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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 26 Mar 07 - 01:29 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 03:12 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 04:20 PM
MMario 26 Mar 07 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 07:10 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 08:07 PM
Amos 26 Mar 07 - 08:10 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 09:06 PM
Acme 26 Mar 07 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 07 - 10:30 PM
Acme 26 Mar 07 - 10:46 PM
GUEST 27 Mar 07 - 12:19 AM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 12:54 AM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 12:56 AM
Rapparee 27 Mar 07 - 09:41 AM
MMario 27 Mar 07 - 09:42 AM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 10:24 AM
MMario 27 Mar 07 - 10:32 AM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 10:41 AM
Rapparee 27 Mar 07 - 12:08 PM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 12:19 PM
MMario 27 Mar 07 - 12:27 PM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 07 - 03:22 PM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 07 - 04:31 PM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 07 - 05:34 PM
Amos 27 Mar 07 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 07 - 08:43 PM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 12:04 AM
MMario 28 Mar 07 - 09:08 AM
Rapparee 28 Mar 07 - 09:14 AM
MMario 28 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM
Rapparee 28 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 09:44 AM
Acme 28 Mar 07 - 09:47 AM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 10:18 AM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 10:30 AM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 07 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 07 - 04:23 PM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 04:33 PM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 04:35 PM
Amos 28 Mar 07 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 07 - 11:15 PM
MMario 29 Mar 07 - 08:45 AM
Amos 29 Mar 07 - 09:04 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 01:29 PM

Or take it down to Sea World and say it's for immoral porpoises.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 01:34 PM

Wow... you guys are hot, hot, hot!! Pssssss----owwwoooooo!


LOL! Immoral porpoises are not made welcome here in San Diego. THey are turned back at the entrance to San Diego Bay and invited to move on down toward Baja. They can go frolic with those low-class gray whales in Bahia de los Angleles who can't think of anything but breed, breed, breed. And right out in public, too!! Really!! And you wonder why ours os the superior species!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 03:12 PM

Well, Amos, I guess you get the chose where to live. And if you want to live near a place where gray whales and porpoises engage in...well, it's your choice. Now here in Idaho the porpoises and dolphins and whales are all well-behaved and good, upstanding citizens. Just the other day a police officer had to order one of THOSE sorts, a dolphin, out of the river and was chittered at for his efforts! Subsequent investigation showed that the dolphin had recently moved here from Southern California.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 04:20 PM

No need to get TOO snooty, Mister R. You may recall that Idaho is where that drunken, besotted, immoral, banderlogue clan of a Legion calls home.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 04:23 PM

oh wow! I never realized that The Banderlog were a branch of the Legion - or is it vice-versa?

So are there any guys left who knew Mowgli "back when"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 07:10 PM

Yeah, there are. But they don't like to admit it. Mowgli, it seems, was the nasty sort of drunk who felt it the height of humor to throw up on your good shoes. Mowgli isn't discussed much in Legion. Hazel Stone, on the other hand....

But what I wanted to tell Mom is that my green laser pointer came! Wavelength of 532 nm, <5 mW output (wish it was lots more!), and a range of over 9,000 ft. The only things cooler would be a) lots more output or b) a blue laser pointer, only they cost over US $2,000.00 and this was less than $90, exclusive of shipping. (I promised Mom not to look down the barrel or shine it in anyone's eyes.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 08:07 PM

Aside from scouting around underwater for books jettisoned by guilty high-school students, what will you use your new green laser for, Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 08:10 PM

Mom, I'll be away for a couple of days while I build a new system. So, keep Rapaire and Stilly in line for me, and Bunn and Little Hawk and the dogduck and MMMMMario. Make them do chores or something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 09:06 PM

The City's CFO has been pointing out things on proposed-budget Powerpoint slides with his red laser for a couple years now. I will use my GREEN laser to do the same sort of thing, only I will be much, much cooler because EVERYBODY has a red laser.

Besides, Amos, if you gotta ask, you ain't a geek!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 10:21 PM

A mile and a half range? To hit a powerpoint program screen across the room? Now that's overkill. I bet you have it to try to burn holes in something. Quilts? Forests? Airplanes? Fess up. They'll go easier on you if you haven't done it yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 10:26 PM

No, I have it because I can. It's kinda cool when the beam hits cut crystal, and on one color of bright pink it turn bright gold.

Of course, it WOULD be really neat if it DID burn holes in stuff....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 10:30 PM

And at night, like now, you can actually see the laser beam. Light saber!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 10:46 PM

Pat: "Turn that thing off and go to sleep. You're going to catch the blankets on fire."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 12:19 AM

It may be useful if you ever go deep down in salt water looking for those cast-off tomes.

Especially when it is mimsy among the borogroves, which makes the tomes wax outgrabe.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 12:54 AM



GLUON!!!.........GLUON!!!.......Bring that cookie back here, Gluon!!!!Her, Gluon!! Here, Gluon !!! Bring the goddamned cookie here!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 12:56 AM

And a very happy 16770 to you all.

Buck Rogers


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 09:41 AM

Jealousy. Envy. I'm a geek and Amos ain't, ha ha ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 09:42 AM

You thought the comment about Hazel Stone went unnoticed, didn't you Rapaire?

She's a pretty good topic of conversation; though those hoodlum grandsons of hers will cause trouble if they catch you looking at her photos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 10:24 AM

Thinking that a green laser-pointer makes you a geek, good Sir, is kind of like the error in which one thinks that having a penis makes him a lover.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 10:32 AM

MOM!

Amos and Rap are havin' a geek-war!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 10:41 AM

Besides which, pointing at PowerPoints with a laser beam is not the earmark of Geekdom, but of being A Bureaucrat. Ther is still a difference.

B is for Bureaucrat, boss of us all,
Pointing at Powerpoint slides on the wall,
Speaking in poly-syllabic exhortions,
Subscribing to bureaucrat-mindset distortion.
Salaried Bureucrat, well-fed and placid,
Messing up workers with mandates half-asséd
Thinking in boxes, and process, and flow,
Half-human above and necrotic below;
Prince of the org chart, and office-ware fashion,
But short of emotion, and empty of passion.
Child, take a warning, when seeking a hat,
And do not aspire to become someone fat,
A dull-witted slide-showing fat Bureaucrat.

Purdy Darnslick
Country LEssons in a City Soul and other Rhymes
Painful, Sloe, Lehrner, New Athens, 1957


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 12:08 PM

The first letters spell "BPSSSMTHPBCAA" which is the sound a flat cat makes when it's angry.

True, a simple laser pointer isn't the essence of geekdom. But a green laser from Thinkgeek makes you one of the smart masses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 12:19 PM

Dude, if you want to look like an übergeek, pull this out of your pocket and start typing on the wall.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 12:27 PM

if that is suppossed to be a full size keyboard then the unit is considerably larger then a matchbook. By about 1600 % I would guestimate, mayhaps more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 01:18 PM

The projection would of course get larger to scale as the projector moved away from the target plane. They moved them close together for the purpose of the photo, I suspect.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 03:22 PM

What makes you think I don't already have one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 03:58 PM

Knowing you, if you HAD one, ya woulda been bragging about it long since; ergo, quod erat demonstrarum, post hoc ET propter hoc.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 04:31 PM

Amos, Amos. I do not "brag" about what I have. Were I to do so I would brag about having rhythmn, having music, having my girl, and who could ask for anything more? I packed up all my cares and woes and left my troubles on the doorstep when I set sail on the GS Lollipop to search for where the Big Rock Candy Mountain, 'way up high, overlooks Fiddler's Green, at the hour when the ship comes in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 04:35 PM

I seem to recall someone bragging about a green laser-stick because it was so geeky...and accusing someone else of envy over it. Oh, and a certain newly acquired sword, and some other odds and ends.

Bluff and posture if you will, but I am confident in my analysis.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 05:34 PM

Brag, no. State a fact, yes. But your jealousy of my recently acquired rapier and my green laser pointer is so overwhelming that I shall never say anything at all every again about stuff. Not even that I was recently informed that I won a big lottery I don't remember entering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 05:54 PM

Oh, fir, sirrah!! You are projecting again. I wouldn't have a green laser rapier if you offered me one.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 07 - 08:43 PM

I recently purchased some          so that I could hide the                               we ran above the ceiling tiles in the basement. Of course, I had to buy some               or it would show, but "very flat black" works well. Also, we got the                installed, so the guest room aspect of the basement is ready to go as soon as I do some touch-up. We've gotten a pair of extra-long             , and if anyone wants to come visiting just let me know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 12:04 AM

That is really tempting.

You are such a weisenheimer!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:08 AM

It's a MOAB Mad-lib!



1) a vegetable

2) an adjective and a fruit

3) your favorite cereal

4) an electronic apparatus

5) a pet


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:14 AM

I recently purchased some vegetables so that I could hide the   
decayed mangoes we ran above the ceiling tiles in the basement. Of course, I had to buy some Cream of Wheat or it would show, but "very flat black" works well. Also, we got the ground-penetrating radar installed, so the guest room aspect of the basement is ready to go as soon as I do some touch-up. We've gotten a pair of extra-long   
dachshunds, and if anyone wants to come visiting just let me know!

How's that, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM

not side-splittingly funny - but amusing enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM

Well, I have to buy a set of                   today, so that we can do RSS and similar things at work. I might buy two of them -- depends on the cost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:44 AM

The new modesty seems strained. Who are you and what have you done with Rapaire? We can find you, you know...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:47 AM

Meanwhile. . . I have an aubergine in my fridge for dinner tonight. I'll use a spatula to move the cooked slices out of the hot oil as I make eggplant parmigiana. (Spell check offered me the Italian spelling for "parmegian," or the option to remove eggplant ptarmigan with my spatula. I draw the line at this point. Besides, ptarmigan aren't purple.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 10:18 AM

I never saw a purple ptarmigan;
I never hope to see one.
But unless the Japanese re-arm again,
I'd rather see than be one!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 10:30 AM

I wrote the purple ptarmigan.
I'm sad to say I wrote it.
But you can buy the farm again,
Just go ahead and quote it.

Wilson Puckerup Taimly
Kissing Cousins and Their Secrets
Wichita, 1953


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 03:08 PM

As cruced yee Sonne across the towering Skye
To myne companions bolde I sayde, sayde I,
"Gude friendes, for Jesu' sake, then strive,
For wee are at syxtene and saevin-nynety-five!

"And fayne I woulde Oure Mothere Fayre uplift,
Ande unto Herre bestow the rairest Gyfte,
By gentle Spyryte and bye Helpin Hande,
To bring herre to Ye Seyventeen of Grande!"

Up spayke the Knighte, the bold Rapaire Yclept,
And said, "The land arounde I have beSwepte!
No Ennemie nor Hurdle lurketh there!"
And so assured us alle, Ye Bold Rapaire.

And thene stept Upp ye tender maiden Stilly,
Who blushing sayde, "An it does note Sounde Sillye,
I wille Myselfe to show here Any Manne,
That I in postes Out Number alle canne."

Thene chimed up Mario, a Manne of Emms,
Who well-reknownd was for Verse and Phlegm,
Ande kindly sayde, "Goode lasse, Bee note afrayde!"
Ande att her Feete, hise Posting Swourd he layde.


(These lines are all that remain of a much large parchment found in water-stained decomposed condition in an excavation recently performed at Outeback-under-Bog, a small village in Northwest Birdsex.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:21 PM

Speaketh up Sir Amos bolde

Stronge his arm and axillae withalle

Sir Amos who with grontes golde

Did sore ycled and yield trallalle!

Sayethe he This doth become

Naughte butte a way to theel and thum

All dawn til duske doth beate a drumme

And I hath feeleth mickle dum!

Nonne answerd him nonne to he spok

Yet perchance a yonge afrited byrd

Didst gyre and snatche a frogge to croke

And swiven swan untille it broke!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:23 PM

That was from the Albert Greathouse Manuscript, what is left of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:33 PM

"Then cryeed the Knight, "Nowe, bye mye bottle,
I do confesse I am an Axolotl!
Yea, 'tis truth, 'tis truth,
An ever I woulde speake ye sooth,
An vow I to you alle, I shalle not pander
In praying to become ye Saleamander."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:35 PM

And wytha flaire, he cryed, for alle to see,
"Now do wee alle sixteene-aight hunnert Bee!"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 10:27 PM

Sigh. See, Mom? I'm the only one who cares about you. None of the others... OH! I'm sorry. That was plagiarism, wasn't it? I'll send a nickel to Pocatello at once.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 11:15 PM

Mom, I haven't posted here in a few hours because I wanted Amos to be able to revel in his achievement. It takes so very little to amuse him, you know, and I wouldn't want to "queer the do" (as the song says). Amos doesn't ask much, I guess -- a crust of moldy bread now and then, some methalated spirits or shaving lotion to wash it down with, underwear that's not been worn continuously for more than three or four weeks -- you know the sort of things he likes.

Yes, I know that he's been a bit of a disappointment to you, but then he's been a disappointment to all of us. So I don't see why we shouldn't let him have his little joys and pleasures.

Poor chap gets so very few of them....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 08:45 AM

[[places Nice hot (freshly made from scratch by hand) pecan crumpets and a pot of Irish Breakfast tea; on a tray with lace placemat and a small vase of crocus]]

Good morning MOM!

I brought you breakfast!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 09:04 AM

Mom, if Rapaire lies to you should I say anything? Or would you rather let him make you stupid?

Just asking.


A


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