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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Donuel 13 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM
keberoxu 13 Aug 16 - 03:56 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Aug 16 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 16 - 09:30 PM
Little Hawk 14 Aug 16 - 03:19 PM
Amos 14 Aug 16 - 04:04 PM
Little Hawk 14 Aug 16 - 06:32 PM
gnu 14 Aug 16 - 08:55 PM
Little Hawk 14 Aug 16 - 10:13 PM
Amos 15 Aug 16 - 12:21 AM
Little Hawk 15 Aug 16 - 05:19 AM
Rapparee 15 Aug 16 - 03:18 PM
Amos 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Aug 16 - 11:22 PM
Amos 17 Aug 16 - 02:30 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 16 - 12:43 PM
gnu 17 Aug 16 - 01:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Aug 16 - 03:54 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 16 - 11:54 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM
Acme 19 Aug 16 - 11:41 AM
Amos 19 Aug 16 - 12:36 PM
gnu 19 Aug 16 - 08:20 PM
Donuel 19 Aug 16 - 09:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Aug 16 - 11:06 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 16 - 10:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Aug 16 - 11:39 AM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 16 - 12:11 PM
gnu 20 Aug 16 - 03:12 PM
Amos 21 Aug 16 - 12:04 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 16 - 09:16 AM
Amos 21 Aug 16 - 12:56 PM
gnu 21 Aug 16 - 01:39 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 16 - 03:16 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 16 - 08:56 PM
gnu 22 Aug 16 - 02:38 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 16 - 11:42 AM
MMario 23 Aug 16 - 06:19 PM
Amos 24 Aug 16 - 12:49 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 16 - 12:52 AM
gnu 24 Aug 16 - 08:26 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 16 - 09:25 AM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 16 - 10:35 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 16 - 11:25 AM
Amos 24 Aug 16 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 16 - 09:09 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 16 - 10:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 16 - 11:33 PM
Acme 25 Aug 16 - 11:45 AM
Little Hawk 25 Aug 16 - 07:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM

Major issues like having lost many beloved brainy cells in recent years but her core persona and guilt trip is alive and well.
I do question her gourmet menu lately. Insects make great snacks however. They are in great abundance right now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 03:56 PM

since when is a hedgehog an insect -- ?!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 04:28 PM

A hedgehog is an insectivore. Ergo, when one eats a hedgehog, one is eating insects once removed. Just like eating a steak is eating grass once removed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 16 - 09:30 PM

Go on , eat vegetables. Just remember that you are what you eat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 03:19 PM

Yes, and that's why I'm so incredibly handsome and debonair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 04:04 PM

BEcause you eat movie stars ?

If eating steak is the same as eating grass, then I should dine on Kobe beef more often! I have been missing out! Another epiphany from the sacred corridors of Chez Mom. See, NO-one on Facebook ever told me that! I am so relieved!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 06:32 PM

There are a couple of movie stars I would eat, if I got the chance to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 08:55 PM

You'd probably ryde one too, you dirty old man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 10:13 PM

Definitely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 12:21 AM

I wouldn't recommend riding a movie star, LH. They have nice paint jobs but they get terrible fuel economy, ya know? And unreliable electronics. Unpredictable breakdowns, very low torque, no power to speak of, and their top speed is, like, five for only short bursts. No storage room to speak of, high pollution...hell, you'd be better off riding a horse, or a big lawnmower!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 05:19 AM

I figured I'd just Ryder...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 03:18 PM

Amos asks, "Wy?" and LH responds, "Nona yer business!" In the background, cut to the quick by LH's response, Sarah is palin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM

Wynona gamble, or lose on a sure thing, the man who says "let it ride" is casting his fate to the fickle forces of the winds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 11:22 PM

Look! There she goes! Mom jumps from the bottom of the pile to the top with just a few simple keystrokes! Amazing, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 02:30 AM

See Mom jump! Jump, Mom, jump! Jump to the top! Up, up, up! Jump, Mom! Jump!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 12:43 PM

Oh, some, they like the sailor man
When he comes back to shore,
And some they like the beggar man
That begs from door to door,
And some, they like the soldier man
With his musket and his can,
But my delight can read and write,
He's the bold librarian.

Now, this librarian, he rode out all in the dewy morn,
And he met with the farmer's daughter and loudly he blew his horn.
"Come in my bold librarian, and I'll mek thee a pot of tea.
Me father, and mother have gone to town and there's nobody here but me."

"I have a book for your mother, dear, called, `Love that dare not speak,'
And another for your old father called, `Gunfighters of Mustang Creek,'
But nothing I have for you, my dear," this librarian did say,
"But anything you shall request you shall have it right away."

"OO'," said the farmer's daughter and she glowed all over with fire.
"Is it true you can bring your readers anything they desire?"
"Oh, yes," said the bold librarian, "Oh, yes, indeed I will.
Take me up to your chamber and I'll show you my ... professional skill."

So they went upstairs together and they laid down on the bed,
And he faceted her in every detail from `A' unto `Zed',
'Til he couldn't classify her under maidens anymore.
He said, "Such dynamic service you've never had before."

Now this librarian he arose and he put on all his clothes,
And out of his pocket he drew handfuls of gold,
Saying, "Take this, my dearest Polly, for thee and thy baby.
It really belongs to the Book Fund, but I'll give it all to thee."

Oh come, my bold librarian and won't you marry me?
Oh no, my dearest Polly, such things can never be,
For married I am already to a quiet little thing.
I've a first and second edition and a third coming out in spring.

"But dost tha truly love me?" the farmer's daughter said.
"What d'you mean," said the librarian, "Just because we've been to bed?
In my most high profession love and sex cannot combine,
[spoken]
Because SEX is 612.6 and LOVE, which I classify under virtues not
otherwise accounted for, is 179.9

Come all you pretty fair maids, this warning you must heed;
You must marry some simple ploughboy who can neither write nor read.
For he may be poor and humble, but he'll love you the best he can.
And have naught to do with that roving blade who drives the library van.

And if you should go for your holidays to that village on the border
And you hear a lttle boy cal the cows in alphabetical order
"Come up, Annie and Betty and Connie and...Daisy and Ethel and Fan"
And then you will know it must be the son of the bold librarian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 01:37 PM

Pretty smart fucker, I'd say. Well read, so to speak.

Loved it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Aug 16 - 03:54 PM

An excellent tale indeed. I almost regret that my appointment as Royal Ignorer {ri} compels me to ignore it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 16 - 11:54 AM

That was wonderful!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 09:58 AM

It's in the DT. So's this.

I am the very model of computerized Librarian,
I seek out information zoologic to agrarian,
I know each subject that is found in an encyclopedia
I handle every AV tool and every type of media;
My online databases can locate each journal article,
In physics texts, I can define each elemental particle,
In atlases and online maps, I find the way to Timbuktu,
Identify each capital from Bogota to Katmandu.
I navigate the Internet with speed and perspicacity;
Evaluate each website for its content and veracity:
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

I quickly search the Internet or grab the right book off the shelf;
Then give the patron answers or I teach him how to search himself,
I speed through every database like Galenet, FirstSearch, Dialog,
My records are all organized, just try my on-line catalog;
My homepage is a marvel of well-documented, helpful links,
It points to sites on modern jazz, hang-gliding and old Egypt's Sphinx!
I know just how to catalog in Dewey and in L. of C.,
I know the best books you should buy and those you wouldn't want for free.
I get you quotes on hot new stocks and find addresses in a trice,
The latest news, a star's birthday, song lyrics or a cure for lice:
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

When I can look up online all ephemeral material,
When I can get full text of every page in every serial,
When my computer translates every language and each dialect,
From Hindu texts in Sanskrit to Confucius with each analect,
When every book is digitized and indexed in my database,
When I'm the first librarian to travel into outer space -
And when I've indexed every site on every chromosome and gene,
You'll say a more computerized librarian has never been.
I'm working on an interface directly to the human mind,
So I can capture concepts that have not yet even been defined;
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 11:41 AM

Hi, MOM! Sorry I've been away so long. Looks like everyone has been busy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 12:36 PM

Bravo to the scurrilous Rapparree, the drafty dodger, for his golden finds of bookly doggerel. Were he not such a slacker, a layabout, and a ne'er-do-well, I would call him brother. And maybe I will. Because Mom never tells when it comes to paternity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 08:20 PM

Again, says I, "Loved it!". Bravo, indeed, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 09:53 PM

Loved the new additions/editions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Aug 16 - 11:06 PM

Courtesy of the family hand-me-down network, my wife and I are the lucky recipients of a genuine hand-woven Persian carpet that's a perfect fit for our living room. I am so pleased! The carpet doesn't fly or anything, but it covers most of the existing tile floor and the attendant cracks (aka grout joints). This means I can now walk through my living room without worrying about stepping on cracks and breaking Mom's back! You have no idea what a chore it has been to tippy-toe through my living room for the last eleven plus years just so Mom wouldn't end up in traction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 10:29 AM

Has it been peed on yet by a Dachshund?

If not, I can have one take care of that for you. Free, except for his travel expenses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 11:39 AM

No, the rug has not been peed on by a wiener dog. The honor of performing that particular christening event has been reserved for Gluon. He has assured me he'll get right to it as soon as he finishes humping Rap's leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 12:11 PM

Okay, that should do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 16 - 03:12 PM

Gluon... Gluoff. The ancient Kung Fu Form, aka Waxing Quark, was the final Form required to become a Master.

Grasshopper, when you can snatch the pebble from my ha... two outta three!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 12:04 AM

Gluon has been very busy channeling pure BS into the neurology of Pumpkin Boy Trump, the small-handed, large=mouthed flaming proselytizer of hate and illogic, the banner-waving Furless Liter of Idiocracy for Murka.

I am embarrassed the culture I claim as mine has ever spawned so dull a stone-headed miscreant, but on the bright side it shows what we really ean by wide-spectrum tolerance of difficult beliefs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 09:16 AM

So it's Gluon and not a partial knee replacement!

Stand by -- Amos ruined my breakfast but gave me an idea fora new thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 12:56 PM

In honor of my rare wife's birthday we went with friends over to Coronado,the gem-like island village which houses the Hotel Del, and went out sailing inSan Diego Bay, under the high arched span of the Coronado Bridge and over to Seaport Village and back. Then we repaired to a fine French restaurant, which served the finest Filet au Poivre I have ever eaten, and an evening of amusing conversation, espresso and a snifter of VSOP Cognac. What a lovely way to spend a day! I could get used to that sort of thing, if only my bank account would pull itself together!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 01:39 PM

Sounds great, Amos! Well, except for the drinking of lighter fluid which has never found the f(l)avour of my palate.

Convey my Happies to your far better half. "... my rare wife's birthday...". Oh, you be smooooth. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 03:16 PM

In my diary a, repugnant truth is revealed! The proposed solution of gravity was smeared by the fact there are no free floating Gluons.

(never read my posts aloud)


rare birthday indeed
My wife's bud could never be too big.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 16 - 08:56 PM

Gluon is not free floating. He, she, or it scuttles through wormholes and barks through black holes. Right now, Gluon is humping Amos...leg, humping Amos' leg, that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 16 - 02:38 PM

My apologies if I posted this before. Exciting news for me when I received it.

On Wednesday, August 10, 2016 8:03 PM, RCDF / CLDN (EC) wrote:

Hello Gary,

Thanks for your email and so sorry for the delay in responding.

I do understand your concerns for the large red circles. It's a safety factor. The problem is one can't zoom in on the map. But we are working on that! We hope to have a geospatial map which one can zoom in to a specific location for next season. The danger circles will then be a more appropriate size and reflect the danger of lightning in the area. This will include not only direct strike but also ground current, side flash and upper leaders. http://www.ec.gc.ca/foudre-lightning/default.asp?lang=En&n=D401EB9A-1

Researchers have found that the next lightning strike will occur within 10 km and within about 5 to 10 minutes of the initial strike. A web map would reduce the size of the danger circles to 10 km.

We are trying to promote lightning safety. I'm afraid too many people ( my colleagues too) think we can dance around the lightning strikes. There was a man mowing his lawn in Ontario. He only had 4 more passes with his push mower before he was finished mowing his lawn. Unfortunately lightning struck and killed him. This is our first and hopefully only lightning death this year.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Kind Regards,
Lyn Mainwaring
Meteorologist - Canadian Lightning Detection Network National Service Office - Natural Resources Meteorological Service of Canada
1238 Discovery Avenue
Kelowna, BC V1V 1V9
Tel # 250-491-1514
ec.RCDF-CLDN.ec@canada.ca
"When thunder roars, GO INDOORS!"
"Quand le tonnerre gronde, RENTREZ VITE!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 16 - 11:42 AM

Gluon likes plasmacicles. You can attract it/her/him by freezing plasma on a stick and leaving it out as a treat! That's why you often find Gluon sniffing around lightning strikes in the winter, searching for wild plasmacicles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Aug 16 - 06:19 PM

Hi Mom! thought I would pop in and give you the latest on me, because it seems like sooner or later anyone I want to know it will pass thorugh here, or talk to someone who practically lives here.

12 working days to go until retirement; and I just got diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. Seems like I have 35 to 42 plus "events" per hour; my average o2 levels while sleeping are only in the low 8's and drop into the 70's at times.

so the paperwork is in to get me fitted with a cpap unit. I'm going to try and put it off until after getaway - I suspect it won't be hard as it took them 6 weeks to get me the results of the sleep study.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 12:49 AM

Well, MM, it sounds like someone has dome a fine job shuffling symptoms and labels. The underlying causes may be beyond there ken==psyche malaise of one sort or another, stalking pan-incarnation, multiple-lifetime ignoral, and over-arch traumatic reverberation, most likely. Mome of those succumb to CPAP but they may de-stimulate enough to let you sleep, and that's the important thing. Blessings and joy on your approaching retirement. You are allowed to sleep until you wake up nacherly!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 12:52 AM

It occurs to me that some of Mom's gentle readers may wonder why it is necessary to refer to Gluon as "him/her/it". It would appear at first glance that the good duckdog's gender is unambiguous inasmuch as he/she/it exhibits a pronounced proclivity for leg humping, a trait usually associated with male dogs. Therefore, Gluon is a male, correct?

Well, it's actually only half correct. Gluon's rear half is indeed that of a male dog, but his/her/its front half is that of a female duck. Gluon's canine rear half may be joyfully humping Rap's leg while his/her/its anatine front half is busy working out a way to hold a Chevrolet Suburban in a state of quantum superposition. Hence, Gluon is "him" and "her" in equal parts. The "it" is included to accommodate those whose imaginations simply cannot encompass the idea of any animal more complex that a worm being both male and female. Basically, the same folks who can't say "transgender" without putting "so-called" in front of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 08:26 AM

Sleep apnea. I lost 110# and ended up (long story) having turbinate reduction surgery (nasal conchae). Left side is still not "right" when I sleep due to a slightly deviated septum thanks to Danny during a football game in "the field" out back. If I sleep on my left side and jam my cheek into the pillow just right, it opens up. No way I can use a CPAP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 09:25 AM

I refer to Gluon's duck-dog interface as "it." Without this interface the two parts would go around individually, as happened last year after the Terrible Sawmill Wormhole Accident. Canine and anatine halves searching the polydimensions for each other! Thank goodness they stumbled across each other in that "dimension long ago and far away," as Gluon told it. As you might remember, the halves were so distraught by the need to search that the upcoming US presidential election was turned turvy-topsy and a previously unscheduled eclipse a year from now was scheduled.

The next time Gluon you feelsee Gluon, toss her/it/him a duckdog biscuit from the bright puce box of Aunt Maggie's Mealwormbone Treats ("Meal Worm Bones In Every Bite!").


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 10:35 AM

Is it okay if I can't sustain interest in Gluon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 11:25 AM

Yes, Little Hawk, you may ignore Gluon, but that doesn't mean Gluon will ignore you. You do realize that, as a pan-dimensional imaginary construct, Gluon is more likely to hump the legs of other imaginary beings than those of real-life people. Next time the sisters Rutledge make an appearance in your fevered brain, you may want to advise them to wear heavy rain gear, not miniskirts, for the foreseeable future.

Don't bother with warning Shane. Gluon has far better taste in legs than that. And Shane already has enough foul substances of mysterious origins on his jeans anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 07:29 PM

Ignore Gluon at your peril, LH. He'll kidnap Chongo AND Chinga and induce them to cage-fight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 09:09 PM

There has been a notification that I have mail. It appears to be from Chukchi Sea in 2018. I'll have to look into that; it may be Penelope & Co.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 10:19 PM

I just have a hard time relating to Gluon for some reason. Kind of like relating to Jerry Lewis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 16 - 11:33 PM

Jerry Lewis

Gluon


See the difference?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 16 - 11:45 AM

Easy - duckdogs don't have teeth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 16 - 07:11 PM

Yes, I do see the difference! Gluon is WAY better than Jerry Lewis.


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