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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 02 Jul 16 - 11:03 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 16 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 16 - 06:45 PM
Amos 02 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 16 - 07:41 PM
gnu 01 Jul 16 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 16 - 11:12 AM
gnu 30 Jun 16 - 05:53 PM
Amos 30 Jun 16 - 01:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 16 - 06:41 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 16 - 03:20 PM
gnu 28 Jun 16 - 08:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 16 - 02:23 PM
gnu 28 Jun 16 - 10:37 AM
Acme 27 Jun 16 - 07:48 PM
gnu 27 Jun 16 - 07:09 PM
Amos 27 Jun 16 - 05:47 PM
keberoxu 26 Jun 16 - 06:44 PM
keberoxu 26 Jun 16 - 05:48 PM
keberoxu 26 Jun 16 - 03:19 PM
Amos 26 Jun 16 - 02:46 PM
gnu 26 Jun 16 - 12:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jun 16 - 11:24 AM
Acme 25 Jun 16 - 12:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 16 - 09:37 AM
Amos 25 Jun 16 - 02:44 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 16 - 11:22 PM
MMario 24 Jun 16 - 03:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jun 16 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 16 - 12:21 PM
Amos 24 Jun 16 - 02:11 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 16 - 11:06 PM
Amos 23 Jun 16 - 09:08 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 16 - 07:50 PM
gnu 23 Jun 16 - 05:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 16 - 10:27 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 16 - 09:59 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 16 - 09:10 AM
Acme 23 Jun 16 - 02:52 AM
Amos 22 Jun 16 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 16 - 11:45 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 16 - 08:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jun 16 - 07:17 PM
gnu 22 Jun 16 - 02:23 PM
Amos 22 Jun 16 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 16 - 09:54 PM
Little Hawk 21 Jun 16 - 08:38 PM
Amos 21 Jun 16 - 01:04 AM
Rapparee 20 Jun 16 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 16 - 09:56 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 11:03 PM

While in Waterton National Park (Parc National Waterton) I saw a chipmunk eating a chimpanzee. Just a normal sized chipmunk. I guess Chongx couldn't free itself from one if one attacked it. Anyway, the poor chipmunk tossed his little cookies from this "meal." That chipmunk probably learned a valuable lesson: chimps make you throw up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 11:02 PM

Where are you, in Iceland? :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 06:45 PM

Okay, I have reliable Internet service again. I am below 49 North now. After I got across the border I knelt and kissed the sacred soil of the land of the free! Oh, the skies are bluer here, the air fragrant with freedom, the very leaves sing of Liberty! Now I have to go check on the laundry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM

It is only meet and right that there is such a fine dose of crazy in the air these days, rippling through the planet's atmosphere like a bad advertisement. Otherwise, we would run out of things to laugh at, don't you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 16 - 07:41 PM

That "God Bless England" song is a real treat! Fine job by those Irish lads, poking a bit of fun at the bloody Empire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 16 - 05:51 PM

To my nephew just now.

Heard it in Mum's voice when I called her at 8:30. I call her every morning at the same time. There are certain days when I kinda know it's gonna be a bad day. Well, July 1 is one. I went over to clean sinks and mop and such as I couldn't take her out to the stores for a walk as usual and I knew she could "use some company" today. After I was done... well, tears flowed.

But, it's 8 years now and I have dealt with it, to some extent, through writing short stories and visiting his grave every year with a bottle and "having a chat". I have a fair few short stories. I share none. Sometimes, I will share a snippet, as I did today in a forum that has given me some joy and solace since I stopped hunting.

I thought of sharing this with you but I was hesitant. Then I thought... WTF? Share it with some friends and 16k+ strangers? Why not share it with Ian?

So, I screenshot my posts. They are attached. Unless I gotta send them one at a time... ???... I am still technologically declined. Nope looks like I got the whole post.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Here is the text... no pics attached to this post...

I call this pic "Time for a Smoke". On this day in 2008, Bro left. He was an RCAF Airman. He was unconscious for days before he left. Near a week after they took all the tubes out. He wasn't supposed to last as long as he did. Mum said, "A true Airman... he waited for Canada Day to die."

The pic. Long story that I won't try to look up. Here's a short version. To the right of the pic hangs a nice buck on the back of my truck camper. We celebrated with beers. After several beers, tired from the 'deer work', Bro fell asleep. Not long before he fell asleep, having had a couple of beers, he was in that mood he used to get in. He had his semi 308 beside his chair and he, without me knowing, put a mag in, set the butt on the road with the gun straight up and waited until I was standing about six feet away with my back to him. WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!!! I near pissed myself. I took to swearing at him (and continued while I was pissing) and he just kept laughing.

And, then... he fell asleep. I took a smoke out of his package of smokes. I lit it and puffed on it. Then I put it between his fingers. I took a picture... and then I waited. You do the math.
I did not laugh. That would have escalated things. >;-)

Miss ya, Bro. RIP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 16 - 11:12 AM

Intermittent connections, but Happy Dominion Day to all of us north of 49!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jun 16 - 05:53 PM

SO! We share a long weekend! We have Dominion Day (what some erroneously call Canada Day) tomorrow and you guys to the south have Independence Day (erroneously know as Independence Day) on Monday.

In honour of our false holidays and freedom, I give you... God Bless Your Oppressors.

Up the republic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 16 - 01:40 AM

Stand by for SERIOUS poop=flinging, Senor Ell!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 16 - 06:41 PM

Mom! The most horrible thing has happened! You know how the banner ads on Mudcat are sometimes customized to one's geographical area? Well, for some reason the little bots or whatever that tell ad servers where I live seem to get stuck at transmission nodes in Houston (500 miles away) or New Orleans (200 miles away). I'm always seeing ads for businesses in those two cities. Well, one of the little fuckers finally managed to crawl all the way up the signal to Pensacola, a mere 40 miles away! I saw an ad for a Pensacola insurance agent right here on the Mudcat Cafe!

Mom! They almost know where I live! I must go clean guns, sharpen pungee sticks, and check the use by dates on all those jars of peanut butter!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 16 - 03:20 PM

Mudcat is loading so slowly because of specism! The frequent specist comments by various Mudcatters have so infuriated apes and monkeys all over the world that various primate hackers are fighting back by screwing up the site in every way they can, and this results in all kinds of bugs, slowdowns, failure for posts to go through, etc.

They may even stop this post from going through! (in which case you won't get to see it)

Every mention of "poopflinging" by specist individuals on Mudcat is another nail in Mudcat Cafe's coffin. Every personal attack on Chongo Chimp increases the problem. Lurid and ridiculous attacks on his character through the invented shill of his supposed "sister" Chinga (which is nothing but a very common and obscene word in Spanish) result only in the site slowing down to a virtual crawl.

It's really quite sad, and it's because of a tiny handful of ill-natured and spiteful people here who have made it their personal business to post hateful specist rhetoric and demean apes and monkeys. Ah, well, they'll be sorry! Yes, indeed. They'll be sorry when this forum finally ceases to function altogether and becomes nothing but a fading memory in the minds of a few doddering old reprobates with too much time on their hands, yet ironically too little time left.

Or as Chongo would say, "Ook off, buster, or I'll pump some hot lead down yer cakehole and leave you to be picked up by the local garbage men when they do their weekly rounds!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 16 - 08:10 PM

Haddock and milk (skim) at Sobeys. Visa payment at the bank. Gas the car and gas cans. Call NB Power to get the account balances before the Canada Post strike. Boron for ants at the Co-Op. Three 16G jump drives at Best Buy for rescue discs. But... there is something else. WTF is it? WTF IS IT I AM FORGETTING? JESUS H. CHRIST I HATE THIS!

Oh, yeah. Use up the eggs before the due date. Fried eggs for supper tomorrow. Over easy on toast. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.... eggs. How could I forget the eggs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 16 - 02:23 PM

Yes, the MOAB is why the Mudcat is slow to load! I know it's true because some moron on another thread said so!

We must build a wall around Mom and make Joe Offer pay for it!

Make Mudcat grate again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 16 - 10:37 AM

Don't tell anyone or we'll get a raft of rifts in here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 16 - 07:48 PM

A couple of folks taking a swing at MOM in the most recent 'broken mudcat' thread - suggesting that this thread is the reason everything loads slowly. So all of you - no more loading all 54000+ posts at once, hear me?

Out of curiosity, I searched on the longest thread on the Internet and someone commented about a 14,000 post thread. Hummppfff. That's child's play!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jun 16 - 07:09 PM

Yeah... he got hitched. Pics on Facebook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 16 - 05:47 PM

I believe he formalized a long-standing monogamous relationship by the usual rituals of solemnization, forsooth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 06:44 PM

What is all this about Max just getting married??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 05:48 PM

Gargoyle is in fine form upstairs ("what's wrong with Mudcat"). Of all the people to be persona non grata in the BS section, too bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 03:19 PM

This puts me in mind of the spa treatment somewhere in the Orient. Feet cleaning is done by sitting on the edge of a pool. In the pool, with your feet, are these lovely little fish who discriminate neatly between dead skin and live tissue: they prefer the dead stuff. People who have walked away after a complete session sitting with their feet in the pool, say that their feet were smoother and cleaner than they had been in many a year, and that the fish did no more than tickle as they cheerfully feasted on callouses and layers of dead skin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 02:46 PM

Just remember--one man's stupid shit is another man's funnel cake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 12:13 PM

But, but, stupid shit is a part of bullshit, surely? I know, I know... don't call me Shirley. But, I quip. You quip. We all quip as we are equipped to quip. Some are quippier than others but to truly enjoy bullshit of the highest calibre, one must have something to compare it to. At least, that is my preposition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 11:24 AM

It appears that the funnel cake is on the cusp of becoming a meme, a trope, a quantum of BS here on the MOAB. Who could have imagined that a lowly mass of squiggly fried dough with powdered sugar on top would achieve such exalted status? Let it be a lesson to unhealthy confections everywhere. Yes, deep-fried Snickers bar, you too can achieve a level of dubious esteem among a handful of bored idiots with nothing better to do than make up stupid shit like this message.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 16 - 12:44 PM

Oof! Heavy lifting to remove a duplicate post, but we want the thread post count to be come by honestly!

No foolin' with funnel cakes here, our main diet is BLT sandwiches. With homemade bread and homegrown tomatoes. Ambrosia!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 16 - 09:37 AM

Nanopiscacide should not be confused with nanopiscaphilia, literally "love of little fish". Nanopiscaphiles experience sexual pleasure and arousal from having small fish nibble on their genitalia and tug on their pubic hair while skinny dipping. Nanopiscaphilia is considered a risky practice by most experts, primarily because the "nano" part is seldom guaranteed, particularly when swimming in salt water. Having a large toothy fish like a king mackerel or barracuda mistake one's engorged member for a juicy mullet can have fairly dire consequences. It's a practice best engaged in while swimming in private ponds where the type and size of fish can be somewhat controlled. However, even under the best of circumstances, there's always the chance that a pond full of harmless goldfish may also be home to the occasional snapping turtle or alligator.

The flip-side of nanopiscaphilia is, of course, nanopiscaphobia, the fear of having one's genitals munched on by little fish. It's a little known fact that nanopiscaphobia, not prudishess, is the real reason most people wear bathing suits while swimming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 16 - 02:44 AM

Oh, the coming woe of the Golden Years! Congratulations!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 11:22 PM

And now the wait to see if the State of New York has enough money to actually fund your retirement pension and if you will actually get something from Social Security. And you'll get the joy of figuring out Medicare supplement policies and Part D drub plans and....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 03:35 PM

Well, MOM;

My NYS retirement system paperwork is in; my SS paperwork is in; and in 90 days or so I will be retired...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 01:11 PM

Bullshit! "Nanopiscacide!" is what the inhabitants of the planet Threlmkon say when another Threlmkonian sneezes. Well, it's not exactly sneezing as we know it, being that Threlmkonians have no mouths, noses, or respiratory tracts in general. It's more of a rapid and surprising lurch in the space-time continuum. But "Nanopiscacide!" is definitely what they say, though they don't actually say it since, as previously explained, they lack the organs necessary to say anything. They sort of mentally burp it out into a shared communal consciousness. Since said consciousness is communal, there are apt to be billions of Threlmkonians saying "Nanopiscacide!" at any given moment, which pretty much drowns out anything else being said, thus effectively making "Nanopiscacide!" the only word in the Threlmkonian vocabulary. This is good news for humans since Threlmkonians are very unfriendly and, if they didn't spend all their time saying "Nanopiscacide!", they would probably invade Earth and destroy it using some sort of super weapon which, fortunately, they haven't had time to invent since they spend all their time saying "Nanopiscacide!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 12:21 PM

Oh, fer...! A nanopiscacide is, obvious to anyone even halfway understanding the language of science, is a killer of eensy-weensy-tiny fish. A baleen whale is a nanopiscacide, for example.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 16 - 02:11 AM

Oh, you don't like my definition? Give us a reference then!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 11:06 PM

Amos, I fear you are confusing nanopiscacides with helminth infections such as schistosomiasis. With your wealth of experience in all corners of the globe I'd think you'd know the difference.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 09:08 PM

Well, that sure beats all. What a dramatic tale, Mister L!

As for funnel cake, I apologize, I thought you hadf eaten some and thrown it up. Funnel cake is the favorite food of the arthropod Atrax robustus, a venomous mygalomorph spider native to eastern Australia. The reason it is so detested by Australians is that it deprives their children of bloat and self-indulgent pleasure by eating, or spoiling through defecation, all their funnel-cake.

Nanopiscacides, as Rapparee pretends to know, as he does so much!, are tiny, tiny fish who kill themselves off by climbing urine streams and trying to follow them to their source. They fail so often that they are an endangered species.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 07:50 PM

It seems to me that a funnel is a very poor place for a cake, therefore funnel cake is a bad idea. Too much smoke in funnels. And the cake would get all dried out too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 05:51 PM

That was super-dooper-pooper!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 10:27 AM

The Poop-Flingers Ball

Two baboons from old Senegal
A gorilla, a chimp, and an orangutan all
Met up together at the old town hall
For the forty-fifth annual Poop-Flingers Ball

Now, the reason they met at the Poop-Flingers Ball
Was to fling their poop against the wall
To see whose poop would stick the best
And whose just wouldn't pass the test

Well, the first to fling was those two baboons
They'd trained by eating lots of prunes
But it made their poop so thin and runny
It would not stick for love or money

The next one up was that old gorilla
He'd eaten bananas, his poop was yellow
He flung a turd at the bathroom door
But it fell right down upon the floor

And then came the orangutan
He flung his poop at the ceiling fan
Which slung it out to all four walls
But it ran right off and didn't stick at all

The last to fling was the chimpanzee
And his poop stuck! it would not come free!
And the reason why, I'll tell you true
Is he'd mixed his poop with super glue

When the other apes learned the chimp had cheated
They grew irate, their tempers heated
And they began to scream and bellow
And fling their poop at that cheating fellow

They were so angry and so sore
They chased him out the kitchen door
Hollering, "Go away and don't come back!
You are no longer welcome, Jack!"

So, the moral of this painful story
This shameful, sordid allegory
Is "Do not cheat, always be true,
And don't mix your poop with super glue."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 09:59 AM

Bee-Dub, most people don't know that cotton candy not only contains absolutely no funnel cake but that it contains everything necessary to support a healthy and long life. Just don't eat the cone it comes on as that contains nanopiscacides.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 09:10 AM

I have never thrown up a funnel cake. In fact, I have never eaten a funnel cake. I do make my living selling my wares at festivals where funnel cakes are often one of the many indigestibles hawked by food vendors, so I have witnessed people eating funnel cakes. Those people scare me. I would not want to be one of them. They watch reality TV programs and have Donald Trump campaign signs in their front yards. Some of them still have McCain/Palin bumper stickers from 2008 on their pickup trucks. I figure that simply breathing the air near a funnel cake vendor's trailer will result in a net loss of IQ points, so I'm damned sure not eating the things. At this point, I need all of the few brain cells I have left.

In fact, I avoid most of the "food" sold at festivals. I have a theory that much of it is nothing but funnel cakes in disguise. The noodles in that "lo mein"? Funnel cake dough. The stuff on the outside of corn dogs and "blooming onions"? Funnel cake dough. The only festival food item I'm relatively sure is not made of funnel cake dough is the smoked turkey legs, though I'm far from certain they're actually made of turkey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 16 - 02:52 AM

Hey, MOM, glad to see the kids are keeping you on the porch and not dipping below the line. Sorry you were so bored watching me can tomatoes tonight- but I'm glad you and the wine bottle were able to keep each other company and have such a lively conversation between the two of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 16 - 11:57 PM

Kind of odd that we had the exact same weather here on the Coast. Go figger.

I am moved to ask Mister BWL when the last time was he had to throw up his funnel cake?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 16 - 11:45 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 16 - 08:40 PM

The sky, a blue such as lapis lazuli never knew, arches over in what seems to be an infinite reach. Each cloud a bit of white cotton candy floats as if it were torn by the breeze from a child's treat,
in a mild warmth such as San Diego desires but rarely achieves.

There!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jun 16 - 07:17 PM

It's easy to be creative. All you have to do is lie. And if you can't think up a good lie, tell the truth and say it's a lie. That fulfills the necessary falsehood requirement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jun 16 - 02:23 PM

I am eating a hot dog and washing it down with a beer in air conditioned comfort. Creative enough?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 16 - 01:42 PM

Oh, THAT's creative. Write a post about the weather! Why didn't anyone else think of that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 16 - 09:54 PM

It's 76F here in Missoula. Blue sky, some snow still waaaay up in the hills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 16 - 08:38 PM

Gosh, the weather has been so great here today. Really nice. All in all, a lovely day to sit outside, play the guitar for a bit, and work on a new cover tune.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 16 - 01:04 AM

Self-serving narcissism will get you anything, Rapp. At leasty short-term.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 16 - 10:09 PM

It's okay, Mom. I still care.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 16 - 09:56 AM

Chonga knocked diffidently on the heavy oaken door. A muffled voice from inside said, "Enter, please."

The door, which would have done justice to a castle in a horror movie, opened easily on well-oiled hinges. Chonga (formerly known as Chongo) entered and stood before the not-overly-large desk behind which her twin sister sat.

"Chonga, I've called you in to tell you that you've been promoted. We've noticed your work (there was enough Chongo left to be dismayed by the nature of her "work") and it's gone very well. You put yourself into your work. I won't ask if you like it; that's a stupid thing to ask anyone in our line of work! Dirty, stinking, customers, drunken louts....

"But anyway, here's the offer: I'd like you to start a group of our 'franchises'. You'll be in charge -- you'll be supplied with plenty of money, the names of officials who will need to come around to thinking our way, and of course all the help you need from Headquarters here.

"Even if you fail (and I don't think you will) you'll still be my sister and I'll find something else for you here at Headquarters. Do you want to give it a try?"

"Where?" queried Chonga, interested in spite of herself.

"The towns and cities of Dutch Harbor, Dead Horse, Kotzebue, Homer, and Naknek to start. Working in from around the edges, you know, as we have found that to be the most efficient and profitable."

"Where are these towns?" Chonga asked, curious. She'd never heard of any of them.

"Alaska. Now don't get upset! We haven't been able to get much of a foothold there because it's so big and because of our company policy about firearms. You know about firearms and can deal with that aspect of it without getting your panties in a bunch, unlike Marsie, who last tried. You can talk with her, in fact I highly recommend it. Oh! You'll have the pick of the girls, worldwide pick, two planes and pilots, a townhouse/headquarters in Anchorage, the best in warm clothing (I can read your mind about the cold!), two cars -- one for off-road, pretty much anything you want. But get the job done! I know you can do it!"

Chonga stood amazed. Three months on the job and she was being asked to open up a brand new territory! She gulped and answered, "I'll give it a try, and I'll succeed. Thank you, dear sister."

Chinga made a dismissive gesture and Chonga left. You could hear her mental gears meshing. Demographics, average disposable income for each place, who in the government would be most approachable....

Her revery was broken by Chinga's secretary, Miss Poundsense. "Miss Chonga? Miss Chinga said to give you this. It's a breakdown by city of the places you discussed with her just now. You can see anyone in the organization at any time. And Miss Chinga approved a visit to Sergeant Tollbooth for you -- she said not to go overboard, no full auto yet, but she suggests a .300 WM as a minimum long gun and a simple .45 as your handgun." Miss Poundsense dimpled as she smiled and said, "Miss, I think you'll appreciate our armory and armorer!" And turned and walked back to her desk.

Chonga stood, amazed. She could build whatever and however she thought best. No micromanaging boss, but Chinga would probably come around to inspect things now and then. And she had her choice in a library of guns that was rumored to rival that of the Tower of London, but much, much newer.

She signed, and her mind reeling with figures and questions, left for her assignment.



(Yes, the denouement continues!)


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