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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 06 Jan 16 - 10:06 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jan 16 - 10:36 PM
Amos 06 Jan 16 - 11:38 PM
gnu 07 Jan 16 - 09:16 AM
Little Hawk 07 Jan 16 - 11:39 AM
Rapparee 07 Jan 16 - 12:01 PM
GUEST,Shane McBride, PhD, LLD, DD, DS, MD 07 Jan 16 - 01:42 PM
gnu 07 Jan 16 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 07 Jan 16 - 03:45 PM
gnu 08 Jan 16 - 06:14 AM
Rapparee 08 Jan 16 - 09:40 AM
gnu 08 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 08 Jan 16 - 02:05 PM
gnu 08 Jan 16 - 02:36 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Jan 16 - 04:29 PM
Rapparee 08 Jan 16 - 10:07 PM
Acme 08 Jan 16 - 11:47 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 09 Jan 16 - 12:19 AM
Acme 09 Jan 16 - 03:02 PM
gnu 09 Jan 16 - 04:04 PM
Rapparee 09 Jan 16 - 10:22 PM
Amos 10 Jan 16 - 12:41 AM
Amos 10 Jan 16 - 01:38 PM
Rapparee 10 Jan 16 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 16 - 11:27 AM
Amos 11 Jan 16 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 16 - 07:47 PM
Amos 12 Jan 16 - 01:33 AM
gnu 12 Jan 16 - 05:50 AM
Rapparee 12 Jan 16 - 09:06 AM
Donuel 12 Jan 16 - 07:53 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 16 - 08:39 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 12 Jan 16 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 16 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 13 Jan 16 - 09:53 AM
Amos 13 Jan 16 - 12:02 PM
gnu 13 Jan 16 - 12:43 PM
Rapparee 13 Jan 16 - 03:00 PM
gnu 13 Jan 16 - 07:55 PM
Rapparee 13 Jan 16 - 08:34 PM
Amos 13 Jan 16 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 13 Jan 16 - 10:29 PM
gnu 13 Jan 16 - 10:44 PM
Amos 13 Jan 16 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 16 - 09:17 AM
gnu 14 Jan 16 - 07:46 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM
gnu 15 Jan 16 - 07:13 AM
gnu 15 Jan 16 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 10:06 PM

Idaho State Police investigators have given up on the shooting citing a lack of people who care.

In other news, Chongx (pestiferous perennial Presidential candidate) has found a new hobby and food source.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 10:36 PM

LOL!!! Boy, Rap, you are really digging a hole for yourself when Chongo gets elected. I hate to think what will happen. There have been dark rumors floating around about how proven specists will be summarily dealt with by the Chongo administration. None of it sounds good, but I think they'll have to work up something "real special" in your case, because the ordinary punishments like dismemberment, beheading, and evisceration just don't seem...well...adequate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 16 - 11:38 PM

Problem Chongo has is he can't reveal where he's gonna speak or show up to press the flesh, so to speak, because his classy madame little sister Chinga--whom he abandoned as a mere pup in the jungle--would be there with some large friends and so very dark intentions. And Chongo, ya know, he's not very brave, really, for all his talk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 09:16 AM

Doc declared 100% success in both eyes. That's 200%!!! Only gotta wear the patches for 5 nights instead of 7.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 11:39 AM

Very good! What are the patches for? Pirates only wear one eye patch, you know. With two eye patches, you would also be expected to have a parrot perched on each shoulder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 12:01 PM

Congratulations, gnu. In the meantime, ya wanna place some poker?

The sentence for Chongx is already ready by the Supreme Court: It is your sentence that you be led back to the gaol from whence you came, and forty-eight hours hence you be taken from thence and be drawn upon a hurdle to the place of execution, where then you shall be hanged by the neck and, being yet alive, shall be cut down, and your privy members to be cut off, and your entrails be taken out of your body and, you living, the same to be burnt before your eyes, and your head to be cut off, your body to be divided into four quarters, and head and quarters to be disposed of by being burned to ashes, and those ashes taken in a boat and dumped into the sea, and all mention of you erased from all records electronic or otherwise, and you be entirely forgotten.

Notice that it says nothing about God having mercy a soul. Chongx is a monkey and thus has no soul. (This is disputed by some who point out that how well monkeys dance for an organ grinder is indicative of soul in that they feel the rhythm of the music.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shane McBride, PhD, LLD, DD, DS, MD
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 01:42 PM

I say. I and my brother, Don, were enjoying a sherry at the Iron Horse Club last evening when it was brought to my attention that some scurrilous wag has been impersonating Don and me. This person has been holding out that I am a drunkard, a lout, and a clabberwit.

Please do not believe these stories, for fiction they are, and I quite assure you that should I discover the perpetrator of these fabrications I shall deal with him or her as such behavior demands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 03:05 PM

Patches are worn at night so one does not scratch or rub ones eyes whilst half asleep during slumber. One looks like The Fly with these in place. And the fuckin tape which secures the in place is miserable to peel off every morn. (I realize the grammar sucks. Deal with it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 16 - 03:45 PM

Is fuckin tape like duct tape?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 06:14 AM

No. It's that white medical bandage tape that is made so it won't fuckin come off without leaving red marks. Looks terrible on a person with alabastard skin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 09:40 AM

Gotta get me some of that! Then I can tell everyone what happens when I get a tongue lashing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 12:11 PM

https://www.flickr.com/photos/15565423@N05/23612704864/in/dateposted-public/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 02:05 PM

Oh, I just LOVE the look! "I am the Borg...resistance is useless!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 02:36 PM

Holy shit Batman! I am bionic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 04:29 PM

The Borg don't say "resistance is useless", Rap. They say, "resistance is futile".

Futile. It's a good for you to learn coz it describes yer entire existence! Ook! Ook!

Come to think of it...so does "useless". And "pointless". And "unnecessary". I could go on, but I think my point is clear. Don't lie awake at night worryin' about it, okay? There ain't no use worryin' over things that have no cure.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 10:07 PM

Chongx...sfter some minor research I have found some pictures from your past you might remember, and also a couple pictures of your sister and mother.

Chinga, Chonga (before the change), and Mom.

Chinga and Chonga, the twins.

Poor old Mom, betrayed by Chonga.

Chinga, forced into The Business to support herself and Mom.

Chongx, when s/he first arrived in the US under a load of bananas.

Chongx, post surgery and deaf to the pleas of Chinga and Mom.

Brings back memories, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jan 16 - 11:47 PM

In case Amos didn't notice, there is a bra thread going right now. In case he needs more Golden Globes material.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 12:19 AM

A Bra thread??? OMG! Where?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 03:02 PM

Yeah, that's the problem. Too many readers interested in the contents and not the item itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 04:04 PM

I read the "bra" thread earlier and found it quite educational. Charmion's post was especially so. Of course, I welcome any and all edification but, yah, I like tits. It's in my genes and, therefore, in my jeans. Now, don't get me wrong. I like every single inch of a woman, mostly attitude and intelligence... physically, that gleam in the eyes and that smile melt me far more than anything else. Mentally, well, that doesn't need further comment. But, tits? Yeah... I like tits. Big, small, all.

Anyone know anything about https://www.grammarly.com/?q=grammar&utm_source=placement&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=72890_1&utm_term=tfd?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 16 - 10:22 PM

SHOT A CLEAN RUN!! No misses!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 12:41 AM

I have been tangled up in other things--making music for example--so I have not chimed into this recounting of the scandalous history of Chongo and his poor abandoned sister Chinga.

Nor have I read the bra thread. But, as the gatekeeper for all things relating to the Temple of the Divine Curve, I will fulfill my duties and review it.

Fra Amos Gogently, Chief Interlocutor
Temple of the Divine Curve


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 01:38 PM

I should warn all the sibs under Mom's gracious roof that I now have a banjo, and I am not afraid to use it; however, I do not play it very well yet. So be warned. If you start to hear banjo music, prepare to flee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 16 - 09:11 PM

Try Shotdatsumvich's Prelewd In A# Minor For Accordion, Bodhran, Banjo, and Shotgun. It's worth a shot and I know you'll get a real blast out of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 11:27 AM

Well, Amos, I know you'd never fret over a banjo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 06:11 PM

I let my banjo do my frettin', sir, thankee kindly.

I shall go and perambulate the quadruped now. I need to talk funny like that so she don't overhear and get all excited.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 16 - 07:47 PM

That makes you a perambulator. That is a machine similar to an odometer for measuring distances by means of a large wheel pushed along the ground by a long handle, with a mechanism for recording the revolutions. How many revolutions did you measure today (banjo is a devolution).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 01:33 AM

The verb "perambulate" means to walk around, silly. And a perambulator is a fancy wicker box on a carriage frame for taking babies out for some air. I had one when I was just wee--not wicker byt it had rubber wheels and a cloth hood for keeping out the sun and chrome rails. I was the pride of Lexington Avenue back then, but I have fallen badly in the six decades since. Too much perambulation instead of hard work, you see. But the dog likes it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 05:50 AM

Did it have rubber baby buggy bumpers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 09:06 AM

Best check the dictionaries, Amos, old chappie. If you were the "pride of Lexington Avenue" in a perambulator you must have been in Britain. Only the pretentious had something other than a baby carriage in the United States, and even the Brits reduced the word to "pram."

"Perambulator" comes from medieval Latin, where it meant "to inspect by walking around." What were you inspecting? If they catch you, could you do hard time or could you just cop an insanity plea? I think you'd be up for the latter, what with the banjo and all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 07:53 PM

Gnu I just saw a picture of J.K. Simmons with an eye patch? The retelling of the second procedure put me on the edge of chair.
Facing the same, I am one squeamish trooper. All the best toward a bright eyed recovery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 08:39 PM

Want to get scared? Want to be frightened? Look up a video of a cataract operation (a real one, not an animation). Fortunately, I understand that they shoot you up with so much happy juice you don't care...kinda like a colonoscopy, I guess.

One week from today.... So, here:

        Middendorf Brothers Lumber Company was at 17th and Spring. The lumber which built our house came from there, and whenever we needed new lumber (which wasn't very often) or roofing shingles or other stuff like that we got it there.
        Ursus Arctus Middendorfii was found pretty much all around town. Fortunately, Ursus Arctus Middendorfii didn't come into town very often, but when it did it caused a sensation. Mostly people would scream and yell and carry on something awful, and finally the police or someone would chase it away. As far as we could remember nobody had been eaten by one, but we hadn't been around very long. Aunt Tillie, who was the oldest person we knew, said that when she was growing up Ursus Arctus Middendorfii had eaten nearly a whole school full of kids (but schools were smaller then, so there weren't very many kids who were eaten).
        We always figured that this animal was named after the town of Ursa and that Middendorf Brothers Lumber Company had something to do with them. We didn't have any idea about the "Arctus" part of the name.
        We found out differently when we were older, but by then there weren't any around town anymore. They'd all moved way north.
        You might not know the common name for Ursus Arctus Middendorfii, because like most people you probably call it by its scientific name to avoid confusion with such as Urus horribilis. People who don't know any better call Urus horribilis a "grizzly bear." Urus Arctus Middendorfii is, of course, called a "Brown Bear" or a "Kodiak Bear." Brown bears on Kodiak Island are called "Kodiak bears" because they can grown to be twelve feet tall and weigh over 1,200 pounds there, but that's because they have lots of good salmon to eat. Brown bears only grow to be about nine feet tall and only weigh about eight or nine hundred pounds because their diet is more limited. Because of the salmon and catfish and carp and spoonbills and sturgeon and bass and sunfish and trout and other fish which available, Ursus Arctus Middendorfii in our area would sometimes grow to be as much as eighteen feet tall and would weigh well over two thousand five hundred pounds.
        Once one of the bigger ones came into town and stood up and looked into somebody's second floor window. Boy, did those folks get out of bed in hurry that morning! The poor bear was so scared that it ran over an empty schoolbus getting out of town.
        Mostly they didn't bother anyone. They stayed around the river and ate fish and blackberries and various grasses and sometimes dead animals they found. Once one of the bigger ones did eat a pickup truck, but the owner had been teasing him and people thought that the driver had gotten what he deserved.
        Nobody bothered the bears, so when they disappeared we wondered what had happened. I mean, eight or nine hundred large bears don't normally just vanish into the air, but ours seemed to have done so!
        Of course, since we were in school during most of the year and didn't get to go exploring as much as we'd have liked we didn't know right away that the bears had gone. We finally learned about it in the newspaper, and by then they'd been gone for several weeks.
        The bears had always bothered Tony when we'd go fishing or walking or something: he was afraid that we'd surprise one with cubs or one that was hungry and as we were running away he'd trip and the bear would eat him. No matter how many times we assured him that, should this happen, we wouldn't supply the bear with catsup, Tony was still afraid of being eaten. So when the news that the bears had left finally broke he wasn't very disappointed, and Mom asked Ted and me about the little packets of catsup she kept finding in our pockets and hidden away in our room.
        Even Tony admitted that it did take some of the adventure out of going fishing and mushroom hunting and picking blackberries, though. Ted and I had sort of liked the way he'd jump if we'd break a stick or throw a rock in the water, and since the bears had left Tony would just laugh or something.
        So on that lovely Fall afternoon, when the trees were exploding with red and yellow and gold and orange against a blue sky which seemed to go up forever, when the fish were biting in Cedar Creek, we were surprised to see the fresh footprint of an Ursus Arctus Middendorfii. Right there on the bank! A really big one, too!
        Ted and I debated whether to tell Tony about the footprint, but Tony tripped over it as he was walking towards us to get some more worms. He looked around to see what he'd caught his foot in and said, in a small voice, "Cripes. The footprint of Ursus Arctus Hiddendorfii. Oh boy."
        Tony came to where we were standing and pointed at the footprint. Ted and I nodded knowingly and assured him that we wouldn't supply catsup to any bears. Then Ted looked at me and whispered, "You bet we won't. Mom took it all."
        At that point there was a really terrific snarly growly sound and the suddenly the air was also full of the sounds of trees being torn up and broken into tiny little bits -- big trees! Into the clearing where we were walked a massive example of Ursus Arctus Middendorfii, and he was really, really mad! His eyes were like fire and spit from the corners of his mouth was thrown back towards his ears by the speed of his rush. His claws, each ten or more inches long, tore the dirt like a plow as he ran towards us. We dug three trenches as we tried to run away, throwing dirt up behind us with our feet.
        We ran, alright. We ran right smack into the middle of a pile of fallen tree limbs and pricker bushes and bearbane.
        There we lay, scratched and dirty and very much out of breath. The bear tore at the pile of brush, but because of the bearbane couldn't get to us. We could hear him sneezing whenever he tried.
        "Lucky," gasped out Tony. "Bearbane. Lucky"
        "Yeah," gasped out Ted in agreement.
        "Yeah," I also managed.
        We lay there for some time, listening to bear rampage around and above us.
        Finally, our breath recovered, I asked what we were all thinking: now what do we do?
        "I dunno," said Ted, "What do you want to do?"
        "I thought Ted might have an idea," said Tony.
        So we laid there longer.
        "Anybody got any ideas yet?" I asked.
        "Nope," replied Ted.
        "Nope," replied Tony.
        "ARGHARGH choo!!!" said the bear.
        "Gesundheit!" we chorused.
        "Thank you," said a saurian voice from the brush behind us. "You're quite well brought up, you know."
        "Everett!!" we said together.
        "That's me!" agreed the little dinosaur. "How are you guys? Keeping busy?"
        "Boy, are we!" we said together. "School, homework -- and now this bear!"
        "You know, whenever I see you guys you seem to be in some sort of trouble. I just don't know how you do it," he observed.
        "Say, Everett," Ted began, "Do you think that you could, you know, do something about that bear?"
        "What? That bear? That's just old Prunk. He's mad 'cause the other bears moved when he was visiting down in Hannibal and he doesn't know where they went. He thinks that they moved to avoid him. From the way that he's acting right now, he might be right. What did you guys do to make him so mad, anyway?"
        "Nothing I can think of," I said. "We were doing a little fishing here, that's all."
        "Well, that's it. This is his fishing ground, that's all, and Prunk doesn't want you fishing here. So you'll have to leave."
        "Right," said Ted. "And how do we do that?"
        "Yup," agreed Everett. "That's a problem all right. You guys come up with a solution?"
        "Nope," we said together.
        "Well, I'd hoped that you had," replied Everett. "He's a heck of a lot bigger than we are."
        "Hmm," Tony mused. "Could you, maybe, call Binky or someone to come and help? He's not bigger than a Brontosaurus or an Albertosaurus, I'll bet!"
        "I'd say he couldn't! I can just see his face if he saw someone like Bobby or Tina, the tyrannosauruses! Hehehehehe!" Everett giggled. Then he said, "Too bad I can't call 'em."
        "ARGHARGH! choo!" said Prunk.
        "Why not?" asked Ted.
        "'Cause Binky called me yesterday and told me to find you guys and tell you that they were moving again and that I was to come on up and join them and that they would be out of touch until they got to Inuvik. So I set out to find you and I found you and now you know so bye!" and Tony grabbed Everett so that he couldn't dash off.
        "Why are they moving?" I asked.
        "Oh. I knew I forgot to tell you something! It's that it's getting too crowded around Yellowknife. Binky says that there must be nearly two hundred people up there now. So they're out of there. Inuvik has a lot fewer people, and some of the folks are going to spread out towards the northern slope of the Brooks Range, so we'll have lots of space and not many people. I mean, you guys are okay, but most people, well...I personally really prefer the company of dinosaurs, no offense. And besides, you ever see the Beaufort Sea? At midnight under the Northern Lights? Talk about cool!"
        "So, what do we do about Prunk? You can't take off, 'cause he'll get you, too," explained Ted.
        "Oh, yeah. Prunk. Well, we're safe enough here, I guess, as long as the bearbane is fairly fresh and we don't get hungry or something," said Everett.
        "We've got to get home for supper! Mom'll be really upset if we're late!" exclaimed Ted.
        "Well, we've got a problem then," observed Everett.
        Just then, there was another really, really loud "ARGHARGHARGHAR!!! RrowRR ARGHARGH!" and another bear, bigger than Prunk, ran into the clearing and swatted Prunk and bowled him head over heels!!
        "Oh, Jeez!" said Everett in awe. "It's Mrs. Prunk! And she's madder'n heck about Prunk not being there when the bears left and she had to move the kids all the way to...well, let's just say that I'm really, really glad that she's not mad at me!"
        And Mrs. Prunk bit Prunk's ear and dragged him off with her to the north, just like the time Mom grabbed Ted by the ear and walked him out of the ice cream store and into the car. Prunk was whimpering, too, just like Ted did.
        "Well, that's over," observed Everett. "Let's go now. I have a long way to go today."
        "Hey," we said, "Good luck. Tell Binky and the rest that we're still grateful for their help and that they're always welcome at our house. But you guys know that, huh?" And we each gave Everett a hug and he bounced off towards the north, waving as he went.
        "Hey, it's getting late!" exclaimed Tony. "If we don't hurry, we're going to be late for supper!"
        "But...but...we didn't ask him why the bears left!" said Ted and me together.
        "Yeah," mused Tony, "We didn't. But I bet I know. I'll bet that there were too many people. They went north, I bet, just like Binky and his friends."
        So we started home and we took the shortcut through the Swamp and through the cemetery (stopping by Daddy's grave, of course, on the way) and were home in time for a really great dinner of hoki, hackleback, harissa, herring, hyssop, humus, and hushpuppies. There were hazelnuts and honey for dessert, and hot chocolate to drink. We told Mom all about our adventure and the dinosaurs moving again and why we thought that the bears left. She understood, but she said that it would probably be better if we didn't write the school report on it we had talked about on the way home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 09:05 PM

That flippin' bear would not scare ME! I would drive that flipper off like a biker gang whalin' on a flippin' dead dog! He would not flippin' know what hit him, eh? There ain't no baears arouwnd this town becoz of ME. They KNOW to stay away.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 16 - 10:01 PM

That's true. There are no bears around Blind River -- or much of any animal life. Shame's stink drove them all away, including the skunks. Even the skunk cabbage left, as did the corpse flower in the town's botanical garden. There is also no poison ivy around Blind River because Shame makes it itch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 09:53 AM

So, Amos says he has a banjo.

Well, come Getaway, maybe we can do a duet. He can play his new banjo and I'll accompany him on my new


                BUGLE! ˇƎ˥פ∩q BUGLE! !ELGUB BUGLE!


(I got the call yesterday that it was in. Key of G, with a slide to F.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 12:02 PM

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perambulator
Merriam‑Webster
Definition of perambulator. 1 : one that perambulates. 2 chiefly British : a baby carriage.

Your odometer didn't make it into Webster, but it did show up in other references.

So glad you have a bugle. Really, delighted. Will you be doing Reveille every moring for your dear spouse, then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 12:43 PM

Every morning until after the first morning... then, only if he farts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 03:00 PM

I shall be practicing it in the privacy of my study. You know the one: paneled in Irish oak, floor to ceiling bookcases, fireplace, comfortable leather chairs, a cabinet of fine brandies and whiskies, my wolfhound curled up on the soft carpet, the Purdey and Woodward shotguns reflecting the firelight as I, in the Harris tweeds, play my new instrument to the accompaniment of a Baroque string quartet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 07:55 PM

Does your wolfhound bite?

On a more pressing note. The peanut butter in the sandwich I am consuming between keystrokes has a Best Before date of October 1, 2013 but it's been in the fridge since I bought it in early 2012 or thereabouts. Should you be concerned? A timely response would be appreciated but, perhaps, not necessary.

Hmmmm... that was tasty! I think I'll have another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 08:34 PM

Only those people I tell him to bite.

Why do you keep peanut butter in the refrigerator? It makes it hard to spread and you don't have to, even the "natural" kind. It was probably a "best before" date, and if there's no mold and it doesn't crawl out of the jar and beat you up it's probably okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 08:40 PM

Same for your bugle, sir. Buying a deaf wolfhound must have been a pretty complex task just to live out your fantasy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 10:29 PM

Here ya go, Amos. That's me playing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 10:44 PM

Wow! You played for the US's army band on that clip. That's wild! Great job! Well done sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 10:51 PM

When was that cut made, sir, and where? What post, under what CO>?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 16 - 09:17 AM

Custer, LTC George A. Ft. Abraham Lincoln, Dakota Territory. You may contact the officer at any time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jan 16 - 07:46 PM

I get to sleep in my bed tonight! Been sleeping in the Lazy-Boy since January 4 to make sure I stayed on my back. Last night, I woke (awoke? awakened? wakened?... came to) in the wee hours on my left side so the Lazy-Boy is no longer the mid-night spin inhibitor it was when I absolutely could not allow my eyes to do the pillow mash. Of course, I shall endeavour to sleep on my back. On my back? Sleep on my back? How odd a thing to say. Rather, I shall attempt to sleep tits up. I expect that won't last long as it's not a natural thing for an animal to bed down with it's soft underbelly exposed to marauding carnivores. To sleep, perchance to dream and roll over ? ay, there's the rub on yer eyes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM

Oh, I say! I'll have to have the butler and/or maid stand by and gently turn me back when I attempt to roll over. I most certainly do not wish to damage a surgically wounded eye any more than need be!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 07:13 AM

Lazy-Boy is the answer, Rap. Next best would be a horse collar (neck) pillow. Place a pillow under your back to take off the neck strain. It's a bit tricky to get the neck pillow just right between the pillows under one's back and head but I managed it. I tried it on night five, fell asleep on my back, came to several hours later on my side, got up, and sacked out in the Lazy-Boy. Luckily, the neck pillow acted to prevent "eye mash".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 06:42 PM

I came to around at 2:30. Pee (prostate eh?). It was cold but I went back to the bunk and tried to resleep in various positions... nope. BUT, I stayed in the bunk until 6:30. It was too bloody cold to get up! I just fired up the electric furnace and turned of the heat pump (wall mounted mini-split) on Wednesday during the snowstorm. I didn't get the setting right. So, it was TOO BLOODY COLD! 16C. Now, when I was 285#... no problem. Now... problem.

So, at 6:30, I fired up the furnace. It's now 17:30 and the furnace has been running all day. At 13:00, I turned on all the incandescent light bulbs in the house. At 14:00, I turned on the oven... 400F... in anticipation of cooking a pizza at 16:00 just to add to the heating.

It's now 21C, my bedroom door is shut, the bedroom plenum is blanked for sleeping temp and the oven is off. I have a hoodie on whilst I sit in my office and my fingers are not cold. I shall attempt to adjust the thermostat such that the house does not overheat with the coming warm-up for the impending snow from the south.

Wish me luck. I am sorry to have to report this dire news as I know all of you are concerned about my welfare. On another note, with any luck, Amos will survive as well, even though the smug fucker probably just had to put on a sweater and maybe even socks before he put on his sandshoes in the past while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 10:30 PM

My beach/swim shoes came yesterday, along with the board shorts and a rashguard. My second rashguard (red) came today.

21C is close enough to 70F. And -11C tonight, why, that's 12F! We'd kill for a high of 12F! My office, banked into the side of a hill, is currently -6, and that's Kelvin! The electrons no longer flow though the semiconductors (nonconductors?) or the wiring in the house. The very air has frozen into chunks! My gracious, at 12F we'd find it too hot to do anything! But we're tough! Just ask the members of the Idaho Legion -- they couldn't LIVE anywhere else!


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