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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 04 Jun 09 - 11:33 AM
Amos 04 Jun 09 - 12:07 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 09 - 01:58 PM
Amos 04 Jun 09 - 03:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jun 09 - 03:28 PM
Amos 04 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 09 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 09 - 04:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jun 09 - 06:31 PM
Amos 04 Jun 09 - 07:29 PM
Acme 04 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 09 - 08:33 AM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 05 Jun 09 - 11:53 AM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 09 - 11:56 AM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 12:10 PM
Acme 05 Jun 09 - 12:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jun 09 - 12:31 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 09 - 12:33 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 01:25 PM
Acme 05 Jun 09 - 02:31 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 09 - 03:14 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM
Acme 05 Jun 09 - 04:20 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 09 - 05:55 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 09 - 07:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM
Amos 05 Jun 09 - 10:33 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 09 - 11:41 PM
Acme 06 Jun 09 - 12:34 AM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 01:22 AM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 02:57 AM
Janie 06 Jun 09 - 08:44 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jun 09 - 10:15 AM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 10:57 AM
Acme 06 Jun 09 - 11:33 AM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 11:42 AM
Acme 06 Jun 09 - 02:54 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 03:44 PM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 05:11 PM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 06:34 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 09 - 06:56 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 07:02 PM
Amos 06 Jun 09 - 07:14 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 09 - 07:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 11:33 AM

Oh Thirty K, I hear you calling!
Away, you thirty thousand!
Where Little Hawk and Rapaire are squalling,
Away, we're bound away
Along to the thirty thousand.

The old MOAB, she's a mighty mother!
Away, you thirty thousand!
Where posters bother one another,
Away, we're bound away
I'm bound for thirty thousand.

Oh MOAB, discipline your daughters!
Away, you thirty thousand!
They never mind you as they oughter!
Away, we're bound away
We are bound for thirty thousand.

Oh, MOAB, put your sons to working!
Away, you thirty thousand!
They're as uselss as a broke-down gherkin!
Away, we're bound away
We are bound for thirty thousand.

Oh, MOAB, put away your hulas!
Away, you thirty thousand!
Your remote controls, and your old spaTUlas,
Away, we're bound away
We are bound for thirty thousand.

Oh, MOAB, sure I love your daughters!
Away, you thirty thousand!
They heat my brain like fire-water!
Away, we're bound away
We are bound for thirty thousand.


Collected from the singing of "Uncertain Angel" Harridan of Antimaya, Wisconsin, in the field surveys of "High Max" Alain O'Dale
Deeper Truth Recordings, Knoxville, 1949


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 12:07 PM

IF you insist, sir, on being dumbfounded by simple typographical errors, perhaps you should find other employment. I understand Walmart is looking for Senior Greeters in your area...

Or, if you are feeling more adventurous, there are a number of Nigerian banks, princes, widows of millionaires, and mega-wealthy heirs who seem to be at loose ends figuring out how to dsipose of large numbers of millions of dollars. You may just be the right person at the right time...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 01:58 PM

Those Phillipine Tarsiers have got to be about the cutest thing going. They look much too gentle to be useful in accomplishing Amos's demise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 03:05 PM

The desire to effectuate my demise, sir, has been greatly exaggerated.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 03:28 PM

♫♫
Jeepers! Creepers! Where's ya get dem peepers?
Jeepers! Creepers! Where's ya get demise?
♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 03:29 PM

The weekend days will soon be here!
No pleasure will I lack!
For as the dawn breaks o'er the sea
I will be there riding the waves so free
At sea in my old Kayak.

Go off on bus, or bike or plane,
With an overstuffed back-pack!
I'd rather be on the ocean's breast,
Hearing the wild gull sing my rest,
At sea in my old Kayak.

For the quiet dip of the skipper's blade
In the predawn waters black
Brings a solitude and a comfort deep
Worth the pain of a badly broken sleep,
Out at sea in my old Kayak.

Heerleysian Oldufferby Lowe
Dumb Songs from Smartmouths
Bodleian Library Publications
London, 1838


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 03:31 PM

Still, Amos, the efficacy of effectuating your effective demise would be, I think, effective in its overall effect...effectively speaking...

Are we nearing 30,000?

Where is Bill Shatner at this vital time? I should call him up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 04:35 PM

Do your utmost to refrain, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 06:31 PM

The Google ad is touting Neuropsychology Services. Well, goody for them, but I don't need neuropsychology servicing right now. A modern brain in good working order can easily go 6,000 thoughts between servicings. Sure, they want you to have your brain serviced every three months or 3,000 thoughts (whichever comes first), but that's bogus. 3,000 was the standard for old-style brains on old-style drugs. The drugs are so much better now than they used to be that every 6,000 thoughts or six months is perfectly adequate. In fact, it probably won't damage your brain to go as high as 10,000 thoughts between servicings. They're just trying to get you to spend money you don't have on something you don't need.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 07:29 PM

Fortunately, there is a built-in resistance to spending money you don't have, whether yoou need something or not. Usually, you gotta have it before you spend it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM

Newsflash! Poop seen from space!

Yup. You betcha.

Penguin stained ice, and it isn't just skid marks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 08:33 AM

Is NOTHING sacred anymore??? Well, those scientists are to be complimented: they really give a shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 10:15 AM

Well, I think its commendable to finally tear the veil of Victorian sanctimony and hypocritical propriety off the endlessly fascinating subject of penguin feces. About time we outgrew those old Victorians in this department.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 11:53 AM

"I don't know the names of those penguins, but their feces are familiar."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 11:56 AM

Better than Bat Guano too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:10 PM

A familiarity for which I warrant you would be hard put to account, sir.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:24 PM

"Quick! Bury it! That damned satellite is overhead again!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:31 PM

Fortunately, there is a built-in resistance to spending money you don't have, whether yoou need something or not. Usually, you gotta have it before you spend it.

Hah! Spending money you don't have is easy! That's what credit cards are for!

It's also why our economy's in the toilet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:33 PM

Somewhere, there exists the fabled Penguin Poopyard. Like the mythic graveyard where elephants go to die, this is where penguins go to poop. And just as whoever finds the Elephants' graveyard will be rich with ivory beyond their wildest dreams, whoever locates the fabled poopyard will find themselves really in the shit. Penguins know where it is, but they cannot be followed. One lover of penguins managed to slip a herd a laxative, thinking that they would lead him There, but instead they flung it at their human groupie who then knew what was meant by "the shit hitting the fan."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 01:25 PM

And if you haven't lived through being targeted and bracketed by a malevolent gaggle of diarrheic Emperors, you haven't lived, dude!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 02:31 PM

"Gaggle" doesn't seem to fit penguins. A Pensive of penguins, perhaps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 03:14 PM

Right. Just like a torpid of turtles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:16 PM

I submit a "tuxedo of Penguins" might suit.

(By the way, did you know THIS????:

Baby penguins hatch at just the right time. During the winter months when the young hatch, the ocean is farthest away from the penguins. By the time the young are ready to enter the ocean, the ice pack has melted, bringing the water's edge closest to them. To keep warm against the harsh Antarctic wind and subzero temperatures while incubating its egg, the male penguin huddles with other males in a huge circle. They take turns moving from the outer, colder area to the inner, warmer area. This instinct is part of God's protection for this species.
)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:20 PM

Wow? Does god have a huge kitchen timer she sets and then tells them when to move?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM

Naw--She built a cellular-scale MEMS device and encoded it into their DNA in Her lab. The prototype was a flop--it kept turning around at the wrong time and freezing on the spot. But eventually She got it right and went into full-scale production.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 05:55 PM

You nailed it, Amos. A tuxedo of penguins is the right term for sure.

How about when William Shatner calls together all his near and distant family members to a huge gathering and holds a barbecue. What have you got then????


























A shitload of Shatners!!! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 06:23 PM

Well, for more formal circumstances, perhaps a run of Shatners...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 07:12 PM

Perhaps "load" or "dump" or "movement" might be appropriate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM

Most members of Shatner's family despise him. The only reason they'd come to his barbecue would be to stay on his good side in hopes they'd be mentioned in his will. Such a grouping should be referred to as a "sycophant of Shatners".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 10:33 PM

Or, more colloquially, a suck of Shatners.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 11:41 PM

Or a shitner of Shatners.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 12:34 AM

If Shatner should read these posts I know what he'd look like--the hit will be visceral, his pain exquisite, his expression anguished.

LH, how could you? He's your hero!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 01:22 AM

Of course he's my hero. Bill rises above all this sort of thing with the effortless grace of only those few who have played the game of life to its fullest, mastered it, and risen to a perspective where nothing can throw them any longer. I know Bill has done that, therefore I have no fear of how this sort of humour might affect him. Do you know he has an anecdote in the book "Get a Life!" where an African elephant shits on his head when he sticks it out of his tent to see what's happening? I kid you not. And he sees the humour in that, although he found it very hard to see at the time it happened...but his wife thought it was just hilarious...until she realized that he would necessarily have to remain in the same tent with her for the rest of the night!

Then there was the time he tried to rescue a black and white cat that he'd clipped with the wheel of his 4 x 4. It turned out to be a skunk, just momentarily stunned, and it revived, gave him both barrels and flounced off. He sees humour in that now too. William Shatner is a man who knows how to get a laugh at his own expense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 02:57 AM

ANd the incompetence to supply them, too...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 08:44 AM

Cursed be iTunes.

SumYungSun stumbled across songs by both Shatner and Nimroy and has been playing them constantly to annoy me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:15 AM

This discussion of a "________ of Shatners" has gone in the wrong direction. We've attempted to apply decriptions indicating large, disgusting quantities to Shatner when, in fact, Shatner is the large, disgusting quantity. It's not a "________ of Shatners", it's a "Shatner of ________".

The satellite photo Stilly linked to is an image of a Shatner of penguin shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:52 AM

Aazing--a brilliant man like our own BeeDub can make such a profound and far-reaching paradigm shift in such a straightforward, simply-worded sentence.

Mom, I was out at dawn, adrift on the heaving bosom of the deep as it came landward becoming the snorking bosom of the shallow. The sea swells ran slow and deep. Among them the seals cavorted and the sea lions bragged and bellowed by the seacaves; a pelican made a vertical drop into the water of my port beam and came up with a baggy mouth full of silver fingerlings.

These little fingerlings, when the seals are on the prowl, hasten toward the light and throw themselves into it in a fit of cultic frenzy, leaping inches into the air, only to find themselves seized by the pale relentless vice of gravity and pulled back again into the dangerous water. It is quite odd--they are like astronauts or scuba-divers--they throw themselves into another environ, where they cannot operate, and yet they do so in an effort to survive. What is more puzzling is that they do not know they ate in water, according to the accepted wisdom concerning the consciousness of fish; Yet they know enough to leap out of it. This is a subtle point, perhaps, but one I find compelling.

The shallows are full of them this time of day, because it is breakfast time for gulls, cormorants, seals, sea lions and pelicans. And the little fingerlings are the Big Macs of the sea. So the odds are stacked at sunrise, and it is no wonder they get a it frantic; yo can hear, more than see them, as they leap and fall in every direction-- kerflip, kerflip. All the while the ponderous waves, who have rolled on in from as far as Okinawa and Ketchikan, arrive in majestic tonnage and find themselves being squeezed into the hard places of shallows-land, their majesty divided and broken into smaller rollers, and these into breakers and sprays of foam, and finally, thrashed and depleted, into foamy fingers of dying, thrown and drawn apart on the sucking sands. What is left subsides back into the sea, and having been completely overwhelmed by the conquering enemy, joins ofrces with and lashes back against its former home, throwing turbulence and counter-tactics into the teeth of the next arriving flotilla of travelers.

Arriving back from the caves and the lionized shore cliffs, there is always a moment of doubt as you ride the big one shoreward. You feel the lift and the thrust and the roll of it under you, and you want, for a moment, to cry "Take me!!" and run to the break, catch the curl, and become one with the crashing death of the waters. But this you must not do. You let it pass, instead, like an express train passing a bicycle; and when it has crashed its weight onto the bar, you then thrust forward and ride in to the shoal as the great wave, now broken, escapes back under you. Then you scrape to a happy, balanced stop at the foam-line and all is well, the process is working, you haul out and go off to get the car, and forget, for another time, those ponderous wet, rolling majesties you traveled among for awhile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 10:57 AM

"The vice of gravity" -- that is a nifty description of it, Amos.

Early this morning I too was on a heaving bosom -- my own, heaving from the lack of desire to arise and face the day. My desire to alleviate a heaving bladdder over my lack of desire and so here I is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 11:33 AM

I don't want to think about what that looks like, Rap.


























Oh, darn. I thought about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 11:42 AM

Why am I seeing Winona's heaving bosom in my mind's eye?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 02:54 PM

Esthetically Winona is better than Rap, that's for sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 03:00 PM

OY!!! View Halloo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 03:44 PM

Oh, fer gunnessakes now you've got LH all hot and bothered. He probably hopped in his Bugatti and whizzed off to join Shame in his eternal search for a women who will actually glance in his direction without throwing up. Oh, there will be Awful Things happening now along the banks of Lake Huron! For all we know LH might already be in durance vile for Lascivious Thoughts (Ont. Prov. Stat. 2004, 83-342(A)(3)b(1) et seq. "El Tee" (as it's called up there) is good for 5 years to life, chained to walls of the "hole" of Makewater Gaol.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 05:11 PM

BEsides, Little Hawk rarely sees anything BUT Winona's bosom (or complementary components) in his mind's eye, except when he is seeing Shatner's flaccid bosom.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 05:29 PM

Well, it is beginning to look as though LH is much more the man of action than we gave him credit for. I sent the Marshal around to check up on him last week, and he walked into the apartment and was hustled out again by an irate LH reciting privacy rights and demanding a warrant. So he left apologizing nicely. But just before he left, who should come traipsing out of the one bathroom but the lady herself, carrying one of his used skin things...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 06:34 PM

You're treading on thin ice, pal. Don't make me call up Chongo to set you straight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 06:56 PM

Chongo, I hear from my sources in Chicago, isn't in any position to do much of anything. As of last night he was nicely chained up while the washtub of cement into which he had for some reason stuck his feet was hardening. Apparently he decided to walk between the doings of Big George of the Northside Gorillas and Louis-the-Face's "corporation" out of Harvey. They called a truce cooperate in the matter of Chongo who, by sometime tonight, will be "an anchorman, just not on television!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 07:02 PM

That sounds like a situation Chongo would get into all right. Hmmm. Time for another daring escape, sounds to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 07:14 PM

I am sure the lovely Ms Ryder could think of some way to distract his guards...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 07:17 PM

Not a bad idea. Chongo's old friend Laura M. should be able to spring him. Not to mention his new friend Renata.


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