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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 08:25 PM
Amos 04 Oct 11 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 10:53 PM
Amos 04 Oct 11 - 11:27 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 11 - 12:16 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 05 Oct 11 - 12:37 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 06:41 AM
Amos 05 Oct 11 - 12:19 PM
gnu 05 Oct 11 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 11 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 11 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 07:36 PM
Acme 05 Oct 11 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 10:17 PM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 11:15 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 11 - 11:20 AM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 11 - 01:57 PM
gnu 06 Oct 11 - 02:14 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 06 Oct 11 - 02:25 PM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 03:46 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 06 Oct 11 - 03:51 PM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 04:55 PM
gnu 06 Oct 11 - 05:21 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 11 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 11 - 09:20 AM
Acme 07 Oct 11 - 09:44 AM
Amos 07 Oct 11 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 11 - 03:17 PM
Acme 07 Oct 11 - 03:54 PM
gnu 07 Oct 11 - 05:43 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 11 - 07:56 PM
Amos 07 Oct 11 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 11 - 11:25 AM
Acme 08 Oct 11 - 11:38 AM
Amos 08 Oct 11 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 11 - 01:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 11 - 01:53 PM
Amos 08 Oct 11 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 11 - 02:54 PM
Acme 08 Oct 11 - 04:28 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 08 Oct 11 - 05:36 PM
gnu 08 Oct 11 - 05:46 PM
Amos 08 Oct 11 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 11 - 06:25 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 09 Oct 11 - 10:46 AM
Acme 09 Oct 11 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 11 - 02:14 PM
Amos 09 Oct 11 - 03:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 08:25 PM

Well, Mom, tomorrow at 0600 MDT I'll be at the hospital, set to go under the knife. If it doesn't work out...Amos can have my sled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 08:39 PM

I would but I may have a schedule conflict and have to fly in. But save your pennies, and you can do it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 10:53 PM

Mom, Amos can have my peg leg and my glass eye, too. But only if the surgery goes bad. I still need my glass eye for playing marbles and my peg leg for cricket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 11:27 PM

THis is to remedy the damage to the ulnar myelin?

This is your ELBOW, right? You don't die from ELBOW, Rapp.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:16 AM

You do if it's Godzilla's elbow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:37 AM

Good luck with the surgery, Rapparee. You have to heal soon so you can share your story. It was good to see you today. I guess since they'll be cutting into you, the mushrooms in your elbow have gone dormant, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 06:41 AM

The staph infection in my elbow is undercontrol. The problem with the ulnar nerve is getting better. No, this surgery was planned for after I returned from Getaway and, of course, I didn't go.

What they are going to do (in laypeople terms) is remove and reverse the stomach and the large intestine. This will put the stomach between the large and small intestines (or the rising and falling colon, if you prefer), and is almost certain to cure my hiccups. That is why I have not had anything by mouth since midnight(it's 4:37 a.m. right now). While they are at it, they're going to clean up my left knee, which has been giving me problems ever since I fell a year ago.

Eisely gets my Red Ryder bb gun, and gnu can have my ant farm, and Stilly can have my x-ray glasses. But only if I don't survive the surgery! Mom will see to that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:19 PM

Oh BOY!! I am getting a custom Nick Apollonio six-string, European spruce tonewood and rosewood body, masterful craftsmanship throughout. I have never met a guitar before that cvould tempt me past my Martin D-35, but I played this new beauty at the Getaway with Kendall and Nick Friday night and fell into a dazed and reverential cloud of awestruck desire. It shall be mine!! I am thrilled.

Mom, I thank Thee for Thy Blessings. But some blessings make me smile, and others make me dance for joy. This is of the latter category.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 03:18 PM

Ant farm? Ant farm? We got a shitload a yer ants hereaboust. Can ya milk these here ants ya got? Does a milkin machine come with?

I had a Red Ryder with a saddle ring. I could tell ya stories. Especially the one when I started shootin at partridge (I was 9) when dad got the guns out as we was just on the dirt road. I got off about three shots before he grabeed the BB gun and then me by the scruff of the neck, threw me in the car and TOOK OFF! I can still remember him saying I was gonna get a kick in the arse as soon as we were out of sight of the farm... and the chickens.

Anyway, I sure do hope everything goes peachy keen in the OR, unless ya change yer mind about the BB gun and the ants before they slice and dice yer ass.

PS... good luck buddy... yer one a the good guys eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 03:32 PM

Good luck, Rap!

Good choice of guitar, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 04:03 PM

I'm back from the surgery. I'm not dead. So ha-ha. More when I'm not drugged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 06:12 PM

Are you seeing any visions? Walls melting? Pink elephants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 07:36 PM

I'm sleeping a lot. Does that count?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 07:40 PM

That was quick! I only learned of the surgery 3 minutes ago as I was reading the thread, then 1 minute ago I learned you were out again!

Astonishing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 10:17 PM

My surgeon called "Doc Lightspeed" by his colleagues. Sometimes he operates before the patient is even born.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:15 AM

I know a guy who was a patient of his, but Doc Lightspeed operated on the wrong testicle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:20 AM

The night was full of blood and pain, arteries squirting and teeth on the floor from a fall.

Not at my house, but another mundane night up at the Legion Hovel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 12:11 PM

Grab your broom, grab your shovel
Ready up your soul for trouble
Follow me, now on the double
We're gonna clean that Legion Hovel!!

(Banjo solo here)...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 01:57 PM

They like banjo players up there. Gives 'em someone to pity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 02:14 PM

So Rap... how long before you can resume regular sexual activity?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 02:25 PM

Flipheads like him don't HAVE nothin' that youse could call "normal" sexaul activity!

And it don't take a lotta branes to guest why he had a problem with his elbow, eh? Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 03:46 PM

That's why the Gnu is asking, silly!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 03:51 PM

??...the Flip---! You think I am stoopid or somethin'?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 04:55 PM

Well, you want an honest answer?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 05:21 PM

I didn't mess around today. I bought a new photocell and a new bulb for the security light on the garage. Last Oct 20 I went to Princess Auto four times to get things sorted. Up and down the ladder with my arthritic knees a dozen times at least. Today, ladder up, ladder down. If it doesn't work well tonight I'll cut the power and return them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 07:07 PM

Shame, my knee was operated upon. The damage was cause by what you think, but I have to use my toes due to my endowment. Of course, you wouldn't know anything about things like that, would you, "Inchworm"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:20 AM

Mornin', Mom. I spent another night on dope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:44 AM

I have nothing to contribute this morning except to observe "TGIF!" And then some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:56 AM

IN the small circle of hell where I earn my daily bread, Fridays are very special. THe HR department rolls in boxes of doughnuts, oranges, bagels, and other snacky delights and everyone descends on the lunchroom to celebrate another productive week. Also, Friday signifies the approach of two days of not having to go to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 03:17 PM

From "The Sudbury Star", Friday, March 13, [year missing]:

To Miss Leona McBride, a son, Shame. Weight at birth: 4 kg., weight one hour afterbirth: 2 kg. Doctor's comment: Never before have I seen such an excellent example of tinea cruris as this baby. And never before has so small an infant presented the hospital with 2 kg. of fecal matter in such a short time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 03:54 PM

Does your HR department have a wet bar that they roll out at 4:45pm, to give you a really good start on a) the weekend or b) rush hour traffic?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 05:43 PM

Inchworm? Are you sayin yer a big dick?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 07:56 PM

I'm a humble person. I like people to discover my brilliance, my radiance, my good looks, and my goodness all by themselves. If I were to go around boasting about it I would be too proud to be humble and I'm very proud of my humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:49 PM

I will be glad to endorse your policy of not bragging about yourself. Let me know when it goes into effect.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 11:25 AM

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Shame McBride for all of the nasty things I've called him. I would like to say that he is a good man and a good Canadian, one whom all of the men admire and for whom the women pine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 11:38 AM

. . . waiting for the other shoe to drop . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 01:34 PM

This new wave of self-effacing humility and genteel politesse on the part of our gun-toting Bookmeister is a bit unsettling. Is there not a punch line in there somewhere? :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 01:51 PM

Amos, I have eschewed violence in all of its forms, nor am I polluting the Temple which is my body with anything other than pure water and foods grown without harming anyone or anything else. Indeed, those foods


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 01:53 PM

which I do eat have to have fallen from a tree or otherwise volunteered to become food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 02:28 PM

Oh. So if someone comes up to you and says "Eat me, motherfucker", you revel in the opportunity to do so?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 02:54 PM

If the person has been properly cooked, perhaps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 04:28 PM

I have okra and eggplant and herbs and peppers are volunteering to be eaten.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 05:36 PM

I was majerly flippin' suprised to hear that Rapparree has made a compleat apologie to me for all the bad things he has said in the passed aginst me and the McBride fambly!

I did not expecked that to happen, eh?

But it has.

Well, I hadda wait a long time for the fliphea...I mean for this nice guy to fineally wisen up and give respect where it is deu. Alls I can say is...better flippin' LATE than NEVER! This means that we can probally get along okay in the fuchere and I can, like, maybe take his daughter out parkin' on Seldom Seen Road if she ever comes up here to the land of Maple Seerup and Molsons.

Decent! I am finally getting the respect and comsiderashion I deserve.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 05:46 PM

When do the drugs from the op wear off?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 05:51 PM

Ah, that cool Northern perspicacity, priceless when needed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 06:25 PM

Ask I said, I would like to apologize to Shame.

But I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Oct 11 - 10:46 AM

WHAT???? What the flip do you mean? You can't flippin' take back tha t ap9logy! You apolgogized and that is alls there flippin' is TO it!

Now apolgozie again!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Oct 11 - 12:03 PM

Are there any sharp objects or loaded weapons in the room? Are these two going to kill each other this time?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 11 - 02:14 PM

I cannot be blamed if someone as simple as Shame McBride cannot read and understand simple English.

No, there are no loaded or pointy weapons here. Just these simple hand grenades.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 11 - 03:27 PM

There's only one way I know of to unload a hand grenade. Pull the pin with your teeth and throw it.

A


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