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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 Apr 06 - 12:00 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 15 Apr 06 - 11:49 AM
Acme 15 Apr 06 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 15 Apr 06 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Apr 06 - 09:03 PM
Amos 14 Apr 06 - 08:26 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 06:21 PM
Acme 14 Apr 06 - 06:16 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 14 Apr 06 - 05:23 PM
Bunnahabhain 14 Apr 06 - 05:12 PM
Little Hawk 14 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM
MOAB 14 Apr 06 - 04:48 PM
Amos 14 Apr 06 - 04:14 PM
MMario 14 Apr 06 - 03:16 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 03:14 PM
Little Hawk 14 Apr 06 - 02:37 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 01:10 PM
MMario 14 Apr 06 - 12:34 PM
Acme 14 Apr 06 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 11:26 AM
MMario 14 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM
Acme 14 Apr 06 - 10:16 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Apr 06 - 09:54 AM
MMario 14 Apr 06 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 09:40 AM
MMario 14 Apr 06 - 09:36 AM
Acme 14 Apr 06 - 09:36 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Apr 06 - 09:30 AM
Rapparee 14 Apr 06 - 09:21 AM
MMario 14 Apr 06 - 08:54 AM
Amos 14 Apr 06 - 01:01 AM
Acme 13 Apr 06 - 11:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Apr 06 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 06 - 09:00 PM
Amos 13 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM
MOAB 13 Apr 06 - 06:39 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 06 - 06:36 PM
MOAB 13 Apr 06 - 06:36 PM
Amos 13 Apr 06 - 06:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Apr 06 - 05:03 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 06 - 04:00 PM
MMario 13 Apr 06 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 06 - 03:47 PM
Amos 13 Apr 06 - 03:36 PM
Acme 13 Apr 06 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 06 - 09:06 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Apr 06 - 08:30 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 12:00 PM

Words like "praying"??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM

any more words like that, and a greenwoodside or such like will suddenly appear, and someone will find themselves pregnant or press-ganged into playing a minor role opposite William Shatner....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 11:49 AM

And they all said "Hare Krishna" a lot. And smoked that LSD acid and and dropped that marywanna and said "Groovy" and "Like, far out" and "Wow man!" a lot, too.

I wouldn't know, I wasn't there. I was back in Illinois, working at the college library and playing with the National Guard and going to the beach (at the old gravel pit) and quaffing spiritous liquor, usually better booze than I could actually afford. And praying a lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 11:41 AM

They had all of that long beautiful hair (shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 06 - 10:15 AM

Didn't Mama Lucca run an Italian restaurant in Haight during the Summer Of Love? I think that Richard Broke washed dishes there and sometimes waited on tables.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:27 PM

Down at the bottom is an ad for "Techno Lead & Ball Screw." I don't wanna think what this is.

In an old police ledger here in town is the description of a guy as a "vagrant pimp." I kinda like that description.

I can't call LH anything 'cause Mom said not to. Otherwise I'd call him a Shatner-lover. And a vagrant pimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:03 PM

Don't forget "broke-dick mamalucca", Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 08:26 PM

More like a pod of peas, I expect.

Little Hawk you are a shambles of moral desuetude and frayed and unuseable ethics. You are, in short, a bounder beyond bounds, a cad beyond Cadbury's, and a two-bit shmuck, as well as a rattle-brained fuckwit.

There. I said it. And I am GLAD, you hear me?

Bwahhhaaaaahahahahahahha.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 06:21 PM

Wild rutabagas move in herads??? I didn't know that. Kinda like a pod of whales, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 06:16 PM

Where's Carl Sandburg when you need him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 05:23 PM

Either that or heat up a big pot of water. Fast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 05:12 PM

HIDE! all this talk of shatner ans such like has caused a herad of Wild Rutabaga to stampede this way. Run For the Hills! Run for your lives!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM

Heh! I knew that would curdle your blood with dread, Amos. Fear not, I am keeping that last WMD in reserve unless...unless some unpardonable offence is committed.





(like people taking Shatner's name in vain or showing him less than the appropriate level of respect)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 04:48 PM

Bee-dubya you half-brained fuck-wit! You've accomplished absolutely nothing! First you try to saddle your Mom with the title of "SUCKASS". Then you change it to "SHATNER".

THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME THING, YOU IMBECILE!

Thank God our relationship is strictly a work of fiction because if you were my real son I'd hit you up beside the head with a frying pan!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 04:14 PM

LH:

Don't you goddam dare. Don't you DARE. There are few enduring virtues here in the 'Cat and you threaten a thin thread indeed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 03:16 PM

now, now. It's LH, remeber? we must make allowances.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 03:14 PM

Sanity and good taste? Prevail? At Mom's place????

How DARE you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 02:37 PM

I'm glad to see that sanity and good taste are finally prevailing on this bloated thread. Bravo!

Guys, your checks are in the mail... ;-D

Now the only other thing that needs to be done, besides the renaming, is to get Shambles on here regularly. How do we accomplish that, I wonder?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 01:10 PM

The best way to lie is to tell the complete truth, but in such a way that nobody believes you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 12:34 PM

desensatization. it's happenning all over.

first you whisper it in a teensy silver font - befor eyou know it it's being shouted in 72 point bold all over the internet!

They should never have let Archie Bunker flush that damn toilet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 12:25 PM

I just whispered it in a silver font. I don't think anyone heard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 11:26 AM

So did Beedub. Wash BOTH their mouths out with really strong lye soap and string them up in the hot sun by their thumbs and keelhaul the...no, wait, Stilly might like that stuff. So might Beedub.

Okay, just wash their mouths out with plain old soap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM

! !! !!!



oooooo - SRS said the 'S'- word! MOM - wash her mouth out with soap!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM

But, you see, misspelling "wrong" as "rong" goes well beyond merely negating the stated claim of infallability. It invalidates the entire concept, therefore making the "SHATNER" null, void, and utterly pointless! Look for the subtleties. Look for the innuendos. Look for the double entendres. Look for the union label!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 10:16 AM

Oops, mea culpa. Brain fart. I got that wrong, Leo. I must have opened the screen just large enough to start reading at your post and just blacked out after that. The possibility of a [shudder] Shatner moniker is just too shocking. I lost my head.

Shame on you, BWL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:54 AM

Yes, I spelled "wrong" wrong! That's the whole point! Someone who is never "rong" will always be wrong. What more subtle way of negating a claim of infallability than to build a glaring error into the claim's statement? I am a geenius!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:48 AM

rong -1. v.; past tense of 'to ring'; archaic;
            -2. v.; to make a bad decision - obselete slang
            -3. v.; to achieve (female) sexual orgasm - slang


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:40 AM

You spelled wrong wrong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:36 AM

How the *heck* did LH get ahold of bee-dubya's password?

srs - I'm hurt! I didn't suggest it! bwl did!

unless it realy *was* LH masquerading.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:36 AM

Don't You Dare, MMario!

Little Hawk would be insufferable and I don't think that name can convey the scope and sophistication of MOM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:30 AM

I have it! The perfect name for Mom's new position as head cheese of Mudcat forum moderation!

"Supreme Holy Arbiter That's Never Ever Rong"

You get to work out the acronym for yourselves.

Oh! The subtlety! The innuendo! The double entendre! The bullshit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 09:21 AM

I got my broadheads out and I was running to shoot them and I fell and almost put out my eye! Mom was right -- never run when you're carrying broadheads cuz you could fall and put your eye out and then you might have to wear big thick glasses!

As it is, I just ran it through my arm muscle, but I put a bandaid on it and I didn't cry hardly at all.   Don't tell Mom, okay? I want the scar to be a surprise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 08:54 AM

rapaire! YOu should never shoot at a *passing* cop -- you might annoy their posse; only shoot if they STOP!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 06 - 01:01 AM

BWL:

Couldn't you use a BB gun?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 11:18 PM

I have the same experience with leaves. They're the best way to conceal neighbors' yards who insist on growing nothing but eyesores on their property. They also cut down on the road noise from the highway three blocks north of us.

I like the idea of an acronym, but agree with MOM. Find something elegant, nuanced even, that displays wit and culture along with gritty determination.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 09:33 PM

Hey, Mom! Guess what! I can stand on my deck and not see any heighbors' friggin' security lights through what's left of the woods! Just a couple of weeks ago I could see about twenty of the damned things. Aren't leaves wonderful?

Oops! I'm supposed to still be in my room, huh? Tell ya what, Mom, how about we change the name of that position to something simple like "The All-Knowing Big Cheese" and forget all that acronym crap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 09:00 PM

Hot diggety dog! Dig out the broadheads, boys, Mom said I can shoot something! Let's see...golfers...the neighbor who stole my fence...a passing cop....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM

Hey, Mom:

Can we make a deal? You drop your snit against BWL's minor slip of the tongue, and I'll retract the suggestion you be the Mudcat Suckass and porpose you for Kickass, instead.

Have we got a deal?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 06:39 PM

That's nice, Rapaire. Now go shoot something. I'm still pissed off at Bee-Dubya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 06:36 PM

Hey, Mom! Guess what? A week or so ago we went to The Great Potato Bowl thing and had some really good potato dishes from all these different restaurants. But guess what! There was that Silent Auction, you know? And I didn't even bid on the vodka! In fact, I bid on a membership in the Pocatello Field Archers and Mom? I won!! I was just trying to get the bidding started, too. Anyway, I offered twenty bucks and got a US $75 membership. Now I can go shoot arrows and things at targets.

That's me, Mom. Riflery, fencing, shooting arrows at things...why, it's just like old times when I was 12 or 13!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 06:36 PM

Bee-Dubya, you fuckin' half-wit! Hell no, I won't be the Mudcat "SUCKASS"! Maybe if you'd come up with a more appropriate acronym like "KICKASS" or "JUMPASS" I'd think about it, but your Mom is nobody's SUCKASS! You understand?

You are officially #1 on my shitlist for that one, Bub! Now go to your room and don't come out until I say you can!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 06:18 PM

I canasta, but I have no idea wot she's gonna say back.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 05:03 PM

A MODEST PROPOSAL:

In view of the ongoing controversy regarding the moderation of this forum (and it doesn't matter which "side" you're on, you'll have to admit it's both controversial and ongoing) we propose a petition to be presented before Mr. Max Spiegel calling for the creation of the position of "Supreme Über Can-Kicker and Shit-Stirrer" ("SUCKASS" for short) and we further propose that said position be filled by none other than our own Mom, the Mother of All BS Threads.

Mom is highly qualified for the position "SUCKASS". One of the defenses often held forth for the actions (or lack of actions) of the current crop of moderators is that they're human. Well, Mom certainly doesn't have that problem.

And, like all mothers, Mom is wise and kind, but she don't take no shit off nobody. How many times has Mom said to me, "Bee-Dubya, you fuckin' half-wit..."? (Nevermind that almost everbody at this forum has had "Bee-Dubya, you fuckin' half-wit..." cross his lips at some point.)

What say you, Mom? Will you run if nominated? Will you serve if elected? Will you challenge Martin Gibson to a winner-take-all game of Canasta? No, wait! Canasta's four-hands, isn't it? How about tiddly-winks?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 04:00 PM

That's Mom, dodging and weaving....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 03:58 PM

it's *nasty* out there.
I'm glad we can come back to MOM's polace and snuggle up next to the fireplace and burn a few heretics enjoy the fire; have some cocoa and popcorn and watch the animals outside devour their own young frolic and gamble in the springtime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 03:47 PM

Let us now praise famous Moms....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 03:36 PM

But watching her bob up and down is so MOTIVATING!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 02:31 PM

Hey, MOM, a quick hello on my way past--I'm getting a bit tired of some of these BS threads--I think MOM needs a separate space between the ABOVE THE LINE and the BELOW THE LINE folks, in recognition of the superior quality of BS we shovel here daily. With a separate section we could go below the line without getting our feet wet way below the line. She's be situated just above high tide, know what I mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 09:06 AM

Wunderbar! Job interviews are good any time of the year, but even moreso in Spring.

I assume that it's Spring in Scotland. That's in the Northern Hemisphere, isn't it? I mean, I think it's somewhere near Tir na nOg or the Isles of the Blessed or the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. At least I'm pretty sure it is. Anyway, here's some interview tips.

1. Show them you're interested by playing with stuff on the interviewer's desk. Or drum you fingers on the desk. Or both.

2. Let them know you don't REALLY need the job by letting them know you have money -- jingle some coins in your pocket throughout the interview, or periodically pull out your wallet and count the bills therein.

3. Yawn a lot. It shows them that you'll stay up late and work.

4. Let them think you know lots of famous and/or influential people. Say something like, "Oh yes, Liz. Have you ever been in her bedroom at Buckingham Palace?" or "That Tony Blair! Quite the cut-up, you know!" or "Paul's got nice digs, but they only serve that awful vegetarian food" or even "You know, the last time I was with her Camilla rolled over and said almost the exact same thing!"

5. If the interviewer is a woman, put the moves on her. Same thing if it's a man, if you're so inclined.

6. Expel gas from either the upper or lower orifices and make some comment like, "Whoa! That tasted better going down than coming back up!" It shows you're both well-fed AND witty.

7. Interviewers are impressed if you dress like you don't need the job. A tee shirt that says something fairly tasteful is always appropriate, especially if it's fairly clean.

8. Arrive late; it shows how important you are.

9. Borrow a pen and some paper to take notes; try to remember to return the pen. Or better, surreptiously tape the interview so you can use it later in court if you're not hired.

10. Demonstrate how health conscious you are by refusing to shake hands. You might also consider wearing a surgical mask.

No need to thank me for these tips. Good luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 08:30 AM

I've got a job interview! And the elderflowers are almost in bloom, and they make very nice champagne. And the Camera shop has almost finished repairing the lenses weeks after they said it would be done.

Today is a good day!


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