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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rustic Rebel 18 Dec 03 - 12:43 AM
Rapparee 17 Dec 03 - 06:32 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 03 - 08:49 AM
GUEST,Shirly Holmes-Bi/lateral 16 Dec 03 - 10:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Dec 03 - 09:55 PM
CarolC 16 Dec 03 - 09:37 PM
khandu 16 Dec 03 - 09:27 PM
Tweed 16 Dec 03 - 04:06 PM
Amos 16 Dec 03 - 04:01 PM
Peace 16 Dec 03 - 03:42 PM
Amos 16 Dec 03 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 03 - 02:20 PM
Tweed 16 Dec 03 - 11:39 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 03 - 11:14 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 03 - 09:30 AM
GUEST,ilk 16 Dec 03 - 12:55 AM
Tweed 15 Dec 03 - 09:49 AM
khandu 14 Dec 03 - 08:38 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 03 - 04:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 03 - 01:44 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 03 - 12:48 PM
Tweed 14 Dec 03 - 11:56 AM
khandu 14 Dec 03 - 11:48 AM
Rapparee 14 Dec 03 - 11:16 AM
Tweed 14 Dec 03 - 11:12 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 11:21 PM
GUEST,ilk 13 Dec 03 - 11:13 PM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 11:11 PM
Little Hawk 13 Dec 03 - 10:47 PM
GUEST,Mrs. Bee 13 Dec 03 - 07:57 PM
GUEST,Elvis Presley 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 PM
CarolC 13 Dec 03 - 11:19 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 10:59 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 Dec 03 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 13 Dec 03 - 10:10 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 AM
Rapparee 12 Dec 03 - 11:55 PM
khandu 12 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 03 - 08:36 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 07:38 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 03 - 06:30 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 03 - 05:17 PM
Little Hawk 12 Dec 03 - 05:10 PM
CarolC 12 Dec 03 - 04:56 PM
Kim C 12 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM
GUEST,Johnny Cash 12 Dec 03 - 11:40 AM
Little Hawk 12 Dec 03 - 11:31 AM
s6k 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 12:43 AM

Bee-Dubya you sure put a kabosh to my idea of using all 26 of your listed ideas in one post. I also apologize to you for not sending get well wishes. I send them now. Better late then never right.
I want to BS about Christmas lights a bit.
Why is it I never put them away all nice and neat for the next year? I can't figure out why they work one year and then I take them out of their tangled up mess and have to work on finding the one bulb out of hundreds that doesn't work. Then I get them working and I put them up just to find they're not working again. Then I get a little frustrated and unplug them and will leave them unplugged until I can get to them again which will probably be after Christmas anyway. HA!
Ok, maybe that wasn't BS after all. Just a little ranting on my part that has nothing to do with anything. Just had to add to MOAB since it's been awhile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 06:32 PM

'Twas Iceland, and the Lorna Doones
Did eels and dramamine in the wave,
All oreos were the ant farms then,
And hermaphrodites did crave.



Somebody else finish this....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 08:49 AM

Tanya Harding's uvula has vericose veins similar to those found in water buffalo, Xavier Cougat, or Yoda; her doctor has recommened an unconventional course of therapy: Bromo-Seltzer, Dramamine, quartz inversion, smoking Camels, and a conversion to evangelical Presybeterian Zoroastrianism.

THAT finishes off THOSE topics!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shirly Holmes-Bi/lateral
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 10:12 PM

(To the tune of-I saw momma kissing santa)

I saw Little Hawk kissing Mar-gar-et
underneath the porch beside the shed.
He didn't see me leap, he don't know I'm a creep.
He thought that he was all alone , instead he had Tom Peep.

Then I saw Little Hawk biting down on her,
What a funny look upon his face.
Oh you guys should have been there,
when Margaret ran out of air,
Little Hawk blew up his doll last night.

(This of coarse has no reference to the fact that Hawk had a blow up doll he called- Margaret Thatcher)
*See Penelope gets engaged for further reference.

Yours very truly,
Shirly Holmes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:55 PM

1600 more posts? Hell yeah! We iz jus' gettin' warmed up. Gotta be a whole buncha topics we haven't touched on yet. Let's see....

Ant farms
Bromo-Seltzer
Camels
Dramamine
Eels
Footwear
Giant Sloths
Hermaphrodites
Iceland
Jabberwocky
Kickboxing
Lorna Doones
Margarine
Nestle's Crunch Bars
Oreos
Presbyterianism
Quartz inversion
Robotic welding machines
Solar heating
Tanya Harding
Uvulas
Vericose veins
Water buffalo
Xavier Cougat
Yoda
Zoroastrianism

That should hold us for a while. That is, unless some smart-ass uses all 26 of 'em up in one post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:37 PM

"Wherever men take breath,
There shall there be B.S."


Or maybe it should be:

Wherever men break wind,
There shall there be B.S.

(Oh... did I just say that? Nope. I don't think so.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:27 PM

Let me begin.
See the Antelope Rutledge thread for news of my deliverance from the morality pricks.
The question I have for all you semicrazed MOABites as this:

Are you up for another 1600 post???

HELL YEAH!!!!!!

LET'S DO IT!!!!!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 04:06 PM

It's Bullshit Amos, of course. My god, how it courses through this thread...layered like last year's onion. Thanks Rapaire. Are your troops at the ready to spring the insaniac Khandu from his tormentors? The Tupelonians ride at dawn!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 04:01 PM

That should read "rippling OUR souls". Much less violent an image.

Brucie is that like a surgeon's instruction to an assistant? Or a random office-supplies comment? Or an agricultural update? Or what?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 03:42 PM

staples


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 03:15 PM

And vice versey. That is the nature of BS -- each part of it is a reflection of all other parts of it.   It is like a Platonic Form which permeates all the insterstices of space itself to color every step, every day, every breath taken by mortal man.

"Wherever men take breath,
There shall there be B.S."

...as the old song says.

Well done to all concerned.

But we should also recognize that although it appears like an accomplishment, it is merely a reflection of the timeless whisper of the Ultimate Archetype of BS, rippling out souls in its relentless pursuit of ultimate Understanding.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 02:20 PM

You couldn't have done it without me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 11:39 AM

Well I am finishing up the 1500's section ob this thread by being the

1600th POST!!!!!!



YES, I CLAIM IT, IT IS MINE MMMMWAHHHAHAHAHAH....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 11:14 AM

A friend in Louisiana sent the following to me. I find it to be excellent advice and urge ALL MOABites, without exception to follow it. Except, perhaps, for freds. Feel free to pass it one; you'll be doing others a world of good.

"I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace........

It reads: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things
you've started."

I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished. So, today, I have finished one bottle of white wine, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Baileys, my Prozac, a large box of chocolates and a quart of beer.

You have no idea how good I feel . You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace. ..... Have a marvelous day."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:30 AM

It's nothing, ilk. Just the symptoms of a raging case of what the doctors call "death." Don't be alarmed; the symptoms don't last long.

It's caused by drinking water. It would never happen if you didn't drink water or something containing water. Which is why, from the very moment of my birth, I've consumed no liquid but liquor, with a minimum alcohol content of 90%. If you had done the same thing these changes wouldn't have happened.

So sorry. Someone should have told you sooner but I suppose they forgot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,ilk
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:55 AM

Tweed?

I did as you said? I read the whole thing? I'm stunned? Something odd is happening to me? I'm growing hair in private places and my voice is changing? I watched "Little Big Man" 5 times in a row? "There is nothing on this earth as surprising as the attack without mercy"?

Today my postman attacked me without mercy...I was surprised?

I see everything differently now? It is similar to LSD. I bought some from a guy named Ellis Dee, but I did not take it? Is this normal.

My gonads ache? Does reading MOAB cause this!

How much is that wombat in the window
The one with the snarl on his face
I'll buy me that wombat in the window
And turn him aloose in this place

                                 Sinfully,
                                     ilk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:49 AM

As allus yore kingliness, you are correct and all knowing and yore judgements are just and well contrived. Order is restored to the Kingdom as the Royal swans pluck my duck-like eyeballs from their sockets like ripe olives.

Tweed
BlindDuck of Mississippi


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 08:38 PM

I am constantly reminded of the brilliantly wise choice I made in choosing Sir Tweed as my Royal KOTROT & First Duck!
It is apparent That he studies my every proclamation word for word with his razor sharp insight to be certain that he understands his King's intents & wishes.

How sharp he is to immediately catch the subliminal message in my lowercase "ilk"!!!

Truly, I was temporarily tempted to remove the title of "KNOWER OF THINGS" from that fupped duck idiot BWL & bestow it upon the deserving Tweed!

However, I perceived the gratitude of BWL when he received a simple,
yet meaningful bit of attention from his King! Therefore, I will allow BWL to keep his esteemed position!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:16 PM

I would just like to point out that Saddam Hussein did not offer his concerns online for Bee-dub's wellbeing...

And you see the results.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 01:44 PM

I am back and all better now. I would like to say "Thank you!" to those who have expressed their concern for my well-being and "Your time's comin'!" to those who have not.

Even King khandu has sent a PM expressing his concern. Actually, the PM said, "You are a fupped duck idiot!", but it's the thought that counts. I have archived the message and it shall have a permanent home on my otherwise dull and uninteresting Mudcat Personal Page. I'm even considering printing a hard copy and having it framed to hang in my meditation room along with the Buddha statues and such.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 12:48 PM

Just do NOT make the mistake of opening a can of "Operation Infinite Justice" or "Operation World Freedom"...(OWF!)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:56 AM

Khing khandar,
I notice that you habv spelled ilk using all lower case letters with no other salutation. What does this mean??

Yerz,
Sir Tweed
KODROT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:48 AM

ilk,

The Royal KOTROT Sir Tweed is correct. You must follow KOTROT's instructions to the letter! Only then will you understand any answer given to your questions. Return to us after the enlightenment & tell us what you have learned!

BTW, the threat of the cucumber was taken seriously. Be very careful, lest you do yourself bodily harm!

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:16 AM

I once opened a can of "California Earthquake" thinking that it was a can of soup and damned near destroyed San Francisco. My Bay Area friends were quite put out with me.

My colleague, Frank, and his son are out ilk hunting this weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:12 AM

My dere ILK,

Thar is a way to get on track with this lot. Click HERE and don't post agin until you've read the entrailed story or the page loads up, whichever happens first. Only then will you understand the enormous significance obv dachshunds, freds, spaw's birfday, portalet royalty, canned whupass, the Villyaness *PR* and Khing Khnadzer's odd habits and wayz which are mentioned and sumtimes expandd on to great lenqth.

I sencerealy hop thet this will clarinet yore mind and help enny obthers who are ilk-minded or dumbfondled by the elephantine largess to be decovered heer in this, the...

MOTHER OF ALL BULLSHIT



Yerz,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:21 PM

I suggest you find thee thy ilk, and do thou as they do that thou might recover from thine innocence.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,ilk
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:13 PM

This is my 3rd visit to Mudcat? This is my 3rd post also? I came here seeking knowledge of folk music? Yet, I somehow was sucked into this vast void at the bottom of the page?

What is this insanity. What has any of this to do with folk music.

I am dreadfully confused as well as terribly frightened? Have I somehow stepped into another universe where 6 is 9. Do I see someone pointing there plastic finger at me.

I have a cucumber? So don,t try anything untoward?

                                     Greetings,
                                           ilk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:11 PM

Indeed! We are all cheering across the land for Bruce's rapid recovery, except perhaps Penelope who was betting on the whoop ass.

But, hell, what does she know??

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:47 PM

Let me offer my heartfelt sympathy and condolences, Mrs Bee! It is terrible when these sort of accidents occur.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 07:57 PM

HELP!!! Bee-dubya's been hurt bad! He was making spaghetti for supper and went to open a can of tomato sauce, but it wasn't tomato sauce. He accidentally opened a can of whoop-ass on himself! He is all black and blue and probably needs a couple of stitches over his right eye.

I don't know how the can of whoop-ass got on the canned goods shelf. We usually keep the whoop-ass out in the toolshed. I heard Bee-dubya threaten to open a can of whoop-ass on our new kitten the other night, so he might have bought it when he bought catfood. I'm glad it was only a kitten-size can, 'cause if it was the industrial size or even the economy size can it might have killed the poor boy.

It doesn't look like anything's broken so he should be able to come out and play with you boys and girls in a day or so.

Mrs. Bee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Elvis Presley
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 PM

Carol, I am proud to say that I have kicked the pickle habit for all time. I am turning over a new leaf, and am a new man in most every way now.

Thank you very much.

Elvis


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:19 AM

Thanks LH, Rapaire, and Amos.

Werner Heisenberg noted in his Uncertainty Principle that simply examining something changed it, and thus you could never know its immediate configuration. Likewise, by asking the question you changed the MOAB...

So, Rapaire, can I consider the possibility that having changed the MOAB by posting to it, I have also changed myself, perhaps even changing my consciousness, imbuing it with all of the qualities and wisdom of the MOAB, thereby rendering unnecessary the reading of the posts that I've missed?

Or is it possible that the MOAB is really more of a mobius loop, going endlessly round and round itself, never entirely breaking free to explore new BS possibilities, but only adding, endlessly, layer after layer of a tissue thin veneer of BS?

And WWSD were he to find himself in such a pickle? Or Elvis, for that matter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:59 AM

Aw, Shane, ya missed it!! Pity. Slept right through, I guess....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:52 AM

Uhhh,..ist it Sunday yet?

- BDiBR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:10 AM

Not a doubt in my mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:10 AM

You sure of that, man?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:55 PM

Granted, but the uncertainty of the semantics demonstrates the uncertainty of Uncertainty itself. Indeed, one could argue that Uncertainty is the only certainty, but then we couldn't be certain of that because of Werner Heisenberg's Principle! It is the Ultimate, the Perfect MOAB Principle! Of THAT, and THAT ALONE, can be be certainly uncertain!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

But will this place ever be cialled "mudcatmoab. org"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM

Lordy, lordy, I b'leeve we got us a SUB-culture!! Truly I do!!

Mistuh BWL, thet was inspired and indubitably ethnic and indigenous in origin, which demonstrates thet the MOAB has its OWN folk music and needs a sub-thread-section for MOAB Music, as valid as any parsing of a shape-note papyrus ever found on any other thread hyarabouts!! You sir, are inspired!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:36 PM

How high's the BS, mama?
Two feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Two feet high and risin'

They're a carryin' on about Schroedinger's cat
And why that is this and this is that
Everyone's a talkin' right outta his hat,
Two feet high and risin'

How high's the BS, mama?
Three feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Three feet high and risin'

It's comin' up from the ground an' down from the trees
It's comin' in ships across the seven seas
I'm pretty darn tall but it's up to my knees,
Three feet high and risin'

How high's the BS, mama?
Four feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Four feet high and risin'

It's a comin' from the sky just like it was rain,
It's outta control like a runaway train,
This whole bunch is loony, ain't none of 'em sane
Four feet high and risin'

How high's the BS, mama?
Five feet high and risin'
How high's the BS, papa?
Five feet high and risin'

Better get some hip-waders or a tall pair of boots
Its a risin' quicker than you can say "shoot"
An' these people is crazy as a whole buncha coots,
Five feet high and risin'

Well, it's five feet high and risin'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:38 PM

I would agree with you, dear Rap, if I felt that all uncertainties were Schroedingerian in nature; but some, I fear, are purely semantic, and ambiguity can be as easily assigned to failures of syntax as to perturbations in quanta!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:30 PM

Amos, you still can't get around Dp Dq > h / 4p and DE Dt > h / 4p (where p = pi). To read the MOAB is like trying to swing Schroedinger's famed cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 PM

I would think a more rigorous approach would be in order, viz: begin where you last knew you were current. Note the number of posts from there back to the first MOAB post. Subtract this number from the total number of posts as shown in the posts listing. Read forward this number of posts OR read forward until you encounter a single empty posting box.

Enter an annotation into the posting box which either method will reveal, to the effect that you have encountered said posting box and the time at which you did so. This should provide a more stable point for future MOAB displacement metrics.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:17 PM

Carol, no matter how you attempt it you will fail to reach the end. Werner Heisenberg noted in his Uncertainty Principle that simply examining something changed it, and thus you could never know its immediate configuration. Likewise, by asking the question you changed the MOAB -- made it larger, for one thing -- and hence made it more unlikely that any one human mind can grasp its riches in their entirety.

Like LH, I suggest that you dip into it anywhere and savor what you find. Remember that Lincoln was once introduced with the statement that "no man has ever diven deeper into the well of learning" and he responded, "Or come up drier." MOAB is like that. Or maybe it's like something else entirely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:10 PM

Carol,

I would suggest simply selecting one section or another at random on any given day, and reading until you either can't laugh any more or you're getting bored or you see the sun rising in the East. Whichever comes first. A few weeks of that will bring you right up to date on the MOABS.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:56 PM

...so here's my dilemma. Having asked, as I did above (or below, depending on whether you're reading this forward or backward) whether or not it would be advisable for me to attempt to climb the veritable Mount Everest of posts that have been added to this thread since I last tried to keep up with it back in, ohhh... I don't know, September, and not getting any responses at all, should I construe that to mean that I should attempt the deed, or that I should avoid it like the plague (or something like it)?

hmmmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM

Wha' happened? (she said, stretching and yawning...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Johnny Cash
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:40 AM

You gotta walk it by yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:31 AM

That's cos no one else is willing to do it for you...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:15 AM

splodge


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