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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 22 Jul 06 - 06:37 PM
Bunnahabhain 22 Jul 06 - 04:40 PM
Acme 22 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM
Rustic Rebel 22 Jul 06 - 02:44 AM
Amos 22 Jul 06 - 01:17 AM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 11:53 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM
Amos 21 Jul 06 - 08:56 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 08:08 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 07:17 PM
Amos 21 Jul 06 - 06:35 PM
Rapparee 21 Jul 06 - 03:14 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 12:09 PM
MMario 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 06 - 11:19 AM
Amos 21 Jul 06 - 10:25 AM
Acme 20 Jul 06 - 10:51 PM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 05:10 PM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 06 - 03:09 PM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 02:51 PM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 02:44 PM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 02:36 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 06 - 01:02 PM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 09:48 AM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 08:14 AM
Acme 19 Jul 06 - 11:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jul 06 - 11:09 PM
Acme 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 06 - 06:22 PM
Amos 19 Jul 06 - 05:40 PM
Acme 19 Jul 06 - 04:56 PM
Amos 19 Jul 06 - 03:42 PM
MMario 19 Jul 06 - 11:37 AM
Rapparee 19 Jul 06 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 19 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM
MMario 19 Jul 06 - 10:49 AM
MMario 19 Jul 06 - 10:46 AM
Acme 19 Jul 06 - 10:41 AM
MMario 19 Jul 06 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 19 Jul 06 - 09:36 AM
MMario 18 Jul 06 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 06 - 03:59 PM
Acme 18 Jul 06 - 02:18 PM
MMario 18 Jul 06 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 06 - 12:38 PM
Acme 18 Jul 06 - 10:52 AM
Amos 18 Jul 06 - 09:25 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 06:37 PM

I'm glad you stopped in to see MOM before you headed out to mingle with the chaps on the boob thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 04:40 PM

I'm Back! Glad to see nothing changes round here...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 02:44 AM

You call upon a child that seems to know the night
was not of a circumstance but of brilliant foresight
Seeing is not a sense that was needed
for this:::
I believe you are a sore for sight eyes,
That's what I want for the frontal lobatomy of the spatula that ran a straight line wind
into my pancake pan, and
ran inside a cascade of three plus two plus one
who is the son
of the realm of the:::
math--e--mat--ic--one?
Can't spin a web:::
but thought I would like to be a spider.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 01:17 AM

I know that when the night breeze swoops down
And covers Texas with permission
To leave the ordinary forms, to drown
In explosions of discovery and imagining
That you, in the first heart of your drowsy takeoff into sleep
Are the first in line,
The first of many who
Call the thrill back from the night.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:53 PM

'Night, Mom! The kids aren't here so I can just go to bed when I want to, not after I've nagged them into turning off the tv and computer and go to their rooms!

What an exciting life I lead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM

Did you overdo the tumps, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:56 PM

Tiddle Tump! Tiddle Tump! Tiddle tump-tump-tump-tump-tump-TEE-tump!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM

And the dash for 13331 is on. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:08 PM

Someone's gotta do it. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:17 PM

Aw, how sweet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:35 PM

I pity the poor libraaariannnn
Who sits there in the cold
His building open to the sky
Who is also growing old
Who wanders in his books all day
And finds too much to say
And dewey-minded wanders home
At the end of every day.

I pity the libraaariannn
Whose world fills with the lines
Of deathless prose and death-like facts
Borrowed from other minds;
Whose time is measured by the page
When his heart yearns to be free
And slowly grows upon an age
When there's nothing else to be.

A man who rightly would prefer
To be upon the range,
Or riding with the Legionaires
Must find it passing strange
That he once knew freedom's might
Stepping out upon the world
Now reads himself to sleep each night,
To dream of sails unfurled.

Of open seas, and mighty foes,
And deeds so bravely done!
Of nights upon the jungle's breast
Where the native girls do run,
Of distant islands in the sun,
Where the tropic breezes blow,
Who turns to sleep, then, with a sigh,
With nothing else to know.

Sam B. Dillon
Coffee Shoppe Aires of Oldene Dayes
Winsome, Sweete, Fayre and Blande
Rye, New York, 2002


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:14 PM

Well, Mom, I thought I'd posted something but I guess it went to The Big Bit Bucket In The Sky.

An old librarian went posting on one dark and windy day
Upon his chair he rested as he posted in his way
When all at once a mighty batch of good BS he wrote
A-threadin' through the MOAB and gettin' everybody's goat.

It's content was sweet and pure, for naught would that man steal
The print was black and shiny and its good sense he feel
But bolt of fear went through him as he clicked upon "Submit"
For he knew that sometime lately the poster would be bit.

Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi yaaaaay
Bit Buckets in the sky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:09 PM

I hope you're not planning to breed any of these plasma giants. It would tear up the whole golf course behind Rapaire's house, for example. At the very least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM

WAs it a difficult delivery?
How large is a plasma monitor at birth?
Are they difficult to breed?
What is the length of the gestation?
Do you need to feed the mother-to-be on a special diet?
What bloodlines to you reccomend?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:19 AM

Well, he said in all humility, I have had delivered just this week a 42" plasma monitor. For the Library, not for myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:25 AM

The image of huge fiberglass statues of nurses with IV rigs int heir hands, towering over the front lawn of the local General hospital, comes to mind.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:51 PM

Rapaire, how about the study of plasma giants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:10 PM

Not to mention microgastroeconomics, the study of financial bullshit after it has been swallowed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:29 PM

too true, Rapaire. People tend to get that branch of science confused with Gastroeconomics - the study of celestial bodies on the money market; just as they confuse astronomy and astrology.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:09 PM

Isn't gastronomics the study of plasma and gas giants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:51 PM

It does get confusing, especially with the price of gastronomics turnng astronomical.

The actual collection in which I found the afore-mentioned gem was "Post-Factum Gastronomy and Epicureal By Products", sub-titled 'Poems of Wasting and Wanting Not' edited by E.P. Keure.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:44 PM

Well, I wasn't sure, Amos. It could have been from G. Ourmet's "Ode to an Omnivore's Universe".

I tend to get OUrmond and Ourmet confused. They are so similar except for personal taste.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:36 PM

I mighta known I couldn't slide one past your keen eye, MM!! Good spotting.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 01:02 PM

There was a young sea bass named Clyde
Who fell down a privy and died
His twin brother Arthur
Fell down another
And now they'r interred side-by-slide.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM

That's a qoute from G. Ourmond's 'Caloric Eulogies' is it not, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:48 AM

Ye who from the seas are drawn,
To the seas must now return
All your scales and bones now gone,
In a sewer, not an urn.
Ashes and dust, for men of words,
But you shall be sent off as turds
Into the seas, to rest, and then
Perhaps to become a fish again.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 08:14 AM

The operation was successful, the patient died - and will be ingested interred at a private ceremony at the family home, 5 pm firday. Lemon and tartar sauce suggested in lieu of cash memorials.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:23 PM

Ah, yes. . ."The operation was a success, but the patient died. . ."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:09 PM

Fish surgery is nothing new. I've removed life-threatening fillets from more fish than I'd care to count.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM

Dy-no-mite!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 06:22 PM

I have nominated this research for an Ignobel Prize; the submission has been acknowledge by the Ignobel Prize committee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 05:40 PM

I think I'll never meet, or can
A sturgeon nimble as a man
For sturgeons often act quite dumb
And haven't an opposable thumb
Which means, to me, a man's the best
If hit with cardiac arrest,
Or if my belly wall should schism
Or brain stall from an aneurism.
But to be cut up inside a fish,
Why then a sturgeon'd be my wish,
Not for his skill in matters surgical
Nor for his thoughts on things liturgical
But for his talents speaking Sturgical.

Joan Anada Wale,
Rhymes of an Abused Christian
Ole, Thyme, Relidge and Gyimidat,
Madison, WI, 1951


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 04:56 PM

For fish surgery one would use a sturgeon.

re: the Ellie May remark, I just thought that that television show had good talent that went to waste in such a trite storyline. Buddy Ebsen and Nancy Culp in particular. What were they thinking?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 03:42 PM

How do they get the surgeon in there? Is this related to the Jonah Syndrome?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:37 AM

surgical procedures can be performed safely in fish.

This is indeed stupendous news of the highest and most important sort! Why think of the thousands upon thousands of people who have, until now, languished in despair, because they could not have their surgical procedures performed safely in their family fish.

After all, it is much less costly to have the surgery performed in fish - have you seen the cost of operating rooms lately? And I'm sure that the recuperation would go better in fish then in hospitals. Fish are living, careing entities, hospitals are dead, architechtural structures incapable of nurturing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:31 AM

Good Lord! This is important! Please read it very carefully, as you never know when you might need this information!



Surgical removal of a seminoma from a black sea bass.

Weisse C, Weber ES, Matzkin Z, Klide A.

Department of Clinical Studies, School of Veterinary Medicine, University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia 19104-6010, USA.

An adult black sea bass was examined because of abdominal distention and decreased appetite. A large abdominal swelling was evident and was firm on palpation. Differential diagnoses included neoplasia, abscess or granuloma, hematoma, or swim bladder abnormality. Diagnostic tests included survey radiography, positive-contrast radiography, and computed tomography. The sea bass was anesthetized with tricaine methanesulfonate. A ventral midline abdominal incision was made, and adhesions to the mass were gently dissected. The fish recovered without complications. Radiography was repeated 8 weeks after surgery, and there was no evidence of mass regrowth. To the authors' knowledge, this is the first report of a barium enema being performed in a fish. Although surgical procedures are performed more commonly on fish for research, a few reports of clinical surgical cases have been described. Our experience supports the conclusions of other reports that certain surgical procedures can be performed safely in fish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM

I've experienced what appeared to be the sound of a ball bat hitting the pillow next to my head. Turned out it was only my brother, trying to bash me again. I took the bat away and went back to sleep; he sat up all night crying and lamenting his bad aim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:49 AM

an inspired post to the Democracy in forums thread


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:46 AM

stilly you lost me on that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:41 AM

It was amazing the talent that went to waste in that program.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:49 AM

I could watch Ellie Mae for quite some time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:36 AM

Much of what CH says is sensible. Much of what Shambles says is sensible and coherent. Much of what Hubby says is good sense. Much of what MG said is true. Claymore is right. Much of what George W. Bush, our President and Supreme Leader, says is correct. Anything else is claptrap, senseless moaning and complaining and whining, and that is against the Federal Anti-complaining Restrictions Tariff (FART). You are subject to FART and cannot complain. If you bitch, cajole, complain, whine, or act perform any similar deed no matter how remotely associated with the expression of dissatisfaction you will be arrested, found guilty, tried, imprisoned, and slammed into maximum solitary confinement where your only contact with humanity will be the enforced watching of "Leave It To Beaver" and "The Beverly Hillbillies" until you either commit suicide or kill yourself, whichever comes first (FART, Chapter 7, Section A, Paragraphs 13-18, as amended). All of your property, spouses, offspring, and extended family defaults to the State of course, and will be sold to help pay off the National Debtor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 04:03 PM

I have just experienced the strangest moment.

yes, stranger then watching Gluon dance with rabbits (there's a movie in there somewhere, tho, I do think). (Funny, I never knew Gluon could tango!)

I find myself agreeing with Clinton Hammond.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 03:59 PM

Here, Gluon Gluon Gluon. C'mere you mangy old duckdog! That's a good doggie. Okay, you see those rabbits? KILL!!








No, you stupid...don't dance with them!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 02:18 PM

Give them a sporting chance--let my dogs chase them (I don't think these dogs could catch a rabbit, but you never know.) Still, it would give the rabbits second thoughts about inhabiting the yard (though our regular mama bunny has had at least two batches in the front yard so far this year. I think she usually manages three a year).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 12:41 PM

the baby bunnies do grow up to become rabbits and they eat my flowers and then

yes - Baby Bunnies are cute, and nice and well, pleasant, and they should be cared for, nurtured and appreciated.

Unfortunately they do, as Rapaire has said, become vile vicious lily-eating RODENTS! every single one of which should be shot on site, maimed, killed, tortured and then seriously hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 12:38 PM

Swords? Guns? Ihave no swords or guns. Tsk, tsk, to think that I, a peaceful and caring 21st Century type guy, would have a sword or a gun. I have a love of nature and peace, and I rejoice in butterflies and kittens and baby bunnies, even though the baby bunnies do grow up to become rabbits and they eat my flowers and then I get so angry I could take ever one of them little @!$!!s and wring their &%#@!! necks with my bare hands and then there are the neighbor kids and they run through the yard and if I ever got my hands on those little bastards I'd...pant...pant...let me get my breath a moment.

No, I'm nonviolent and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 10:52 AM

Very elegant responses! Nice!

I wonder if Rap put away the swords and guns so Pat won't trip over them as she reaquaints herself with the house? She's going to need some time to think and maybe sew a beautiful quilt as she sorts things out. Wouldn't want to get gun oil on the quilt squares, it'd never come out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 09:25 AM

The conscience of the world is not as you or I;
It hears and sees in other ways.
It knows the height of every sky
And the rate of dreaming and the cost of pain,
And the length of days.
Windows without number in a house of many mansions,
Unconcerned with our measures, names, or scansions.
But if anything can be called true, it is this:
The conscience of the world is.

A


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