So, they fit right in, here ( in DC). How would we keep them from being lost in the vast crowds of like individuals?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:01 PM

Nope. There are several PhDs, and almost every can read and write at least a little bit. And everyone's parents were married at one time or another and sometimes even to each other at the same time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:57 AM

I think you forgot uneducated, illiterate and illigitimate in that list of the Legion's qualities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:53 AM

That was a TOAST, not an actual offer. Although, for the right price, Idaho might consider...nah, that wouldn't be neighborly or neighbourly. Drunken, lecherous, toss-pot, conniving, rapacious, cuckolding, whore-mongering, lazy, craven, cowering, tainted, childish, broke-down, stove-up, dissolute, contemptible, raving, intemperate, boozing, cheating, swindling, gaudy, deceitful, prevaricating, unreliable, treacherous, irrelevant, and trivial scum they might be, but they're still Children of Idaho.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM

WHich was, just for the record, Post# 18444, one of the sturdiest numbers yet seen on the range.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 11:13 AM

Rapaire:

Thank you for the offer. I have consulted with the Gubernator, who says that the admission of Legion members to California would violate at least three laws from the Uniform Code of Sanitation and Public Safety that he klnows of, and he is sure he could have his staff come up with a dozen more if asked. So he strongly recommends that they not even trybeing given to California. There are checkpoints at the border with every other state specifically designesd to prevent rotten vegetables from coming to The Sunshine State. Given Shwarznegger's reputation for tearing human bodies apart limb from limb just by smiling at them, I think we will have to decline your generous offer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:53 AM

"Ladies and Gentle, I give you...THE LEGION!!

I am not sure I want it. Can we just let it stay with you?

Though it probably IS more highly thought of here ( DC) than either Congress or the present Administration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:37 AM

Sitting here quietly by yourself, I see. None of the boys staggered in from that binge out in the back yard, I see. Well, they'll wake up as soon as the dogs start running around and licking their faces. There's Poppy now, making a bee-line for Rap. Oops! I shoulda warned him that she's a crotch dog. . . guess he knows now. The pit bull Cinnamon will gently wake Amos. She's a sweetheart, but wait, she turned to wag at Poppy and thwacked Amos with her wagging tail. I should have warned him--it's like a bull whip when she's happy. Bam bam bam before you've had time to move. They'll survive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 09:36 AM

The Legion! Ah, yes, the Legion. With its proud sons and daughters stepping out to defend The Right, The Left, and The Moderates; to defend the American, Canadian, UKian, Ozoid, Mexican, Shoshone, Bannock, Nez Perce, Lemhi Shoshone, Paiute, and All The Other Ways; able to lift tall glasses with a single malt; faster than a speeding double entendre; more powerful than a cabbage and bean burrito chased by cheap beer....

The Legion! If the Armorer could but find the key to the vault, Armed With the Latest Weaponry of Back In The Day; Highly Trained Keg Killers; Immersed in the Spirit of the Spirits; Defenders of Jusice As Long As Truth Doesn't Interfer.

The Legion! Modest and Unassuming, its motto of "Ubi Spiritiii Exorare!"

Ladies and Gentle, I give you...THE LEGION!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 07 - 12:16 AM

Mudcat seems to have started imploding today. Rap, you'd better ask a couple of the Legion guys to come over and help barricade the cellar doors. Once they've cooled off and sobered up they'll go home again (the Mudcatters, that is. There's no hope for the Legion).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 11:27 PM

Well, the cycle is obviously swinging back from manic, and is nw in its "polite self-effacement in several tongues" phase. Fakniatin'.


Popeye


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 11:00 PM

Burp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 10:51 PM

La Legion, peut-^etre, mais moi, non. Je suis mais uno poco ni~no, uno hombre sincero, de donde crece las palmas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 10:31 PM

M'siur, it is vaireee obviouss. You air zee veree ésprit of le Idaho. Zee personification, zee veritable paradigm!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 09:39 PM

Well, that describes Idaho, but what about me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 09:13 PM

Hahahahahahahahahaha!! Rapaire, I am now more persuaded than ever that you are a secret Republican. Nothing else could explain your sanctimonious delusory state.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM

Oh, that's right, I did type CRP. And I meant it. Amos is going to be part of the Conservative Reserve Program.

Mom will get a check from the government every year for this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 12:22 PM

Forget it, Rapaire. My life, which is mine, is not up for being samed. Long ago a wise man told me I would never be the same again, and so far, I haven't. And I really like it that way. So go same someone else, okay? I never wanted to be a Communist Republican Patriot and decline the opportunity.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 12:02 PM

But you typed CRP. Commonly Radioactive People comes to mind. It wouldn't be Censoring Republican Puppets, not for Amos. That's my point. What class are you actually taking? What impact will it have on poor ol' Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 11:31 AM

No, that's exactly what I meant to say. I have a class in Common People Re-living (CPR) and Amos's Everyday Drudgery (AED). This will permit me to "same" his life -- it will never change, just one plodding footstep after another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 11:15 AM

I have CRP and AED instruction today, so I'll be able to same Amos's life again.

Rap, skip the lifesaving classes, take a typing class. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 10:55 AM

YEars ago, Mom, I built a patio from scratch -- what was originally a sunbleached rectangle of old concrete became an L-shaped surface of rich Italian tile covered by a beautifully done sun-cover, with slates, beams and posts in a rich cedar and redwood. Over the years the patio provided many happy hours with friends. But the cedar had begun to suffer slightly from the sun and rain and wind-oh. So last weekend I re-oiled the whole thing from end to end and now it looks cared for, rich, dark and with a sort of glow to it. Velly nice. With the new patio lights and the new turf it looks downright homey!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 09:52 AM

Dear MOM --

While I was in 1585...

my b-i-l broke his ankle - In Japan...

the "happy couple" due to marry in two weeks have dropped out of communication.

the cats are pissed off.

My sister is stuck on Cape Cod with no vehicle and no way home.

In ather words...SNAFU


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 09:34 AM

Dear Mom,

I have CRP and AED instruction today, so I'll be able to same Amos's life again.

Your fave rave,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 09:27 AM

Drunk, drunker, drunkest: the three stages of life. I live in the first, intoxicated by the beauty of the sunrise, the laughter of children at their games, the gentle lapping of waves upon the shore, the miracle of puppies and kittens, the majesty of the mountains, the indomitable human spirit, and the wisdom and goodness of our Leaders.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 07 - 12:37 AM

Rapaire, I would never maje such an assumption. I was talking about then.

Stilly, I'd ble glad to, but I carry serious roaming charges.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 07 - 10:48 PM

While those two were arguing I was being virtuous and I repotted some plants and rearranged others and moved around rocks and my soaker hoses and (alas) discovered a spot where there is some rot under my bay window. Probably splashing off of pots in all of the rain. Hence the rearrangement to avoid future splashing and soon the employment of a handyman to replace a board and some insulation before I seal and paint it. I could do it all myself, but it is bound to be hot and sticky and a cramped space--better to pay a guy to do it. Hmmm. I wonder . . . Amos has been doing a lot around his house lately . . . I wonder if he has any flights east and any layovers at DFW?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 07 - 08:18 PM

Why do you assume I'm sober now? Or ever, for that matter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 07 - 08:08 PM

Yes, but we were both drunk that night. I was in no condition to cleave to veracity, nor you to recognize it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 07 - 05:58 PM

Boys, boys, boys, take it out in the yard! There isn't enough room for flailing banjos in MOM's kitchen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 07 - 04:28 PM

Sir, do you question my word? I do not question yours -- when you explained about your career as a gunfighter, besting such notables as Johnny Ringo, Jack Slade, Wild Bill Hickox, Dave Mather, Henry McCarty, Clay Allison, Doc Holliday, and the rest, facing them down with a only a banjo on each hip -- I did not doubt any bit of it.


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