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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 03 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 08:40 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 04:24 AM
Acme 03 Jul 08 - 12:58 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 12:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 11:49 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 06:46 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 04:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 12:21 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 11:53 AM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM
Acme 02 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jul 08 - 11:43 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 11:09 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 10:47 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 07:25 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 07:21 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 07:16 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 08 - 06:19 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 06:14 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 08 - 05:32 PM
Acme 01 Jul 08 - 05:31 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 04:55 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 08 - 01:45 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 01:40 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 08 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 12:43 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 11:40 AM
MMario 01 Jul 08 - 11:29 AM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 11:19 AM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 10:14 AM
MMario 01 Jul 08 - 10:05 AM
Acme 01 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 08:36 AM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 11:59 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 08 - 11:24 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 08:32 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM

Try not putting your leg into n-dimensional space all the time, Rapaire. It just encourages him. Really. He probably thinks it's a pork-flavored rabbit or something. Or maybe a lemon-ice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:40 AM

I tried that and just now finished. I ran so fast the nail melted, which ignited the floorboards, and I now have a circular hole about 2 meters across burnt into my floor.

Still didn't prove or disprove anything. And Gluon is humping my leg.

Again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:24 AM

Now, that evokes a really silly picture....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:58 AM

Wouldn't need brakes if you nailed one foot to the floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:27 AM

YEah. But you'd better get your brakes checked before you start out....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:49 PM

If you could run around in a circle fast enough, you'd be able to see your own back. I bet Gluon can do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM

I'll do it after I see the grant money, sir.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM

They didn't bleed or do anything like Bee-Dubya said they would if they actually had backs.

I'll bet you wouldn't either. Try it and let me know, okay? This is Scientific Research with a capital SR and will solve the age-old problem of whether or not we really have something behind us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM

I suppose it is too late for them. Did they have organ donation plan cards in their wallets? I bet you forgot to check, you careless fellow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 06:46 PM

But what about the 23 other people?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:42 PM

Ask your doctor to revise the pain medications. The ones he has you on are not doing you good. Did you go to the vet by mistake, perchance?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:31 PM

Okay, I did that. Nothing happened, so I did it to a bunch of other people. Nothing happened each time.

Obviously we only exist in front.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 02:12 PM

The 5.5" K-Bar should be fine. If you think you need anything bigger than that you're probably looking in one of those funhouse mirrors that stretches and magnifies stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM

The K-Bar in my desk drawer has only a 5.5 inch blade. Is that long enough or should I go buy the larger one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:21 PM

If you think the mirror's lying and telling you there's some part of yourself there that really isn't, just perform this little experiment:

Hold what appears to be the part in question with your left hand. Using your right hand, hack at the questionable part with a K-bar knife. If the part comes off and you begin to bleed profusely, the mirror was telling the truth, more or less. It still may have been lying about the exact appearance of the part, but that will be of little consequence since you'll soon be losing consciousness due to blood loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM

THere was a sage from Idaho
And he desired much to know
If while he watched his front side so,
Was anything behind him?

The answer, said he, I have found.
I'll turn me 'round!
So he turned him 'round.
And 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round;
But he could not see behind him.

"This puzzle I must not let stand!!"
Cried out this most perplex-ed man.
SO he grabbed his ass with both his hands,
Believing it behind him.

But as he stood, supremely smug,
His confidence perceived a bug!
"Perhaps my fingers lie!" The mug
Still yearned to see behind him!

And 'round he turned and bent and whirled
Torquing about like a prancing girl,
WIshing he could, for all the world,
Contrive to see behind him.

Unbalanced, by his massive gut,
He fell, at last, upon his butt,
Which sorely pained him badly, but
At least it was behind him.

Then standing up, all wracked in pain,
A new thought crept into his brain.
"There's proof!!" he cried, at peace again,
Knowing his butt behind him.

Mann de la Scivious-Leer
Grumpy Ribaldry from Sad Bodies
OFf-Color Press, Bangkok, 1989


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:53 AM

Well, as of yesterday morning I AM shy 50 ml. of blood, but the rest of me seems to be present. Or was when I showered this morning.

But that brings up a question: Is there any evidence there is more to you than what you see in front? Mirrors can be fooled, as everyone knows, as people lie. So how do you know??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM

Rapaire:

Your jejeune and slanderous fulminations are without merit, sir; you are a biddy, in a whirl of small businesses and void of substance.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM

If Amos went rough the bend Rapaire was certainly a party to it. I distinctly heard him tell Amos to use a pully, and THEN the planet snapped.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM

Imponderables, Bee-Dubya, are like Amos: you don't want to think about it too much or you'll go completely over the edge and fall off. Poor old Amos did that a while back while thinking about where to put the fulcrum for the lever that was needed to move the Earth; he got confused by the different types of levers he could use and the fulcrum placement for each and well, his tiny little mind snapped. It was a sound similar to a G-string breaking (either kind). Since then it's been fixed, only he's not wound around the peg too tightly, if you take my meaning....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:43 PM

Hi, Mom! I have a question about the word "imponderable". If something is imponderable, how do you know it's imponderable unless you ponder upon it? And if you ponder upon it, then it's not really imponderable, is it? Ponder on that for a while and get back to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:09 PM

Even if youre feelin' scratchy
ANd you do the wicky-wahtchee
It won't chase a thing,
'Cuz this is what we sing:

Yes! We have no Apache
No Apache in Old Idaho!
Yes! We have no APache!
We just don't have any, you know!

We've Shoshone....baloneyQ, they're too hard to shoot!
We got Bannock, Nex Perc?, Blackfeet and Paiute! But

Yes! We have no Apache!

We have no Apache, you know!

(Cowboy Bookman dances sideways off stage left, waving his big white felt Stetson and shaking his spurs and bandanna in time. His horse dances alongside on its rear legs, grinning and tapping its hooves in rhythm. Music fades, lights fade, curtain comes down, alleged crowd goes wild.))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:02 PM

Oooh!! Somebody googled! Somebody gogled!! LOL!

I think that particular expression is common to all three of those.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:48 PM

Besides, are you talking White Mountain, Jicarilla, Chiricaua or what??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:47 PM

Ain't no Apaches around here. Ute, Paiute, Shoshone, Bannock, Nez Perce, Blackfeet and a bunch of others, but no Apache.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:23 PM

I would not expect a Bookmeister from IDaho to know how to spell the APache dialect.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:25 PM

No, that was "Whomp 'em! Whomp 'em! Whomp 'em!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:21 PM

And as the sun slowly set in the West, the plains shuddered to the sound of the steady rhythm: "Wampum..wampum..wampum.."...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:16 PM

Out on the rez they dance to teepeed tunes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM

I feel like I am watching Sesame Street, where the inane from reality meet the insane from fiction and they all dance to tepid tunes.

And a VUN and a TWO.....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 06:19 PM

Shane is planning to eliminate Rapaire permanently when he gets out of jail, Amos. Maybe you should forward a contribution toward his bail. Send it to Don McBride in Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 06:14 PM

Well the surfing did not in any way inspire me to pee myself, so it is just as well your perfervid imagination, into which I shall not further enquire, was duly bridled in this case.

And to be completely, excessively frank, even the vision of a rabid Beaver ploting ultimate revenge on my naked soul does not perturb my bladder, or my urinary sphincter, in the least.

Now, Rapaire, with his mega-arsenal and his dedication to the fine art of human slaughter disguised as mild-mannered bibliophilia---that scares me some. But I won't let it lead me to peeing until I am among his treasured stacks.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 05:32 PM

Nothing like a little humour for Canada Day, eh? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 05:31 PM

Funny, I wouldn't have thought this would make you pee yourself. I actually edited my remarks the other day about your kayak surfing trip--THAT'S when I could see you peeing on yourself and I initially wrote about it. But decided I didn't want to embarrass you. :)

In 1958 I was three for most of the year, then turned four.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 04:55 PM

ROFLMAO!! Oh, darn, I gave them all away!! I am naked in your crosshairs!! Terror!!! Panic!!! Oh, WOE!!! LOL!!!


I am sooo scared I think I shall pee myself. Or maybe it was the laughing...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 01:45 PM

LOL!

Well, thank you for the fullsome reaction.

No, the official Shock and Awe thing has not yet begun. I was just doing some preliminary recon missions to check out your defences.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 01:40 PM

That's it??? IS that your stunning, sweeping, irrefutable rhetorical blow? This is you verbal shock and awe??????

Mmmf.

Hummmm,,,,mffff. Ha.

Ummmmm...ok....mmmmwwmmmf...haha...mmmf. pppphhhhhhtttt....


MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Oh, I am...lesseee....DESTROYED!! I am....lemme think here...EMULSIFIED!!! SHATTERED!!! BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS.mmmmf...wwffff....mwha...mwahaha...

Mmmmffff...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Oh, good one, Sir Hawk.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 01:33 PM

Amos, if most people had to look at what you do in the mirror each morning just after rising, then they would truly know the meaning of suffering!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:43 PM

Hey. In 1958 I was also 13 years old (I think that's how the math works out anyway).

You insultin' me? You insultin' me? You dissin' me? Huh? You lookin' for trouble?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:40 AM

ALways quick to grasp the important part, eh, Sir Emm?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:29 AM

Amos you old fart - you're an older fart then I thought you was!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:19 AM

I was thirteen years old in May of 1958. AT that time, ALdous Huxley, the author of Brave New World, the most insightful examination of propoganda, double-think, newspeak, and the reframing of history ever seen, was on television with the remarkable interviewer, Mike Wallace.

In that interview Huxley very adroitly described the dangers to individual freedom brought about by the abuse of media and the art of media manipulation to bring about a regime of concentrated power.

The interview is here in the U. of Texas archives.

One page up on the site is an amazing collection of interviews by Wallace of all the major luminaries and other salient figures of the 1950s. It is a cultural treasure trove. It includes transcripts, video and audio files.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:14 AM

Look, guys, I appreciate the efforts, really I do. It is awful kind of you to go to such lengths to increase my level of suffering and so on. You shouldn't take it personally if I am not suffering in result of said efforts. It's not you, it's me...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:05 AM

I'm lost. Amos, were you rude? Rapaire, did you provoke Amos, AGAIN?

LH is going on strike? what for? Can't be better working conditions, or higher wages; because MOAB is the bestest working conditions and he doesn't get paid.

Hi Stilly!

Say, has Janie moved yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM

He zipped it on the fly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 09:45 AM

Rude? You did zip up your fly after reading my post, didn't you?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 08:36 AM

You're suffering because I'm going to ask my Second, MMario, to ask you to explain your rudeness. If your answer is unsatisfactory We Will Proceed.

(MMario, could you do that please? Thanks.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 11:59 PM

Oh, wait!! What??? I forgot to suffer!! Oh, darn, I'm sorry, Little Hawk, really. It just slipped my mind. Remind me why I am suffering, would you? I want to do this right...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 11:24 PM

Don't worry. He's suffering the tortures of the damned wondering when I am going to strike.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:32 PM

'Tis o'er. The tea 'tis o'er. I didn't spill anything and everything I said was nice and polite.

Unlike Amos, who said bad things about me and who should be punished by being grounded for a zillion jillion weeks.


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