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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 25 Jan 12 - 09:39 AM
Amos 25 Jan 12 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 12 - 04:34 PM
Amos 25 Jan 12 - 05:34 PM
Acme 25 Jan 12 - 07:12 PM
Amos 25 Jan 12 - 07:27 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 12 - 09:21 PM
Amos 26 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 26 Jan 12 - 10:13 AM
Acme 26 Jan 12 - 01:27 PM
gnu 26 Jan 12 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 12 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 12 - 09:14 PM
gnu 26 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:12 AM
Amos 27 Jan 12 - 10:45 AM
GUEST,freds 27 Jan 12 - 12:13 PM
Amos 27 Jan 12 - 01:17 PM
Acme 27 Jan 12 - 01:29 PM
gnu 27 Jan 12 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 03:10 PM
gnu 27 Jan 12 - 04:30 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:51 PM
Acme 28 Jan 12 - 02:03 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 10:40 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 11:09 AM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 11:30 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 11:50 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 11:52 AM
Acme 28 Jan 12 - 01:18 PM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 02:55 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 03:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 03:57 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 04:44 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 07:21 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 07:31 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 07:58 PM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 07:59 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Jan 12 - 08:20 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 10:38 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Jan 12 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 11:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Jan 12 - 11:17 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 28 Jan 12 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 11:23 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Jan 12 - 11:25 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 28 Jan 12 - 11:48 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 12 - 09:28 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 09:39 AM

I've still got the cash. I don't know if I should send it to him or to his secret Swiss bank account.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 12:42 PM

Well, it would be nice if Bobert actually gets the cash. I am waiting for my second copy. The first one was real good!

Say, does anyone remember, back in the 40's, when "war profiteering" was a slur and a crime?

Are the war profiteers of the last decade the same ones who hollered loudly for war during the Bush years? Are they, too, many of the same ones who are balking at paying the piper for their jingositic fervor?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Could be this is all a smoky liberal fantasy, but I think if the numbers were traced down, we'd find a lot of the hands that were in the poeple's pockets during the war years were also holding up the stop signs at the SOTU last night. I'm talking to you, Eric Cantor.

Buncha snakes who are purely out of grass, IMHO.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 04:34 PM

Is Eric Cantor Eddie's brother?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 05:34 PM

I think he's the Charlie McCarthy role in the scenario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 07:12 PM

Who is taking the Mortimer Snerd role?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 07:27 PM

The Gingrich who Steals Virginity...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 09:21 PM

When Newt was 19 he married his first wife, his 26 year old geometry teacher.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM

Beauty is in the eye of newt.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 10:13 AM

Got him a draft deferment. Then he had a student deferment until the Vietnam War started to wind down, so he never served in the military. That's why he's such a jingoistic hawk -- he likes to let other people and other people's children die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 01:27 PM

I suspect the relationship with the teacher will be hammered - too many teachers going to prison for that kind of thing these days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 02:23 PM

He needs a wing of the bat. Right up his belfry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 03:33 PM

Yes. Starting from the bottom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 09:14 PM

The Three Samurai

There once was a powerful old Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The old emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The
bumble bee dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The old emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The
Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped into four small pieces. The old emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the old emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM

I am not suppose to cross my legs. But, that old joke makes me want to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:12 AM

Me an' my brother Tony were downtown one day and got to arguin' about who was the better shot.

Tony said, "See that fly on that parking meter about a hundred yards away?"

"Yeah," I replied. And BANG! Tony drew and shot the fly dead. He holsterd his shootin' iron and said, "Top THAT!"

I said, "See that fly on the top of the courthouse lightin' rod?"

"Yup," he answered.

I whipeed out the ol' .45 and fired one round.

"You missed," Tony responded.

"No," I said. "I hit what I aimed at, and that there fly'll never reproduce."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:45 AM

Deep, subtle humor enriches the halls of Mom's mansion.

Why not give it a try?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 12:13 PM

Greetings. We have been long absent from this region but have now returned. We will be taking some of your fellows so that we may improve the taste of your DNA. We would like volunteers first. Would any of you care to volunteer? The procedure causes only mild pain and when it is finished we assure you that we will hygienically dispose of whatever remains. Unfortunately we will not be able to tell those who may share mitochondrial DNA with you.

If you volunteer you will be rewarded by knowing that you will have improved the taste of the DNA of your race.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 01:17 PM

I'll go, but I'm not offering any parole for good conduct so you'll be taking your chances. I always wanted an FTL scout ship of my very own.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 01:29 PM

What's the range on those things, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 01:33 PM

A... saddened to hear of your loss of such a wonderful friend.

freds... I'll volunteer Rap. Beam him up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 03:10 PM

Given my ancestry my DNA probably tastes like...well, nothing good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 04:30 PM

I assume mine tastes like Bud and a rare rib steak with a baked spud and fried onions and mushrooms and French style green beans. It should because that is what I just had. URP!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:10 PM

Gee, I wish I could afford to eat like a Canadian. Maybe we'll have to invade, like we did in 1812.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:51 PM

All we have is hardtack and coffee. Sometimes we have coffee and hardtack. Once a year we might have salt pork and beans. That's not bad but by the time you sort the beans from the pebbles there's not much left. In the springtime we can go out and pick dandelions; they're easy to pull up once they've been sprayed. And I had an egg once, a long time ago. The other day the funny taste and color in the water was gone too, but now it's back. The fish taste funny too but not too many people get really sick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 02:03 AM

So go find pine cones the squirrels have buried and open them for the pine nuts. That'll be fine grazing, it will!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM

We eat used pine cones for fiber in our diet. When we can't find any we eat back that falls off of trees killed by pine bark beetles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 10:40 AM

Does it strike anyone as odd that he who--in his solipsistic majesty--claims Authorship to All Creation is now bitching and moaning about how little he has to eat?

It just don't add up, somehow.

But it sure is entertaining!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:09 AM

He has deliberately chosen to experience want so that He will not miss out on directly knowing any part of His own creation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:30 AM

Oh, Little Hawk, that just doesn't make sense, you know. You don't go authoring things that you can't experience, it's all inherent on the act of creation, like a hologramic multi-dimensional image.


This is just puerile, supercilious justification, I am sure!!

I suspect the truth is that these grandiose assertions about being the Universal Source are a fabrication. In all due generosity under the roof of our all-forgiving Mom, I am going to assume this was purely for purposes of entertainment. As long as he doesn't start charging admission.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:50 AM

Shhhhh!!!!!!!   Don't you realize that if the bubble of His solypsistic belief in His own omnipotence should be broken, it might cause a total breakdown? Furthermore, if he is in fact the author of All That Is...it might cause the destruction of the Universe!!!!!!!!! All that we know might come to an end!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:52 AM

Oops.

(I should've PM'd you that.)

Oh dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 01:18 PM

Don't worry, it'll be off the page and out of sight soon enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 02:55 PM

LOL!! True solipsism is never dismayed by mere truthiness, good sir. Never fear!! If existence comes to a sudden end as a result of your remarks, I will pay you $100 in hard American greenback cash, gayrunteed!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 03:27 PM

I am a follower of sloppysism. If ya can step over it, why pick it up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 03:57 PM

All right then, I'll let Amos experience hunger, thirst, and irritating anal itch instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 04:44 PM

I don't suppository he would care for that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:21 PM

Aye! But wuid he stand for it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:31 PM

Stand? You didn't read the directions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:58 PM

Ma pint is, ye cannae enjoy sittin' doon muckle when ye hae been afflicted wi' sich irritatin' anal itch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:59 PM

Unfortunately, even Rapparee's most powerful beam of volition doesn't have enpugh horsepower to get beyond the local gravitic field of the black-hole of the dense ego in its center. So the worst that could happen if he rared back and let fly such a curse is some slight stench of bad-smelling fumes in the vicinity of the golf course, which would probably be written off as coming from the local participants.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 08:20 PM

I'll tell ya what Rap is. He is a small dry beer fart echoin' inside a flippin' empty hockey stadium! And I am talkin' a BIG FLIPPIN' hockey stadium. Totally flippin' empty. Just the breef sound of "F-F-L-B-B-L-F-F-T!" to break the flippin' silence...then it flippin' dies away like a ran over chipmunk on the road. And there ain't nothin' left but a hint of a bad smell, eh? And some green mist risin'.

And THAT is flippin' Rapparee! The idiot from Idaho. The Bolthole from Boise. The Putz from Poclatello. If he had been borne in On-flippin'-tario Canada he would of been used for fertiliser or somethin' else yoosefull like that, so as to save the eddicashionall sistem a hole lotta waisted time! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 10:38 PM

Where are ya workin these days, Shane?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:04 PM

Workin'? Well...I been lookin' inta movin' some stuff I sorta...found, eh? Some stereos and a coupla compyuters and stuff. A flippin' flat screen TV that is about 8 feet wide too. Ginormous flipper. Don says I gotta get 'em all outta the house by tomorrow latest. I am thinkin' to borry his truck for a trip to Sudsy where there is a buyer for this stuff, but we are still negoshiatin' on that. He is pissed cos I drank most of the last 2-4 he bought, eh? That was on Thersday. I think it is, like, Saterday now?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:06 PM

All right, I've had it.

Shame, I thought you had apologized some posts back for your transgressions. You had said that you were even in Community College, working on a high school diploma.

You lied.

I don't like liars. Liars endanger others -- I don't give a hoot in hell about themselves. But you lied.

The only question is how I put a stop to your lying.

Shall I use Jack Slade's way with Jules Beni by tying you to a corral post and shooting you to pieces over a day or so? Or the old NKVD/OGPU standby, where I'd chain you to a roller conveyor and oh-so-slowly feed you into a crematory fire feet first? There's a lot to be said for either method.

I'll tell you what: you pick one of those two methods and I'll use that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:17 PM

Now yer talkin', Rap. I say do the crematory method, only feed him in headfirst. That way the unpleasant noises will stop a lot sooner, know what I'm sayin'? Or get a really wide door crematory and feed him in sideways! Ook! Ook! ;-D

If, on the other hand, you wanta do it the old-fashioned shootin' way, I suggest a tommy gun with a full clip, reason bein' again: the very unpleasant noises of him beggin' and pleadin' and screamin' for mercy will stop a whole lot sooner. Like in about a coupla seconds.

Or...you could tie him to the front of a 155mm howitzer. You got one at home, right? I sure hope so.

- Chongo

p.s. I thank Kong this Canuck moron Shane has never come down to Chicago, cos I woulda considered it my civic duty to "off" him if he did, and without delay. He is an offense to both Nature and society. He makes humans look bad! If he was an ape, his own mother woulda skragged him at birth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:22 PM

May I be of some assistance?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:23 PM

Chongo, in either case I'll gag him with a tennis ball and duct tape. That's because he's gagged us so often with his stink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:25 PM

Yeah, right! I gotta lissen to idol threttes from a flippin' Idaho Potato and a stinkin' monkey! Youse guys are a flippin' joke, eh? YOuse are a dubble joke. I am gonna cash in big in Sudsy tamoorow and get majerly drunk and stoned and pick up hot chicks! I am gonna party like it is the end of the flippin' world! And there is NOTHIN' you idiots can do to stop me becaoz I RULE!

- Shane

p.s. Bite me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:48 PM

Good!...Get back to us, AFTER you pick up those chicks!...and give us a full report....Last chick he tried to pick up, his mother has to pour him into bed!
And for Pete's sakes, if you're going to post, try, at least to make them more entertaining.

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 09:28 AM

Well, I flipped a coin for you, Shame. It's the crematory. You'll enjoy watching your body slowly burn. Maybe I can do something so that your nasty parts get burned off first -- a welding torch would work.... It's not like you know how to use them or even need them. Oh, I just had another idea!

How about if I finance a transgender operation for you? Only a partial one, one that leaves you neither male nor female? Yeah, I like that idea....


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