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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 25 Jun 07 - 01:19 PM
Acme 25 Jun 07 - 01:01 PM
Amos 25 Jun 07 - 12:45 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 07 - 11:51 AM
Acme 25 Jun 07 - 11:17 AM
Amos 25 Jun 07 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 07 - 09:29 AM
Little Hawk 25 Jun 07 - 01:08 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 07 - 10:19 PM
Amos 24 Jun 07 - 09:03 PM
GUEST,Blind D 24 Jun 07 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 07 - 04:22 PM
Amos 24 Jun 07 - 04:05 PM
Acme 24 Jun 07 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 07 - 02:25 PM
Amos 24 Jun 07 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 07 - 12:35 PM
Amos 24 Jun 07 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 07 - 11:42 AM
Acme 24 Jun 07 - 11:38 AM
Acme 24 Jun 07 - 11:36 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 07 - 10:41 AM
Amos 24 Jun 07 - 12:25 AM
Amos 24 Jun 07 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 10:11 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 23 Jun 07 - 09:18 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 06:55 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 03:20 PM
Amos 23 Jun 07 - 01:34 PM
Amos 23 Jun 07 - 12:54 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 12:24 PM
Amos 23 Jun 07 - 10:01 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 07 - 09:22 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 07 - 12:40 AM
Amos 22 Jun 07 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 07 - 10:20 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 07 - 08:27 PM
Amos 22 Jun 07 - 07:35 PM
Acme 22 Jun 07 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 07 - 06:20 PM
Acme 22 Jun 07 - 05:46 PM
Acme 22 Jun 07 - 05:32 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 07 - 04:20 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jun 07 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 07 - 02:41 PM
Acme 22 Jun 07 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 07 - 01:40 PM
Amos 22 Jun 07 - 01:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 01:19 PM

There's been a cat hanging around the golf course behind the house you can have. I'm pretty sure it's a stray.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 01:01 PM

I don't drink coffee, but I have two fussy house cats. Would you like the old one or the fat one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 12:45 PM

"Coffee is like a fussy housecat. It is always sending urgent signals to be brought in or let back out."

Moi


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:51 AM

I just wanted to be sure it wasn't Ol' Lame Duck W. Too bad Shane's Canadian; he'd make as good of a president as what we got.

I'm still waiting for the news of the divorce to hit the mainstream press. I understand that Billy Graham is trying to reconcile George and Laura now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 11:17 AM

I don't want to imagine the ways in which they are linked up. Gross. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 10:21 AM

If Little Hawk says the fucked up, oblivious, anti-social inept and incompetent dweeb was Shane, then I believe him. Shane and Little Hawk go way back and are intimately linked in ways that I can only imagine.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 09:29 AM

You sure it wasn't W?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jun 07 - 01:08 AM

No, I'm sure it was Shane, Amos. I think he passed out and fell on the keyboard or something...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 10:19 PM

Hell, Amos, you and I do that all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 09:03 PM

I assume this is not Blind Drunk in Blind River, but some other dweeb who posts without communicating.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind D
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 04:36 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 04:22 PM

I dunno where she went. I mean, I know where we put her coffin, but other than that I dunno. But putting up with grandpa would have been a chore and a half for anyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 04:05 PM

As for Eternal Rewards, I yam skeptical. I see no logic in striving for temporal success in order to rack up Frequent Flyer Miles in the hereafter, or whatever they call their reward program. I think they may have just gone to the Next Mackerel.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 03:32 PM

It's probably more work that it's worth to do the kerosene bit. I'll see what happens now that I've hit them with the hose (fingers crossed they don't do an exponential multiplication).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 02:25 PM

I agreed with you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 02:23 PM

Why would you warn me about saying something agin her when I jes' said she was absolutely right?

Jeeze, Rapaire, you paranerd or some such?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 12:35 PM

Of course my grandmother was correct! She taught me to sing "She'll be comin' 'round the mountain" and "Billy Boy" and the dirty version of "Casey Jones." Don't you say nothin' against my grandmother! She was a livng saint, mostly for putting up with my grandfather all those years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 12:13 PM

Your grandmother was absolutely right. I am sure she had a plentiful supply of broomsticks. I recall we used to keep a little kerosene by the fireplace with a stone ball sitting in it, in a black metal pot. The stone ball soaked up kerosene, and had a metal handle so you could nestle it in the fireplace and light it as a firestarter. Liquid kindling.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 11:42 AM

Do it as my grandmother taught me: wrap some rags around a broomstick*, put on a little kerosene/oil mix, light it, and burn them suckers out.





*Use the end of a broomstick, preferably one from which the sweeping part has been cut off. And use a wooden broomstick, not the metal or plastic kind. DO NOT wrap the entire broomstick in soaked rags and try to use it unless you have the EMTs standing by and you're really into pain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 11:38 AM

Let me be clear about that, lest you visualize me hitting the tree with the hose. The soapy spray didn't discourage the little buggers so I will now use a hard spray of water, via my garden hose, to blow the little buggers to bird food oblivion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 11:36 AM

Good morning, Mom! Nice cuppa tea before I go out and clobber the web worms eating my baldcyprus. They've been looking so good this year, then these little freeloaders come along. Bah! Take that! And that! (I'm going to clobber them with the garden hose since spray doesn't seem to phase them.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 10:41 AM

Both of whom have gone to their Eternal Reward, it should be noted. Khandu left us owing me a LOT of money, too. And poor Tweed -- tangled with a witch who changed him into a frog, and it's just not the same playing the Greens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 12:25 AM

I thought I heard Mom say, my friend,

(Oh, Mother, we are coming!)

Eighteen thousand's just around the bend

(Mother coming home, to you!)

Forty-six or forty five

(Oh, Mother, we are coming)

And to that end we all must strive,

(Mother, coming home to you!)



Scrap of a MOAB slave chant sung by dairy plantation workers on the BS fields before the Civil War. Origins of the song are lost in the mists of pre-historical BS. The period, however, should not be confused with pre-hysterical BS, which is just BS before the advent of MOAB Post 001 under the realm and reign of King Khandu of Mississippi and his Knower Ob All Things Tweed at the beginning of the present era.)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 07 - 12:20 AM

If the Legion can move to obliterate the creeping crud of mental miasma which is the Schenectady Syndrome, blot it out and nip it in the bud before the barn door gets out of the stable with the water under the bridge, I am all for it. My profound thanks to the bold legionnaires and their bold disease, and their fearless leader!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 10:11 PM

"Shane," don't you think you've annoyed the Colonel-General enough? Blind River is, at this distance, just a slight detour on the road to Schenectady. And believe me, the C-G is not someone you want to mess with!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 09:18 PM

Flippin' decent! Maybe them retreads in Skenektadie will put youse idiots from Pocatello out to flippin' pastchere where ya belong, eh? It otta make a good movie.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 06:55 PM

Amos,

I've just gotten off the phone with Colonel-General Helena B. Smyte-Withers, La Suprema Jefa of the Idaho Legion. The Legion, to my surprise, is all set for a little set-to with Schenectady just as soon as they find the keys to the arms room and update the muster rolls. In her own words, "Hell yes, boy! Just what we need around here to get the cobwebs out! A good war with a bunch of easterner dudes who couldn't find their butts with both hands, a flashlight, and a map! LACKEY! Saddle my stallion! Polish my sword! Get a move on before I kick your butt up between your shoulderblades agin!"

She has also alerted the Idaho Legion of the Air and the Idaho Branch of the Legion of Mary. The first consists of a fleet of blimps used to protect Idaho's coastline from enemy submarines and the second is a group of people in the Catholic Church who pray the rosary a lot. I don't think she has any authority over the latter.

What hath you wrought?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 06:44 PM

Melville Dewey, he's the man
Do-dah, do-dah,
Melville Dewey, he's the man
Oh, de do dah day.

We thank him very much
We thank him lots and lots,
'Cuz Melville Dewey, he's the man
Oh, de do dah day.


Q: Know how to tell the difference between a librarian and computer geek?
A: A librarian says "point" and computer geek says "dot." Like in "six twelve point six" vs. "six twelve dot six." Of course, a REAL computer geek will know nothing about 612.6, which is the Dewey Decimal number for human reproduction. A librarian also possesses a modicum of social skills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 03:20 PM

Been there, done that, got the tee shirt. Literally. The one in the upper right corner. Size XL. Ya want it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 01:34 PM

Link to Upstart


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 12:54 PM

Ya wanna be careful about electing arbitrary certainties like that, Rapaire. They can sneak into your personal operating system and wreak havoc. Havoc, I tell you!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 12:24 PM

There is an ad at the bottom right now for library songs. From Upstart, a place where libraries can buy promotional stuff. For some reason I couldn't make a link, but the CD (US $16.95) includes such hits as "Thank you, Melville Dewey" and "B-B-B Biography." I'm certain that you have all sung these for years and years.

I haven't, and I ain't gonna buy the CD, neither.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 10:01 AM

You have to use imagination and random vowels, Rapaire. THus:

It is very hard to tell, oh,
How we feel 'bout Pocatello
Every local girl and fellow,
Knows the beauty and the smell-o,
Of our fair town, Pocatello.


There are also more obscure rhymes to be had, such as duello, Othello, and the male version of a Disney character, Cruello. If you slur the pronunication to make it sound more like Pocatallo, then the field is wide open with fallow, tallow, mallow, callow and sallow.





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 09:38 AM

However, Pocatello was designed "The Smile City" and passed a law back in 1948 that everyone had to smile. As a result, the Legion always smiles as the boys 'n' girls bash in each others' teeth, pillage local bars, and do unspeakable things to beer kegs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 09:22 AM

Pocatello doesn't have an official city song. Or poem. You ever try to rhyme something with "Pocatello"? Fellow? Jell-O? Bellow? Yellow?

Out in Pocatello
A really friendly fellow
Who's very, very mellow
Is often heard to bellow
"Give me lots of Jell-O
And you better make it yellow!


Thanks, no. Even worse would be

Oh take me back to Pocatello
Where you'll find the UP tracks,
That's why the snow is often yellow
Where the trainmen spell their names.


Anyway, the Legion did get back into town early this morning, most of them. They arrived via cattle car (a 40 & 8 the State had obtained as surplus after WW1) and were glad to be out of durance vile. Immediately casting off their brown and yellow robes they made for The Bourbon Barrel, which was fumigated twenty minutes later by police tear gas.

I'll consult the Colonel-General today about the Schenectady issue. That official city song alone may be excuse enough for a pre-emptive strike.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 07 - 12:40 AM

LOL!!!!!! The Schenectady song is SUCH a classic! It says, in a few short lines, everything that sums up the meaning of Schenectady. Yes. A really great place to bring up your kids in.

We have simply got to have a war between Pocatello and Schenectady.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 11:39 PM

I had no idea the Schenectady Syndrome had gone so far. This is really serious. If Pocatello will not declare war on Schenectady, I will have to get Olivenhain to do it. This cancer must be stopped before it...oh, never mind. I just remembered the last two elections...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 10:20 PM

Good Lord, Amos! You want me to get the Legion to Do Something to a town that has THIS for an official song?!?!!

Our Schenectady

What a warm and friendly place it is to be
Nestled among plains and hills
With a beautiful river that always gives us thrills
And stores and shops with all that one might need or wish to see
And legends and tales and lots of history

Oh Schenectady
Our Schenectady

Let us now plan and help to make it grow
If we will all do our best
Then others can do the rest
For places to study and learn in
Places to work and earn in
Places to live in happiness


                   (Adopted by the City Council Jan. 30, 1995)

Gad, man! The town has been dying since the Schenectady Massacre in 1690 and adopting THAT song shows that it's not only moribund, it's brain-dead.

Hmmmmmmmmmm...maybe a little pillaging and burning would do the Legion some good, assuming they can remember the correct order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 08:27 PM

The Legion is currently engaged in Airborne Assault Missions, but I'll bring it up as soon as they're released by the TSA guys and the Sky Marshals. It's not what you think. The Legionaires didn't assault anyone. No, they were "witnessing" in favor of committing assault aboard commericial (and for all I know, military and private) aircraft: passing out literature, taking up collections, preaching, singing hymns, that sort of thing.

The Legionaires are being held in Communicado (just west of Pingaree, Idaho) while the Feds try to think up the crime that was committed. So far it looks like another "Disturbing the Peace" rap for the guys 'n' gals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 07:35 PM

I agree, gratitude would be an appropriate emotion. However, Leedle Hack has raised an important issue which must needs be addressed, viz: Shall Pocatello engage in sibling rivalry with Schenectady? It would be a fraternal relationship brother-cities under the, er, skin, aand since Schenectady was founded well before Pocatello, Schenectady would prove to be more intelligent on a military intelligence test. Emotional, literary, and practical intelligence in other realms might still prove to be the natural legacy of the younger sibling city.

I think Mike should start such a scrap, just for the fun of watching the Legion run a series of midnight raids on Schenectady.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 07:23 PM

I think you should be grateful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 06:20 PM

I'm afraid that there are no copies of her books in my Library, nor in my personal library. Somehow, some way, I have missed this work of this author. Since I did not know of her existence until today I can't really say that I'm sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 05:46 PM

Hmmm. Looks like she has also written a couple of others.

Link. The poetry volume Ups and Downs of Love has an author bio with a similar prose style. I bet the Spicy True Stories, Investigators Lies, Slanders And Stocks (with her photo on the cover, as with the poems) looks the same. Vanity publishing must be flourishing in Mississippi.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 05:32 PM

You should read the "reviews" of this book over at Amazon.

See if this works Sylvia S. Scott is what to search for. Here is a modest example:

    I found this book while shopping for my donkeys. Since I don't raise horses, but donkeys, I was worried that the story and illustrations would be too horse-centric for my donkeys. But once I read the book I decided that my donkeys probably won't care that it's about horses, since the story is so exciting and the message so uplifting, even for donkeys. Sure, a horse dies in the book, but I can just tell the donkeys that's what happens to bad horses (and donkeys) when they smoke drugs and drink. "Stay away from the horses!" I'll tell them, since obviously Latawnya's species is too weak and drug-addled to act like responsible donkeys. But there's more to the message as well-- donkeys (and horses) need to think for themselves rather than follow the popular donkeys around. When my donkeys are teenagers and some horse tries to get them on the drugs, they will know better and will say "No thanks, donkeys don't smoke drugs" thanks to this book. What more could the parent of a donkey want? (Other than to get the horses out of the neigh-bor-hood.)

    A good message for donkeys AND horses. Thanks to the author for writing such an engaging, important book for all parents of hoofed animals (including donkeys and horses) who are worried about smoking the drugs and drinking the alcohol.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 04:20 PM

That drug awareness book warn't from Pocatello. Out here, we LIKE horses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 04:13 PM

Pocatello has achieved much, but they cannot match Schenectady.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 02:41 PM

Well, I got it from one....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 02:23 PM

That's absolutely awful--so I immediately sent it to several library friends. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 01:40 PM

I'd really like a more stable environment...one without horses, too.

And speaking of horses,
you might enjoy this book. It is unique and desires to be in a collection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 07 - 01:34 PM

Wow. How about an environment where Mom and Dad were still footing all the bills, but you had the personal freedoms of a 30-yr old?

Hmmmmm.....



A


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