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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 05 Nov 13 - 08:39 AM
Rapparee 05 Nov 13 - 09:54 AM
GUEST,Nobody in Particular 05 Nov 13 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 13 - 10:22 PM
GUEST,Nobody in Particular 05 Nov 13 - 11:34 PM
Acme 06 Nov 13 - 12:26 AM
Pete Jennings 06 Nov 13 - 06:31 AM
Rapparee 06 Nov 13 - 09:59 AM
Amos 06 Nov 13 - 01:18 PM
Acme 06 Nov 13 - 03:26 PM
Acme 06 Nov 13 - 03:38 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 13 - 05:40 PM
Amos 07 Nov 13 - 12:41 AM
Acme 07 Nov 13 - 01:18 AM
gnu 07 Nov 13 - 05:44 AM
Eiseley 07 Nov 13 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 07 Nov 13 - 10:17 AM
gnu 07 Nov 13 - 11:51 AM
Amos 07 Nov 13 - 12:41 PM
Pete Jennings 07 Nov 13 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 13 - 11:10 PM
Acme 08 Nov 13 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 08 Nov 13 - 09:40 AM
Amos 08 Nov 13 - 05:28 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 13 - 06:33 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 13 - 08:49 PM
Amos 09 Nov 13 - 02:21 AM
gnu 09 Nov 13 - 06:50 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 13 - 09:50 AM
gnu 09 Nov 13 - 11:26 AM
Acme 09 Nov 13 - 11:50 AM
Ebbie 09 Nov 13 - 11:57 AM
Amos 09 Nov 13 - 02:22 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 13 - 07:40 PM
Amos 09 Nov 13 - 07:58 PM
gnu 09 Nov 13 - 09:30 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 13 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 13 - 12:20 PM
gnu 10 Nov 13 - 01:22 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 13 - 05:21 PM
GUEST 10 Nov 13 - 08:54 PM
Amos 11 Nov 13 - 12:30 AM
gnu 11 Nov 13 - 07:30 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 13 - 10:19 AM
Acme 11 Nov 13 - 12:54 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 11 Nov 13 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 13 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 13 - 11:27 PM
Amos 11 Nov 13 - 11:53 PM
Amos 12 Nov 13 - 12:01 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 08:39 AM

I'll bet if Rap gets one, manly type that he is, will say "... with a rusty needle."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 09:54 AM

No, I would not. THOSE shots were given by a bent, square, rusty needle with a blunt point with burrs all up and down the needle shaft. It was used for intertesticular injections by the Army and it was long enough to do two at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Nobody in Particular
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 05:20 PM

Hello.

Pardon me for my interruption of your topic.

I, along with my production crew for both film and live or recorded music, are visiting the United States working on a project. While visiting, our schedule allows us some 'down time' to search out new talent.
I am visiting this thread because it is the largest on this site, and we thought to ask anyone here for suggestions as to if they know anyone they may recommend. We are looking for something extraordinary. They may or may not need to be a resident of this particular site. We thought that those of you who are involved with music might know of a particular group, band or individuals who you would feel confident for us to review. This can be from a live performance or a video site.

I will be checking back periodically for you suggestions or recommendations.

Thank you,

Nobody in Particular


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 10:22 PM

Please read these posts (all of them if you can). There are many, many recommendations therein.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Nobody in Particular
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 11:34 PM

I was hoping perhaps someone on here could boil it down to the top one, two, or few.
Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 12:26 AM

We'd spoil your fun if it was "boiled down" - you need to experience all of this as it flows from our fingertips to your viscera. It has been done before - just ask Eiseley. She read as a form of therapy, and I'm sure by the time she finished she'd cleaned off her monitor many times. It's hard not to spit your coffee on the screen when you're laughing at some of the antics contained in these posts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 06:31 AM

"Holding the light" is called lamping over here, gnu. Great for rabbitting - wait for 10-15 minutes till they come out again and then switch on the gun lamp. There's always one that freezes and ands up in the bag. My lamp's a Tracer Stinger which weighs bugger all and has a 75 yard beam, even with a red filter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 09:59 AM

How COULD you be so mean as to shoot bunny rabbits which are frozen by The Light? Poor li'l things! So harmless (except for tularemia, hantavirus, leptospirosis, lymphocytic choriomeningitis (LCMV), Salmonella, myxomatosis, scabies, ringworm, fleas, ticks, mange, ear mites, plague, and snuffles. They look sooooooo cute, all cut up and simmering in a big pot of stew....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 01:18 PM

You might find it easier if you bothered to say WTF you were actually looking for. You want pole dancers, this is the wrong thread. But we have done some spatula dancing, and we have a large bevy of well-trained ilk which could be a smash. Some of us also sing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 03:26 PM

Readers will find no greater spatula precision and artistry than exists on the MOAB. And when you commingle them with wildlife stories (with or without high-intensity lights) you can't go wrong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 03:38 PM

I haven't looked at that militant atheism thread in forever, but I glanced to see if we were getting troll activity and found this little gem. Transcribed, it reads thus:

Musket in his morphing self posted this tidbit:

I managed to be embarrassing Dad at the weekend. Out shopping with my lad and his family, I noticed the shops were getting ready for Chrimbo and moaning about the fact, (I'm allowed.). I picked up a string bag of Baby Bell Edam cheeses and said, somewhat louder than I should have... "We can put this on the tree! It's its .. The little baby cheeses!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 05:40 PM

If cheeses have babies they are probably on the way to taking over the world. Reproducing in quiet, dark, places cheeses will infiltrate themselves into our homes and even our very bodies until we no longer can control our actions and thoughts. Then, as cheese zombies, we will be in their control and the war of edam against emmethaler against brie against bleu will rise to new heights of violence! Can't we all sit down together, parmesan and mozzerella and feta and cheddar and all, and work towards the Peace of Cheese?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 12:41 AM

IF war breaks out, put your faith in the baby cheeses. They have thyme on their sides.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 01:18 AM

The war of the cheeses, I suppose it is just the whey of the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 05:44 AM

Another senseless war? Makes my blood curdle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 09:20 AM

Good morning, Mom,
I just thought you'd like to know that I'm still on my study-abroad time. This internet cafe was open late, so I wanted to drop you a line. Krakow is beautiful this time of year. They call it "Golden Polish Autumn." But they do not have any hot sauce in the entire country. The spiciest thing they have (not counting horseradish because that's a different kind of hot) is a type of sweet and tart ketchup. But besides that, the country is wonderful and I've made lots of friends.

I'll write again soon.
Love,
Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 10:17 AM

Eiseley, please try to make peace between the Polish and Latvian cheeses. I didn't know you were "over there, over there" in the Baltics or I would have given you a Secret Contact to contact. Oh heck, I can't blow his cover here on MOAB -- just ask for "Ben". That's one of his cover names and should get you taken to him. Carry whatever he gives you home and leave it with the contacts you already know, "Will" and "Tom" and THEIR superiors, "Grandma" and "Grandpa."

Good Luck, and my the force be with you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 11:51 AM

Having a cracking time in Krakow? That is good to hear.

Can you bring back some Polish Sausage? for me. I can get Air Traffic Control in Moncton to advise your plane to reposition on the Moncton 24 or 29 Outer Marker and you chuck it out the window at zero. It should land in my back yard if you compensate for air speed and wind speed and direction. If your not sure, call Rap on his secure line... he knows everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 12:41 PM

Just don't go up the pole while you're over there, Eiseley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 12:48 PM

Great beer in Krakow and great looking women too. Gets a bit smoggy in winter cos of the brown coal they burn (if they still do that - I was there in '97). Poles are kamikaze drivers. Cheese a bit bland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 11:10 PM

They can make cheese to beat the bland.

Krakow! Krakow! Two more bandits fall to the blazing six-guns of The Pocatello Kid, Scourge of Evildoers Everywhere and Champion of All That Is Good, Upholder of Truth, Justice and the American Way, who, on his magnificent stallion Portneuf, rides the mountains and plains with his faithful Indian companion Patel, righting wrongs and scourging evil-doers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 13 - 12:33 AM

I didn't know Eiseley was in Yerp. How long has this been going on?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 13 - 09:40 AM

Didn't know she'd left town, actually. But then she sometimes disappears for days and weeks at a time and then reappears laden with some ancient archeological treasure. The last time it was an unabridged dictionary of Linear A, which proved that Martians founded the Cretan and Cody Complex cultures and linked them with a series of canals which later burst and created the oceans as we know them today.

This book is on display at the Museum of the Idaho Legion in Bliss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 13 - 05:28 PM

SHe is a lady of infinite variety.

But having an Indian companion named Patel strikes me as placing you Hindu-doo deep.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 13 - 06:33 PM

That's not me, that's The Pocatello Kid. He's got an evil-doer scourge. I just have a couple of bullwhips.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 13 - 08:49 PM

The Pocatello Kid rides masked, both he AND his horse, because out here in The West your horse is as recognizable as you are. Here's a recent picture of the two of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 02:21 AM

He should try a blonde rinse. Maybe they both should.

Here in San Diego the nearby Pacific has sent its vapors intot he air and over the coastal hills, sending a thick fog into the nearby valleys such as our own. It rolls through the quiet streets touching the neat stuccoed houses and the laid out lawns with a hint of gloom, of some infinite moist potential for endless change, chaotic re-invention, and instant disguise. The normally bright and snug homes take on sinister, fog-dripping, wispy looks, as if the Masters of Reality were thinking of pulling the Big Switch on the world.

Tomorrow, as the little blue planet makes her way around to point us toward Sol once more, the light will start bending early down into our piece of sky, warming the chill and dissipating the tendrils of fog that remain; the bright blue cheer of the Southern California sky will reassert itself as the temperature heads toward the high sixties (F) and another beautiful weekend in Paradise will commence.

I am excited to see it arrive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 06:50 AM

Lovely painting, A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 09:50 AM

As Bobby Lee Frust wrote back in fourth grade:

The fog comes in
On little cats' feet.
It squats over the city,
Does its business,
And is gone.


The nun teaching us was not pleased.

Partly sunny and 54, sixties and clear the rest of the week, and nothing like the congestion of Sandy Ego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 11:26 AM

We got tiny snowflakes. Not many but they ARE flakes.

The older I get, the colder I get.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 11:50 AM

Right now it is gloomy heavy overcast and 59o but my local television forecast assures me that AFTERNOON: Clouds will give way to sunshine, comfortable. Winds: S 5-15. High: 71.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 11:57 AM

Night by night the snow on surrounding mountains dumps closer and closer. It is now more than halfway to us at the foot. Pretty, even beautiful, but inexorable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 02:22 PM

ell, the congestion here is worse'n' it was, true, but nowhere like LA. There traffic-jam rates go from zero to 1.5, while ours hardly ever go below fifteen. Still, there's something to be said for zero congestion, unless you want to mingle with people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 07:40 PM

Gee, and I spent most of the day up on the range and all I could see was the mountains ahead of me. To the West, the Snake River Plain stretched out to the snow-capped peaks of the Pioneers and the White Clouds 120 miles away, with the silver slash of American Falls Reservoir scintillating in middle distance. Yes, the snow has begun its inexorable procession down the hills, but the gorgeous blue sky and the sunshine brought with it a kind of amnesia about what may come.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 07:58 PM

See, that's a problem. When you are SEEEErounded ev'y day be peckerwoods hammering around you you never get no amnesia about the weather nor nothing like. Why, they hardly talk about nothing but!! So the hive mind does you a good turn by keeping your thoughts in line, see? And that is important. You start wandering off that trail into the wild cogno-jungle, there's not htinking WHUT you might end up thinking or remembering, and then where would you be? LAST thing you want is untrammeled remembering and thinking, lawsamassy no you don't.

See why is, cuz just remembering most of this lifetime and such scale o' stuff is about all a body can take in normal human configgeration. You just mind, young Rapp, and keep your soul outta trouble, mark my words. You hear?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 09:30 PM

Sometimes, when I read these writings, I think... gosh, I read such poetry, eloquence and education (thanks) so these writers must be truly blessed with their years of hard work at edifying themselves in the art we call written English (all that Latin shit is lost on me) and then I read posts that speak to me personally in my native gob and I think, fuck yeah, that's deep.

Jus sayin, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 13 - 10:40 PM

Iffen ya got a problem with them peckerwoods A-ffectin' ya, Amos, you jes lissen ta me and turn off that tellyvision. It ain't doin' ya no good nohow and the raydeeashun is scramblin' what passes fer yer brain. And stop lissenen to that there Rush Limburger and Glen Prick er whatever there names is, too! Ya hear me, boy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 13 - 12:20 PM

gnu, I can only say "e2πiθ = cos(2πθ) + i sin(2πθ), but as Werner Heisenberg said to Niels Bohr, "Jan, Ich verleger "Über den anschaulichen Inhalt der quantentheoretischen Kinematik und Mechanik, aber Ich bin unsicher meines Abschlüsse." Bohr replied, "Dumscheiss! Sige adjø hen til den Nobel Gevinst, Werner," and laughed loudly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 13 - 01:22 PM

Theta = what? Iota = what? How can I be expected to recall derivations from over 30 years ago? Oh, I could look stuff up but I started getting lazy over 30 years ago.

Now, my German is rusty because I stopped speaking it 53 years ago but I don't it. I mean, they were both very Nobel, right?

Bengals and Ravens? Only ONE game to watch this afternoon? Apparently, given that and the fact that it is about to crap down wet snow/rain and the wind has risen, I shall have to bake a pie. I have all the ingredients at hand and the recipe for mémère's tourtière. You will not find this recipe on the internUt as it is an Acadian dish. Oh, sure, you can find one a them there La Belle Province recipes but they gor fancy shit like bay leaves... even CELERY!... in em. Nope. None a that fancy crap fer yer SE NB French. Just tasty calories fer brekky when yer buildin dykes fer ta reclain farmland from Mom Nature on the Peticodiac River floodplains and marshes. Iffn ya ain't never seen em, they are almost as impressive as Nellie Melanson's tourtière, la.

La = eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 13 - 05:21 PM

My tourtière can whup yer tourtière any day or night of the week! And it don't got none of that celery and other stuff in it, neither! Maybe some venison, if I got some, but no matter what you do it's just damned good eatin'. And you kin bank on that, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 13 - 08:54 PM

My gut is stuffed. Mmmmmmmmmmmm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 12:30 AM

Oh, gosh, someone fed the Dog some chocolate and now he's all like up in your face and barking again. SHush, now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 07:30 AM

In Flanders Field

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.


John McCrae


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 10:19 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_ogmLOR7Ac


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 12:54 PM

T.S. Eliot reading The Wasteland


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 02:31 PM

Hey, Rap....you there? It is flippin' Rememberance Day in Canada, eh? So I thot I wood remember you, eh? But then I got thinkin' no....I would rather DISmember you! Ha! Ha! So I got a little rememberance Day wish for you, okay? Here it comes....























FLIP OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 03:36 PM

So you finally got out of jail, eh? Sham, I was wondering: did you make any new "friends" in there or was it the same old circle of jerks?

Yeah, Sham, it's Rememberance Day in Canada and other places; in the US it's called "Veterans Day." Now, Sham, I'm a veteran -- people shot at me and all that combat stuff happened. And Sham -- I've got PTSD. I don't LIKE people to dis me. It makes me angry...really angry...so angry that I want to squeeze the pimple those people have for a head just to see the pop and watch the stuff squirt out. Would you like that, Sham? Would you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 11:27 PM

Never mind, Sham. I realize now that there wouldn't be anything to squirt out, so I've cancelled my tickets to Blind River. Besides, as I've said before I think you might be a relative and I don't like squeezing the heads of relatives because the carpet stains depress me so much that I have to buy a new carpet.

But I'll leave you with this thought. Have a good day, Sham.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 11:53 PM

A gift from thee to me
Is Forty Nine of K and Three:

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.

Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! - An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime.......

Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;

If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, -

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 13 - 12:01 AM

Edward Shillito


Hardness of Heart


In the first watch no death but made us mourn;
Now tearless eyes run down the daily roll,
Whose names are written in the book of death;
For sealed are now the springs of tears, as when
The tropic sun makes dry the torrent's course
After the rains. They are too many now
For mortal eyes to weep, and none can see
But God alone the Thing itself and live.
We look to seaward, and behold a cry!
To skyward, and they fall as stricken birds
On autumn fields; and earth cries out its toll,
From the Great River to the world's end--toll
Of dead, and maimed and lost; we dare not stay;
Tears are not endless and we have no more.


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