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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 02 Jul 10 - 09:57 AM
MMario 02 Jul 10 - 08:47 AM
Acme 02 Jul 10 - 01:10 AM
Rapparee 01 Jul 10 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 10 - 09:54 PM
Amos 01 Jul 10 - 08:38 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 10 - 06:11 PM
Amos 01 Jul 10 - 03:19 PM
Amos 01 Jul 10 - 12:55 PM
Acme 01 Jul 10 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 10 - 10:14 AM
Amos 01 Jul 10 - 09:05 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 10 - 10:33 PM
Amos 30 Jun 10 - 10:25 PM
Amos 30 Jun 10 - 08:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 10 - 07:56 PM
Amos 30 Jun 10 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM
Acme 30 Jun 10 - 01:14 PM
Amos 30 Jun 10 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 10 - 10:49 AM
Amos 29 Jun 10 - 11:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 10 - 10:18 PM
Amos 29 Jun 10 - 02:55 PM
Acme 29 Jun 10 - 02:34 PM
Amos 29 Jun 10 - 02:02 PM
Amos 29 Jun 10 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 29 Jun 10 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 10 - 05:53 PM
Acme 28 Jun 10 - 05:36 PM
Amos 28 Jun 10 - 04:17 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 10 - 03:21 PM
Amos 28 Jun 10 - 02:41 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 10 - 02:26 PM
Amos 28 Jun 10 - 01:16 PM
Amos 28 Jun 10 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 10 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 10 - 10:51 AM
Janie 27 Jun 10 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 10 - 10:40 PM
Janie 27 Jun 10 - 08:19 PM
Amos 27 Jun 10 - 01:26 PM
Acme 27 Jun 10 - 12:06 PM
Amos 27 Jun 10 - 11:52 AM
Acme 27 Jun 10 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 10 - 11:15 AM
Amos 27 Jun 10 - 10:58 AM
Amos 27 Jun 10 - 10:51 AM
Eiseley 27 Jun 10 - 09:52 AM
Janie 27 Jun 10 - 12:54 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 09:57 AM

Gonna spend the Fourth eluding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 08:47 AM

Texas doesn't shift sunday holidays to monday? Our "fourth" is celebrated on the fifth this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jul 10 - 01:10 AM

Tomorrow is Friday, right? And the Fourth of July is on Sunday, right? So the only friggin way I'm going to get a three or four day weekend this week is if I take vacation time?

Bummer. But I think I'll do it anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 10:37 PM

I dunno where they've been, but maybe Dr. Monica knows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 09:54 PM

Armarium consumatum est. Eiseley visum is vota.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 08:38 PM

Only if you can tell me where it's been....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 06:11 PM

Care for a cigar, old chum? I've got tons of them....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 03:19 PM

From your description she will set you up to scream about sexual fantasies and give you a cigar every time you do it right....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 12:55 PM

A psychiatrist???!!!!


Ohhh, no, Mister Hands. I retract all my harsh remarks.

Why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 12:02 PM

It's supposed to rain again. MOM's house is beginning to smell a little musty. One of you guys, climb up on the roof and see if there are any loose shakes up there. Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 10:14 AM

You'll be pleased to know that I'm going to see a psychiatrist is a couple hours. She's a Primal Scream Freudian Skinnerite, so I'll have to yell things about Mom as loudly as possible while also screaming that it's just the way things were determined. I think it might be a religion, kinda like the Holy Rollers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 10 - 09:05 AM

Well there are many sites that may have lipoids to be suctioned, old friend. But never mind. THe last thing Mom needs is to be unable to recognize her own.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 10:33 PM

Liposuction??? My head was and has been fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 10:25 PM

Or maybe it's just coming to the Fourth....again...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 08:13 PM

Oh, you poor benighted soul. How could they schedule you so thoughtlessly, and for liposuction, too! What's the world coming to? That's what I want to know!! My guess is "the end of July as we know it....".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 07:56 PM

Envy ill becomes you, Amos. Perhaps you don't realize that today my nap was delayed for nearly two hours because of a doctor's appointment!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 03:31 PM

Nice being REE-tahred, innit? Sheesh!!!!

MOM!! We made our rezes for Nova Scotia, going up into the boonies near Livingston Cove to hang with my cousin, the famous Sculptor, for a few days. What a nice break that will be! Hope I can remember how to use an outhouse...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM

Hot, bugs galore, no fish biting except those pirahnas skeletonizing the dead cow upstream, and I stepped into a hole on the way back to the car and prit near broke my cannonbone and then I'd have to put myself down.

Yeah, all in all a right nice day. Like they say, the worst day fishing/hunting is better than the best day working.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 01:14 PM

My last post didn't stick. Sounds like you had a fun day out in Nature, Rap!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 12:59 PM

I think what he means is he doesn't want to have steel bars in his immediate environment, especially across all the windows. And he doesn't want any prison bulls in his environment.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 10:49 AM

Next time I'm just going to use a dip net or a fish trap. I'd use fish poison but I Care About The Environment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 11:31 PM

I'll say he went over the limit!! Good thing Mom isn't paying close attention.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 10:18 PM

Dang. Couldn't get a nibble no matter what I tried. I could SEE the danged things, nice sized trout, and I floated flies, lures, and even used a plain old baited hook setup right past them. After a couple of hours I was ready to wade in and toss 'em up on the bank, grizzly style, but I know that patience is good. So I lugged my gear back to the car, got out a DuPont Spinner and with that and my net hiked back to the Ol' Fishin' Hole. I put the spinner a bit upstream and the current carried it right where I wanted it. After the explosion I netted some nice trout (some slightly shredded) and brought home my limit in cutthroat, rainbow, brown, crappie, large- and small- mouth bass, catfish, bluegill, sunfish, a couple of sturgeon and an octopus (which I'll give to my Greek friends). AND I got out of there before the game warden arrived! All in all a pretty good day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 02:55 PM

Well, I dunno. I think some folks catch a limit at a very early age and never come to realize they have done.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 02:34 PM

It's still raining. Amazing.

MOM got tired of playing out there and was picking up the worms on the sidewalk. That's why Rapaire went fishing, because she found all of that easy bait for him. I expect he'll be back when he runs out of worms. Or catches a limit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 02:02 PM

Boy, we can see who keeps Mom all stirred up. Rapaire goes fishing and the house suddenly whispers with quietude like a dawn rose. The ruction and the dust are all settled and harmony, however briefly, reigns.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 11:30 AM

Rapaire, don't go fishin'!! Go fyooshin'!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 10:23 AM

Dear Mom:

Gone fishin'.

Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 05:53 PM

Put on some clothes as well!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 05:36 PM

Ferget the arguing! Someone open the windows! Smell that rain on the concrete! Rain, after weeks of dry hot weather! MOM - here, put your flip flops before you run out in the driveway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 04:17 PM

I, sir? Nay, sir!! I cast them, well and good, but upon your conduct, I do not! It is on your karma I have cast them, like so much melted butter sauce, producing the vaunted Karma'n Ghee-ah! A fitting sauce for one of legendary sauciness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 03:21 PM

Sir, do you cast aspersions upon my gentlemanly conduct?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 02:41 PM

Your karma will run over your dogma, sir, until you Getaway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 02:26 PM

I never ripped a bodice.   I always untied or unhooked them. The other way would be crass, crude and ungentlemanly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 01:16 PM

Besides, he will need a good dose of spirits come the Getaway as he will find himself sorely driven to suddenly act out his previous life time as a bodice-ripper.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 11:06 AM

Draft Horse Beer for Raparee
When he feels like making free!
As along his veins it courses,
He will feel as big as horses!
Thus he'll never fade or fray
Surviving at the Getaway!
Clydesdale, Arab, Palomino!
Better far than doorway vino!
Soon so drunk he cannot see,
Say a prayer for Raparee!

Excerpted from the Legionaire's Diseased Songbook, 1954
Author unknown, although reputed to be "Slimy Slim" Studly Stickers of the Pocatello, Idaho regional office.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 10:55 AM

Nevermind, I'll get my own beer and you can pay for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 10:51 AM

That'll do. Cool it and they won't be able to tell the difference. I'd prefer if you'd offer me a draft beer, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 11:37 PM

No stables near at hand, but maybe the from the dogs next door?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 10:40 PM

Why not get it directly from the trough in the stables?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 08:19 PM

Good ideas! I'm off to buy Iron City or Milwaukee Ice, whichever is the cheapest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 01:26 PM

Don't be too liberal with the beer. Shane will shred all those papers for you if you tell him there's free beer at the bottom of the stack.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 12:06 PM

Oh, yes! Janie, better fill the Coleman cooler with some ice and cheap beer, for refreshments for your guests. They probably won't ask for food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 11:52 AM

Stilly has a brilliant suggestion--let us send ALL of Little Hawks imaginary friends, led by the redoubtable Shatner, on a mass mission to exercise revenge or remediation for Janie's troubles. They can stop and have a discussion with Eiseley's son on their way down from Orellia, just to ofer him an educational perspective, eh? Then off to Carolina, where Corridus can take over some of Janie's counseling load, Chongo can figger out how to get those taxes taken care of, and Shatner can arm wrestle the contractor using his impeccable negotiation skills.


Take pictures!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 11:31 AM

Eiseley, have you visited any of the Mudcat threads where we offer saged discourse on removing such problems? There are a number of fine (and free) products available to help with viruses.

Janie, I hope you get that under control. I have a book review to write, and I've put it off, but after hearing about a friend's misery with a bad contractor, it's time to write it (the book is by the local consumer watchdog columnist from the Star-Telegram). They stole a lot of stuff from the property while they were there, but he didn't notice until later when he needed things - they carefully left behind the boxes and cases to make it look like the items were still there. The roofers, who did a miserable job that they didn't complete, were the only ones in an otherwise-locked yard in recent times. So I have my "hook" for my review about choosing good contractors.

Oops. Back to BS. Janie, I hope Shane AND Chongo come down there - but why not send them after the contractor, instead of just hoping for a duel in the yard? Tell them that this contractor wants to sneak up to Canada and steal their beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 11:15 AM

Ms Eiseley: Please feel free to use the child as a target holder.

Amos: So would I, and I've spotted a couple of other things that can be improved as well. No, not "improved" but simply brought more into perfection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 10:58 AM

Casuarina Club Coach Spells Speed With A 'C' -- (Darwin, Australia 30/6/01) An Australian coach is using a crocodile in the pool to encourage his swimmers to improve their speeds.

Mark Davies, from Casuarina Crocs Swimming Club in Darwin, says the technique improves his squad's performance.Local swimming authorities say he'll have to use a private pool if he wants to continue using the crocodile while the Australian Institute of Sport has condemned the technique.

Mr Davies is unrepentant. He told Australian newspaper The Telegraph: "The thought of something chasing them down the pool certainly improves the speeds of my swimmers."
Before the 1.8-metre saltwater crocodile is lowered into the water, its jaw is bound with tape and its claws are clipped.




Jane Crumley, the Swimming Team Fool

(Tune: John Henry)


When Jane Crumley was a little baby
A-sittin' on her momma's knee,
She said a ten foot salty on the Varsity Squad,
Is gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord
Gonna be the death of me!

Now Janie grew up to be a swimmer,
And she moved to Darwin town;
And the girls all called her the Dundee Momma
'Cuz she smoked all the boys in the town, Lord Lord,
She smoked all the boys in that town.

Now the big coach said to Jane Crumley,
Gal, you better swim like a fool,
There's a ten foot croc with a hide like rock,
In the starting end of this pool, Lord Lord
The starting end of the pool

But Jane Crumley she said to Coach Davies
I'm the fastest fin in this town
Before I let that salty catch my ass
I will roll right over and drown, Lord, Lord
I will roll right over and drown!

When the starting gun went off that morning
Janie Crumley's suit was brown
But when the days was over, Lord
It was red from the shoulders down, Lord Lord
Bright red fromt he shoulders down.

Now Janie said to her pacer,
Pacer, pour me that tea and cream
'Cuz I'm pouring on hots and I'm cutting five knots,
Just look at that chlorine steam, Lord, Lord
Just look at that chlorine steam.

Now the bugger who raised up that salty,
He thought he was something fine
But Jane Crumley breast-stroked a ten-meter start
Before that salty croc done nine, Lord, lord
Before that croc done nine!

Jane Crumley she dug into the water
She cut it like a razor knife
But five meters short of that finishing line
That salty took her life, Lord Lord
That salty took her life

The salty got hold of one ankle
And Janey just tore herself free
Said I won't make the lap in four nineteen,
But I'll make it in four twenty-three, Lord, Lord
I'll make it in four twenty-three

Now the salty he grabbed Janey's kneecap,
And Janey was just half-alive
Said I won't make the lap in four twenty three,
But I'll make it in four twenty-five, Lord, Lord
I'll make it in four twenty-five!

Now Janey was crossing the finishing line
As the salty pulled her down,
She made four twenty-five as he grabbed her waist,
And she rolled right over and she drown, Lord, Lord
She rolled right over an'  she drowned.

Well they sponged up the rest of Jane Crumley
And they put it on display by the  pool
And every class of freshmen gets to hear that coach say,
"Now there was a true swimming fool, Lord, Lord
There was a true swimming fool!"




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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 10:51 AM

Rapaire:

That was a heroic piece, indeed. I would refine a couple of the rhyming ends, but a heroic piece overall.

I wrote a similar ballad some time ago concerning an Australian swimming coach who took to putting a salty in the pool with his swim-team in order to inspire them to new bursts of speed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 09:52 AM

My youngest son downloaded a virus onto my computer, so it's been ill since Thursday. I have to take it to the computer doctor tomorrow. So I had to come in to work ON SUNDAY to see what you folks had said to MOM while I was out.
Over and out again,

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 12:54 AM

I am tired! While Stilly has been doping herself silly and Rapaire has been squandering his retirement hours composing parodies, I have been working my butt (just for you, LH) off in this week "between jobs" switching my private practice from a PLLC to a sole proprietorship to simplify taxes next year because my partners have been inactive for over a year, and adding private practice clients who are transferring from my previous agency position in order to continue therapy with moi.

In other words, I have spent the week figuring out how I am going to deal with biting off more than I can chew. Looks like between the new job and the increase in private clients I am about to start working 70 hour weeks instead of 55 hour weeks. In the meantime, my 2009 taxes still are not done, the small claims paperwork is not completed or filed against the window/siding guy that I foolishly paid off before the work was finished 2 years ago, the yard has not been mowed in 3 weeks, the stacks of paper that need filed or shredded, things that need stashed in the attic, shoved in a closet or the shed, or tossed or donated have completely overrun the guest room, and the bills are not yet paid. Worst of all, the cherry tomatoes formerly trellised so attractively have run amok and may refuse all attempts to tame them in the name of impressing the neighbors with my artistry with veggie gardens.

I need Shane or Chongo to drop by and create such havoc that I have a good excuse....

A good, rowdy sharp-bladed duel with blades or words would probably also suffice.

Or nun jokes....


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