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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Thespian 22 Jul 03 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 22 Jul 03 - 11:16 PM
GUEST,Thespian 22 Jul 03 - 11:48 PM
Rapparee 22 Jul 03 - 11:56 PM
GUEST,Thespian 23 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM
Rapparee 23 Jul 03 - 08:55 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jul 03 - 05:19 PM
GUEST,Thespian 23 Jul 03 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 03 - 11:41 PM
JennyO 24 Jul 03 - 12:08 PM
CarolC 24 Jul 03 - 02:50 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jul 03 - 01:08 AM
CarolC 25 Jul 03 - 08:52 AM
Little Hawk 25 Jul 03 - 05:02 PM
GUEST,Boab D 26 Jul 03 - 01:56 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jul 03 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 03 - 11:25 PM
GUEST 27 Jul 03 - 02:40 AM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 03 - 01:08 PM
GUEST,Thespian 27 Jul 03 - 06:06 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 06:06 PM
GUEST,Thespian 27 Jul 03 - 08:29 PM
Rustic Rebel 27 Jul 03 - 09:41 PM
GUEST,Thespian 27 Jul 03 - 10:30 PM
GUEST,Thespian 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 29 Jul 03 - 10:40 PM
Tweed 30 Jul 03 - 06:26 AM
GUEST,Thespian 30 Jul 03 - 12:29 PM
Dead Horse 30 Jul 03 - 02:29 PM
Dead Horse 30 Jul 03 - 02:30 PM
Tweed 30 Jul 03 - 06:55 PM
GUEST,Thespian 30 Jul 03 - 09:50 PM
GUEST,Bubba Bubba 30 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jul 03 - 11:09 PM
Tweed 30 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM
Rustic Rebel 31 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 31 Jul 03 - 08:13 AM
khandu 01 Aug 03 - 12:09 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Aug 03 - 12:57 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 01 Aug 03 - 01:01 AM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 01 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM
Amos 01 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM
Kim C 01 Aug 03 - 10:50 AM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 02 Aug 03 - 05:34 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 06:00 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 07:39 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 07:40 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 10:43 PM

Have you ever considered cows as symbols of lush sexuality?

I dream of cows quite often. In fact, in my dreams I often have an
entourage of cows. They act as any entourage, following me about as I do whatever the dream commands. They are never obtrusive, (don't you just hate obtrusive cows?) they remain in the background following me.

I believe the "cow-entourage" dreams are an omen, hinting at the
greatness of my destiny. Would you not agree?

Robert Johnson dreamed that the hounds of hell followed him. Cows are
better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 11:16 PM

You're going to be hamburger? Somebody will hook you up to a milking machine?

Actually, the significance of the dream is udderly dependant upon the type of cows. Frisians? Herfords? Jerseys? Welsh Black? Limousines? Santa Gertrudis? Guernseys?

A neighbor dreamt of cows following her, a herd of sixteen Jersey cows and one calf. A week later she won the state lottery was far wealthier than before. On the other hand, she then dreamt of a herd of sixteen Black Angus cows and one calf following her in exactly the same way, and lost every cent she won in the lottery when the stock market took a dive. She now lives in a cardboard box. (Not that she has to, she has a very nice house, actually. She just prefers a cardboard box.)

As for lush sexuality, ah, no, I don't think that it's my place to discuss that, no, nope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 11:48 PM

My entourage of cows is a motley bunch. There is not one pure-bred in the lot. They are a mixture of all kinds, perhaps you could call them "curs".
Some of them look a bit inbred...got a crazy look in their eyes and they do drool a bit. One stutters when she tries to moo.

Hmmmmm...they remind me somewhat of my in-laws.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 11:56 PM

I do hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid that you're suffering from the Curs of the Cows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM

My God, NO!!

Is this similar to the hex of the heifers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 08:55 AM

Yes. But there is good news, because the Heifer Hex can be cured by Preparation H (that's why it's called that). Drink it dissolved in freshly obtained milk, three big glasses with every meal, while reciting the ingredients list from Macbeth (wool of frog, etc.). And enjoy your meals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 05:19 PM

I don't think I have ever had a dream with cows in it. What does this mean? I do have dreams with dachshunds sometimes, but I also actually have dachshunds, so there you go. My encounters with cows have been fairly limited in this life. I agree that they are generally unobtrusive, which is good, but they are no good at solving math problems.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 06:07 PM

I had a mule that could count. I could feed him some corn and then ask him how many ears he had eaten. He would raise his tail and say, "phew".

Cows are good. They have pleasant personalities. They never conspire against humanity. Ocassionally, if they do not know anyone is around, you may catch them chortling among themselves. They are basically good-humored beings.

Dreams with cows in them are generally positive dreams. They often symbolize abundance.

Even the word "impecunious", which means "having no money", is born of a word "pecu" which means "Cattle" or "cows". Therefore to be without cows is to be "impecunious".

To have an entourage of cows in one's dream must mean something very positive.

I am positive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 11:41 PM

That reminds me about the guy who always wanted a blue-faced mule. Best mules in the world, he said. And one day he bought one!

He couldn't believe his luck, but it was true, and he invited all of his friends out to the farm to see this paragon of mulehood. He trotted off to the barn to bring it out for admiration.

He bridled the mule, and just as he led it out of the doors and into the sunlight, the mule sat down, crossed its eyes, and wouldn't move a lick. Nothing the man could do could get that mule to move. Frustrated, the man called the veterinarian.

The vet came out, looked the situation over, and walloped the mule between the ears with a club. Then he took a peice of hose, stuck it up the mule's rectum, and gave a good, hard blow.

The mule popped right up, ready and rarin' to go. The farmer paid the vet, who got into his car and drove away. When the farmer returned from seeing the vet off, there was the mule, sitting down, cross-eyed, not moving a lick.

But the farmer knew now what to do! He got a club and a length of hose, clouted the mule between the ears, shoved the hose up the mules fundament, and blew long and hard into the hose.

Nothing happened. The farmer did it again and again, but no luck.

Frustrated, he called the vet again. And when the vet arrived, the farmer told the vet everything he'd done, and that everything had failed.

The vet picked up the club and rang the mule's chimes. Then he yanked out the hose, turned it around, reinserted it, and gave a might CHUFF! of a blow.

And the mule stood up, ready to go.

Seeing this, the farmer said to the vet, "I understand what I did wrong. I gave a long, soft blow into the hose, and not a quick, hard puff. But tell me, why did you reverse the hose? One end's pretty much like the other."

"Ah!" responded the vet. "You certainly wouldn't want me to put my mouth where yours had been, would you?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 12:08 PM

Here's that story in poem form, from Blue The Shearer:


THE CROSS-EYED BULL

Did I ever tell you blokes about the cross-eyed bull I'd bought?
I couldn't put it in the shows. At least, that's what I thought.
And then I meet this bloke. He says: "I'd like to take a look.
Those eyes aren't bad. Ring up the vet. His number's in the book.

Although I don't have too much faith, I ring him up that day.
I say: "Me bull's got cross-eyes. Can you get out right away?"
So out he comes. He looks. He thinks. Takes this tube of glass.
Walks round to the bull's backside, and shoves it up   
                   that hole just under the tail.

Then he takes a mighty breath. He blows. He puffs. He sucks.
The eyes rotate. They straighten up. The vet says: "Fifty bucks."
'Fifty bloody bucks.' I think. 'Now there's a tidy sum.
Just for half-a-minute's work. Blowing up some piece of glass tubing.'

Still and all, I pay the vet. He's straightened out the eyes.
I take me bull to Sydney Show, and win a major prize.
I cart him round the bush a bit. We're doing well, and then.   
I have to take him home because his eyes are crossed again.

This time, no vet. I know the drill. I'll save meself some dough.
I get me tube, and shove it in, and I begin to blow.
I blow and puff and puff and blow. Still the eyes stay crossed.
I'm forced to ring that bloody vet and mourn the dough I've lost.

And out he comes. A very knowing smile upon his face.
He knows I've tried to fix me bull. I've left the tube in place.
He grasps the tube. Reverses it. Gives one tremendous puff.
I see the eyes rotate again, and straighten, sure enough.

I pay the vet, and say to him: "Look. Just before you go.
Don't tell me the secret's knowing in which end to blow?"
"No mate." He says. "You can blow from North, East, West or South.
But you didn't think I'd use the end, that you've had in your mouth?"

BLUE - the shearer.         (copyright col wilson)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 02:50 PM

So last night, we bought a travel trailer from Bill Clinton. I didn't have a chance to get my picture taken with him. It's a really nice trailer. We're picking it up on Saturday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 01:08 AM

That is really cool, Carol! The only thing that could possibly be cooler would be to buy one from Bill Shatner. How is Bill (Clinton) looking these days? Is he in good spirits?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 08:52 AM

He seems to be doing pretty well, LH. He just bought a new house and was a bit frazzled from picking out the carpeting for it just before he sold us the trailer. He's a busy guy. He says he sells quite a lot of trailers and motor homes, and they're making him the manager of one of the new showrooms for the RV place where he works.

Some other presidential (or quasi-presidential) news... as we were on our way to the RV place yesterday afternoon to have the trailer hitch put on our van, we saw something that looked really weird. There were what looked like hundreds of police officers hanging around the parking lot of one of the buildings about a block from our hotel. And there were dozens of police motorcycles all lined up in the parking lot, and police cars all over the place. Some of them were parked around the perimeter of the parking area, and one of them was parked up in the grass on a hill, between a couple of trees. At first I thought it was a speed trap and I laughed about what a funny place it was to put a speed trap. And I was hearing military helicopters all day long yesterday.

JtS just called a few minutes ago. He said all that hullabaloo was a $400 a plate dinner (campaign fundraiser) old GWB was having there in that building. I think they had the entire Detroit/Dearborn area police departments there in that parking lot. I bet nobody brought any of that $400 a plate food out to them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 05:02 PM

Well, gosh, who wouldn't pay $400 to get to eat a meal in the company of George W. Bush? Umm.... (deafening silence...)

Do I have any takers for $250? No? Didn't think so.

How about 50 cents and a young Republicans button from '68 saying: "Nixon's the One!"

Look, don't all speak at once, okay?

- H


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 01:56 PM

I couldn't see this wee one go to the bottom of the page wherre it was all lonely so 'I thought that I should put it back to the top as it looks much better there dont you think. I havent read it yet cos it wouls take all night so I 'll leave you for the now.
How did Clinton manage to get a job selling things? but then again he's a more honest liar than bush
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 07:40 PM

He's more appealing in a number of respects, I think...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:25 PM

Recycle the old poster, put George III's face over Nixon's:

"Would you buy a used war from this man?"

But I don't want this to get political.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 02:40 AM

Politics is bad and I only want to have good things
like Haagen daas rum and raisin ice cream, oh how nice is that, but I dont think that they mak it any more in the UK. My local pictures used to sell it in a nice wee tub with a spoon and a serviette but no longer how m I going to cope with the absence of my date and the only one who ever took the time to accompany me to the pictures
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:36 PM

I don't know what to advise, Dylan. I usually go to movies alone, by choice, because it's actually watching the movie that is my main motivation for going. But I didn't feel that way when I was 22!!! The last movie I went to was with a friend of mine, and that was okay, but like I said I usually go alone to them. I really concentrate hard when I'm watching a movie, and try to immerse myself completely in the alternate reality...providing the movie is a good enough one that I would want to. Such movies can be a bit scarce at times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 01:08 PM

Politics isn't bad, but all too often the players are corrupt. Politics is like etiquette, just a way for folks to get along. When someone doesn't want to get along, and that person isn't the best sort anyway, politics gets a bad name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 06:06 PM

Politics is not bad, but most politicians are. Movies are not bad, but many plots and actors are. Going to a movie alone is not bad, but going to a movie with a cow-entourage can be, especially if you are charged a ticket for each cow. Also, cows seem to have no social graces in a theatre. They moo without consideration of the other mivie goers. They chortle out loud at inappropriate times. And, usually, there is one in the entourage that has seen the movie before and tells you what is going to happen next.

And there is the infamous Cow in Red that did Dillinger in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 06:06 PM

Yes, but how many Polish sausages can one fit into a Volvo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:29 PM

Is that "Volvo" or did you mean "vulva"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:41 PM

Now that would be right up Clintons line wouldn't it, oh wait that was cigars wasn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 10:30 PM

There ya go...sticking politics back into it...no....wait, uh...that was sausages, wasn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM

I suppose it would be proper of me to explain my fascination of cheese. I know it has been discussed among many of you out of my hearing. It certainly is not something polite folk would discuss publicly, within my hearing. I am thankful that the people with whom I have to do are "polite" folk.
Perhaps "fascination" is not the proper word. I know some of you have used the word "obsession". Some have called it a "fixation", even a "mania". Some of the more prurient among you have said "fetish".
Call it what you will...I prefer "fascination".
As years have passed, I have become more aware that my fascination has intruded into the lives of my friends and loved ones. I have become sensitive to the odd looks that cross the faces of those to whom I am enjoying a conversation, when I suddenly interject a statement which has no bearing to the aforementioned conversation, and the statement is usually something like "Doesn't the thought of lying naked in a bed of shredded Gouda make you feel like a King of some obscure and poor country that suffers under the reign of you who spend all the country's money on cheese?"
Yea...I have caught those looks. I have gone home, distressed that my fascination has been thrust upon those innocent folk who have no such fascination for the wonderful glories of cheese.
However, here I must admit...the distress lasts but a few moments, because something deep within me rears its proud head and says...nay,...shouts "THEY ARE FOOLS! BLINDED BY SOCIAL MORES INTO REFUSING TO SEE THE WONDERFUL GLORIES OF CHEESE!!! FOOLS ALL!!!! LET THEM BE BLIND!!! I, YES, I SHALL NONETHELESS REVEL IN MY AWARENESS AND THE GLORIOUS WONDERS OF CHEESE!!!"
Then I sit quietly and watch a bit of TV, hoping for a Kraft commercial, and fall into wonderful slumber and dream about my entourage of cows being milked for cheese production.
Life is good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:40 PM

So, am I kinky because I like chevre and roquefort?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:26 AM

"Doesn't the thought of lying naked in a bed of shredded Gouda make you feel like a King of some obscure and poor country that suffers under the reign of you who spend all the country's money on cheese?"

Dammit, this Guest Thespian's bizarre thought patterns remind me of some other madcatter with royal delusions. I am digging out the straight jacket of many colors and putting a new spark plug in the generator so it will be at the ready for emergency electro-therapy should my suspicions prove correct and his Lordship's condition worsens.

Tweed
KOTROT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:29 PM

Let us see...is the previous post placed there by the same Tweed who thinks every "Guest" post is actually Penelope Rutledge assuming another name? Is this same Tweed now shifting his attention from Penelope to the long-since-heard-from King Khandu?

Who will be next on his list? Max...Joe Offer...Rustic rebel, etc.?

I have grown concerned with Tweed's mental state. Perhaps, the spark plug should be checked on the generator, not for the departed King of Mississippi, but for Tweed.

Of course, it is also apparent that Tweed is not appreciative of the wonderful glories of cheese. Therefore, his whole perspective on all things is in question.

Tweed and his ilk are to be pitied...and watched carefully!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 02:29 PM

I positively refuse to post to this thread, even though it will be post No800.
So there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 02:30 PM

P.S.
Anybody know a good maths tutor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:55 PM

HAW!! Thespian! Nobody mentioned the name of KHANDU!! Perhaps I was thinking of some other Monarch of a poor nation where the subjects are taxed insensible and are forcefed cheezwhiz while their head of state sups on bricks of brie. Yes, of course there are many who fit that bill here in Mudcat. Khandu? HAW! Yore assumption iz groundless. His Royal Visage had never entered my mind in connection with your masked performances, as he is by far more crafty and insidious in developing BS for this thread. Cheese would never enter his mind and as for the entourage of cows? Phhawww! Three legged llamas perhaps, but not cows. No, I knew KingKhandu and you are no Khandu. He has more BS than any one.
He is truly the King of all BullShit.
Long may He Reign!

HUZZAH, HUZZAH, HUZZAHHHHHH..


Yerz,
Tweed
Dauphin de Panola


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:50 PM

Forgive my error, Penelope, er...Tweed. I am dismayed that I was so obtuse when I posted my previous message. Now that you have clarified things for me, I cannot see how I could have made such a mistake! As you say,"there are many who fit that bill here in Mudcat".

Yeah.

By the by, where is your King of All BS? Is he even alive? It has been almost three hundred post since he was last heard from. Someone should hold him accountable for all this mess he created!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bubba Bubba
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM

Hi! King Khandu's here with me. He's been teachin' me all sorts of tricks. Debbie Earl is jealous, I think. *giggle*

I'll tell you,
Khandu can do.

Why, glory be, I think I've started writin' me another l'il ol' song! Khandu you cut that out right now, or I'm gonna


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:09 PM

YEEEEEHAAAAW!!!!

THE MOAB RIDES AGAIN!!!!


Cheese? Who gives a rat's ass about cheese? Cows? Whafuck with the cows? We want BULLS! Can't have BULLSHIT without BULLS!

"But mommy, bulls is mean and nasty and dangerous!" you say! I say, "Hah!" to that. If yer really scared of bulls, get them mothers clipped and replaced their natural equipment with NEUTICLES! Works real good fer keepin' mushroom huntin' hippies outta yer cow pasture. They ain't gonna get close enuff to ole Toro to wonder whether that big ole sack of nuts is the real thing or just plastic!


Thank you for yer support,

BWL KOT LSMFT QRSTUV BFD


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM

Where is KingKhandu you ask GUEST THESPIAN? Yes it the same question is on the minds of thousands worldwide. I am only a voice in the Everglades but even now He is gathering his armies and laying up vast storehouses of Bullshit in preparation for an onslaught of biblical proportions. Shatner will be shat out, cows will tremble, women will slather themselves with wrinkle remover, grown men will stuff suppostitories in their nostrils and weep at the Return of the King of all Bullshit.

Tweed
KOTROT Duc de Mallard

P.S. BeeDub, does your latest title BFD stand for what I think it does? HAW, good one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM

BFD?
Bloody farting dude- no that would be Spaw.
Bed fed Druid, I don't think so, but could be.
Burnt out Fed., that could explain where all the mushrooms went to.
Big Foot's Dad, he is kinda hairy.

Hell I don't know what it means, so big fucking deal anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:13 AM

Where the hell is that goddamn Khandon't? He's off with Bubba Bubba somewhere, I know he is and when I catch em togedder I'm gonna reach rite down that louse covered peice of scab's throat, grab aholt of his toes, pull strate up and turn that outhouse fillin inside out. Then I'm gonna hurt him bad. Any body that does that with Bubba Bubba, teachin' her all those things, why never in all my life have I ever even thought about some of those things an I was pertecting lil BB an when I ketch him I'm gonna teach him bout nonvilence, you bet your arsy-darsy, Daisy.

You go on now an tell him I'm lookin for him.

Sides, BB is too young. She's jist under four thousand, an he's guilty of all sorts of shit.

Gonna tie one of his arms to a tree and pull on the other one til it's as stretched as it'll go. Then I'm gonna let go and watch him bounce back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:09 AM

I HAVE RETURNED!!!!

I had planned to be gone one more month, but I remembered...
THIS IS JOE OFFER'S BIRTHMONTH!!!!
I had to return to give Joe my best wishes.
And, to my surprise, there...falling to the bottom of the board was

THE MOAB THREAD!!!



Still alive and well!!!!

I am soooo happy that my fellow BSers have continued the wonderful Mudcat Tradition of 99.99% undefiled Bullshat!!!
What a wonderful bunch a guys and gals you are!
{~~~sniff~~~sob~~~}
They say Love makes the world go round, but I say BS runs a close second!
What's all this cow entourage and cheese crap? That ain't BS...that is perverted stupidity! Who is Thespian and who let him in???

Each of you regular contributors to this thread are hereby granted place in my Royal Advisory!!!!

What a wonderful bunch of BSers you are!

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:57 AM

Yes folkhs, Khing khandu joins the illustrious rankhs of Jesus Khrist and Freddy Khruger. Just khan't seem to khill the sumbitch off.

Hi, Khenny. Been pickhin' much?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 01:01 AM

Well, well. The King has returned! How nice. After all, what is a kingdom without a king? Even a kingdom of utter nonsense requires a monarch to give it a sense of disorder and instability. Welcome back, Khandu!

Now I wish to address myself to a certain bit of rubbish that has been making the rounds here, namely that I have been posting under various other names...such as Tweed, for one. This is not so. I never post under aliases and would not be caught dead posting as "Tweed". Tweed is a puerile idiot who seldom if ever has anything useful to say.

As one might expect, he loves this thread! What more need I say?

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM

Miz Penylopy, I never saw you afore now an youre, yor, yur just a purdy as a sack of new puppys aforen they tak their furst pee! I never saw nobody like you befor, not even ol Bubba Bubba's mother, who wuz 1 gud lookin thing, lemme tell yu. Miz P (iffen I may be so bold as to address yu familur like), may I offer yu the purtekshun of my strong arms and the shield of my own body? An to show that my intenshuns are onorable I'll wear pants, even tho they do cramp me up some in the krotch. Why, yur purdier than even Bubba Bubba, Miz P, yor purdier than the roses blumin behind the outhous, an thats some purdy, Miz P.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM

Penelope:

I believe, as long as we are "clearing the air". so to speak, that you might be a bit more candid on the topic of your instantaneous damping reaction whenever Tweed's name is mentioned, and the fact that you would be entirely at his whim should he so much as glance cross-eyed or think a salacious thought in your general direction! And -- should you purasue this recommended course -- do include the observation that you have been in this quivering, helpless condition of degenerate desuetude for a number of years now!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 10:50 AM

I like cheese, and ice cream. Not necessarily together. It's rare that I meet a dairy product I don't like. Once in awile there's a cheese that throws me for a loop. I once bought a soft cheese, similar to brie, that surely was rotten. It had to be. It was the nastiest thing I'd ever smelled or tasted. It started with an R but I don't remember the name of it now. I figured it was worth $3 to find out.

Mudcatter Mad Maudlin recommended to me a German cheese called Harzer. She warned me that it smelled rather fragrant. I didn't care much for it either, but once again, it was worth $3 to find out.

My friend Craddock has a thing for smelly cheese. He is especially fond of Stilton, and has it out almost every time we go to his house. I can take it in small doses. I found a Stilton with cranberries once, though, and that was fabulous. The berries gave it a sweeter flavor.

Me, I like Gorgonzola on a salad, with some walnuts. Yummmmmm. And feta. I will make a complete ass of myself over feta cheese. Especially if it's accompanied by a little dish of Greek olives.

And chevre is excellent. It's really swell this way: Buy you one of them frozen 4-cheese pizzas, a pack of chevre (crumbled if you can find it), sun-dried tomatoes, and artichoke hearts. Then go fix up that pizza. You can turn it into a Greek pizza if you use feta instead of chevre, and add some olives.

Rum Raisin is my favorite Haagen-Dazs too, but they had another one years ago that I really liked, that they don't make anymore. Raspberry sorbet swirled with vanilla ice cream. So nowadays I just buy raspberry sorbet, and vanilla ice cream, and have a scoop of each. It isn't quite the same, but it will do.

I am now convinced that Khandu is a god, since he lives in Mississippi.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:55 AM

My God! Texas and Mississipi just got vaporized!!! I saw it on CNN!

No...wait...this is the wrong thread...

Dreadfully sorry, folks. Please disregard that bulletin.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 05:34 PM

Don't try to teach your grandmother how to cheat at bingo, Amos. My little feud with Tweed does go back a long way, but he started it!

And the only thing that is in a quivering, helpless condition of degenerate desuetude around here is the judiciary's moral authority over preening, posturing, licentious, tippling, invertebrate scoundrels who imagine themselves to be pillars of art and society when they should be cooling their heels in a dank prison cell.

Well, yes, and certain little hopeful male parts too...lurking in the wings here and there imagining glorious conquests. But I won't elaborate on that. It would be much ado about almost nothing, I can assure you.

Speaking of which, I see that I have another hillbilly admirer. Thank God the Ozarks are so far from Twillingsgate! I am a little puzzled as to whether "Debbie Earl" is male or female, but I am assuming male, as females are seldom quite that stupid...although with enough inbreeding I suppose anything is possible!

I think it's really Bobert trying to be funny. No one would name a child "Debbie Earl".

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 06:00 PM

Boy, oh, boy! The

Joe Offer Festivities

are in full swing down here in Mississippi! The Guinness is flowing like the Mighty River; the Royal Lucky Wife, Cheryl, is dancing around with her pasties and tassels, being backed up by the Royal Dancing Tarts! The Royal Forkers are keeping time with their trowels and swords! Tinker, the Royal Rat Terrorist, is howling in harmony with the Howling Wolf LPs playing on the Royal HiFi! The beautiful fragrance of kerosene wafts through the village. And once an hour, on the hour, the entire populace shouts;

HAPPY


BIRTHMONTH,


JOE OFFER!!



And the best thing about all this is THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!!!
We have thirty more days left!!!


Man!!! This is the

BEST OF TIMES!!!!



Ain't Life Grand??!!

khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM

Oh no.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:39 PM

If you wonder where, then you ain't there! Mississippi is the place to be!!!!!

The joint is a'jumpin!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:40 PM

Hey!

800 posts of undefiled BS!!!



Kk


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