Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134] [1135] [1136]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 11 Feb 11 - 05:57 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 05:32 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 05:30 PM
GUEST,Dale 11 Feb 11 - 04:25 PM
Eiseley 11 Feb 11 - 04:05 PM
Amos 11 Feb 11 - 03:20 PM
Acme 11 Feb 11 - 03:16 PM
gnu 11 Feb 11 - 02:21 PM
Amos 11 Feb 11 - 02:05 PM
Eiseley 11 Feb 11 - 01:41 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 11 Feb 11 - 12:58 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 12:43 PM
Acme 11 Feb 11 - 11:47 AM
Amos 11 Feb 11 - 10:40 AM
Amos 11 Feb 11 - 10:34 AM
GUEST,Sheryl Backwater 11 Feb 11 - 10:33 AM
GUEST,GUEST, Dale 11 Feb 11 - 06:22 AM
Ebbie 11 Feb 11 - 02:28 AM
Amos 11 Feb 11 - 02:23 AM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 11:04 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 10:53 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 10 Feb 11 - 10:52 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 10:37 PM
Acme 10 Feb 11 - 10:29 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 10 Feb 11 - 10:05 PM
GUEST 10 Feb 11 - 09:30 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 08:10 PM
GUEST,Dale 10 Feb 11 - 07:58 PM
Acme 10 Feb 11 - 06:24 PM
Eiseley 10 Feb 11 - 05:50 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 05:37 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 05:24 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 04:55 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 04:09 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 03:36 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM
GUEST,Sheryl Backwater 10 Feb 11 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 03:10 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 02:16 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 01:09 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 10 Feb 11 - 10:41 AM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 10 Feb 11 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 10:28 AM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 11:48 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 09 Feb 11 - 11:00 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 10:50 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:



Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 05:57 PM

This may or may not be apropos:

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?






      




      




      




      


   

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?




      
Scroll down




         




      




The moral is....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 05:32 PM

And I'm not sure I can stand any more trucker lingo! Y' hear that, Dale?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 05:30 PM

The truth is, any number which William Shatner snags is...by definition...a VERY important number.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dale
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 04:25 PM

Sheryl,

I am in Duluth at the pickle park of a chicken coup. I took the big road behind a blocker runnin in the big hole with a bird dog shakin the bushes sos I'd have a clean shot on accounta my travel agent said the potash mine needs the metal real quick on accounta they got a munchy down at 15 large an hour. I lost time cawse a the border bears securin the homeland eh. No problem at the next doormat cause I got flippers on an theres nuthin fer yer tearerests ta attack in big sky country. As long as the cownty mownties and the yella stripes are treed I'll make Moose Jaw short short and flip flop 110 and double nickal on accounta even tho I ain't got no refer the cow will be cold.

As far as a dubel dubel ain't no way I am doin anythin like that unless its a Tims and not a shotgun. Matter a fact, unles you git yer shit together an git rid a Shane fer brains I am triple digit when I hit Uppity Canada an its hammer down fer the Merrytimes. Daisy texded me an she says Tuptee took her first steps and she might take me back if I swear I was drunk when I knocked you up sos I can be a father figger and keep her out of the pickle parks.

Dont make me chuse tween yer old man and hers on accounta she was the one what got him to get me out an give me a job pumpin at tha Irving for minimum and then he lent me the down on this heer large car. I cant drive with casts on my hands an pumpin gas when its minus real friggin cold sucks too an I know cawse I did it when I was waitin on my assalt charge. You shoulda seen tha other guy. But, if I gotta chuse tween broken fingers an a shotgun I'll be gettin me one a them voice rekognishon cell phones eh.

So like I said ya wanna get with Shane get with Shane. Yer call. But ya better dial soon.

For I go, I gotta ask ya one kwestion. Does that there nose ring frost up when its minus friggin freezin.

Back out darlin.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 04:05 PM

Are we between the devil and the deep blue sea, Amos?

Oh, Stilly, that link you shared is full of the propagandized rhetoric of a raving Lunatic---Tom Luna, who is the double-speaking state school superintendent. Would that he were skewered on Rapparee's new birthday present!

Instead of guffawing into the toothless face of that lady, I kept very stoic and sympathetic, then ran back to my office to tell y'all.

Eiseley


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 03:20 PM

We slewed past thirty-nine and six
And the land was cold and pale
But the ice was flying through the air
On the face of an awful gale.

There was ice in the air before us
And ice on the land behind
And the dogs was acting nervous
And the men were steering blind.

Over the ice, the endless ice,
We forced our harried way,
With only the sled twixt us and hell,
And the piper still to pay,
On the path to the next of Kay.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 03:16 PM

Eiseley, how did you keep a straight face in the presence of that story?

The world reaches the wilds of Idaho classrooms.

Has Bill Shatner snagged ANY important number so far? I don't think so. You know the old saying, "those who can, do. Those who can't, spend their time in California." (Sorry, Amos.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 02:21 PM

Billybob... with all due respect, it is my sicerest hope that khandu pens the 40k post.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 02:05 PM

We had a song challenge about that situation once. As I recall I used the tune of 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' to write a ditty about Mabel's Snowy Dentures...



A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 01:41 PM

Even the first half is bad . . .

A woman came into the library without her teeth. She was a bit embarrassed and mumbled, "I was drinking too much last night and I barfed 'em out in the toilet." she looked up and continued, "And my husband couldn't fish them out like he did last time."

Eiseley


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 12:58 PM

Ahem! I have been besieged lately by a flood of internet messages, all of them entreaties begging me to make an appearance on this apparently endless thread, "The Mother of all BS threads" as it's called. Many people seem to want me to drop in and make the 40,000 post here. Apparently that post is approaching fairly soon, and a host of people want ME to make it.

One question occurs to me immediately.

"Why?"

I frankly can't see the point in my doing so. I can't see any point in my visiting here at all, donating time from my busy schedule to a purpose that lacks all relevance and that promises...let me be honest here...little in the way of either profit or amusement.

Nevertheless, I am not a completely insensitive man, and I do feel for the concerns of my fellow humans, foolish though some of those concerns might be...

I am considering the possibility. I may show up here to make the 40,000 post. I may not. I promise nothing. To those who are sending me these messages...please stop! You have already said all that needs to be said on the matter, and nothing you say further will affect my ultimate decision, so give it up and get a life, okay?

You can't pressure me into it. I'm used to blowing off people who try to pressure me into things by now. You'll just have to hope for the best.

As always,

William Shatner


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 12:43 PM

That's an interesting notion, Stilly, but I prefer to believe that a tawdry love triangle cum vendetta is unfolding across the snowswept slopes of North Ontario, one that will produce many shocking revelations and probably a few pretty grotty incidents. This could bring some much-needed excitement to the Blind River area and the whole region. I hope so. Things get pretty slow around there in the winter. The new of Mubarak's exit has momentarily given people something to talk about in Blind River, but since most of them don't even know where Egypt is or who Hosni Mubarak is, it hasn't helped that much.

As Shane said, "Who the flip is Hostnee Moobarick? What kinda flippin' name IS that anyways? Is that a man's name???"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 11:47 AM

Maybe one of these personaes is Mubarak, working on his English and looking for something to do now that he's out of power. He could do worse, and it would explain the grammar and typos.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 10:40 AM

Thence, I am done with murmelling and croodling like some ninny who dithers. Farewell!!


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 10:34 AM

(Heresies)... are exitiall and pestilent to the kingdomes?dwhere they are admitted.


1633    T. Adams Comm. 2 Peter ii. i. 382   

Now, I don't dredge through 17th C. works often, but this quote from the OED struck me. Exitial and pestilent!! There, in a nutshell, is the essence of everything I have protested against, lo these many thousands of posts, in the curlicues of our sojourn here.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sheryl Backwater
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 10:33 AM

You guys got me all konfuzed now. Dale you said you knoked me up when I was drunk an I nver drink to eksess and tole me yu were Shan eMcBride. An Shane says I am a hower and I am not hower because howers charge mony and I only do it for friends or fur love. So I'm going to tell my daddy that Shane has knocked me up or maybee it was Dale and he will see that they both do the Rite Thing By Me even if I have too marry both of them at onct. But daddy will mak them pay for a jenetiks tast and then we'll now for sertan and daddy dodn't beeleve in that gun lisensing law neihter so it will be Do The Right Thing for his dauhter or Else! Butt I'll tell you both one thin: daddy don't like peple to call me a hower.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,GUEST, Dale
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 06:22 AM

Sheryl... see what I meen? Threats of violins. Shane is a Blind River RAT. If he really cared for ya he woulda bin the one ta knock ya up eh?

Anyway, whatever. It's up to you Sheryl. You have to choose. Just remember, I got a steady job as long as I don't get no deadheads er emmty backslides for the next 5 years and I gotta large car fer us ta raise the twins in. If it's boys I am thinkin Darrel and Deewain an if it's girls Sheryl and Cheryl. See? I bin thinkin a lot about our future.

As fer Shane, don't worry. Even when he's sober he can't catch me on accounta I can run faster than a bobcat what had his ass bernt with a hot poker.

I gotta stand on it fer the brite lites a Moose Jaw with a load a highdrawlicks fer the potash mine but I gotta flipflop quick like with a load a beef. I'll save some nice stakes for ya an we can have a romantic BBQ at The Big Stop. I'll spring for the beer if the check clears. If ya wanna get hold of me on the tar you can 19 me. Just remember my truckin handle is Pale Dale.

Thats all what I got ta say. If ya wanna get with Shane I can understand. But ya gotta make up yer mind soon on accounta there are a lotta truck tramps out there and a man has needs eh.

Back out darlin.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 02:28 AM

Curiouser and curiouser.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 02:23 AM

Not such a bad looking girl, by Shane's standards.

Well all this hodgepodge of secret ownership is too much for me, really. I say if yer gonna play ventriloquist yer oughter sign up and own it like a man, you know? Tsk. I am sure Chinga would never put up with this kind of smirky lurking in any of her upstanding establishments of fine feminine entertainment.



A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 11:18 PM

Well...I'll be damned! I just did a search on Google for "Feral Cheryl", and what do I find?

This: Feral Cheryl (from Australia)

She is touted as "the anti-Barbi". How about that? Not what I was expecting, that's for sure.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 11:14 PM

There are other possibilities, Amos. I happen to know that "Dale" is authored by a fellow Canadian on this forum, but I will not say more than that.

I'm not sure who is responsible for Feral Cheryl, but she has been showing up here off and on for years now. She seems to be the one girl in Ontario who thinks Shane is a highly desirable "studmuffin". I am not aware of what she thinks about Dale.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 11:04 PM

Amos, take some deep breaths and stop shouting. It's bad for your heart, you know, to get all heated up like that.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:53 PM

YEAH--THEY ARE CAUSING ME TO HAVE OOB EXPERIENCES JUST READING THEM!!

ANYWAY RAPP SAYS NOT TO LOOK AT HIM,AND LH INSISTS HE DIDN'T DO IT. SOMEBODY IS LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH OR SOMETHING...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:52 PM

It is the flippin' IN-body epasodes that cause pain and hangovers afterwards! Trust me, eh? I know all about this.

Dale is gonna have a major in-body epasode when I find him and he will suffer pain!

- Shane


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:37 PM

Spare a thought for the others as well, Stilly. ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:29 PM

I hope these out-of-body episodes don't cause Little Hawk any pain, or a hangover afterward.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:05 PM

What the FLIP! I hearn about this a hower ago from Don! What do I flippin' find? I find this major flippin' BOLTHOLE Dale slaggin' me off and atackin' my good name here, eh? YOU ARE A FLIPPIN' LOOSER, DALE!!! Ya hear me? That is the last flippin' time I am givin' you any free beers, man! It is OVER! You are TOWSTE, man! If I ever flippin' see you agane I will kick yer flippin' ass acrost town, eh?

Cheryl, do not lissen to that idiot hosebag. He is such a liar that he dont have no flippin' creminibality at all...not in Blind River...not anywheres! I am the flippin' KING arownd here and he knows it so he is real jelous and will say antything to get in yer pants, eh? Do NOT fall for him! You will regret it. I promise that. Cos what will happen is that either 1. he will leave you flippin' stranded on the road somewhere's between here and the Soo after havin' his, like, way with you...or 2. he will take you back to his flippin' dump in Nova Flippin' Scoshia or wherever the hell he is from to live in uncommen law marrage with him and you will end up with at leeast 15 kids and livin' in a flippin' trash heep of a place like a dog! Maybe in a flippin' trailer park even!

- Shane


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 09:30 PM

Sheryl... if you love me, meet me behind the Irving Big Stop where they park the big rigs. Look for the "Moose'n'r Down The Road" Peterbuilt. I'll have Bocephus cranked on the tunes and we'll dance all night long in my extended cab.

I'll wine ya n dine ya proper. I got a microwave fer the McCains piece a pockets and a fridge fer ta keep the Molson Canadian cold.

And I got two tickets fer the big concert on The Hill this summer. I am goin. U2?

C'mon darlin. Make me happy eh wha? Don't be blinded by that river trash.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 08:10 PM

Oh, God...it's getting worse. I feel waves of queasiness washing over me....Must get some fresh air!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dale
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 07:58 PM

Dearest Feral Sheryl,

It wasn't Shane what knocked you up. I used his name when I was in the heat of passhon and I am ashamed I done that. But I'll make things right I promise.

Oh, he was there but he was passed out on Molson's ale. And so were you but when I picked you up to put you in bed we had a tender moment... well, two, on accounta it took a minute to get yer long johns off and then me off. Anyway, I'll treat you like the queen you are if you will give me half a chance and you promise me that you will cut loose that Blind River Bastard. He's no good eh.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 06:24 PM

The post from Ms. Backwater was most moving. Who knew that twice in the day I would use the term "gag reflex," but there you have it. Lunch lurched as I read that post. (The other occasion had to do with describing something the dogs did last night, but that's another story.)

Glad to hear Eiseley was over for a visit. Tell Pat hello, and I hope she's feeling better!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 05:50 PM

And a very nice visit it was, Rapparee.

Eiseley


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 05:37 PM

By the way, Amos, I think it is about time you showed more respect for the "stable of dubious characters" (as you snidely put it) who romp merrily across the Eylsian Fields of my inner consciousness, bringing joy and wonder into a sorrowing world. Your contempt for them wounds me, sir! I demand an apology. If I do not receive one, I shall be forced to assume that you are risking annoying me further.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 05:24 PM

I prefer to think that Cheryl is real, poor thing. What terrible luck she must have had in life to be so vulnerable as to fall for the gross manipulations of Shane McBride! My heart goes out to her and all her kin, for there is now a half-breed McBride looming in their future.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 04:55 PM

Don't look in my direction, old sot. Long about that time Eiseley and others came calling.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 04:09 PM

Well, judging by the time stamp...Rapparree has fallen on hard times and is trying to compete with your stable of dubious personalities by coming up with an even grottier invention and blaming one of your inventions for it. It is always bemusing to me when your imaginary characters start squabbling among themselves. It reminds me of the days when you could get your throat cut for believing an imaginary three in one configuration was more important than an imaginary one in one configuration, and everyone felt entitled to act like a hole in one.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:36 PM

And, no, Amos...I did NOT post the Sheryl Blackwater post. I have, however, responded to it, as you can see.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM

Sheryl...much as I think you are pursuing an unattainable objective, akin to Don Quixote's assault upon the windmill or Ponce de Leon's futile search for the Fountain of Youth, I am moved by compassion (not to mention amusement), and I will give you what advice I can.

1. Forget it. Getting Shane to do the Right Thing is like the impossible dream. It would be like trying to milk a granite statue of a Brahma bull. Useless.

2. Why in the world did you have sex with him??? Were you conscious at the time?

3. You know where the Tim Horton's is in Blind River? I assume you do. Hang around there and he will show up. You might find him taking stuff out of the dumpster at the back if he's broke, which he often is. If not, you will find him at the counter, harassing the female staff and trying to get free donuts by claiming that there were mouse turds in the last one he ate from there.

4. Check with the local police. They are usually looking for him too.

5. Go to the garage where his brother Don works. I forget the name of it, but just ask around. Tell Don all about it. Raise flippin' hell. Don won't help you, but he may tell you where Shane is just so that you will go away and not bother him.

6. Go to their house. Just ask around, everyone knows where it is. It is the place where the backyard is full of dead cars and wrecked snowmobiles and piles of junk. There is a sign on the front door saying:

NO COPS ALLOWED!!!
(eccept for Ossifer Dana)

7. Spread the news around that you are very horny and you want MORE sex and you want it BAD!!! This could bring a lot of unwanted attention, I know, but it will also inevitably bring Shane. I guarantee it. Then you'll have him by the mungoberries! ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sheryl Backwater
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:13 PM

Do anyone here know wear I cna find Shane McBride from Blind Rivr, Ontario? I unerstan that he sometimes comes here an I need to fin d himn. He has Knoked Me Up and he has too do The Rite Thing by me now.

Thank you.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:10 PM

Please excuse the grammatical error in my last post. I of course meant to the use the "neither...nor" construction.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 02:50 PM

Well, it is good to know you are not still trying to use your ex-ex-cells.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 02:16 PM

I use neither Excel OR Power Point if it can possibly be avoided. I find Quattro Pro and Presentations to be far, far more powerful.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 01:09 PM

Challenges make life interesting, however, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot.
If we're always looking in the rear view mirror it's hard to keep our eyes on the road ahead. There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Wealth is the ability to fully experience life. We do not remember days; we remember moments.


- Cesare Pavese, Mark Twain, Ben Hogan, Michael Altshuler, Abraham Lincoln, Henry David Thoreau, and Frederico Fellini


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 11:10 AM

Although he poses as a man of Word, his itching reveals him to be a man of Ex-Cells, undermining his ability to power point.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:41 AM

There is no such place as Hell.

But Rapparee is itching.

His sloughed off skin is gathering in corners and fighting chromosomically with Hermann Hesse's remains. Hesse was afflicted with scabies and remnants of his cells still drift about. From this vantage, it seems that Hermann's scurf is winning.

Al


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:38 AM

Rapparee is itching for the inferno.

Albert Schweitzer


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:28 AM

Thank you, Amos.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 11:48 PM

That was purely stunning, Miss Eiseley!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 11:00 PM

A Flying Dutchman in her progress over the waves
of, not water, but a thicker slish,
Is this vessel known as MOAB to her hardy crew.
Led not by William Shatner (praise the Lord)
But by a team of wordsmith anarchists,
Mother is a different kind of ship than those that sail the sea.

Afloat in virtual dimensions,
Adrift on sparking webs
That in their crazy angles, crooked ways,
Resemble more a labyrinth of odd canals
Than open ocean,
This stalwart Mother floating aimless through the maze
of little twisting passages, all alike,
Will sometimes leave a treasure in a dead-end hall:
Some poetic gem or tricksy verse
Announcing milestones of Kay.
These unpraised songs are left as writing on a wall?
Figurative sconces filled with shining verse,
Illuminating dark recesses where dauntless sailors
Need not explore.

For there are wild apes in these ways,
Monsters lurking in the wine-dark sea,
Freakish duck-dogs quarking in the void
And far too many frayed skeins
For any traveler to follow without fear
Of strangulation, emasculation, decapitation or worse.

So when we see another stanza in the MOAB Poem,
It's like a torch lit in the dark, a couplet signifying "end of scene."
And we can turn and sail another way, as those who turn in sleep begin another dream.


Eiseley


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:50 PM

I'm told that is Westminster Bridge in London.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 21 November 10:47 AM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.