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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 30 Jun 08 - 07:43 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 05:44 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 08 - 04:47 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 04:25 PM
Acme 30 Jun 08 - 03:59 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 02:40 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 08 - 01:49 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 01:23 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 08 - 01:13 PM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 01:09 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 01:08 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 01:03 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 12:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jun 08 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 12:15 PM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 10:14 AM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 10:12 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM
Amos 30 Jun 08 - 09:43 AM
Acme 30 Jun 08 - 09:33 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jun 08 - 09:18 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 09:01 AM
MMario 30 Jun 08 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 30 Jun 08 - 08:52 AM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 11:57 PM
Acme 29 Jun 08 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 08 - 11:06 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 09:24 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 07:38 PM
Amos 29 Jun 08 - 01:05 PM
Acme 29 Jun 08 - 11:00 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 08 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 08 - 10:54 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jun 08 - 04:21 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jun 08 - 03:07 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 02:57 PM
Acme 28 Jun 08 - 02:41 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 02:15 PM
Amos 28 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 08 - 10:33 AM
Acme 28 Jun 08 - 01:56 AM
Amos 27 Jun 08 - 11:31 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 08 - 05:26 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 07:43 PM

Ha ha ha....even as I write, Rapaire is putting on his forced smile, raising his bone china cup up with one finger delicately raised, and trying to say something nice to the lady who wants to donate ten hunnert grand to the books for little childrens fund. Poor bugger doesn't realize he left his fly open all the while.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 07:29 PM

Mom!! Rapaire is printing in red for NO APPARENT REASON!!!!!!


Ah, well. 'Chagonnadew, yanowodahmeen?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 05:44 PM

Look, I have to go to a bloody TEA right now. One with silver tea pots and everything.

LH, take over!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 04:47 PM

Boy, I bet the tension you're under is unbearable, eh, Amos? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 04:25 PM

Oh, all right, it was over the top, but Rapaire was being intentionally provicative and mean, too.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 03:59 PM

Amazing how this thread gets rolling along sometimes. I do think the red was a bit over the top. ALL CAPS and BOLD were enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 02:40 PM

Yes, please do. I am a bit overfull just now, and a little sweat would do me some good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:49 PM

"Insensate"??? You wound me, sir! Now, if you had said "non-sartorial" I might be inclined to let it pass...but this is just too much. I am now planning a brilliant counterattack which will send you reeling off in utter disarray. I'm going to let you sweat for awhile, though, before I launch it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:23 PM

That's not panic-mongering, you insensate dweeb!! It's barely-suppressed indignation and irritation!! Can't you READ?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:13 PM

Amos is panic-mongering again! (Note his flagrant use of large red lettering to excite and terrorize the impressionable masses...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:09 PM

Recitation being preferable to rendering. The latter tends to make things a bit messy....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:08 PM

Oh. come now Mister Librarian. Surely even you know that "piano recitals" are not the same as recitations of text. Thus, too with vocal performances. Mom!!!! Rapaire is being INTENTIONALLY OBTUSE again!!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 01:03 PM

I thought Foster was supposed to be sung, not just recited. But it might have been best....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:59 PM

Upset!! I should say so!! He came on stage, right at the start of Act II, dressed up as Alfredo, and by rights, ready to launch into a spirited rendition of De' miei bollenti spiriti.

Well, much to the surprise and dismay of Vienna's finest society, he stops mid-stride, has some sort of petit mal, turns to the audience and starts belting out "Hard Times, Come Again No mOre". I tell ya, it was a major scandal!!

They ran him out of town, and he had to take the boat-train to England that night, and from there the packet ship to New York, and finally ended up in a small cottage in the woods outside Manchester, New Hampshire, where it took him several weeks to recuperate.

Then he was struck with inspiration, and started earning his living doing Steven Foster recitals and, as I say, won the heart of American families everywhere.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:50 PM

There's an Ono Island down on the Gulf right at the Florida/Alabama border, but it doesn't really qualify as a three-letter town because "Island" is part of its name. I'd never be able to actually get on the place anyway. It's one of those gated communities where everybody's a millionaire. They have guards with Mace, M-16s, trained attack dogs, stun grenades, and small tactical nuclear weapons. If you don't have an "Ono Island Resident" sticker on your windshield or your name on a pre-approved list submitted by a resident, you ain't gettin' on the place. Telling a guard, "Aw man, I just wanna see where Kenny Stabler lives!" won't do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM

He left right in the middle of Traviata? Weren't the producers upset? What about his contract?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 12:15 PM

++blush++

Thanks, man.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 10:14 AM

that pun was bad enough to make a skunk retch!

(I'm really envious - wish I could think that fast)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 10:12 AM

It was challenging, but, my friend, my fellow MOABite, it was Mom's need and wish that drove my hand. With our Mom in want, how could I do less?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM

Amos! How could you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:43 AM

It was named after Oso L'Ommio, the renowned operatic tenor who, in midcareer, abandoned La Traviata for the collected works of Stephen Foster, and won the heart of a youthful America.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:33 AM

Head straight for the Pacific Northwest and swing by the wide spot in the road on the way to Darrington from Arlington, a town called Oso that used to have a nifty old school (and that's about all). Odd in the heart of Norwegian/Swede/German pioneer territory with Salish-language Indians around and next door to a bunch of Tarheels escaped from the withering forests in North Carolina that someone would name it "Oso" instead of "Bear" is beyond us, but they did, and it's still there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:18 AM

Hi, Mom! I have a new goal in life! Well, it's not really a goal, it's more of a diversion. Okay, so it's not really a diversion either, it's more of a stupid idea.

Anyway, my stupid idea is to visit as many US towns with three-letter names as humanly possible. Just this past weekend I went through Opp and Ino in Alabama. I've driven past Ina, Illinois on I-57 once or twice. I wonder if Ina and Ino are brother and sister?

Anyway, I'll get right on the pursuit of this lofty goal as soon as gasoline comes back down to 40˘ per gallon so I can afford to do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:12 AM

we were rural, small town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 09:01 AM

The average story hour here runs about 50 kids....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:59 AM

Fond memories of library story hours; of course it wasn't that much different from staying at home because we (sibs and I) were usually 90% or more of the attendees - but at least it was a chnage of scenery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:53 AM

And, of course, breathing apparatus.

24242.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 08 - 08:52 AM

Well, I'll be in informal Summer Attire, so to speak. Normally I wear a shirt and tie (and shoes with socks). Except for Story Hours, when I don full riot gear under plate armor -- if you've ever seen a library story hour you'd understand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:57 PM

Well, it's not that I haven't paid my dues around the ole homestead, I do assure you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:08 PM

Boy, I'd love to see it when they REALLY dress up at the Marshall Public Library! This casual dress is just a hint of what is to come, methinks.

So Amos, you were surfing in the kayak, is that what you were trying to tell us? Were you tied into your boat so you couldn't fall out?

Either way you had more fun than I did today. Cutting down a tree (I have several hackberry candidates I can name in the back yard) or hiking is better than cleaning kitchen cupboards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:06 PM

I do hope that your remarks about "color" are not to be construed as racist. I have enough problem in laudromats with signs that say, "Separate Your Whites And Coloreds".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 10:31 PM

AS usual, Rapaire's perspective is like a cracked prism; it comes out wonky on the other side, slanted with mixedup colors and screwy bandwidth.

The day will come, Bookman, when you will eat those very words, with a light sauce.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM

Well, let's see.

This morning Pat and I cut down the tree in the front yard. We planted flowers and mowed the lawn. Yesterday I got out all of my summer clothes (finally!) and we did some shopping -- got another fan for the basement, for instance. Right now she's unloading the dryer and I put away (sorta) the tools we needed with the chain saw (which is going in for servicing).

Tomorrow at 4 p.m. I have to attend a Library tea. Silver tea set and all. I think I'll wear my leather codpiece, mask, and boots and carry my bullwhip.

Mom, you know, Amos talks about his kayak but he only talks the talk. If he were a real kayaker he'd have run Hell's Canyon by now. He'd have an umiak or a baidarka, preferably one he'd made himself from walrus hide and sealskin and things like that. And he'd epitomize the meaning of "kayak" as "man's boat" -- but no, he buys his and wimps out by using it in the gentle waters around San Diego when he KNOWS Real Men kayak the Davis Straits or the Bering Sea or runs Hell's Canyon (not the placid Grand Canyon!). I just wanted to give you a little perspective on his talking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 09:24 PM

Aw, Mooooom....c'mon now. Don't be like that. Somebody wants to come listen to ya. I'm sure of it...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 07:38 PM

Mom:

Jeeze -- don't start swooning, now!!

Later Saturday we took friends to the long wide-open sand beach at Torry Pines, and then drove up to the top of the buffs and hiked about three miles along the wilderness region on the bluffs.

I was aching and groaning by the time I got to bed, but I am better today! Up you go, mom!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 01:05 PM

Hi, Mom!

Saturday I returned before dawn to the long beach at La Jolla shores, and drove out onto the sand and unloaded my kayak -- a bright yellow plastic sausage with designer curves-- from the roof rack with much grunting and cussing, and after all necessary rituals, went forth paddling heartily, through the surf, slicing the waves with my bold little prow, onto the deep waters beyond the offshore beds of wide-leafed kelp. The fingerlings flip and flitter near the water's surface, the deep breathing of the ocean itself rises and falls; an occasional harbour seal comes by, breathing noisily. The stillness of deep water is entrancing, in a way, although nothing there is still. It is more the sound of quietude, that steadies the nerves the way a mother's heartbeat does to an infant.

Retuning from my wanderings on the water, paddling in toward shore I could see the breaking surf as a faint white line of foam, and feel the march of the waves rising and falling under me, as they headed toward their crashing destiny on the shoreline.

You could just sit there and wait, let the waves carry you in, and in the end, swing and drift beam onto the crest, until the rollers threw you out, crashing and tumbling in the mix of sea and sand and shards of kelp, onto the saving shoulders of the shoreline.
But you don't.

You insist on doing things to control your fate. You study the timing of the foam, watch how the water moves out after each crash, look for the moments, and feel the rhythm of the sets as they rise under your stern. You use your paddle to keep your prow intersecting the line, like an arrow crossing a bowstring, until you think you have found the right moment. Then, you reach and pull and paddle like a fool, accelerating toward the shore from the startled water where the surf first begins to form, just as another wave moves in under you to make its fatal approach to the sands. You paddle madly and find you are lifted up, going faster, faster than any human could ever paddle, lifted by the hand of God like a toy boat, fighting the back of the wave to keep yourself straight. If you turn, you will roll, and in these moments that is anathema. You stroke wider and stronger, fighting the swerve, and the crest picks you up neatly and you are in the slot, and the break comes out from under and you launch into the shallows like an arrow truly shot, the paddle aloft in triumph as your prow cuts through shallows, riding the wave out straight and true, and the slope comes up to welcome you home on the rustling sand, and the waters recede again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 11:00 AM

When I was a kid we tried putting buttered bread with a huge load of cayenne pepper on the edge of the kitchen counter to teach the dog to stop snatching food off of the counter (this was an English pointer mix). He would slobber and drool up a storm but would come back for more if you'd butter and pepper it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 09:20 AM

It's not a pleasant thing to contemplate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 10:54 PM

Even see a dachshund who's partaken of habanero salsa?

Even see a Saturn V gettin' up and goin'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 04:21 PM

Oh, they'd give that a try, I'm sure. But they might find the Salsa too spicy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 03:49 PM

Well, the Tappett Brothers could feed them an occasional worn out pump gasket with a little salsa on it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 03:07 PM

My dachshunds would enjoy hanging around the back porch too...specially if there is food to be had.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:57 PM

It would be really fine to have Click and Clack haunting the 'Cat. Maybe when they retire. They could trade notes with Spaw.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:41 PM

Amazing that those two haven't long since discovered the comfortable back porch here at the MOAB establishment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 02:15 PM

In other news, Martin Guitar has just released their next Great American Instrument, the "Click and Clack Tappett Brothers -- Don't Drive Like My Brother Bluegrass Guitar". It's a winner. See the "Car Talk Today" thread of this date for a YouTube link to listen to the Brothers playing "Good Ole Mountain Dew" in fine bluegrass style.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM

Don't take much...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 10:33 AM

What a name for a pop song: "Who let the skeeters in?"

Dang, I'm a-gonna be famouser!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 01:56 AM

Mom, stay comfortable out here on the sleeping porch tonight. Good thing you had the boys replace the mesh to keep the mosquitoes out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 11:31 PM

Thanks...I stole it....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 08 - 05:26 PM

LOL!!!

Nice alternative version of Appomatox, Amos. Being somewhat of a Southern sympathizer in some ways, I like it.


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