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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 02 May 04 - 12:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 May 04 - 12:40 PM
Amos 02 May 04 - 12:52 AM
CarolC 01 May 04 - 11:02 PM
Little Hawk 01 May 04 - 10:53 PM
Amos 01 May 04 - 09:49 PM
Little Hawk 01 May 04 - 08:23 PM
Little Hawk 01 May 04 - 08:22 PM
freda underhill 01 May 04 - 08:20 PM
Little Hawk 01 May 04 - 07:21 PM
42 01 May 04 - 07:19 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 01 May 04 - 05:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 May 04 - 05:42 PM
Rapparee 01 May 04 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 01 May 04 - 05:37 PM
Rapparee 01 May 04 - 05:37 PM
Rapparee 01 May 04 - 05:36 PM
Amos 01 May 04 - 01:33 PM
Little Hawk 01 May 04 - 11:15 AM
Amos 01 May 04 - 10:12 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 May 04 - 09:03 AM
Rustic Rebel 01 May 04 - 02:55 AM
Acme 30 Apr 04 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 04 - 11:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Apr 04 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 04 - 11:10 PM
CarolC 30 Apr 04 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 04 - 10:58 PM
Amos 30 Apr 04 - 04:25 PM
CarolC 30 Apr 04 - 11:45 AM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 04 - 11:24 AM
freda underhill 30 Apr 04 - 11:23 AM
Amos 30 Apr 04 - 11:13 AM
freda underhill 30 Apr 04 - 11:08 AM
GUEST,MMario 30 Apr 04 - 11:05 AM
Amos 30 Apr 04 - 10:56 AM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 04 - 10:56 AM
GUEST,MMario 30 Apr 04 - 10:36 AM
freda underhill 30 Apr 04 - 10:28 AM
freda underhill 30 Apr 04 - 09:46 AM
GUEST,MMario 30 Apr 04 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 04 - 09:16 AM
Amos 30 Apr 04 - 08:01 AM
42 30 Apr 04 - 07:38 AM
Acme 30 Apr 04 - 12:31 AM
Amos 30 Apr 04 - 12:19 AM
Rustic Rebel 29 Apr 04 - 09:44 PM
Little Hawk 29 Apr 04 - 09:09 PM
Amos 29 Apr 04 - 05:21 PM
Little Hawk 29 Apr 04 - 05:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 04 - 12:42 PM

Awww....no hard feelings, guys. I crack me up sometimes!!! ">))))

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 May 04 - 12:40 PM

Amos hails from California
And his posts are unique, I will warn ya
They ramble at random
And ya can't understand 'em
But they leave an impression upon ya


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 04 - 12:52 AM

A MOAB fanatic named Hawk
Wrote stuff that would make women gawk
Writing tomes logorrheic
Both sublime and prosaic,
But my gawd, how that feller could tawk!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 01 May 04 - 11:02 PM

Higgledy Piggledy
Rawpair Lawberrian
Smoked a fedora and
Sipped his parfait

I need a six syllable
Word for this line 'cause
This stanza's no good
If I leave it this way


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 04 - 10:53 PM

To write an acceptable rhyme
You must do it in three quarter time
With a stylus that squeaks
Like a budgerigar's beak
Make it sober, succint, and sublime

Oh, there once was a Texan named Bush
Gave the voters one hell of a push
Then he "took out" Saddam
With a blippety-blam!
Took a bow and fell right on his tush!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 04 - 09:49 PM

There was once a libr'r'n named Rapaire
Who moved North for the sake of the air;
He would sweat out his days
Finding poetic ways
To compose limericks that neither rhymed nor scanned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 04 - 08:23 PM

freda - check out the Vlad the Inhaler thread...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 04 - 08:22 PM

Long enough to satisfy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 01 May 04 - 08:20 PM

How long?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 04 - 07:21 PM

...or even longer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 01 May 04 - 07:19 PM

my sole object in life is to have the "last post" thread last this long.

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 01 May 04 - 05:47 PM

Well, I see you're still at it. Another 100 posts. Sad. You people should seriously look into "getting a life". Read my book of the same title and find out how to.

William Shatner


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 May 04 - 05:42 PM

Blatant?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 04 - 05:39 PM

Two thousand, eight hundred and ninety-nine.

I shan't post the next one, as I am too modest and shy. And humble. No, I'll leave it for one of the more blatant sorts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 04 - 05:37 PM

2898.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 04 - 05:37 PM

2897.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 04 - 05:36 PM

I used to write limericks and such
But found it was only a ploy
To avoid doing work
Which was really piling up
And it had to be done, so I have gone and did it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 04 - 01:33 PM

A regular ole whizbang is Maggie!
Though her beauty is faded and saggy
She could not sell her treats
For a buck on the street
And her teeth spend the night in a baggy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 04 - 11:15 AM

Be warned about those Maggie Thatcher dolls. They explode at the slightest provocation, and there's no money-back guarantee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 04 - 10:12 AM

Man, what a groovy, like, chick, man!! Far out and cool.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 May 04 - 09:03 AM

Sound of multitudinous snapping fingers... sure, I'll have another espresso... and where is my beret?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 May 04 - 02:55 AM

Freaking out just because I see you as a cactus today and an evening primrose in the morning.
That just goes to show it was an electrical storm in the morning,
that caused a revolution,
plus a spin cycle,
to gravitate to the nearest fruit market just to
see you make love to a plastic Margaret Thatcher blow up doll.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:43 PM

Hey, I just got a decent piece of real humor in the email this evening! It has been ages since anyone has sent something good. Cause to celebrate. (But now I'm going to stop for a while and watch Nightline).

From my friend: "Democrats are reputed not to be humorous but they sure can be ironic."


It Is Tough Being a Republican

It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to believe concurrently that:

1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.

3."Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies make profits and have the interest of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has done millions of business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president"

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid "defense" policy in a "War against Terrorism".

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include "banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet".

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.

18. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s was of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international harmony".

20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but that it is OK for your Daddy and His friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your company Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers, to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.

21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.

This illogical behavior can take a toll on a healthy mind.

So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:25 PM

Well, that's not anywhere near a complete list. Here's another pome:

Neighbors: a pome

Wild cow tales and country savvy
the shoot canoes don't they and papal bull
ozark tall tales and pissing in the snow
scary stories and the rose in the wheel
saints preserve us and who in hell
massacre at montsegur and ghost soldiers
ten little wizards and laughter in appalachia
castner's cutthroats and dead reckoning
pope-pourri and curing the cross-eyed mule
soiled doves and buried alive
book of the hopi and having it y'all

these are few of my favorite things
when a dog bites, when a bee stings
then I squash 'em flat,
and simply remember my favorite things
and then I don't feel soooooooooooooooooo bat.
(it rhymes that way but doesn't make much sense)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:13 PM

I like your books, Rap. I've read several of your books. Well, they probably weren't the exact copies that you have, but they probably had most of the same words in them. Or maybe they were the same copies. Maybe I read them in Pocatello. But I don't remember ever being in Pocatello. I remember being in Winnemucca, Nevada. It's a nice town. It's a fun name to say. Try it! Say "Winnemucca". Now say "Pocatello". Now say them both, over and over again until they don't make any sense. My! That was fun, wasn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:10 PM

Nah, just the titles I could easily read from where I'm sitting. Although I do have cowboy poetry....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:06 PM

Cowboy Beatnik poetry?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 10:58 PM

My Books -- a pome

outhouse humor
arizoniana
Childhood's End
the fire inside
druids
Job: a comedy of justice
shiloh -- in hell before night
dead and gone
Tar heel ghosts
the bloody bozeman
coyotes and canaries
cowboy lingo
vigilante days and ways
speaking ill of the dead
dancing gods
She captains
humor the computer
ice age mamals
five points
Godel, Escher, Bach
Lincoln on democracy
a brief history of time
mountain spirits I and II
Lamy of Santa Fe
Tales told in the kitchen
lamb
the arctic grail
lots and lots of print and paper
lots and lots more arranged in chaotic order
If you don't like my books
I will say just one thing:
Bite me, bucko! You got lousy taste!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 04:25 PM

I am thunderstruck at the delicate apperception revealed by your responses, dear Ladies of the Moab. Thanks!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:45 AM

Of course, Amos. I couldn't imagine it being any other way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:24 AM

Yesss...I see egzactly vhere you are goink vis ziss, Amos. In fect, if vee take a goot look at ziss life uff ours vee vill see zat ze prevelence uff BS in ze human system iss expandink at un exponential rate zat iss rapidly approaching infinity! Vee can expect ven reaching "zero point" ein overload to occur vich vill transmute ziss reality und turn everysing to liebenscheiss!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:23 AM

there once was an alien yokel
who thought time and space were non focal
his undulating thought
accounted to nought
though the yokel if local, was bi-focal.
a universe parallelism sought
to replicate Amos's thought
with actuality undirectional
and identity sequential
it created a parallel port...


sorry, been in the Limerick thread ( a parallel thread) and am spouting parralel doggerel..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:13 AM

Maybe there is a better way to do this. Has anyone thought about the idea that if parallelism of universes is an actuality and time is really not unidirectional and sequential, then the whole mindset of anyone who has ever operated an identity is still in creation somewhere and presumably, if thought is non-local, capable of communicating readily with any other, including our own. I mean, it stands to reason....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:08 AM

Mastication is an old occupation
that is similar to masticulation
your boobies gyrate
at a circular rate
to an ocular, jocular ovation

however a Masticoplendectomy
is extreme, like a himorherectomy
so proceed with due caution
don't have a masbortion
or you'll end up with milk on a wreckedtummy

and for those who have nothing to lose
who masticulate whenever they choose
just remember your fate
if you choose to gyrate
you'll develop masticular blues..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 11:05 AM

Little Hawk?

Gesundheit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 10:56 AM

We have migrated from "BS (Plain)" to "BS (Poetic)", a serious sign of expansion in thye MOAB Collective Mind!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 10:56 AM

Okay. Not bad.

Ahem...

Masticoplendectomy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 10:36 AM

somehow - you have to admire a mother who gets her offspring pickled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 10:28 AM

that should be

and soaks all her offspring in brine....

(Mother was not on the ball)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 09:46 AM

who would think that a Mother could spawn
such a thread so convoluted and worn
all the poems it spouts
are by cyberpunk louts
whose emissions are varied but worn..

but the Mother of all BS she knows
thats a thread can go down to its toes
all the hairs on the way
are just fiberous spray
and will wax off revealing just prose

The Mother creates in a line
with a multiple brain like a lime
acidic and tart
she reveals quite an art
and soaks all her offspring in lime

but I know that a Mother can spew
when she's over indulged in the dew
she will chunder profanely
and then giggle insanely
leaving others to sample the brew....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 09:34 AM

Eternal Big Bang now scowlingly small

But size doesn't matter!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 09:16 AM

Semen pursued, testosterone driven
Waves of Nigglethworp washing witchward
Across the endless gray of grey on gray,
Nothingness evolves, eternal Big Bang,
The ovaries of the world dripping
Ova into the fallopian underground
Frustrated by the ennui of existence
Eternal Big Bang now scowlingly small
I will wear white flannel trousers
And will walk upon the beach
At Nigglethworp
Collecting shells
To sell to tourists
To the seashore.

Do I dare to eat a peach?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 08:01 AM

:LOL!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 07:38 AM

not in my pool it isn't!
j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 12:31 AM

The "p" is silent in "swimming."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 04 - 12:19 AM

LEt us hope we all can sworp
When our time comes to niggelthworpe
And by virtue of stout klorp
Show we are true galliports.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 29 Apr 04 - 09:44 PM

I too pleasure in the frittered way of MOAB's.
Animal appetite has resulted in eating crow pie and drinking beer, while suckling on a rhubarb stick in the middle of an orgasmic asparagus field.
Dribbling growth, while moulting our feathers and still we can fly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Apr 04 - 09:09 PM

Hmmm. Bizarre interjections seem to prompt interesting responses sometimes. Okay...

Nigglethworpe!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 04 - 05:21 PM

ANd the "th" is silent in "aether", too.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Apr 04 - 05:21 PM

Amos, you were right. Please note that I have improved upon Guest's contribution in the new BS thread "Sang one Little Hawk...Dipwallow".


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