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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 02 Mar 10 - 12:54 AM
GUEST,Esmee Been 01 Mar 10 - 11:47 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 11:42 PM
GUEST,Esmee Been 01 Mar 10 - 11:29 PM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 10 - 10:26 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 09:35 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 10 - 09:15 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 10 - 06:44 PM
GUEST,Esmee Been 01 Mar 10 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 05:07 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 04:55 PM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 04:44 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 03:50 PM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 01:52 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 01:09 PM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 12:58 PM
Rapparee 01 Mar 10 - 12:42 PM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 11:16 AM
Rapparee 01 Mar 10 - 10:02 AM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 12:32 AM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 12:11 AM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 09:36 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 09:12 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 10 - 08:27 PM
Amos 28 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 04:59 PM
Acme 28 Feb 10 - 04:54 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 10 - 10:29 AM
Amos 28 Feb 10 - 12:34 AM
Acme 27 Feb 10 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 10:02 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 10 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 05:57 PM
gnu 27 Feb 10 - 03:37 PM
Janie 27 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 02:40 PM
Amos 27 Feb 10 - 02:17 PM
Acme 27 Feb 10 - 12:18 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 10 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 11:11 AM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 10 - 11:06 AM
Janie 27 Feb 10 - 12:45 AM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 12:29 AM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 10 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 26 Feb 10 - 10:32 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 12:54 AM

Man, I feel like Big Mick, just after the invention of Koko.

What a fucking shambles.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Esmee Been
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:47 PM

Baby Baby Baby

If phantasms is anything like orgasms, I'm your gal!

























Your faithful long lost Esmee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:42 PM

Dear Gawd, I am being peppered with phantasms. Sheesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Esmee Been
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:29 PM

Louie, Louie

Are you undercover? Are you calling yourself Amos now?

Honey honey honey, I've missed you so much for so long.


















Are you rich now?

Youre one and onlee Esmee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 10:43 PM

Louie doesn't read stuff like that. He reads Penthouse, Hustler, and the racing form.

On the other hand, his fantasy self, "Amos", does read stuff like that.

Hmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 10:26 PM

I'm sorry, Louie, but I'm immediately respond. My copy of The Duke of Bedford's Book of Snobs seems to have gone temporarily missing. You mightn't have it, mightn't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 09:35 PM

Pish up your own tush, you fraudulent pseudo-snob.   


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 09:15 PM

Pish and also tush, Louie.

Are you drinking Ripple or Boone's Farm these days? When you run out of Budweiser, I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 07:15 PM

Good luck, pal. I have not yet volunteered to take on the mantle of this slimy concoction from the nether-world of your worst self-loathing. In fact, I'll pass. You can figure out how to deal with it without my contribution.

And what I said was Chinga might invade your mythic universe in order to wreak her revenge on her ne'er-do-well brother. From your point of view this might take the form of rather unsettled dreams which include an extremely pissed off female chimp dressed in Madame attire and carrying a sawed-off lead-weighted baseball bat.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 06:44 PM

In celebration of the return of memory to Louie Troutfriend, I shall, at dinner tonight, raise a glass of Troutslayer beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Esmee Been
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 06:35 PM

Louie? Louie Troutfriend? Is that really you?


Where have you been all of this time? We've looked for you for years.

Your mother was frantic to find you, but since she passed on I've been the only one still searching.


I have one question, dear Louie.


















What did you do with my goddamned car?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 05:07 PM

The gusto of your hearty amusement matches my own, "Amos". ;-D You say that Chongo is fictional, yet you say that his alleged sister Chinga is not??? You threaten to have her invade his Universe???? How could she be anywhere but in his Universe if she is his (alleged) sister? It's not for me to answer that...I am not the one who concocted her.

Here's a suggestion, Louie: Stop opening beer bottles with your teeth! It causes poor dentition and it doesn't impress anyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 04:55 PM

ROFLMAO.

Your assessment of Chongo's lifestyle is even more delusory than your assessment of mine!! Amazing. Wait til Chinga finds out how well Chongo is doing in your mythic universe. She'll probably invade it just to teach him a lesson in sharing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 04:44 PM

First comes shock. Then denial. Then the hysterical attacks on others. These are recognizable and documented stages in this kind of case.

These "shadow" personas tend to generate strange stories about other fictional personas. The "Amos" persona, for instance, appears to have invested inordinate amounts of time in spinning seamy and bizarre stories about a licentious chimpanzee Madame named Chinga, supposedly the abusive and slatternly sister of a well-known male chimpanzee character who has starred in a series of popular detective stories. The "Amos" persona created the "Chinga" persona in order to attack a character of popular fiction who represents all the things to which Louie Troutfriend himself can never aspire, such as success, fame, courage, nice suits, a car that actually runs, and a walk-up office flat with a framed and signed photo of Primo Carnera on the wall.

Thus does envy drive madness. There are cures, though, for this dire malady....a strict 6-month fast in which one consumes only pure water, fresh Kiwi fruit, and ripe bananas has been shown to ease the more violent symptoms in 72% of respondents. Others, sadly, have not done so well. Some end up swallowing their own feet and finally turning themselves inside out. It's not a pretty sight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 03:50 PM

Well, LH, you may well argue that my view is delusion, as I argue yours is. But let's get down to hard tacks, since you are being such an ass about it.

I have thousands of subscribers to my reality who know where and who and what I am.

You have two.

I have a house full of evidence attesting to my life and nature.

You have...zilch. Nada. Unless you count the overheated ravings of your co-conspirator, the frozen Book Guy.

So pound sand, Little One. It shall not avail. My sense of self is unflawed, a fortress, a rock standing tall against your mad sea of defamatory froth.

Alternatively, seek chemical assistance from a professional.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 01:52 PM

Ah...the frantic flailings...the desperate tactics of a mind lost in its own delusory mazes. Tragic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 01:09 PM

I just backtracked this thing to the point of departure, which was during an episode of extremely low temps. I think I get it now.

Cold weather reduces circulation, induces seasonal affect disorder, and slows down the cycle-time of the brain in those so affected below the rate needed to stay in touch with present time as it evolves moment to moment.

In response, the brain erects defenses of temporary insanity--constructs of false reality that do not need updating, sincve they are not anchored in real-time, and which serve to fend off confusion and dismay until warm weather comes back and enables the brain to catch up with the real world.

I am very pleased with this hypothesis, as I think it explains everything.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 12:58 PM

This is remarkable--two narcissists sharing a joint illusion. Infection by viral meme? Twin souls split from an earlier lifetime? Some kind of cataclysmic karmic collision of psyches? The mind boggles. The key question is, is it pathological and is it infectious? Should Mom allow it in the house?

Enquiring minds want to know...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 12:42 PM

Louie, look: I sorry I teased you by calling you Norbert. And Louie, your neighbors are getting fed up by your constant playing (at full volume and at all hours) Metallica's rendition of "Too Fat Polka." Yes, I know it's a rare recording, but if it keeps up they're going to call the cops, and you know what that would mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM

Hmm. Still in denial, eh, Louie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:16 AM

Because you seem to be an expert in the pathology.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 10:02 AM

Why are you asking me??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 12:32 AM

IS there a distinction to be made between BS and pathological hallucination?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 12:11 AM

Hmm. Seems like Louie is lying low for a bit. Well, I can understand that. He needs time to adjust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:36 PM

And you didn't mention his Visa and Mastercard bills. Or that clap he was treated for after he got out of the hospital that time. You're a gentleman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM

You just got the 34,400th post, Rapaire.

Yeah, I didn't want to remind Louie about the boat. I was afraid he might get depressed if I did that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:13 PM

Or his boat. Wait, that sank.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:12 PM

You forgot to mention Louie's car.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 08:27 PM

No, Amos, you have just woken up from an extended dream. All those things you remember about your "life" here were imaginary.

You are not who you think you are.

Your real name isn't Amos. It's Louie. Louie Troutfriend.

You are an assembly line worker at a poultry processing plant. You work day after day handling filthy, disgusting chicken carcasses that go by ceaselessly on a noisy conveyor belt. You have handled over 3 trillion of these pathetic dead chickens by now, and have also been exposed to a simply inconceivable number of bacteria and pathogens in so doing.

It was cumulative blood poisoning from all the crap in the chicken processing plant that finally caused you to become ill, lapse into a coma, and dream up your supposed existence as a pretentious wordsmith on an internet forum called Mudcat Cafe.

You are not a wordsmith. Your greatest talent is chugging 3 beers in under a minute and a half at the local bar on Friday nights and doing a ventriloquism act through your belly button with a George Bush action figure.

You have a wife who used to be in the roller derby, but she had to quit after getting pregnant and miscarrying for the 4rth time.

You have $120 in the bank and owe the bank about $13,000. Your job at the chicken processing plant has been given in your absence to an illegal immigrant named Alfonso...poor bastard! I pity him.

You and Alfonso are both shit out of luck. I suggest volunteering for something...but I'm not sure what.

Well, chin up, old chap...it could be worse! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM

39F?? What happened?? Did Hell freeze over while I was otherwise engaged?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:59 PM

Ah, Mother, it is 39F outside right now, a blue sky and white clouds. And Mom -- a week from today I'll be in Albequerque, cruising New Mexico, looking for Henry McCarty, Elfuego Baca and Geronimo (I'm trying to get a band together).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:54 PM

Sorry I haven't been in to give you a boost till now, MOM. It's almost spring like so I've been doing a little work around the house and yard. You can open the front door and leave the screen door locked and if you'll also open that window on the upstairs landing it will improve the indoor air quality immeasureably. It was a mistake to cook all of that chile for the guys before we could ventilate the house better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 10:29 AM

You're quite right, Stilly, they were never in doubt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 12:34 AM

No, I am not; while I agree with the sentiment in general, I founded the Temple with a commitment to transcend the ordinary barriers to mystic contemplation, not the scurrilous flesh-mongering of the Internet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 10:31 PM

LH, I don't think boobs were ever in doubt. This one comes from a site called Boobs are great. I wonder if Amos is on the board of directors here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 10:02 PM

You act as if BS's decision was my fault. I only know these things because there is very, very little hidden from The Librarians.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 06:42 PM

Boy...(shaking head)...you are a sad case, Rapaire. Sad. It stirs pity in my compassionate breast when I am confronted with your bizarre ravings and delusions.

gnu - I agree that it's a bit scary, that picture. I like this one much better:

Such a sweetie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 05:57 PM

LH, face it: Winona (as he's now called) was originally The Shatner. A few hormones, a surgeon with a scalpel or jackknife...and there you have it.

If you don't believe me, why have you never seen them together??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:37 PM

LH... that's kinda scarey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM

Push-up bras don't count!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 02:40 PM

Farewell Rosey, my little donkey, who trudged on the wheel of the donkey engine! Fare thee well in the big cruel world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 02:17 PM

Goodbye, Calamity Jane!! Go drip your odiferous diesel drops on someone else's driveway!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:18 PM

Moonglow was looking good last night, and the costumes she designed for the play worked well.

Rap, I sent your donkey engine to a logging museum on an old skid road in the western Cascades. They were thrilled to have it. Now my driveway looks less like something the insurance company will condemn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:13 AM

I can't see enough of that guy in the picture to be able to offer any opinion on his breasts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:11 AM

Regarding her supposed lack of breasts...

Don't you mean "his"??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:06 AM

This means war, Janie. I do not permit people to say things like that about Winona!

Regarding her supposed lack of breasts...

Winona on the movie set...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:45 AM

Shatner, smatner.

Sum Yung Sun and I have discovered the Stargate series and are rushing to get through 6 or 7 seasons of SG-1 before they are deleted by Hulu.

Winona is a wimp and not worthy to be called "woman."

Real women have hips, tits, stretchmarks and cellulite!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:29 AM

No, Woody Allen, pre-nose job, was Woody Woodpecker (a name given to him for a certain physical characteristic reminiscent of Pinocchio pre-realboyhood).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:35 PM

Right......

And Woody Allen used to be Rosie O'Donnel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:32 PM

That, my good man, is because Winona Ryder used to be William Shatner. The person who currently passes for Mr. Shatner is a body double (or triple, or quadruple), hired to prevent the truth from becoming known.


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