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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 21 Nov 05 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 05 - 09:42 AM
Amos 21 Nov 05 - 09:37 AM
Acme 21 Nov 05 - 12:48 AM
Amos 20 Nov 05 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 05 - 11:09 PM
Acme 20 Nov 05 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 05 - 09:47 PM
Amos 20 Nov 05 - 07:43 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 05 - 01:44 PM
Amos 20 Nov 05 - 01:30 PM
Acme 20 Nov 05 - 10:35 AM
Acme 20 Nov 05 - 03:27 AM
Amos 20 Nov 05 - 12:43 AM
Rapparee 19 Nov 05 - 10:07 PM
Amos 19 Nov 05 - 08:32 PM
MMario 19 Nov 05 - 08:14 PM
Acme 19 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 19 Nov 05 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 18 Nov 05 - 09:17 PM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 09:15 PM
MMario 18 Nov 05 - 03:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Nov 05 - 03:30 PM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 01:10 PM
Acme 18 Nov 05 - 01:00 PM
MMario 18 Nov 05 - 12:23 PM
Rapparee 18 Nov 05 - 12:12 PM
MMario 18 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 18 Nov 05 - 09:16 AM
Amos 18 Nov 05 - 08:56 AM
Bunnahabhain 18 Nov 05 - 06:23 AM
Acme 18 Nov 05 - 12:54 AM
Rapparee 17 Nov 05 - 06:11 PM
Amos 17 Nov 05 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 17 Nov 05 - 05:48 PM
MMario 17 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM
Amos 17 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM
Acme 17 Nov 05 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 17 Nov 05 - 08:39 AM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 07:56 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 07:41 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 06:17 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 02:25 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 12:08 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 10:38 AM

...and five gallons of water per family member, candles, a bag of junk silver coins, at least a month's requirements in cash, a crank-powered radio, and plenty of Saran Wrap and duct tape.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:42 AM

WARNING!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!!

ALERT! ALERT!! ALERT!!!

All MOABites! Take head!! Listen up!!! Be Prepared!!!!

I am letting you in on a secret so that you can Be Prepared when the time comes. You can either listen to me and come out of the Coming Crisis wealthy beyond your wildest fantasies, not to mention alive and healthy, or broken in health and spirit, destitute and scuttering in the gutter for a discarded cigar butt for dinner.

I am refering to the impending Number Crunch.

The world is running out of numbers. IP addresses are already scarcer than hen's teeth, ISBNs are getting that way, and Who Know What Will Be Next. Well, I do and I'm gonna let you in on it because Mother's children can and must survive the Number Crunch. And I'm doing this for free, because I'm a good-hearted sort of guy, but who wouldn't turn down a gift or a percentage of the take, either.

But what isn't widely known -- YET -- is that we are running out of ALL numbers. Think about it. Mathematicians have known for centuries that this day would come; why do you think that they call them "finite numbers?" And because of the current crowd in governments world-wide we are quickly running out of rational numbers, too! Integers, once the mainstay of arithmetic and accounting, are now replaced by...by...imaginary numbers!

These trends will culminate in your lifetime and mine (well, definitely mine, since I plan to live forever). Highly sophisticated regression analysis, applying the esoteric concepts embodied in Fermat's Second-To-Last Theorem and the crystalline arrays of Laplace Transformations, demonstrate beyond the shadow of a doubt that the world will run completely out of number no later than 2:37 p.m., April 14, 2007.

NOTE THE DATE! Americans will not be able to pay their income taxes!

But I offer to you, fellow MOABites, a chance to stockpile (i.e., hoard) numbers for the coming Number Crunch. There is a number mine here, and you can follow the links (or "veins", as numberologists call them) to more numbers. Most importantly, it doesn't matter if the numbers are pre-owned or even obsolete! Buff out the scratches and you can sell them as new! Accountants, tax attorneys, and even ordinary citizens will praise you while at the same time shelling out Big Buck$ for the numbers YOU had the foresight to stockpile. Your children and grandchildren will thank you, not to mention that they will be able to do their math homework and even paginate their term papers!

As I said earlier, this information is free. The seminars are what cost a bunch of money. And the inkjet cartridges.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:37 AM

Only if you decompose them to their constituent bosons. Most Cuisinarts can't chop that fine, so you may have to borrow the University's accelerator or ship your table scraps out to these guys for processing to make them more Gluon's speed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 12:48 AM

Betcha if I go to the back door with table scraps in my hand he'd come quickly. My girls might even beat him to it--traveling at the speed of light IS relative (to how much you want the food being offered--and these two are always hungry!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 11:25 PM

If you call, he will come; OR, if you call, he will stay away. Depends on the probability matrix of the moment and the direction of attention of the observer, I guess...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 11:09 PM

Invite him. You can never tell. This might be unfortunate, not being able to tell....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:23 PM

I've discovered the source of the fire ants in my bathroom (coming in via a little hole under the trim quarter-round behind the commode). I also found an earring that moonglow lost a couple of weeks ago. Getting ready for the holidays means clearing up some of the pest problems before guests arrive and the jewelry recovery is a nice bonus.

I don't suppose Gluon would come chase away my fire ants but leave my dogs alone? They don't need any more encouragement to misbehave.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:47 PM

Frankly, I much prefer Linux or Unix, But Circumstances Prevent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 07:43 PM

Using WIndows does not qualify you as a pet owner; but it does certify you in certain other categories.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 01:44 PM

I run Windows, so my computer has bugs. Do they count as pets? I really don't care for them very much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 01:30 PM

Trying to proof up my study against Gluon would require letting major space-time fabric remedial contracts, and the insurance company won't cover damage to the space-time continuum. Don't think I didn't ask, either!!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:35 AM

The 'Cat crashed last night before I could post another thought:

    Darned cat, he's here trying to hop into my lap and is purring and rubbing and trying to convince me that it is time to go to bed. He just rubbed up against the computer on the low shelf of this desk and opened the CD drive. Oy! Straight shot of cat hair in the works if he does that very often!


I know no one else has animals that interfere with their computing, so that may seem an odd, incomprehensible remark. But then there is Gluon, and I wonder if some of the fuss and bother Amos is going to in his remodel job has something to do with Gluon-proofing his den?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 03:27 AM

In the evenings for entertainment the tourists clog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 12:43 AM

Little Reebok Island is a little-known little island in the Carribean, west of Birkenstock and south of Weejun Bay, hard by Loafer Key. It is known for its sole filet, and its strait-laced uppers class.

Shoe enuff!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:07 PM

Is that where the natives of San Diego dive from cliffs and catch coins tossed overboard by tourists in their teeth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 08:32 PM

Jolly good shew. Oyez! Oyez!! Town crier grows muttonchops!! Nine o'clock and all's weeellll...

Mom, I am real tired. We are STILL shopping for bathroom bits and pieces and iti s exhausting plus today the bills on all this started coming in plus I had to redo about ten big fat stones on the waterfall and move furniture too. Please send money. I want to go to Little Reebok Island for a diving vacation...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 08:14 PM

Amos - I play a victorian Town Crier - in the US, in 1842.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM

BWL we've missed you! Once that "have you never opened 'that' thread" drops way below the line the curious will stop taking a gander and getting in will be easier.

I have some lamb in the freezer, that's as close as I can get to muttonchops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:17 AM

Hi, Mom! Did you know that this is the birthday of Charles I of England? Yeah, the guy who lost his head over Parliament. And also James A. Garfield and George Rogers Clark and lots and lots of other people! And that on this day in 1915 Joe Hill was executed and that in 1985 Stepan Fetchit died and no, I don't think that the two events are related. And that in 1863 Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address?

But most importantly, Mom, this is the anniversary of something that has had profound effects on not only the United States, but the Whole World!

Yes, Mom. On November 19, 1959, the Ford Motor Company finally cancelled the Edsel!! Doesn't that give you a warm and fuzzy feeling inside?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:17 PM

What an absolutely remarkable coincidence! I'm not growing muttonchops! Will wonders never cease?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:15 PM

You're portraying a Victorian warehouse manager in a Sheridan revival?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 03:33 PM

What a bizaare coincidence that you would say "muttonchops" as I am growing muttonchops for my winter job.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 03:30 PM

After 174 fruitless attempts to open this thread since my last post I'm finally able to get in and don't have a damned thing to say.

So, I guess I'll just say the first thing that pops into my mand and that thing is....

"Muttonchops"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 01:10 PM

Oh, damsel, damsel, come away,
As fades the glittering light of day
And in the shadows of the moon,
Come sing with me the ancient tune.

Ah, lady, lady do not fret,
Your father wots naughtt of us yet,
And in no stable shall we sing,
I know a clean but cheap motet.

So let my notes thine flesh anoint,
So let thy fearsome doubts aroint,
And let me sing my song to thee,
And sing you me thy counterpoint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 01:00 PM

Who peeked?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:23 PM

godsteeth! you lost me somewhere right around "stresses balance and clarity"!

I find it interesting though that the Italians peaked before the Germans...but then again, Italian being a Romance language one should expect that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:12 PM

Hot Damn, les' talk music!

Ahem.

The Enlightenment/Age of Reason stresses balance and clarity - thus melody and phrase structure became clearly defined. Harmonic style simplifies as the numerous chord changes of the polyphonic baroque crystallize into a clear homophonic I - V - I structure. Overlapping phrases are replaced by periodic (antecedent-consequence) structures and clear cadential breaks. The meandering melodies of the baroque are replaced by short, distinct, classical motives. Counterpoint becomes the mechanism for reworking thematic material in developmental sections. Which of these practices can be traced to vocal traditions? Homophony? New forms or derivatives? Italian opera reaches its peak and the German opera tradition begins (Mozart and others).

The formal scheme is dominated by the multi-movement sonata per the trio, church, and chamber sonata, and the dance suite. Sonata means "to sound" and relates to instrumental music like canzona relates to vocal music.


We must not, however, forget that

...it is between the years 1480 and 1520 that the motet as an art-form progressed, favoured by the nascent devices of the modern school, with Josquin Després as leader. The outstanding feature of time motets of this period is the extraordinary skill displayed in weaving melodious counterpoint around a short phrase of plainchant or secular melody. Josquin (Canon of St-Quentin) stands head and shoulders over his fellows, and his motets were among the earliest printed by Petrucci, in 1502-05. In all, one hundred and fifty of his motets have been printed, the best known being the beautiful one, founded on the plain-chant theme of "Requiem æternam", on the death of his master Okeghem, and the settings of the genealogies in the Gospels of St. Matthew and St. Luke. His fellow-pupil, Pierre de la Rue, also composed some charming motets, of which twenty-five have been printed. One of the best known is founded on a theme from the Lamentations of Jeremias. Another famous motet-writer of this period was Eleazar Genet, better known as Carpentras (from the place of his birth), a priest and papal nuncio. His "Motetti della corona" were published by Petrucci, in 1514 but he is best known for his "Lamentations", which continued to be sung by the pontifical choir at Rome until 1587. A third motet-writer was Jean Mouton, canon of St-Quentin, whose "Quam pulchra es" has often been ascribed to Josquin. A fourth is Jacques Clément (Clemens non Papa), who issued seven books of motets, published by Phalèse (Louvain, 1559) Three typical specimens have been reprinted by Proske in his "Musica divina". Jacob Vaett composed a motet on this French composers death in 1558. John Dygon, Prior of St. Augustines, Canterbury, was a composer of motets, one of which was printed by Hawkins. Other English composers who cultivated this art-form in the sixteenth century were: Fayrfax, Tallis (who wrote one in forty parts), Whyto, Redford, Taverner, and Shepherd. Many of the Latin motets by these musicians were subsequently adapted to English words. Arcadelt, a pontifical singer, composed an eight-part Pater Noster; his better known Ave Maria is of doubtful authenticity. Willaert, maestro di cappella at St. Mark's, Venice, and "father of the madrigal", published three collections of motets for four, five, and six voices not a few of which are extremely inventive and melodious though intricate.

I can talk music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM

Huh! and here Jim wassisname was saying we never discuss music on the MOAB - Little does he know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM

Well, of course, if it weren't for music, man, that story woulda never been posted, I guess. So there's that. You might say the dominant theme is about music. Reading stuff like that, I find, is kind of a tonic.

Al Dente says hello, BTW...he's all up on that con brio stuff. And Al Lingue said he would drop in on you as he was going pasta there.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 09:16 AM

Amos, is that there story sumpin' to do with music? We were talkin' about diminished fifths at the Legion Hovel just last night, an' Anne Dante said they was gettin' more diminished the longer we sat there. She's shackin' up with Al Legro right now, two Italians makin' some beautiful lasagna together. 'Course, Al's got quite a pasta to live down, but Anne's aware of it and forgives him as long as he's "con brio", which Stinky told us means "with cheese" in Italian. Anyway, Al got out of prison a year or so back, so he's really an ex-con brio, and I guess that they scrape the cheese off when they put ya in the slammer. So, I was wonderin' if that stuff had anything to do with music, because if it did it was pretty funny and if it didn't it was still pretty funny, but not as much as if it did, you know? Handsome Herb explained that some of it had to do with music, so that's why I'm askin', because Stinky and Herb have a bet about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 08:56 AM

A fifth e-state would only obtain in A key.

A, C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between
them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp
enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and
exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar
tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night
in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a
nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking
sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and
everything else, and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a
rest.

The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the
diminuation of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even
accidentals, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenors for
patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much
treble; he needs a rest -- and closes the bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 06:23 AM

I'm back! I've just read the hundred posts or so since I was last about, and I now know everything. Or at least that bit of everything which explains why people are scared of joining us in the Moab continuiumumumum ( how do you stop spelling that word?) I propose radical changes round here to remedy this. Or radical changes at least.

To this end, we will carry on as before, and the radical change will just happen. We will do it ourselves without intention or realisation, except those things caused by Gluon, which just happen....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 12:54 AM

How about the fifth e-state?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 06:11 PM

My state changes have been investigated and approved by professionals of many kinds. Like banjoists, ukeleleers, mental healthers, librarians, accountants, physicists, mathematicians, law enforcementers, bagpipers, plumbers, bankers, orthodontists, fishers, whoopsidaisyists, programmers, etymologists, ichthyologists, politicians, and other ists, eers, and ians.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 05:54 PM

This a nice play on words, but let's not use it to promote denial of the important state changes you yourself have been through....some of which should perhaps be best described by professionals. The question, of course, is, professional what?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 05:48 PM

Fish, believe it or not, can also change state. Like, from living to fresh to frozen to cooked. Kinda like proteans or auntymatter participles. This is the basis of fishing in the Yellowstone River inside Yellowstone Park -- if you catch a fish you can change its state from living to cooked simply dipping it into a nearby hot pot. If there is no state-changing hot pot handy, you can build a fire and do it the old fashioned way. I myself have undergone several state changes, having moved from Illinois to Ohio to Indiana to Kentucky to Idaho. I've also undergone some temporary state changes, in fact to every one excpet Oklahoma, Arkansas and Hawaii. I've also done several provincial changes up in Canada.

Aren't you glad you know about state changes now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM

a href=http://www.sciencenews.org/pages/sn_edpik/ls_4.htm>fishy changes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM

I hope Jurassic didn't know you were watching her parking.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 11:27 AM

Hey, Mom! Last night got cold enough to kill the tender plants in my yard! Fall is finally here!

There are fish in my creek and fossils in my yard, but I have no evidence about fish changing genders. I did, however, watch Jurassic Park.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 08:39 AM

Mom, Mom, Mom. It's not "Sweet Sixteen" any longer. It's "Sexy Seventeen." Now you get back up where you belong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 07:56 PM

And getting back to those Californian preee-vert fishies:

"Ohio University scientists say they have determined that as female swordtail fish age, they change their mating habits.

Lead researcher Molly Morris, an associated professor of biological sciences at the Athens, Ohio, school, said as the females grow older and larger, they spend more time with asymmetrically striped males than with symmetrical males, when offered a choice.

The findings are the first to contradict previous studies indicating females tend to prefer males with symmetrical markings, which in this case are black bars on each side of the body. Scientists have suggested symmetrical markings are a sign of genetic fitness.

The study provides evidence that visual cues are not the only thing driving mate selection. The findings also suggest "females may not have the same mating preferences throughout their lives," Morris said.

Co-authors of the study were post-doctoral fellow Oscar Rios-Cardenas and undergraduate student Mary Scarlett Tudor.

Funded by the National Science Foundation and the Research Challenge Program at Ohio University, the paper has been published online in Biology Letters and will appear in next month's print edition. "

You swim, just like a woman
And you like stripes, just like a woman
And you bite, just like a woman;
But you age like a little molly.


(Bob Piscine, Singer-Songwriter)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 07:41 PM

Great wisdom indeed, Sir Rap.

Meanwhile in the 21st century, things are heating up a tad:

A small CSIRO-developed hydrogen device the size of a domestic microwave oven may be all you need to fuel your car in the future.

A team at CSIRO Manufacturing and Infrastructure Technology has developed a small device that can extract enough hydrogen per day from water to power a family car for up to150kms.

This work is an important part of CSIRO's Energy Transformed Flagship research program into positioning Australia for a future hydrogen economy.

Currently, the hydrogen unit runs on main's power, but researchers are investigating how to power the unit with renewable energy, such as solar and wind power.

While the idea of fuelling your car with hydrogen generated from a solar panel might sound like science fiction, project leader Dr Sukhvinder Badwal says concepts such as the hydrogen economy are real possibilities.

"Every time we stop at the petrol station to fill up the car we are reminded that fuel prices are not getting any lower," Dr Badwal says.

At this stage, hydrogen cannot compete with fossil fuels, but rising oil prices could create a different scenario, Dr Badwal says. "We just need to look towards future oil import costs."

He says that hydrogen is the cleanest fuel nature has given us and its portability and flexibility makes it ideal for a range of applications, including transport.

"While Australia has abundant renewable energy sources, such as solar and wind power, they cannot directly provide the portable fuel required by the transport sector. Hydrogen can fulfil that demand but, because it is not a naturally occurring fuel, has to be generated using conventional fuels or renewable sources."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM

Nor should one EVER forget the truths in RFC 1925 (1 April 1996):

The Fundamental Truths

(1) It Has To Work.

(2) No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority, you can't increase the speed of light.

    (2a) (corollary). No matter how hard you try, you can't make a
          baby in much less than 9 months. Trying to speed this up
          *might* make it slower, but it won't make it happen any
          quicker.

(3) With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead.

(4) Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational network.

(5) It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems
into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea.

(6) It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving
the problem to a different part of the overall network (architecture) than it is to solve it.

    (6a) (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
      indirection.

(7) It is always something.

    (7a) (corollary). Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can't                                                                                                   
    have all three).   

(8) It is more complicated than you think.

(9) For all resources, whatever it is, you need more.

    (9a) (corollary) Every networking problem always takes longer to
    solve than it seems like it should.

(10) One size never fits all.

(11) Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and
a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.

    (11a) (corollary). See rule 6a.

(12) In protocol design, perfection has been reached not when there
is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take         away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 06:17 PM

Please do not forget the information carried in RFC 1149, 1 Apr 1990:

A Standard for the Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers

Status of this Memo

This memo describes an experimental method for the encapsulation of IP datagrams in avian carriers. This specification is primarily useful in Metropolitan Area Networks. This is an experimental, not    recommended standard. Distribution of this memo is unlimited.

Overview and Rational

Avian carriers can provide high delay, low throughput, and low    altitude service. The connection topology is limited to a single    point-to-point path for each carrier, used with standard carriers, but many carriers can be used without significant interference with    each other, outside of early spring. This is because of the 3D ether    space available to the carriers, in contrast to the 1D ether used by    IEEE802.3. The carriers have an intrinsic collision avoidance system, which increases availability. Unlike some network    technologies, such as packet radio, communication is not limited to    line-of-sight distance. Connection oriented service is available in   some cities, usually based upon a central hub topology.

Frame Format

The IP datagram is printed, on a small scroll of paper, in hexadecimal, with each octet separated by whitestuff and blackstuff.    The scroll of paper is wrapped around one leg of the avian carrier.   A band of duct tape is used to secure the datagram's edges. The    bandwidth is limited to the leg length. The MTU is variable, and    paradoxically, generally increases with increased carrier age. A    typical MTU is 256 milligrams. Some datagram padding may be needed.
Upon receipt, the duct tape is removed and the paper copy of the
datagram is optically scanned into a electronically transmittable
form.

Discussion

Multiple types of service can be provided with a prioritized pecking
order. An additional property is built-in worm detection and
eradication. Because IP only guarantees best effort delivery, loss
of a carrier can be tolerated. With time, the carriers are self-
regenerating. While broadcasting is not specified, storms can cause
data loss. There is persistent delivery retry, until the carrier
drops. Audit trails are automatically generated, and can often be
found on logs and cable trays.

Security Considerations

Security is not generally a problem in normal operation, but special
measures must be taken (such as data encryption) when avian carriers
are used in a tactical environment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM

You Gummy Bear!! Those teeth fell out of natch'l ole age!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 02:25 PM

Ah, the RFCs. The memories that brings back....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM

Aw, MM, gimme a liddle poetic license, huh??? LOL!

Back in 1973, it looked very different -- this doggerely is from May-June of that year:

Network Working Group                                    R. Merryman (UCSD-CC)
Request for Comments: 527                                              6/22/73

                              ARPAWOCKY

                   Twas brillig, and the Protocols
                         Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
                   All mimsey was the FTP,
                         And the RJE outgrabe,

                   Beware the ARPANET, my son;
                         The bits that byte, the heads that scratch;
                   Beware the NCP, and shun
                         the frumious system patch,

                   He took his coding pad in hand;
                         Long time the Echo-plex he sought.
                   When his HOST-to-IMP began to limp
                         he stood a while in thought,

                   And while he stood, in uffish thought,
                         The ARPANET, with IMPish bent,
                   Sent packets through conditioned lines,
                         And checked them as they went,

                   One-two, one-two, and through and through
                         The IMP-to-IMP went ACK and NACK,
                   When the RFNM came, he said "I'm game",
                         And sent the answer back,

                   Then hast thou joined the ARPANET?
                         Oh come to me, my bankrupt boy!
                   Quick, call the NIC! Send RFCs!
                         He chortled in his joy.

                   Twas brillig, and the Protocols
                         Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
                   All mimsey was the FTP,
                         And the RJE outgrabe.

                                                            D.L. COVILL
                                                            May 1973


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM

it's all in the patterns
one-oh!
one two oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:08 PM

Amos - the internet isn't in *his* basement, it's in the LIBRARY basement. The would most likely be technically correct if L-space is actual rather then theoretical, and all evidence *does* point towards the existance of L-space. Not that you will get a librarian to admit it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM

They never know, as he walks by,
The clerk or nurse or teller
But the man who wears the wire-rims
Has the Internet in his cellar!

He keeps it hush, he isn't vain,
A style of self-effacement
Disguises he who keeps the whole
Internet in his basement

Yes, every server, every node
And every porn-site bitchin'
Is in the nooks of this man's home
Just downstairs from the kitchen.

Each fiber-optic link and line
The laptops linked through air;
The mega-servers Google owns,
Are hidden there, downstairs.

He's kept it there since '89
Determined, lion-hearted;
It's grown to near a million times
The size when he first started

Back then, it all fit on one shelf
A shoe-box of connections,
An archie file, some FTP,
And FIDOnet directions.

But now, it really is not safe
Even with better lighting
To go down there -- those cellar stairs
Are risky, jammed, and fright'ning

There's just too many lines and nodes
They're wedged from floor to ceiling
The hum and heat of CPUs
Can leave a strong man reeling!

And as for pages, sites, and GIFs,
The biggest mind would founder!
It's all too much -- you could get lost
In meand'ring, awe-struck wonder!

And that was how we lost Rapaire!
Last Thursday, after sup.
He wandered down that cellar stair,
And never did come up!

The Wild Frontier Electric--Ballads of Cyberspace

Redd, Ruffin, Reddy, eds.

Bizarro Publications, New Haven, 2001


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