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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:40 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM
John MacKenzie 27 Sep 06 - 01:47 PM
MMario 27 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM
John MacKenzie 27 Sep 06 - 02:07 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 02:32 PM
John MacKenzie 27 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 03:58 PM
Bunnahabhain 27 Sep 06 - 04:05 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 04:15 PM
Acme 27 Sep 06 - 05:17 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 05:29 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 07:12 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 08:34 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 09:28 PM
Acme 27 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM
JennyO 27 Sep 06 - 11:11 PM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 01:51 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Sep 06 - 06:41 AM
MMario 28 Sep 06 - 08:24 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 08:54 AM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 09:14 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 09:20 AM
MMario 28 Sep 06 - 09:23 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM
MMario 28 Sep 06 - 09:36 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Sep 06 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 11:20 AM
Acme 28 Sep 06 - 11:31 AM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 12:28 PM
Acme 28 Sep 06 - 05:42 PM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 06:13 PM
JennyO 28 Sep 06 - 10:40 PM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 10:41 PM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 11:18 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Sep 06 - 08:12 AM
Rapparee 29 Sep 06 - 09:04 AM
Rapparee 29 Sep 06 - 09:06 AM
Acme 29 Sep 06 - 10:17 AM
Bunnahabhain 29 Sep 06 - 10:56 AM
MMario 29 Sep 06 - 11:03 AM
JennyO 29 Sep 06 - 11:10 AM
Amos 29 Sep 06 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 29 Sep 06 - 04:11 PM
MMario 29 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM
Acme 29 Sep 06 - 07:19 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:40 PM

We've moved ahead
We've pushed on through...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

We've all been kind
And quite true-blue...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

And brought Mom through...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM

To Fourteen-TWO!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:47 PM

I seem to remember a certain person castigating me for doing that, somewhere back along this road?
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM

that's okay - he'll be hit with the hundred post barrier curse anyway - so why bother castrating castigating him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:07 PM

You mean he's more of a cut below the rest, rather than a cut above?
Giok.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:32 PM

I claim the privelege of long participation and quality of product.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM

3 strikes and you're out!
G ☺


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM

"Quality of product" -- humph!

Grandeur>/b>
W. M. Letts

POOR Mary Byrne is dead,        
An' all the world may see        
Where she lies upon her bed        
Just as fine as quality.        

She lies there still and white,                 
With candles either hand        
That'll guard her through the night:        
Sure she never was so grand.        

She holds her rosary,        
Her hands clasped on her breast.        
Just as dacint as can be        
In the habit she's been dressed.        

In life her hands were red        
With every sort of toil,        
But they're white now she is dead,        
An' they've sorra mark of soil.        

The neighbours come and go,        
They kneel to say a prayer,        
I wish herself could know        
Of the way she's lyin' there.        

It was work from morn till night,        
And hard she earned her bread:        
But I'm thinking she's a right        
To be aisy now she's dead.        

When other girls were gay,        
At wedding or at fair,        
She'd be toiling all the day,        
Not a minyit could she spare.        

An' no one missed her face,        
Or sought her in a crowd,        
But to-day they throng the place        
Just to see her in her shroud.        

The creature in her life        
Drew trouble with each breath;        
She was just "poor Jim Byrne's wife"?        
But she's lovely in her death.        

I wish the dead could see        
The splendour of a wake,        
For it's proud herself would be        
Of the keening that they make.        

Och! little Mary Byrne,        
You welcome every guest,        
Is it now you take your turn        
To be merry with the rest?        

I'm thinking you'd be glad,        
Though the angels make your bed,        
Could you see the care we've had        
To respect you?now you're dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:58 PM

That's a nice little poem, Rapaire, indeed. And I am glad for your showing it to me. But you wouldna consider the poem a product of yours, would you? Much as I appreciate your fetching it over. By quality of product I did not mean pointers, or wholesale copies, of other folks' BS when, with a little more focus and effort, we can generate such loverly stuff of our own odour, if you see what I mean! :D

This poem, by contrast, smells like deodorant from a Big Roll-On product...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 04:05 PM

Out of what? I know I could do with some more milk, but I can only one think of one strike at the moment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 04:15 PM

When dealing with them in the wild
Cover your ears with mittens;
But don't f**k with your embouchure
Or you'll have embouchurittens.
The little ones are awful cute,
As long as they stay little;
But as soon as they begin to toot,
You'll be awash in spittle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 05:17 PM

MOM, I tried all day to get in. Max had the door locked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 05:29 PM

Just as long as you weren't messing around with your embouchure, m'dear.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 07:12 PM

Gracious, I didn't know that they drilled for milk in Scotland! New sort of North Sea oil, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 08:34 PM

Oh to be in Scotland now,
Where the grass is all of silk,
Where rich men get to ride a cow,
And poor folks drill for milk,
Where all the trees grow lightning bugs
And the sheep all live in town.
I'm sure if I were there today,
My mind would calm right down!

Sassenach Departuy Lonagaow
Songs from the Hebrides Tea Farms
Whack O'Blarney Publications
Edinborough, 1927


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 09:21 PM

Oh, to be in San Diego
Where you can drive a Winnebago
And e'en if you're a Pa,
And they make you eat coleslaw
You know that it's all right
To bet on a good cockfight
Right there in the plaza
(While your wife is kept in purdah)
For San Diego is the place
Where you can fill up your braincase
With the music of guitars
Strummed by politicians in peignoirs.

       -- Seamus O'Rostrokovich, Some Damned Good Poems I wrote
          (Dublin: St. James Infirmary Press, 1907)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 09:28 PM

I've been writing a song, but I'm sort of stuck. Perhaps someone can suggest something. Here's what I have so far:

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of wood, made of wood,
In the blink of an eye my soul is turnin'
To the 'hood, to the 'hood.


Something's just not quite right about it -- it doesn't quite express what I want to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM

I wonder if it would make sense if my allergies weren't acting up?

Naw. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 11:11 PM

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of glass, made of glass,
In the blink of an eye my soul is turnin'
To my a..a..a..


ahem, maybe not. Back to the drawing board.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 01:51 AM

Jes' keep plugging, compadres. You will get where you really wanna go.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 06:41 AM

Yes, but who is driving? And can any of us think in enough dimensions to acually read the map?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 08:24 AM

Gluon can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 08:54 AM

I've tried dust, oranges, fruit, jello, cement, steel, polyethylene, styrofoam, vinyl, leather, naugahyde, PVC, copper, rocks, dirt, humus, rice, banannas, arsenic, drugs, balls, epees, fog, asphalt, and rubber. I really thought wood would work, but it still doesn't do it.

Shame, really. I think it could be a pretty nice song. If I could get it to work I think that Tom Paxton would be a natural for singing it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:14 AM

Every morning at seven o'clock
There are thirteen milkmaids drilling on the rock
And the boss comes around, and she says, real mean,
"Come down on yer drills for the Dairy Queen!"
And drill, ye milkmaids, drill!

And drill, milkmaids, drill!!
For you'll hammer and turn
For the milk in the urn,
Oh, drill, milkmaids, drill!!

Now the foreman gal was One-Eyed Sal
A bitch on the job but a poor man's pal,
She's scream at the milkmaids all the day
"DOn't ye bring in curds, if ye wants yer pay!"
And drill, milkmaids, drill.



Remaining verses left as an exercise for the student.

Mom, I had a flat tire going to work this morning and had to change it in the dark with nasty cars whizzing right by me,and now I want a drink.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:20 AM

There's probably a water cooler right down the hall.

I was commissioned some years ago to write a song. A young man named something like Mac Dagger asked me to write a song for his group and how they couldn't satisfy their needs. He wanted "something gritty" and I said I'd do it. Anyway, I wrote the following, which has had some success:

I can't get a triple latte,
I can't get a triple latte,
And I try, and I'll pay, and I'll pay!
I can't git any
I can't git any...."


Perhaps you've heard it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:23 AM

You shouldn't have been hanging out near the Automobile Lavatory if you didn't want cars whizzing next to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM

Better they should be whizzing NEXT to him rather than ON him.

I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:36 AM

I'm worried because the experience leaves him wanting a drink. Not what I would expect from experiencing car whizzing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:07 AM

Speaking of drink, the room is about to be filled with the rich aroma of bubbling malt and hops. It's practical microbiology day, as I am running out of beer.....

Hurray, Hurray, it's brewing day,
outdoor Se
Better beer begins today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:20 AM

OOOOOOOOOOOOH! Practical microbiology! Goes alone with my practical chemistry. (Chemistry, as I explained to my niece, consists only of fires, explosions, and stinks.)

I wonder if any of the drivers of those whizzing cars stopped and asked Amos if he knew he had a flat tire. When that's been asked of me I found it very, very helpful since I was COMPLETELY unaware of the flat and was simply taking the spare, the jack and other stuff out of the truck because I'd suddenly wondered, as I was driving along the Interstate, whether or not I actually had them in the car.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:31 AM

Yeah, you can't be too careful when keeping an eye on that spare.

I think the line in the earlier exerise should be modified, Amos:

A bitch on the job but a poor man's pal,

Maybe this was a trick question? I believe "A bitch on the job but a poor maid's pal" is more germane.

I had a flat on the highway a few weeks ago--at least, the puncture happened on the highway but it was a relatively slow leak and it wasn't until a couple of hours later in the driveway that it went flat. I heard a "pow!" and thought something had been thrown from the roadway onto the undercarriage, because the truck still felt like it drove okay. I've avoided that patch of road for a little while, hoping the road hazard has been removed by now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 12:28 PM

I haven't heard that song, unless it is the one that got demodulated into Muzak tapes at the local Starbucks. But, I think I can understand the sentiment, now that I know who wrote it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 05:42 PM

Such a nice day outside Mom, I think I'm going to go outside and play. The dogs can go with me. Gluon can come too but I'd really rather travel in just one dimension this time. Our leashes got tangled back in 1967 and again in 1972 the last time she tried taking a walk with us. A simple 2006 traverse of the woods is all I ask.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 06:13 PM

Last time I walked that duckdog it chased a squirrel and ended up getting the leash tangled in 347 BCE, 1350 CE, 1916 CE, and 3479 CE. You ever try to untangle the same leash in the middle of an attempted palace coup in China, the Black Death, the Battle of Cambrai, and the attempt by the Ricians to defeat the Combined Fleet at the Holocaust of Rigel IVa? Lemme tell ya, it ain't easy turnin' green -- and blue, and black, and just the buboes will kill ya!

Damn duckdog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:40 PM

Hi Mom, what are you doing down there amongst Bin Laden and the Morris Dancers? While your kids are out walking I'll give you a nice cup of tea and a bit of a lift. I've been a good girl and put all the virtual chardonnay bottles in the recycling bin. Sorry about last year - I really did mean to pick them up, but something distracted me.

That Gluon - he really needs to go to a training school - if you could catch him first. Do they have training schools for duckdogs? That's why I'd never go for a walk with a duckdog - you never know where (or when) you're gonna finish up....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:41 PM

Across the miles and over the years
I hear you call,
"When will you come home?"
"When will you come home?"
Over,
And over.....

Jessup, 1995


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:18 PM

(one, two, three, FOAH!) (Motown driving rhythm with a back beat, 8 bars...)

Lady Lack on the old time track,
Jumping forward and falling back,
Multiple lifetimes, it could get worse,
Living n a parallel U-niverse,

Walk the duckdog, baby!
Walk the duckdog, baby!
It don't much matter when
It'll happen all over again,
Just walk the duckdog, baby!!


...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 08:12 AM

There's a nice, folky sounding song about time travel, or possibly just time dialation on 'A Night at the Opera', the Queen one, not the Marx brothers one.

Silly story line, and they all end up dead or unhappy. Must be folk...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 09:04 AM

Worst of all was the time that damned duckdog got the leash wrapped as a Mobius strip (Jennie-O, that's a mathematical thing, not something you do in a sleazy bar) around a Time Anomaly.

Ever watch a duckdog pee, over and over and over and over, for 4,593,197,379 standard years? It gets boring after the first couple times, lemme tell ya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 09:06 AM

Hey, ya know, "Bin Laden and the Morris Dancers" sounds like some musical group! I must admit that the mental image of Osama Bin Laden prancing around in a porkpie hat, hankies tied to his wrists, does have a strange appeal!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 10:17 AM

Especially if Gluon pees on him while he does it. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 10:56 AM

The beer aspect of morris dancing might present a slight problem, but other than that, hes's got it all

beard                   check
funny clothes          check
No women to join in    check



Any idea why google has come up with ads for stretching exercises?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 11:03 AM

don't know - I've got ads for Klezmer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 11:10 AM

I've got ads for cross-dressing. I kid you not!

Still thinking of Bin Laden and the Morris Dancers -

This is it and that is it
And this is a morris dance, sir
Bin Laden fell and broke his leg
And so I took a chance, sir


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 11:25 AM

Osama Bin Laden, professional murderer, religious zealot, rabble-rouser, promulgator of violence, destroyer of lives and property...take up Morris dancing? What would he do with his needle-work while this was going on? Where would he put his nittens and his rubber duck?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 04:11 PM

So long, Mom,
I'm off to the Grand Tetons,
So don't wait up for me....

Be back Sunday, Mom. Then on Tuesday I'm off to SLC for the rest of the week, only I'll be in touch there Mom, I promise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM

Mom called me to ask if you had extra socks with you. Why she called me, I don't know.

Do you have extra socks with you? You know how she worries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 07:19 PM

I have an extra t-shirt! I do, I do! And guess what it says, why you'll never guess. . .






























MOAB!


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