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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 27 Nov 14 - 01:36 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Nov 14 - 01:47 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 14 - 04:57 PM
gnu 27 Nov 14 - 05:55 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Nov 14 - 08:44 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 14 - 09:09 PM
GUEST,Chastaine 27 Nov 14 - 09:25 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 14 - 06:57 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 14 - 10:38 AM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 14 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 14 - 01:07 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 14 - 01:23 PM
gnu 29 Nov 14 - 10:43 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 14 - 10:33 PM
Amos 30 Nov 14 - 12:43 AM
Acme 30 Nov 14 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 14 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 14 - 12:55 PM
gnu 30 Nov 14 - 01:16 PM
Amos 30 Nov 14 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 14 - 09:11 PM
Amos 30 Nov 14 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 14 - 09:10 AM
Amos 01 Dec 14 - 11:34 AM
Amos 01 Dec 14 - 12:15 PM
gnu 01 Dec 14 - 02:20 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Dec 14 - 05:04 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 14 - 09:35 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Dec 14 - 10:14 PM
Amos 02 Dec 14 - 01:03 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 02 Dec 14 - 01:30 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 14 - 09:44 AM
Amos 02 Dec 14 - 10:42 AM
gnu 02 Dec 14 - 12:42 PM
Acme 02 Dec 14 - 03:50 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 14 - 08:29 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 14 - 09:44 AM
gnu 03 Dec 14 - 12:18 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Dec 14 - 12:27 PM
Amos 03 Dec 14 - 04:59 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 14 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 14 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 14 - 09:55 PM
Acme 04 Dec 14 - 12:44 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 14 - 09:20 AM
Amos 04 Dec 14 - 11:22 AM
gnu 04 Dec 14 - 02:47 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 14 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 14 - 06:27 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 14 - 06:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 01:36 PM

Pardon my brief absence, I've been changing out the faucet in my kitchen sink by myself and it only took 2 days (but no huge plumber bill, so it was worth it) but I can't help myself: Look what the 'cat dragged in. Long time, no see, LH/Chongo/et al.

Amos, that drive from Vegas sounds hellish. Good call to book a room for the duration. Enjoy Arizona. My son is now a regular visitor instead of a resident in Tucson - he graduated from UA in the spring and moved to Seattle but has a girlfriend who is a UA junior this year. We shall see how the long distance romance fares, but I wish them all the best.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 01:47 PM

http://www.sciencephoto.com/image/385106/350wm/Z9120081-Grinning_chimpanzee-SPL.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 04:57 PM

Oh, please. That's a picture of Chinga, sister to the late and unlamented Chongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 05:55 PM

I have a bandage on my figer on accounta I broke a nail WAYY bac whilst removing the vile whte shit so my typing is shite. BTW... Chono> Really? I'd rater read George. George is a cool guy. Chongo is tedious. Just sayin, eh? Hell... Shane makes more sense. Penny too.

Ahhhh fuckk, it's snowin agin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 08:44 PM

I HATE SNOW!!! The flippin' stuff gets in evreybuddys' way and it is cold to. If I was Prime Inistder I wood flippin' OUTLAW all the snow in Canada, eh? It wood all have to flippin' fall somweres else insteada here, know'm sayin'? I wood make the snow all fall in Soddy Arebia...not here. I have got a lotta good ideas like this and so I am askin' for conterabyushins to get me electedd, eh? And I meen soon! We have had enuff flippin' incompestence in guverment. It is time for a BIG change and if enuff people vote for ME their will be a flippin' GINORMOUS BIG change. You can take that to the bank, eh?

- Shane

p.s. Do not vote for a flippin' monkey! You wood have to be an idiot to do that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 09:09 PM

Good heavens! Shame's out of prison! He certainly couldn't have gotten time off for good behavior. Maybe he's still in prison and is using an illicit computer to access the Internet. Yeah, I'll bet that's it, except he's so stupid he can't continue to get away with it. As for political office, well, he's got the morals, the ethics, and the personal hygiene for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chastaine
Date: 27 Nov 14 - 09:25 PM

Do NOT give any money to that idiot Shane. He bums smokes off people but never has any to give back. He is a liar and a lowlife. He stinks! If I see him in the Iron Horse again he is a dead man.

You hear me, Shane? Not one foot acrost the thresh hold!

Chastaine


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 14 - 06:57 AM

I'd give him a bloody nose except for fear of his blood-borne pathogens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 14 - 10:38 AM

Shame McBride is now recovering in an isolation unit like those used for Ebola victims, except that the Canadian health authorities are considering simply walling the whole thing up, encasing it in concrete, and dumping it into the Marianas Trench -- and then sinking the ship it was hauled on. (They have also asked to "borrow" a nuke from the US.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 14 - 12:42 PM

Yes, they're still searching for a Final Solution to Shane, eh? But........."recovering", you say? What is he recovering from?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 14 - 01:07 PM

Himself -- and it's not working.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 14 - 01:23 PM

Most people have that very same problem. I've had it all my life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Nov 14 - 10:43 AM

What's the price of (red, green or black; I assume they are all the same price) seedless grapes where youse are to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 14 - 10:33 PM

Got me -- I've been flying back from Indiana today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 12:43 AM

I rose this morning before dawn in the dark chill of an Arizona winter night on the high northern plateau just SE of Sedona, and packed dog, wife, son and self with luggage into the car and headed back to California. A long and interesting trip including a detour to visit the Painted Rocks State park, where the landscape is littered with desert-varnished basalt rock formation on which petroglyphs going back two thousand years appear to inform the desert traveler. We got back home about 3 in the afternoon, exhausted but happy, especially the dog who was really tire of sitting in the back.

Tonight I took son out for a steak to celebrate his turning thirty. Can you believe that? I'm barely over thirty myself and wonder where the hell he came from.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 12:46 PM

Well damn. The Arctic Circle seems to have slipped out of place and is sliding over the middle of North America. Tomorrow morning is supposed to be effing cold down here in Tejas. I wonder if it will slip so far as to freeze the water in Amos' bird bath?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 12:51 PM

Ah, Amos...if you don't know where he came from you'd best look into some continuing education programs. San Diego Community College has one in basic skills that might help you.

Now, I know where my brothers and sister came from. They sort of just wandered in at various times and they were so cute we just couldn't turn them in to the pound. After they were cleaned up, de-wormed, and had their shots they were fun to teach "sit up" and "fetch". But my parents just let them hang around until we couldn't get rid of them in spite of my bitter protestations.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 12:55 PM

Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that a DNA analysis of Chongo/a Chimp and a certain "Pongo Pimp" show that they are one and the same (probability exceeds 99.9% with a standard deviation of +/- 2%. Pongo Pimp is the one who sold Chinga and her mother into A Life Of Shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 01:16 PM

I bought grapes from CA yesterday at 97p/#. That's why I asked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 08:11 PM

Oh, I know where he came from, all right, I was present at every crucial step in the process. I held him before his mother did, and welcomed him to the world. I was not speaking literally, but figuratively, in consideration of the spinning temporal distortion that seems to creep up on us all when we have focussed overmuch on material concerns. This is an important, if subtle, distinction I would not consider you were able to master, sir R.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 09:11 PM

Well, geez Amos, YOU were the one who said he didn't know where the kid came from. I know were they come from -- they kinda wander in and stay, like a mangy stray dog or a foul odor. Then you're not an only child any more and have to "share."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 14 - 11:06 PM

You were the one who took it literally, dear Rapparree. The answer is always 42, and you have to find your towel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 09:10 AM

Of course I took it literally! I take everything literally, and as such I am more informed than the Alexandrian Library, the Library of Congree, and the British Museum combined. My knowledge soars like the lark at the break of day arising flying over the rainbow to the first star on the right and straight on to morning. Of course, I don't believe everything I know.

And soon I hope to have published my unauthorized autobiography.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 11:34 AM

I am so glad. Who will it have to be unauthorized by? You seem to be entangled in a self-referential loop, somehow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 12:15 PM

Following a nationwide search, Misty Jones was chosen to lead the San Diego Public Library System. Over the past twelve years, Misty has advanced in library and management positions, serving as the Deputy Director for the Central Library Division of the San Diego Public Library and manager of the Main Library for the Charleston County Library system.

Misty is a trusted leader with experience covering all aspects of library management including strategic planning, community outreach, customer service, staff supervision, collections, facilities maintenance and grant writing. She played a critical role in revamping the San Diego Central Library Division's organization to function more efficiently in the new, larger library. She was instrumental in decision making for the Central Library construction, equipment and integration of technology. She has been the Interim Director since July 1.

Misty holds a master's degree in library and information science from the University of South Carolina and is the President-Elect of the California Library Association. "I am excited about leading the San Diego Public Library," she said. "I'm already actively working with staff, the City and the community to collaboratively create the library of the future."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 02:20 PM

The HORROR! The CARNAGE! It was 13C just an hour ago here in Moncton, NB.ca... the children are stricken with grief and tears... snowmen (snowpersons?) are mere puddles containing rocks and carrots and... I can't bear to type the graphic description of such tragedy... dead!... all of them dead. No news at eleven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 05:04 PM

The Rapmeister has been "entangled in a self-referential loop" ever since anyone can remember. It's his definin' characteristic! :D Ook! Ook! I seen Chimps like that too, but they usually get killed off pretty young coz the others in the band can't put up with 'em. That's in Nature, of course, but you can get away with more in "civilized" society. For proof of that, look no further than the fact that Rapparee and Woody Allen are BOTH still alive! It defies common sense that they would be, but it's a fact anyways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 09:35 PM

Chongo/a, there are those who would dispute my "being alive." But, unlike you, I am still mobile, capable of reproduction, and actually do work if I have to. Were I like you I would long ago have had liquified tissues and stank of an odor of putrecine and cadaverine. Thank goodness I'm not like you -- dead and rotted.

Amos, "unauthorized" always sells more biographies. So my autobiography will be unauthorized.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Dec 14 - 10:14 PM

Of course it will be unauthorized! There ain't no livin' being anywheres that would be willin' to authorize it. I can just see the critics' admirin' remarks on the dust cover...

"This book starts out very poorly, but it rapidly gets worse..."

"...an inside look at a life not worth looking at in the first place..."

"Enough lies to fill up an entire lie-brary."

"Creep tells all."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 01:03 AM

By whom will your autobiography be unauthorized, sirrah? Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, and quis custodiet custodiens and all that...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 01:30 AM

I been thinkin' of writin' my own autobiography which would be a flippin' AMAZING story but Don said I should get a gohste writer to do it so it is done right. I figgered that was the dumbest thing I EVER hearn of! How the flip can a ghoste write? They ain't got solid fingers or nuthin' and would not be able to pick up the flippin' pen! For flip's sake!

So I told Don he was a flippin' moron, eh? Maybe even a LESS-on which is considerablle worse than a moron!

But then I was talkin' to Offiser Dana and she says I should get a ghoast writer too!

Holy flip! So maybe I do need a flippin' goast writer, eh?

Who should I get? Who has flippin' died who could do flippin' jusdice to MY incredible life story? Who?

I am thinkin' maybe get Tim Horton to do it, eh? That could be good. Or Jim Morrison? Yeah! Now how do I contact him?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 09:44 AM

Why do you think either would want to spend any time with you, Shame? They both have an eternity of better things to do. Even if either were alive they would probably be more interested in picking their nose than meeting with you. But I might be wrong, because they'd need something to wipe their boogers on.

As for Chongo/a, a ghost shouldn't have any trouble finding another ghost.

And I do not authorize the writing of my autobiography.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 10:42 AM

Ah--you are the source of the non-authorization. You have issued an anti-authorization of a self-authored autobiography. What a conundrum!

Does this mean the book will never be written? Or, do you doom yourself to a lifetime of cognitive dissonance and self-hatred for wilfully going against your own will?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 12:42 PM

My Fujitsu 15RLS2H wall mounted mini-split heat pump with 14 000 Btu of cooling and 18 000 Btu of heating capacities was installed on June 16 at a cost of $3785.50 and I've saved about $425 on my electrickery bill so far. Ten year parts and labour warranty. I figger she'll pay fer herself in about six years... sooner if interest rates stay as goddamned low as they are now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 03:50 PM

I just doubled my Internet speed and my bill went down by $5. I had the cable company "legacy" account but they've been promoting a new system that costs less and they never would have just switched me, they liked me paying more for less. Turns out it was just a few keystrokes on their end and now my Internet is much faster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 14 - 08:29 PM

Does that increase in speed apply to the entire Internet or just to you? I'd pay less to speed up the whole thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 09:44 AM

Stilly, would you care to comment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 12:18 PM

Dr. Formalde and Mr. Hyde? Spooky story indeed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 12:27 PM

I bet some of them stolen brains still work better than Rap's brain does...

My guess is they been taken by a mad scientist. He is gonna use 'em to animate a bunch of corpses and launch a zombie attack on the White House. Obama better increase security right away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 04:59 PM

Only in Texas. Caveat cogitor!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 06:04 PM

I'm not sure if this headline isn't worse:

University of Texas: Missing brains were destroyed

By Gawd, son, they do things RAHT down there in Texas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 06:28 PM

Texas is a place that goes to extremes. No Chimpanzee has ever been elected to public office down there. Not one! And George W. Bush was elected Governor of Texas! This hardly seems fair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 14 - 09:55 PM

You're right, LH, and my respect for W just went up a notch. It can now be best expressed mathematically as the square root of negative infinity minus one. This is, of course, only an approximation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 12:44 AM

Same system, different university. I guess if someone calls them "bone headed" down in Austin it's because there is nothing to pad the inside of their skulls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 09:20 AM

GAD!!! This just in:

SHAME MCBRIDE, CHONGO CHILD DIED IN LOVE NEST SUICIDE PACT

Shame McBride, the well-known drunk from Blind River, Ontario and Chongo Chimp, were found dead together several months ago. It was thought at the time that McBride had attempted to mug Chimp and things had gone wrong for both of them.

Police documents released today paint a different story.

Chimp became aware of McBride during a visit three years ago by McBride to Chicago. They were attracted to each other and became close.

One of the letters made it clear what attracted this alleged cross-species couple. Chimp wrote, "I love the way the grease in your hair makes [a sexual act] easier but I must remember to groom you beforehand." McBride responded, "Yeh and I like too feel yo doin it to."

Things did not go well and in late August or early September Chimp visited McBride in Blind River. They decide that "our kind of love is doomed" (in Chimp's word) and agreed to a suicide pact.

This was completed on October 8 and they were found linked in each others arms on November 1. The causes of death was listed as "anoxia" and "ingestion of fleas."

McBride is survived by his brother Donald of Blind River and Chimp is reported to have a sister working in customer service in the Northeast. No services are scheduled.


                      -- Igloolik "News and Sun", December 4, 2014
                         "Elliot Lake Standard", December 3, 2014


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 11:22 AM

BOSEG to Mister R for his reporting acumen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 02:47 PM

Has this been reported to Fucks News?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 06:23 PM

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths that you will go to, Rapparee, to disparage and demean my stable of online characters. And you keep trying to kill them off! How insensitive. I think you should seek professional help. The idea that Chongo and Shane would be even remotely attracted to one another is so ludicrous that it isn't even worth considering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 06:27 PM

Shame always wanted a monkey and apparently he got one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 14 - 06:31 PM

He doesn't want a monkey. He wants free beer, free smokes, free pizza, and loose women.


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