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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,da big cheese 26 Aug 03 - 09:39 AM
Sooz 26 Aug 03 - 09:40 AM
Sandra in Sydney 26 Aug 03 - 09:43 AM
GUEST 26 Aug 03 - 10:10 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Aug 03 - 10:19 AM
Sandra in Sydney 26 Aug 03 - 10:20 AM
GUEST,MMario 26 Aug 03 - 10:30 AM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 03 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 03 - 10:40 AM
Amos 26 Aug 03 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,MMario 26 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM
Sooz 26 Aug 03 - 11:23 AM
GUEST,MMario 26 Aug 03 - 11:26 AM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 03 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,MMario 26 Aug 03 - 11:35 AM
Amos 26 Aug 03 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 03 - 03:53 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 03 - 08:30 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 03 - 08:56 PM
Janie 26 Aug 03 - 09:40 PM
Janie 26 Aug 03 - 09:45 PM
GUEST,"Debbie Earl" 26 Aug 03 - 10:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Aug 03 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 03 - 09:34 AM
Amos 27 Aug 03 - 10:14 AM
GUEST 27 Aug 03 - 10:20 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Aug 03 - 10:53 AM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 03 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 27 Aug 03 - 08:05 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 03 - 09:04 AM
Noreen 28 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM
Amos 28 Aug 03 - 09:48 AM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 03 - 11:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 03 - 12:23 PM
GUEST 28 Aug 03 - 12:33 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 03 - 12:50 PM
GUEST,MMario 28 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 03 - 04:18 PM
GUEST,MMario 28 Aug 03 - 04:25 PM
Amos 28 Aug 03 - 04:57 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 03 - 07:47 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 28 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM
Amos 28 Aug 03 - 08:52 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 28 Aug 03 - 09:39 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 03 - 02:23 AM
GUEST,MMario 29 Aug 03 - 08:51 AM
Amos 29 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM
GUEST,Ralphs 29 Aug 03 - 11:11 AM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 03 - 01:26 PM
GUEST,MMario 29 Aug 03 - 01:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,da big cheese
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 09:39 AM

FUNDAMENTALS OF CHEESEMAKING

A key factor in natural cheese is its selective concentration of the insoluble components of milk. Heat, acid, salt and bacteria both jointly and singly play effective roles in transfering the concentrate into an acceptable, fresh food predictable quality, or later in conjunction with other microorganisms and enzymes, into a cured food.

Natural cheese can be classified into groups according to its moisture content, age, type of ripening agents or the rheological qualities of the cheese. For example, classification of natural cheese based on moisture is divided into four groups, very high H2O ( cottage cheese), high H2O ( Mozzarella cheese), medium H2O ( Cheddar cheese), and low H2O ( Parmesan cheese). The moisture levels range from 80 % to 13 %.

The following table displays the basic steps in cheese-making. The following eight steps are used for most of the 18 distinct variables of natural cheese-making.

BASIC STEPS IN MAJOR CHEESEMAKING

Setting the milk

The first step in basic cheese making is to prepare warm milk with starter and rennet extract or paste causing the milk to curd into a block. This curd may either be set with starter only causing an acid iso-electric casein, or a sweeter, calcium paracasein curd, set with both starter in rennet extract. The sweeter curd will materialize in only 15 to 30 minutes at about 32 degrees celcius however, the acid iso-electric casein curd will take approximately 5 to 16 hours to curd at a given temperature.

The optimum pasteurized temperature is 161.6 degrees F (72 degrees celcius) for 16 seconds only pasteurized milk is used for fresh cheese, however raw heat, heated or pasteurized milk may be set for ripened cheese.

The rennin extract is added to the milk, causing the milk curd, however vibrations may cause a non- homogeneous curd. A milk container protecting against light is necessary because rennin is unstable to light. Also, it is inactivated at normal pasteurization temperatures and is most stable at pH 4.0.

Cutting the curd

The horizontal - wire knife is initially used to cut the curd into strips using a swing - gate motion. It is only used to cut in one direction, lengthwise. The vertical- wire knife is then placed in the curd and moved in two directions, the long and cross directions. Cutting the curd increases the surface area of the curd.

Cooking the Curds

Cooking the curd is generally defined as, heating the curd and whey for a specific time, while agitating. This process may be accomplished by using direct steam, jacketed water, or radio- frequency. Cooking the curd serves many purposes such as, contracting the curd particles, driving out the free whey, increase lactic acid production, suppresses spoilage microorganisms and influences the final cheese moisture.

Draining Whey

Separating the whey from the curds is accomplished by using a metal strainer or a sieve. Draining time will vary from 15 to 60 minutes, depending on the vat size. The whey acidity determines when to begin draining. This processes also allows more time for lactic acid production.

Knitting and transforming the Curds

The type of cheese being processed and it's texture will determine the time period of this application. During this time, lactic acid is accumulated causing the curd to change chemically and provide the correct moisture content. This will also allow microbial constituency for curing.

Salting of Curds

The purpose of salting the cheese is to improve its flavor, texture and appearance to suppresse the growth of spoilage microorganisms. When and how much salt is added is dependent on the type of cheese being processed.

Pressing

This processes gives the cheese its characteristic shape, texture, extrudes free whey. The cheese is placed in a metal or wooden vat, usually with some type of weight placed on it to cause pressure. The standard equipment used, is the horizontal, hydraulic, pressure plate type presses.

Adjusting the specifications of the previous steps will cause different varieties of cheese.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Sooz
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 09:40 AM

Dammit, Noreen. You beat me to it. I will sulk now for the rest of the day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 09:43 AM

Noreen & Sooz - I didn't know you were around, I thought I was leaving the spot for MMario or Amos or ...

sandra


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:10 AM

the one who gets there firstest gets the spot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:19 AM

ODE TO THE MOAB UPON ITS 1000TH POST

The time has come for us to gab
About this thing we call MOAB
The Mother of All BS Threads
The home of whackos, freaks and freds

We must speak of khandu the King
Whose genius (?) did inspire this thing
'Twas an idea whose time had come
Though some just laughed and called it dumb

It now has reached its thousandth post
Without a doubt that is the most
That any thread has ever had
That ain't too shabby - not too bad

It may well go for thousands more
As long as there are fools who are
Just bored out of their minds and need
A place to broadcast weirdness' seed

So here's to you, oh MOAB thread
A beacon in the night so dead
Home for the crap that, we must face,
Ain't fittin' fer no other place


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:20 AM

Spot!!

and I'm off to bed as it's 12.25 & I wanted to log off before midnight.

ratz.

sandra


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:30 AM

oh the horrors! MOAB has led to extended MudCat addiction in Australia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:34 AM

Egad! The Martian invasion forces, poised on the very eve of victory, are reeling in sudden confusion before the awesome spread of BS that has infected Mudcat Cafe and driven this thread beyond 1,000 Posts! Will the BS ever end? Or will we have to wait another 60,000 years before people get serious around here and go back to discussing clawhammer technique for left-handed banjo players and the original and unsullied text of "Barbrie Allen"?

Stay tuned to find out!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:40 AM

A Classic Poem to Celebrate This Mother:

Mother's Troubles

Mother with children all the while,
Tired and weary, she'll hardly smile;
Working so hard, she's nearly sick,
The children's noise to stamp and kick.

Her nerves so weak she cannot bear
Their weeping cries to rock the chair;
Husband at home, so cross he speaks,
Aside she steps and there she weeps.

'Tis then she'll wish she ne'er was born,
For life seem dark and all forlorn;
But when their fret and all is over,
Happy they'll feel like pigs in clover.

    from From Cradle to the Grave (Ionia, MI: Dr. William Fuller, 1888), p. 14.

And to celebrate, tonight the Idaho Regiment will fire a salute of 1,000 guns, mostly into the air and mostly loaded with blanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:55 AM

Happy they'll feel like pigs in clover????!!!!

Rapaire, you should be ashamed. Yes, ASHAMED!!!! And the Michigan Doctor who apparently foisted this parody of literary art on an unsuspecting humanity is just obviously working for the Martians! Double-agents and turncoats!! Beware!! Loose lips sink saucers!! I mean, ships!!





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM

I got a question. Does anyone else read the title on THIS thread as 'Technical - How Do Wop Hormones Work?'

Or am I the only one?

I keep wanting to post "The same way non-Italian hormones work"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Sooz
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 11:23 AM

Hey, MMario I'd noticed that as well. Thought it had something to do with the cheese.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 11:26 AM

seriously - if there is a differnce - I suspect it's the basil, garlic and oregano. They do definately make a difference in whether or not bugs bite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 11:30 AM

That's silly. Everyone knows perfectly well how Wop hormones work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 11:35 AM

Do enlighten us LH.

this should be interesting


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 12:02 PM

I think it said "Do-Wop Harmonies", silly wabbits....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 03:53 PM

Geez, Amos, you're sooooo damned picky. Okay then, here's one that also applies to MOAB:

Kalamazoo

On the outskirts are celery marshes
Which only a few years ago
Were as wet as a drugstore in Kansas
And as worthless as marshes could grow,
Well some genius bethought him to drain them
And to add in a short year or two
About eighty-five thousand dollars
To the income of Kalamazoo.

The Michigan Insane Asylum
Is up on the top of the hill,
And some irresponsible crazies
Meander around there at will,
And they frequently talk to a stranger,
And they sometimes escape, it is true,
But the folks are not all of them crazy
Who hail from Kalamazoo.

    from either A Basket of Chips (Kalamazoo, MI: J. B. Smiley, 1888) or Meditations of Samuel Wilkins (Kalamazoo, MI: J. B. Smiley, 1886).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 08:30 PM

The answer, Mario, is: "overtime" and "even on Sundays". For an amusing movie on the subject watch "I Love You To Death". These are Italian male hormones I'm talking about. With the females it's a bit different. A study of rabbits has shown virtually the same gender-based dichotomy, and I find that interesting. I wonder if Lepus Rex could add anything to this?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 08:56 PM

Meanwhile, there are only hours left until Mars invades. That's here in Idaho. It's already tomorrow someplaces today. But of course, in other places it's not yet now. I suspect that if we went West far enough it would be yesterday today. That would give us more time to ward off the impending attack by Mars.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 09:40 PM

Just


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 09:45 PM

uh....well....mmmm.....what I MEANT to say was.......Oh nevermind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,"Debbie Earl"
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:07 PM

I got seperated during the fighting, and was wounded by a stray bolt from one of their guns. No bleeding, it cauterized right away, but it hurts, it really hurts. I think that it damaged my genetic code, too, as I'm slowly reverting to my old appearance. And I'm starting to cough up -- stuff. Ichorous stuff. I don't think it's a good sign.

Rescued that little girl, though. She was picking flowers on the hillside when all hell broke lose. That's how I got seperated, taking her to cover.

God, this wound hurts! I wonder if they were using side-band bolts, in violation of the Treaties Of Acturus On Permissible Warlike Things. I'd hate to lose my left arm, I don't think I can regenerate it if they used sbb's.

I wonder where I am. I must still be in Idaho, I suppose. The landscape is all blasted and sere, red and black and burned.

Oh, hell. You guys, the Idaho Regiment, we had some good times together, didn't we? You remember that girl in the bar, Sarge? Yeah, that one. Listen, if I don't make it back, and I don't think I will, you'll give my mother this letter, won't you? Yeah, that's the picture of my girlfriend back home, cute little thing, we're goin' to get married when this war is over. Lissen Sarge, just give me a dull, rusty saw and bullet to bite on and you get the rest of the platoon out of here. Don't worry about me. And Sarge, take care of the Kid, won't you? He's too young to be here, he should be back home, sipping a malt with his best girl and playing on the high school football team.

It's getting dark, Sarge. Now's your chance. I've got this BAR and I'll hold 'em off while you get the guys outa here. And Sarge, if I don't make it...kill a few of 'em for me. And one day, when the team is behind and everything looks dark, Coach, just tell 'em to win one for the Gipper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 10:39 PM

For God's sake, Debbie Earl, just shuddup and either die or turn back into THIS!

By the way, that "stray bolt from one of their guns" that wounded you wouldn't happen to be a about 3" long with a 9/16" hexagonal head, would it? My tractor's missing one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 09:34 AM

Dear God, I've discovered their marching song, and it proves their terrible lack of decency (and musical taste)!

Oh! Marsy stoats and folks and goats,
And liddle marskidsy divey,
Deja Thoris'll eatem too,
Wouldn't you-oo-oo-hoo?
A kidney pullin' will do,
Wouldn't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 10:14 AM

Different platoons sing different songs, Rap.

Here's one that is song by the Blue and Fuzzy Jumpers:

We are the Caaare Beaaaars
and we Really Care, we really Care!
Yes we do-o-o-o-o-oooo
We really care for youuuuuuu!!
Your feelings are important!!
We never ask you why,
We never judge or question,
We just hug you until you dieeeeeeeee!!
Yes, WE are the care bears,
And we really, really, care

Cho: Oh, have a good day, have a good day


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 10:20 AM

and the Manatees sing:

it's a wonderful day for in-vad-ing
A wonderful day for in-vad-ing
won't you be? Won't you be?
Won't you be an Ally?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 10:53 AM

I'm so confused!!!!

There are two other Martian invasion threads going along with the MOAB and none of them are marching to the same drummer. In fact, no two people posting to any of the three threads are marching to the same drummer. In fact in fact, no single person posting to any of the three threads is marching to the same drummer two beats in a row.

Is the invasion on? Is the invasion off? Did the 1000th post do the trick? Who are the combatants? Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? Will the winners get ice cream? What flavor? Will they even have mouths to eat it with or hands to hold a spoon? Should I go buy a television so I can watch coverage on Fox News? Where is King khandu? And what really happened to Debbie Earl and Bubba Bubba?

Maybe I'll just sleep all day and it'll sort itself out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 11:40 AM

Look, guys, it's not over till it's over! We still have over 12 hours left to go until midnight where I am located, and that means that August 27 hasn't ended yet, so hang on to your hats. 33 million Martian Marines aren't going to be stopped by one lousy little 1000-post thread on an obscure Folk & Blues forum...are they?

Well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 08:05 PM

Five hours, fifty-four minutes, thirty-seven, no -six, no -five, no -four -- ta hell with it. A tad less than six hours to go....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:04 AM

Debbie Earl, I'm sorry to report, is dead (or at least we think so). DE's body
was found surrounded by Martians who had obviously been slain by DE as they pursued the rest of DE's platoon.

Debbie Earl has been nominated for the Idaho Cross (Second Class), the Wounded Mountain Lion Ribbon (First Class), and the Cross of Bravery (Third Class).

DE will be missed, assuming that DE is actually dead and not simply living in another dimension, because DE was scheduled for kitchen duty this weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Noreen
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM

*sniff* ...it's all quiet... everybody's gone....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:48 AM

Rapaire obviously had a much more entertaining evening than I did -- we built special tinfoil hats garnered with igh-tech coils and antennae and sat around waching Mars start its 60,000 year retreat and discussing floor tile. Wish Ic ould been in Rapaire's fire fight!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 11:50 AM

President Bush made a emergency broadcast to the nation this morning:

On August 27, 2003, a day which will live in incompetence, the military forces of the Empire of Mars did launch a dastardly and unprovoked surprised attack upon the peace-loving inhabitants of Idaho, USA...and a variety of other places (but who cares about those, cos most of 'em were in foreign countries which aren't American...yet). This attack came even as the lying Martian envoys were conducting supposedly normal diplomatic discussions with American officials in Washington and trying to determine how we pronounce the word "nukular" on this planet. The perfidy of this unprovoked attack is unrivalled in the history of the Universe and shall be met with a grim resolve by we, the innocent victims of this vile aggression! Never before in the history of mankind has anyone committed such pointless and duplici...dubalict...duplessis...um...SNEAKY an attack on a peace-loving people as the Martian attack of August 27th! It will not go unanswered! Even now I am preparing a proposal for Congress to allocate funds sufficient to mount a punitive expeditionary force to invade Mars within the next 12 months, this force to be launched in an operation which I have decided to call "OPERATION IMMEASURABLE FREEDOM"...or "OIF".

I want to bring attention to the fact that the Evil Martian Empire sent their troops in claiming the right to "pre-emptive attack in self-defense", as if that was a justification for what can only be seen as naked aggression!

Furthermore, they claimed that we had "weapons of mass destruction" capable of destroying an entire planet. Ha! Where?...I say where?...are those weapons of mass destruction??? Nowhere! That's where. They lied through their teeth, folks, and I am not gonna let 'em get away with it.

They also claimed that we assisted Ming the Merciless of Venus in blowing up that clam bar in Kel'th'a'pathlz'ne'n...in...in the Martian capital last year. Another blatant lie! We can't stand Ming the Merciless and would feed him into a meat grinder if we ever got the chance to. Ming hates us and we hate him. End of story.

Well, those Martian dimwits have made a big mistake. All around me I can feel the righteous anger of America building like a mighty wave of vengeance that will cause fat guys to get off their couches, drop their can of Coors, and grab for their shootin' irons, and get ready to sweep the Evil Martian Empire off the face of the Earth! Well, no, I mean off the face of the Universe...assuming the Universe has a face...well, you know what I mean! We're gonna get 'em! We're gonna smoke 'em out! And we're not stoppin' until the job is done!

Hear this Mars! America is coming!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 12:23 PM

ODE TO FREDS (SNIFF, SNIFF, SUB, ZUB)

So time has come for us to bid
Farwell to our friends freds
Bubba Bubba's taken hostage
And Debbie Earl is deads

We won't be soon forgetting
The time they spent among us
Though Deb is now a fossil
And Bubba is a fungus

We hope they live in other states
Unknown to our World
Like sentient blobs of jelly
Bubba Bub' and Debbie Earl

Or they may be back tomorrow
Arisen from the dead
Cause dumber things have happened
Within this MOAB thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 12:33 PM

Did you know you can sing 'The Boar'sHead Carol' to the tune of "The Banana Boat Song"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 12:50 PM

That's true. You can also sing "Amazing Grace" to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM

My fellow Americans - and anyone else hanging around on this thread:

As we are coming up on the 330th anniversary of the infamous 'Boston Marrow Party' I was of course thinking of that historical event and wondering if it was indeed - as some have recently speculated brought on by a combination of Martian subversives and Manatee sympathizers - rather then being a purely 'home grown' rebellion.

As I am sure all are aware (given the momentous historical signifigance of the entire marrow incidence) that from this seemingly small display of pique devoloped the entire American Revolution; the Space Program, American Sign Language and, some posit, even cellphones and Britney Spears.

Of course this is not to excuse the incredible offenses against human rights committed by Parliament and King George in having military troops hide marrows on front porches throughout Boston, Peabody and Braintree; nor does it even begin to explain why those troops; ashamed as they were to have to force marrows upon common citizens - were still compelled under cover of darkness to continue their nefarious vegetable distribution.

Many scholars have of course debated this issue for years - but the recent failure of Martian activities due to MOAB influence is once again bringing the entire Marrow incident to the fore of the true Poliotical Historian's mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:18 PM

I'm glad you brought that to everyone's attention, Mario. It explains a lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:25 PM

Didn't you ever have to recite that epic poem?

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the marrow tossing of Paul Revere
Into the harbour of Boston Town
went every veggie that George sent down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:57 PM

On the eighteenth of April, in 'seventy-four
He galloped to every farmhouse door
And gathered up every marrow fair
That the evil British had hidden there!

Then he took them all, and with some of his friends
Hauled them away to the old East End
Where Boston Harbour laps the pier
Twelve tons of marrow disappeared.

Then he said good night, and with muffled oar,
Rowed across to the Charleston shore
And stopped at a tavern, ordered a brew,
And passed on this tale, as I pass it to you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 07:47 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Wonderful! The American Revolution has never resounded with such glorious verse before.

"A Marrow, A Marrow, my commission for a Marrow! Nay, tarry not, good fellows, but fetch me a Marrow! Alas! I fear that my days grow short as Marrowless I stand upon this sodden and bloodied field. O wretched fate! Harry not mine unsullied ears with vague rumours whilst the sands run down, but fetch me posthaste a Marrow!"

With these desperate words did General Burgoyne beseech his redcoated staff officers as the ragged colonials closed in...mouthing vague obscenities about republicanism and the impending death of monarchy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

Hello Earth People. Har! Greetings from Ralphs. Har! Ralphs are not like freds. Har! Ralphs understand your grammatical system and can spell, punctuate and capitalize as well as most of you do. Har! Ralphs also do not look offensive to most of you. Har! In fact, Ralphs look like this. Har! However, please be aware that Ralphs have invaded your planet and before long you Earthlings will long for the days when all you had to worry about was freds trying to eat your King. Har! You will wish that you had lost yesterday's battle with the Martian invaders so that all you had to endure was their whips and 5,000 volt anal probes. Har! You see, Ralphs are the most annoying species in the known Universe. Har! Ralphs always refer to themselves in the third person, which gets on people's nerves after a while. Har! But, more importantly, Ralphs habitually say "Har" after each sentence that Ralphs utter. Har! In some instances, where a statement is humorous or very thought provoking Ralphs may even utter several "Har"s in sequence. Har! For example: "Why did the Drombignonian Velsnard cross the road?" Har! "Because his lagnarvia was caught in his epurchalot!" Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har! After a few years of Ralphs occupation most subject planetary populations either commit mass suicide or quickly figure out how to build starships and go find new planets on which to live. Har! Either way, Ralphs get the planet to do with as Ralphs please. Har!    Har!    Har! Ralphs think Ralphs are going to like it here. Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!    Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 08:52 PM

(Don't tell the Ralphs this, buit I a have it on Good Authority that there is a Synchronous VIsitation bering scheduled by the Higher Circles of the Noble Vons Organization, who have formed an Alliance witht he Monarch of Safeway. I am afraid Ralphs will not like this very much!!   Snur!! Snur! Snur!)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:39 PM

Amos. Har. Ralphs must point out a grammatical error that you made in your immediately preceding post. Har. You refer to "the Ralphs". Har. This is an improper grammatical structure. Har. There is only "Ralphs". Har. There is no "the Ralphs" or "a Ralph".    Har. "Ralphs" is both singular and plural and "Ralphs" is never modified by a definite or indefinite article. Har. This admittedly uncommon grammatical feature is the one thing that Ralphs have in common with freds. Har. Other than that, Ralphs hate the little fuckers. Har.    Har.    Har.    Har. Enjoy the rest of your brief stay on this lovely planet. Har.    Har.    Har.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 02:23 AM

Ralphs are right. Har. Raplhs are exceedingly annoying. Har. I hope they all die miserably. Har. Har. Grammar is always changing, so Ralphs will find it hard to lay down absolute rules. Har. But Ralphs wii still try. Har. Ralphs also make really annoying movies. Har. Let's hope that something very nasty happens to Ralphs soon. Har. Har. Har.

I didn't think this thread could get any worse, but it has... (Har.)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 08:51 AM

it derives from the nature of the medium.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM

Grammar will habe no importance! Snur!! Wait and perceive!! Snur!! The meeting of Vans allied with Safeway will be the end of Ralphs! Snur!! But this thread will not end!! Snur. Snur! Snur!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:11 AM

To: Earthling who styles himself after a diminutive raptor. Har!

It is not usually within Ralphs' ways of doing things to interfere with or harm the indigenous dominant species on a planet that Ralphs wish to acquire. Har! Ralphs exert Ralphs' influence by sheer annoyance. Har! However, since it appears that you, Mr. "Little Hawk", have gravely insulted Ralphs we will make an exception. Har! Har! Ralphs have captured every Ilk on the planet Earth and are currently holding them hostage. Har! Har! Ralphs will release the Ilk unharmed whenever you, Mr. Hawk, see fit to issue a formal apology. Har! Har! Har! Otherwise, you will never see your precious Ilk again. Har! Har! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:26 PM

My ilk is very rare, Ralphs. Har! I think you will not find any. Har! Go screw yourself. Har! Har! Har!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:34 PM

silly Ralphs! Har! gargoyle has been trying to drive the ilk away from mudcat for years. har! and he has failed! Har! What makes you think Ralphs can succeed? Har?


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