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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 12:40 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 09:12 AM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 11:14 AM
Acme 17 Jan 07 - 11:38 AM
MMario 17 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 11:41 AM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 12:53 PM
Acme 17 Jan 07 - 01:22 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 Jan 07 - 01:45 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 02:44 PM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 03:47 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 05:06 PM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM
Amos 17 Jan 07 - 06:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 06:41 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 09:18 PM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 09:20 PM
Peace 17 Jan 07 - 09:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 07 - 09:34 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 07 - 09:35 PM
Acme 17 Jan 07 - 11:32 PM
Acme 17 Jan 07 - 11:35 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 07 - 09:22 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 07 - 09:41 AM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 10:25 AM
MMario 18 Jan 07 - 10:29 AM
JennyO 18 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM
MMario 18 Jan 07 - 10:45 AM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 11:25 AM
MMario 18 Jan 07 - 11:33 AM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 11:46 AM
MMario 18 Jan 07 - 11:49 AM
Bunnahabhain 18 Jan 07 - 12:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 07 - 12:33 PM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 12:33 PM
MMario 18 Jan 07 - 12:39 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 Jan 07 - 12:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 07 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 07 - 01:26 PM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 01:28 PM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 01:29 PM
MMario 18 Jan 07 - 01:32 PM
Acme 18 Jan 07 - 02:27 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 07 - 04:57 PM
Amos 18 Jan 07 - 08:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 12:40 AM

Wake up everyone! Wake up!

It's National Eustachian Tube Appreciation Day!!!


Here are a few simple things YOU can do to show your Eustachian tubes you care:

Take them out to lunch. Well... Don't really take them out. That'd be a bit messy, you know.

Learn to spell "Eustachian" correctly. No more "Yoostashion... Euskatcheon... Aw, fuck it! Those damned tubes in your ears!"

Talk to your friends and relatives about the plight of Eustachian tubes in developing countries. Teach them that a Eustachian is not a member of some weird religious sect.

Celebrate your Eustachian tubes in song! Join your friends in a hearty rendition of "A White Sport-Coat, and a Pink Eustachian".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:12 AM

Do not confuse Eustachian tubes with Fallopian tubes, either.

Back in my youth radios had tubes. We used to send new members of our (all boys) high school radio club out to get a new Fallopian tube. If he came back with one we reported him to the police.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM

My great-grandfather on my uncles side once removed was a devout Eustachian, and went regularly to services. I believe, in fact, he was an alderman of the Eustachian convexation. It was then, as now, a little-known sect, vaguely related to early Baptist organizations but grown unrecognizable and perhaps more akin in its present form to a blend of Unitarianism and Dianetics. In any case, it was, as I say, little-known even in his own time, and reportedly in meeting new people he often got strange looks when the conversation would turn to religions and church-going, and he would nod and smile, and remark, "I, myself, have always been of the Eustachian persuasion."

He in fact became a bit of an outcast by reason of this eccentiricity, and was known in Victorian London as the Eustachian boob. This was, of course, before the Underground was built.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:14 AM

Yippeee ki yi
And do-re-mi-fa
Lopian along,
Underneath the stars
Do-re-me-fa-lopian,
Dreamin' and hopian',
Yippee ki yi
And do-re-mi-fa.

"Cowboy's Remorse"
Unsung Heros, Unsung Songs
Billy "Cordless" Novox, First Mime
Cantaloupe Music, Inc., 1963


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:38 AM

Hey, MOM! We got a

Snow Day!!!

Whooo Hooo! And after telling my son last night that there are few weather surprises these days. I wasn't expecting this, it looked like it was all going to stay south of us.

The dogs were so funny--they've never seen snow before. So at dawn when I took them a bucket of fresh water I had my camera in hand--and saw them poke their heads around the garage door in canine amazement! The pit bull barked at it then leapt out the door and bounced the length of the back yard (somewhat like Tigger in the Winnie the Pooh books, I never saw the movie). Poppy sniffed it and stepped daintily off of the porch to test it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM

how much did you get?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:41 AM

Yeah, right, it IS getting close.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:52 AM

Downright tubular, ma'am! (A California expression derived from the Surfing Experience).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 12:53 PM

Ya oughta see a male dachshund in the snow, trying to walk on his front legs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:22 PM

Our snow is puny by all standards, but it made an impact. Everything shut down. I'd guess we have a two inches. For the first couple of hours after I got up (at my usual time, and stayed up just for the pleasure of seeing the snow undisturbed) I only heard one car go by the house. Nice!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:45 PM

Not all standards, Stilly. We've had very brief flurries that have refused to settle for the last few days, except in a wet and unpleasent fashion, mainly down your neck...

Lesson for the day: If you're trying to mash 10 lbs of malt, then you need a really big pot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 02:44 PM

Faux 9-0-9-5...watch it now... gettin' closer...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 03:46 PM

. . . and closer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 03:47 PM

When the faux numbers equal the real numbers, what will happen?

Personally, I think that the world and possibly the entire Universe will end. Impersonally, I don't know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 05:06 PM

When Faux and Real are one,
All tension will resolve,
And brighter than the Sun,
All problems will we solve.
All lies will disappear,
All thinking merge with "feel"
And we'll be happy here,
When Faux is One with Real.

A

(May be sung to some corny 19th century Episcopalian hymn).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM

GO FOR IT. THE FINISH LINE IS HERE. NEXT POST.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 06:19 PM

TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


Faux but Happy!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 06:41 PM

Small minds, small pleasures....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 07:17 PM

When the false numbers equal the real ones, either they have both reached an infinite number of posts, the universe has ended ( unless these are in fact the same thing), or the server is playing silly buggers.

I'm working on the first at the moment, not sure what I can do about the second, except avoiding giving anybody with a particle accelerator any really silly ideas ( I only know one of them at the moment, and she has enough silly ideas of her own), and I sent Max some money to help with number three.

I'm sure i had a point at some point. Unfortunately I'm more sure I had a beer which may have caused it to wander...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 08:52 PM

The Faux Number Blues

Oh Mom's got them ol' faux number blues
Can't tell the phoney numbers from the trues
If Max would just fix that server
All Mom's troubles would be erver
And we could get on to things far more obtuse

Oh there's sixty-five hundred, seventy-one of our posts
Not really missin' they've just turned to ghosts
We Moabites would be thrilled
To see them empty numbers filled
We'd even raise a glass and make a toast

We think our Mom's already paid her dues
Faux numbers make her nervous an' confused
Oh nothing could be worse
Than to be saddled with this curse
Please rid Mom of these ol' faux number blues


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:18 PM

Mom is cursed? I didn't realize that was the problem. Shall I do my Patented Unhex Lift-The-Curse Ceremony? It's hard to find all of the ingredients here, but for Mom I'll give it Ye Olde Collegee Trye.

Let's see: toe of wart...maybe that's supposed to be "woe of tart" and if it is I can get that up at the Legion Hovel...a Pentagon, that's in DC and I'll have to levitate it here I guess...Philosopher's Stone, no sweat there's one in my workshop...do I still remember the dance steps? Is it 1-2-3 dip or 1-dip-2-3...the last time I did it wrong and conjured up all those chickens....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:20 PM

Depends, Rapaire. I'm partial to sour cream with onion soup mix in it. And some fresh chives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:21 PM

SMALL MINDS? SMALL MINDS???

I, sir, will have you know that oranges are green--well, unless they're orange. Heh! Top THAT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:34 PM

"Oranges are green." Hah! Pinks are all sorts of different colors!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 09:35 PM

So are the blues, man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:32 PM

Look at Mom's Numbers! I think she's got it! Yessss! The printer friendly says the last one was 15679.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 11:35 PM

Now if she could just stop that stumbling two-step cleared up. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 09:22 AM

Now I remember. There wasn't any dip in the dance. I only thought there was because some on the sidelines said, "Look at that dip dance!"

But what am I going to do with all these used styrofoam cups?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 09:41 AM

Hooray! Hoorah! Mom's case of the faux number blues has been cured! All it took was for an idiot to write a song about it!

And imagine this... It happened just in time for INTERNATIONAL UVULA DAY!!! Yes, that's right boys and girls! It's that special day when we all go out of our ways to be kind to those silly flaps that hang down in our mouths for who knows what reason! Happy INTERNATIONAL UVULA DAY everyone!

(Betcha can't wait to see what kind of holiday tomorrow will be, huh?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 10:25 AM

I am delighted Mom's numbers have turned right-way-to again. But I must register a protest that BWL gets credit, from himself, for causing the remedy by writing his wonderful Faux Number Blues, which is a gem in istself.

It is equally possible that the Powers of Mudcat noticed my own small "Faux but Happy" contriibution and realized thereby that it was time to rectify the equation. The logic might have run "If Faux but Happy and then Not Faux, therefore Not Happy", you see.

Well, it COULD happen.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 10:29 AM

Neither rain, nor snow, nor dark of night
Nor glitch or gremlin
Shall prevent MOAB
from reaching ever higher numbers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM

It is good to see Mother wearing all her numbers with pride. She wears them well.

But National Uvula Day? I find that a bit hard to swallow!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 10:45 AM

about 10 years ago I had my tonsils out (not a pleasant experience at 40-mumble) and they really beat up my uvula while performing the longest tonsilectomy either the surgeon or the hospital had ever done. (seems there was so much scar tissue on my tonsils that...well - lets just say they didn't have an easy time of it)

Anyway - because of the bruising of my uvula they had to slit the outer casing of it -- and let me tell you; the little bugger can really send pain signals! and it's very,very slow to heal.

So if having a National Uvula Day keeps peoples uvulae happy - I'm all for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 11:25 AM

Dear Mom:

I know what the uvula is, so why is it I keep thinking about sex every time I see it in print?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 11:33 AM

Amos;

Why bother MOM with such a question? You have a 'Y' chromosome (or at least it is assumed you do, as phenotypically you express traits common to the 'Y' chromosome)

In a year, the typical guy spends 730 hours thinking about sex. Face it, just about ANYTHING makes us think about sex.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 11:46 AM

Hangnail.

Thermal inversion.

Polymorphism and inheritance in object oriented logic structures.

Normal distribution curves in the population of lesser grebes.

Rates of heat loss in unprotected divers in crossing thermoclines.

Characteristics of the Sagitarrius persona.

Timing and energy density in the rotary Wankel engine.


Hmmmm.....


You know what? I think you're right, MM!!

:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 11:49 AM

awwww damn! he mentioned Wankel rotary engines. I'm not gonna be able to concentrate for *HOURS* now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:26 PM

I think there was a slight error in MMario's informative post

In a year, the typical guy spends 730 hours   thinking about sex. Face it, just about ANYTHING makes us think about sex.

I found the word 'not' floating about, with Gluon's teeth marks clearly linking it to the above sentence. Now, where do you think it fits in?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:33 PM

According to the Kinsey report, almost half of the male population (46%) doesn't even think about sex as often as once a day! Well, I wish they'd get their acts together because some of us are having to pick up their slack!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:33 PM

There are 8,760 hours in a year. SUbtract MM's 730 hours during which he thinks about sex and you get 8030 hours during which he is either asleep, or thinking about computers.

Or singing.

With his uvula in full play.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:39 PM

8760-2550 (approx average for sleep) = 6210 waking hours.

so 730 hours would be 11.7 % of the time - which is a lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 12:57 PM

Ask your wives or partners for their estimate of that time. I'd bet you wouldn't get an answer of 11.7%....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:21 PM

"If two men are seen talking to each other with no woman present, they're talking about sex. If two men are seen together with no women present and they're not talking, they're only thinking about sex."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:26 PM

Sleep time should count....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:28 PM

YEah -- lets not have any nocturnal omissions in this math problem.

Anyway...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:29 PM

15700



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 01:32 PM

I was assuming that "thinking" implied "conscious" - now - if you are talking sub-conscious or unconscious thinking about sex - then the 730 is way way way too low. It's probably closer to 8759.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 02:27 PM

This morning's conversation serves to prove the rule. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 04:57 PM

Is that like criminal conversation?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 07 - 08:51 PM

There are charges invcolved, sure, but not that kind.

A


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