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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 08:52 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 06:41 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 06:19 PM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 05:06 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 03:47 PM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 03:46 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 02:44 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 Jan 07 - 01:45 PM
Acme 17 Jan 07 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 12:53 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 11:52 AM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 11:41 AM
MMario 17 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM
Acme 17 Jan 07 - 11:38 AM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 11:14 AM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 09:12 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 12:40 AM
Acme 16 Jan 07 - 11:53 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 09:17 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 05:38 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 03:29 PM
MMario 16 Jan 07 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 03:07 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 02:40 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 12:25 PM
Acme 16 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 10:53 AM
MMario 16 Jan 07 - 10:06 AM
Acme 16 Jan 07 - 09:59 AM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 09:23 AM
JennyO 16 Jan 07 - 01:28 AM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 12:45 AM
Acme 15 Jan 07 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 10:17 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 09:29 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jan 07 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 07:42 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 07:33 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 05:50 PM
Acme 15 Jan 07 - 05:20 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 01:04 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 08:52 PM

The Faux Number Blues

Oh Mom's got them ol' faux number blues
Can't tell the phoney numbers from the trues
If Max would just fix that server
All Mom's troubles would be erver
And we could get on to things far more obtuse

Oh there's sixty-five hundred, seventy-one of our posts
Not really missin' they've just turned to ghosts
We Moabites would be thrilled
To see them empty numbers filled
We'd even raise a glass and make a toast

We think our Mom's already paid her dues
Faux numbers make her nervous an' confused
Oh nothing could be worse
Than to be saddled with this curse
Please rid Mom of these ol' faux number blues


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM

When the false numbers equal the real ones, either they have both reached an infinite number of posts, the universe has ended ( unless these are in fact the same thing), or the server is playing silly buggers.

I'm working on the first at the moment, not sure what I can do about the second, except avoiding giving anybody with a particle accelerator any really silly ideas ( I only know one of them at the moment, and she has enough silly ideas of her own), and I sent Max some money to help with number three.

I'm sure i had a point at some point. Unfortunately I'm more sure I had a beer which may have caused it to wander...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 06:41 PM

Small minds, small pleasures....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 06:19 PM

TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


Faux but Happy!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM

GO FOR IT. THE FINISH LINE IS HERE. NEXT POST.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 05:06 PM

When Faux and Real are one,
All tension will resolve,
And brighter than the Sun,
All problems will we solve.
All lies will disappear,
All thinking merge with "feel"
And we'll be happy here,
When Faux is One with Real.

A

(May be sung to some corny 19th century Episcopalian hymn).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 03:47 PM

When the faux numbers equal the real numbers, what will happen?

Personally, I think that the world and possibly the entire Universe will end. Impersonally, I don't know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 03:46 PM

. . . and closer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 02:44 PM

Faux 9-0-9-5...watch it now... gettin' closer...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:45 PM

Not all standards, Stilly. We've had very brief flurries that have refused to settle for the last few days, except in a wet and unpleasent fashion, mainly down your neck...

Lesson for the day: If you're trying to mash 10 lbs of malt, then you need a really big pot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:22 PM

Our snow is puny by all standards, but it made an impact. Everything shut down. I'd guess we have a two inches. For the first couple of hours after I got up (at my usual time, and stayed up just for the pleasure of seeing the snow undisturbed) I only heard one car go by the house. Nice!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 12:53 PM

Ya oughta see a male dachshund in the snow, trying to walk on his front legs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:52 AM

Downright tubular, ma'am! (A California expression derived from the Surfing Experience).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:41 AM

Yeah, right, it IS getting close.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM

how much did you get?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:38 AM

Hey, MOM! We got a

Snow Day!!!

Whooo Hooo! And after telling my son last night that there are few weather surprises these days. I wasn't expecting this, it looked like it was all going to stay south of us.

The dogs were so funny--they've never seen snow before. So at dawn when I took them a bucket of fresh water I had my camera in hand--and saw them poke their heads around the garage door in canine amazement! The pit bull barked at it then leapt out the door and bounced the length of the back yard (somewhat like Tigger in the Winnie the Pooh books, I never saw the movie). Poppy sniffed it and stepped daintily off of the porch to test it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:14 AM

Yippeee ki yi
And do-re-mi-fa
Lopian along,
Underneath the stars
Do-re-me-fa-lopian,
Dreamin' and hopian',
Yippee ki yi
And do-re-mi-fa.

"Cowboy's Remorse"
Unsung Heros, Unsung Songs
Billy "Cordless" Novox, First Mime
Cantaloupe Music, Inc., 1963


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM

My great-grandfather on my uncles side once removed was a devout Eustachian, and went regularly to services. I believe, in fact, he was an alderman of the Eustachian convexation. It was then, as now, a little-known sect, vaguely related to early Baptist organizations but grown unrecognizable and perhaps more akin in its present form to a blend of Unitarianism and Dianetics. In any case, it was, as I say, little-known even in his own time, and reportedly in meeting new people he often got strange looks when the conversation would turn to religions and church-going, and he would nod and smile, and remark, "I, myself, have always been of the Eustachian persuasion."

He in fact became a bit of an outcast by reason of this eccentiricity, and was known in Victorian London as the Eustachian boob. This was, of course, before the Underground was built.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:12 AM

Do not confuse Eustachian tubes with Fallopian tubes, either.

Back in my youth radios had tubes. We used to send new members of our (all boys) high school radio club out to get a new Fallopian tube. If he came back with one we reported him to the police.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 12:40 AM

Wake up everyone! Wake up!

It's National Eustachian Tube Appreciation Day!!!


Here are a few simple things YOU can do to show your Eustachian tubes you care:

Take them out to lunch. Well... Don't really take them out. That'd be a bit messy, you know.

Learn to spell "Eustachian" correctly. No more "Yoostashion... Euskatcheon... Aw, fuck it! Those damned tubes in your ears!"

Talk to your friends and relatives about the plight of Eustachian tubes in developing countries. Teach them that a Eustachian is not a member of some weird religious sect.

Celebrate your Eustachian tubes in song! Join your friends in a hearty rendition of "A White Sport-Coat, and a Pink Eustachian".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 11:53 PM

Throw a bucket of hot water on it and run like hell. . .

I had to change out the water bucket for my dogs a couple of times today, it kept freezing. I think they're set for the night, though. They'd love to sleep in the house, but they're very cosy out in their stall and can come and go to the yard at will. They haven't frozen to the lawn yet peeing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:17 PM

It's all around me! It's all around me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 07:32 PM

From a recent speech by Bill Moyers:

"One of my favorite stories is of the fellow who was about to jump off a bridge, when another fellow ran up to him crying, "Stop, stop, don't do it."

The man on the bridge looks down and asks, "Why not?"

"Well, there's much to live for."

"What for?"

"Well, your faith. Your religion."

"Yes?"

"Are you religious?"

"Yes."

"Me, too. Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me, too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me, too. Methodist, Baptist or Presbyterian?"

"Baptist."

"Me, too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Savior?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me, too. Are you Original Baptist Church of God or Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me, too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1879, or Reform Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"

"1917."

Whereupon, the second fellow turned red in the face and yelled, "Die, you heretic scum," and pushed him off the bridge."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 05:38 PM

A herd of coyotes has joined the melange, I'm told.

There's a lot of bitches out there who appear to be standing around and laughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM

Yeah, and you thought gettin' your tongue stuck to pump handle was bad!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 03:29 PM

When it thaws, the air around there will be blue for sure -- all those fruzz-up canine cusswords and their owners yelling at them to heel and all...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 03:24 PM

I'm sure the heeler is blue at those temps!

interactive art! How innovative!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 03:07 PM

During lunch my wife pointed out that the ice sculpture is growing. There are now two German shepherds, a collie and a blue heeler attached to the arcs, carefully connected by arcs of their own.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 02:40 PM

I think you should go, Rapaire. A nice cold break will do you good after all that overheated dialogue...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 12:25 PM

I have just been notified that I've won an award for most original Ice Sculpture! I didn't even know about the contest! An all-expense paid trip for two to Stanley, Idaho (where the temp was -25 F this morning), to be taken sometime in the next 36 hours.

Shucks, I gotta work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM

I heard that citrus drinks will go down in price as they try to turn all of the frozen fruit into juice. Maybe buy some now to hedge your bets, and see what happens next month?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 10:53 AM

Well, you have all earned top Marx, and demonstrated a remarkable Masters-ry of the Engels here. If you are not feeling too Moody,
and it will not make you any Sadler, William permit me to James one more log on this Pythian fire? Know? Aw, Hegel.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 10:06 AM

stock up on frozen citrus juices now - the prices are predicted to skyrocket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:59 AM

The orangish colored arcs of liquid freezing over the central valley as they travel from Amos' pistol are the parting shot of the citrus crops, now prostrate under ice. That's what they said on the news this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 AM

The sun is now rising here, and I am about to make my way to the field of honor confident that Rapaire will not be able to find same. Unlike his, my pistols are loaded with something a bit more telling than mere dihydrogen oxiygenate. They are adapted to receive special magazines which I carefully hand-edited with rich loads of morbid, trenchant witticisms.

So, the impact may be telling, although slow in arriving, sir. Be warned.

And although chilly here, it is nowhere near cold enough to freeze a trenchant witticism on the fly. Let alone one on a whole person.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:23 AM

Well, I went outside and fired my shots and I assume that Amos will do the same, even though the sun rises for him an hour or so after it does for me.

There was a little problem, however.

I loaded up my pistol and went outside and faced towards San Diego. Standing the approved dueling position, the muzzle of my pistol pointing at the sky, I lowered my weapon and pulled the trigger.

I fired several shots, emptying my weapon at Amos, aimed breast-high so that he wouldn't suffer anymore than he already was.

It is important to know that the temperature outside is well below zero degrees F. at the moment. And that the city had a pipe break and we've had rust-tinted water for some hours.

I mention this because each time I pulled the trigger the arc of water fired by my pistol froze. Frankly, my front yard now looks like it was visisted by a giant dog who left his "yellow rainbows" behind.

It really is kind of pretty, the icy arcs reflecting the light.

I hope that I didn't hurt Amos any in this duel to the death. He's usually an okay sort of guy, sometimes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 01:28 AM

Amos, thank you for posting that. I haven't heard it in years! I did once have a recording of it in the 60's which I transcribed laboriously. I still have the transcription but not the recording, so it was lovely to hear it again, along with the other amusing anecdotes which I don't remember hearing before.

While transcribing it back then, I listened to it so many times that I have always been able to 'hear' it in my head whenever I look at the words. His delivery, with all the tones of voice and pauses, is a large part of what makes it so funny.

By the way, I had no trouble playing it in Linux, either.

I also found your welcome page by getting rid of the URL back to just after .com. There's a lot going on there worth looking at too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 12:45 AM

The NQURL (not-quite-Universal-Resource-Locator) works as it is, and brings up a Quicktime play of an MP3 file. If you use something else as your assistant application for MP3 files, I suppose it will tangle up in that.

http://amos.adajessup.com/Gerard_Hoffnung_Oxford_Union_Address.mp3


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:39 PM

Was it supposed to lead to a Windows Media Player file (where I first arrived), or to a menu of some sort? I think I perhaps knocked too much off of the URL and hit text only on the welcome page, no menu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:17 PM

Sir,

You have insulted me by demeaning my profession, which is Finding Things Out. Were I someone who could be insulted by an inferior I would demand satisfaction. Even though I am not such a person, I demand satisfaction. Therefore, unless you make an abject and total apology by crawling on your belly and kissing my boots within three (3) minutes of my posting this, I will meet you tomorrow at dawn (Mountain Standard Time) for a duel to the death with pistols.

Time: Dawn. Weapons: Your choice of pistol. Location: You stand in front of your house and I'll stand in front of mine; we will face each other. The will be as many fires as can be gotten off before the police arrive, commencing whenever you like.

Surgeons will not be in attendance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:41 PM

Rapaire, you are abusing the privilege of the link!! You are a scoundrel, a twitterpated ne'er-do-well, and an oafish librarian!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:29 PM

Well, you gotta keep knocking things off the URL until Amos shows up. And having met him, I can assure you that he looks just like himself.

(His wife plays a pretty good accordion, too. And, of course, his daughter plays The Instrument Of The Gods And Goddesses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 08:53 PM

I didn't see any pictures. Of course, I may have mistakenly had my eyes open, which would explain it.

Now, how do you change the language on this spell checker out of whatever funny dialect it appears to be in, Minnisotan I think, and to something useful. Glasgae woulnae be tae bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:42 PM

All of the pictures look just like Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:33 PM

An Hilarious Recitation is now made available of the sorry tale of Paddy's Request for Sick Leave, among other amusing anecdotes, and bon mots, in the round, pear-like tones of Gerald Hoffnung addressing the Oxford Union, producing great quantities of merriment.

It is to be found by merely clicking upon this humble but effective link and listening unto the destination thereof.

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:50 PM

My diginity, represented by my white head, precludes me from continuing to pla, to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:20 PM

I know what's going on here--you're all playing Heidegger and Goethe seek with your philosophy anthologies.
One More round, you ask?

Okay.

On your Marx, Genet, Foucault!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM

He's right--if we keep on hollerin ' about philosophy like this they'll think we're putting des Cartes before the hoarse.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM

Kan't we (In)hume this whole subject before we totally Des(e)crate it all. We just Can'tor or we'll run out in half of no time....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 01:04 PM

Well, you're still Jung. There's nothing to be a Freud of. Ionesco Oller who says the idea is absurd.

A


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