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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 11 May 07 - 09:45 PM
Acme 11 May 07 - 09:59 PM
Acme 11 May 07 - 11:51 PM
Rapparee 12 May 07 - 10:14 AM
Little Hawk 12 May 07 - 10:20 AM
Amos 12 May 07 - 11:06 AM
Acme 12 May 07 - 12:06 PM
Amos 12 May 07 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 12 May 07 - 03:04 PM
Amos 12 May 07 - 03:35 PM
John Hardly 12 May 07 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 12 May 07 - 09:38 PM
Amos 12 May 07 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 13 May 07 - 09:35 AM
Amos 13 May 07 - 11:06 AM
Amos 13 May 07 - 01:26 PM
Acme 13 May 07 - 01:28 PM
Rapparee 13 May 07 - 07:05 PM
Acme 13 May 07 - 08:50 PM
John Hardly 13 May 07 - 09:41 PM
Acme 14 May 07 - 12:54 AM
Rapparee 14 May 07 - 09:16 AM
GUEST 14 May 07 - 09:28 AM
John Hardly 14 May 07 - 09:34 AM
GUEST 14 May 07 - 10:06 AM
Acme 14 May 07 - 10:24 AM
Amos 14 May 07 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 14 May 07 - 11:41 PM
Acme 14 May 07 - 11:54 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 05:40 AM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 09:53 AM
beardedbruce 15 May 07 - 10:01 AM
GUEST,freds 15 May 07 - 10:02 AM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 10:03 AM
Amos 15 May 07 - 10:06 AM
beardedbruce 15 May 07 - 10:10 AM
Amos 15 May 07 - 10:21 AM
Acme 15 May 07 - 11:56 AM
MMario 15 May 07 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 12:13 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 01:58 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 02:45 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 02:48 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 03:19 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:06 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 04:20 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:27 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:28 PM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 04:29 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 07 - 09:45 PM

Likewise, Herr Doktor. I continue to regard you as the final word on all questions regarding mental health and psychology.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 07 - 09:59 PM

Well that explains it!

Q. Wyatt whipped out his expensive pen and jotted a message on the dog-earred yellow pad, directing the matron at his old digs in Fort Worth, a boarding house in the Stockyard district, to shake out his bed and blanket and dust the ceiling fan. He was headed to town, to dodge his potty brother Mainly Manley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 07 - 11:51 PM

He then sent the telegram.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:14 AM

Meanwhile, Way Out West, the thoughts of a former Hoosier were becomeing clearer and clearer. "Gee," he said to himself, "If this keeps up I'll be able to go to work on Monday, dammit. They might have to carry me upstairs, but at least my mind will be as clear as it ever is."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:20 AM

Meanwhile, poor Shane has been abducted by aliens and is having his mind and body probed. And do any of you care?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 11:06 AM

LH:

He has? Are you sure it wasn't just Molsson's that abducted him? It's easy to get them confused.

Where are the details of this misadventure?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 07 - 12:06 PM

What he neglected to tell us is that Shane is enjoying the attention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 12:11 PM

It is too much of a coincidence that Shane is getting his probes just now when Mudcat's own favorite private detective, Blake Madison, is undergoing similar treament. Those grays are busy!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 03:04 PM

Shane really really likes those probes, I'd guess. Learned in jail, probably.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 03:35 PM

The sad voice of riparian experience...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 May 07 - 08:40 PM

I just heard the Tower of Power sing that "you can't walk a straight line if you're wearin' funky shoes".

I'm not at all sure that that's true. I wonder where ToP did their research? Did they cite any or many sources? What exactly was their expertise in the matter?

Maybe you CAN walk a straight line -- even if you're wearin' funky shoes. I do it all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 09:38 PM

They're talking about the style and not the odor, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:58 PM

Funk works at many a level, and in mysterious ways
Its wonders to perform.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:35 AM

Hey, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day to you and all them other Mothers out there. You know who you are, mother.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 07 - 11:06 AM

Up against the Wall, you redneck mothers.

Mom, it is very exciting. Two friends of mine are having a food fight with the FDA, and I think they are going to win.

It is interesting to see it develop; the sliminess of the tactics is quite eye-opening on the dummint's part.

I have another friend who is all revved up to launch a multi-million dollar company, seriously. Just waiting for one of his pitches to bite. I think he might make it.

These people leave me feeling quite ordinary. Alexander, I ain't. But I applaud them, and many others like them, for their sangfroid and intiiative. Pass the pie.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 07 - 01:26 PM

Happy Mother's Day to the Mother of All BS!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 07 - 01:28 PM

This MOM is getting some gardening done today, and maybe when the kids come in this evening someone will bring some flowers. It's usually pretty modest these days, but I'm grooming the kids to be extravagant celebrants of my birthday and special occasions when they're older and earning their own livings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 07:05 PM

What! And spend their own money?

And now, just for Amos and Mothers' Day, I present:

He was born in Oklahoma
And his wife's name's is Betty Lou Thelma Liz
And he's not responsible for what he's doing
'Cause his mother made him what he is

CHORUS:
Up against the wall Redneck Mother
Mothers who has raised her son so well
He's 34 and drinking in some honky tonk
Just kicking hippies asses and raising hell

He sure does likes his Falstaff beer
He likes to chase it down with that Wild Turkey liquor
He drives a '57 GMC pickup truck
He's got a gun rack, a "goat ropers need love" bumper sticker

REPEAT CHORUS

BREAK

M is for mullet
O is for the Oil they put in your truck
T is for T-bird,
T is for wing-ed lizard
H is for Haggard
E is for eggs
R and is for...
Redneck

REPEAT CHORUS x2
In Muskogee Oklahoma USA


No, no, Amos. Don't bother to thank me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 07 - 08:50 PM

The second T in "Motther" (an unusual variant, I must add) goes
T is for wing-ed lizard. Is this a silent "T" like Pterodactyl? No wait, that's a quiet P. TTyranosaurus?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:41 PM

Silent P. Terydactyl

Quiet T. Rex

Q. Wyatt Earp

Some themes, like spatulas, never die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 07 - 12:54 AM

Now you've done it! Spatulas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:16 AM

Have I mentioned that paleontologists from the Southeast Idaho School of Placer Mines have discovered the remains of a new, shovel-lower-lipped dinosaur they have name Spatulasaurus Rex? S. Rex would apparently scoop up its prey with its lower lip, flip it high into the air, and catch it in its fearsome mouth as it fell.

Here's a little tip I learned over the weekend: that because the angle of the blades in engagement must be enough to maintain contact throughout the parry to deflect the attack, sometimes the wrist must be angulated somewhat, even though this angulation may expose the wrist to attack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:28 AM

Auggy Q. Hepplewhite


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:34 AM

"...would apparently scoop up its prey with its lower lip"

Prey which was referred to as "Flapjackasaurus".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 14 May 07 - 10:06 AM

And then there is Hooverasaurus, a hose-nosed dinosaur that used powerful suction to devour its prey. Hooverasaurus was thereby forced to eat only smaller creatures. In fact the skeleton of a Hooverasaurus has been found with its hose nose choked by an overambitious attempt to suck up a Brachiosaurus! Both animals perished as a result, presumably from mutual suffocation. The Hooverasaurus had managed to get the head and part of the neck of the Brachiosaurus down its gullet, but choked on the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 07 - 10:24 AM

Seems about the right time to share this.

I said "caper," not "tapir!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 07 - 10:36 AM

Oh great delight! Full ten bright posts
Have graced this thread, since last I wrote;
Our Mother keeps her honored ghost
Close to her heart, her vibrant note
Is full and rich, and undismayed
By time's erosions, or the rue of days
When unbecoming, foolish sport was played
Upon the ancient tiles of Mother's ways.
So still the thrumming beat pursues
Its timeless, all-fulfilling aim,
And still the poets bravely use,
For their BS, fair Mother's name.
So let it be, so honor fair her soul,
Oh, poets write! And let ye BS roll.

Throckmorton Harris Tump
On Wings of Sand -- Reflections
1915, Burbling-on-Purpis, England


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:41 PM

Goodness gracious, Mom! Let me help you up with a bit of poetry:

Roses are red,
Blood is too,
Mom, I skewered
My opponents for you.

Yes, I ran them through
With a yard of steel
Spleen or brow
My sword they'd feel.

Six of them now
As cold as clay
With MOAB slashed on 'em
Instead of a Zay.

I'm sorry, dear Mom,
That I'm late by a day
But danged few wear swords
Out Idaho way.

    -- Sirano Di Bareback, Mother's Day Gems
      (Carcasson By Moonlight: Nasal Press, 1612)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:54 PM

"Zay?"

Is that what a Hoosier accent sounds like?

What about "Zed?"

(As to the yard of steel--did you skewer them away from the library? Or are you practicing on patrons with overdue books or who speak too loudly?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:40 AM

We Hoosiers would opt for a yard of steel. Then we wouldn't have to cut the grass. Steel's impractical though. Too expensive, and the expansion rate over an acre in the hot sun -- causes buckling around the shrubbery. I hate buckling around the shrubbery.

Concrete or gravel painted green works fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 09:53 AM

Well, I like things to rhyme. Taking the time to rhyme and adhere to the meter demonstrates self-discipline and that's one of the prime prerequisites for a swordsman.

Got only two more to do for Mom. Because she's great/I'll make it eight.

Did I mention that I learned poetry from Muhammed Ali back when he was boxing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:01 AM

"In the old days a poet used to sweat turning out a sonnet, say. Very difficult form. Exactly 14 lines, all of them hung together with rhyme, rhythm, meter, perfectly. It was too much work for the poet, so blank verse and then free verse came in. And then anarchy. The new poet never bothered to learn how to write a sonnet, or to measure his lines in correct meter and to follow a rhythm system. He dashed off his inspired poem in a matter of a half hour and was surprised when after a few decades of this people stopped reading poetry."



Among the Bad Baboons, by Mack Reynolds
Copyright 1968 Galaxy Publishing Corp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:02 AM

Guano tastes like bat excrement. Why do you want to eat it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:03 AM

"Did I mention that I learned poetry from Muhammed Ali back when he was boxing?"

What I fiind incredible about this?

In this day and age, I find that, just to survive, most people really have to learn to multi-task. It's just the way of this fast-paced world.

We sort laundry while we talk on the phone. We put dinner in the oven and catch up on sweeping while dinner's heating up.

...but even as adept as we've become at multi-tasking, I think it's remarkable that Ali could teach poetry WHILE he was boxing. Unbelievable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:06 AM

"Ya gotta unnerstan Dactyls, see? iT'S A one- AND THEN A two!! pow! Gettit? You gotta get the meter right...."



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:10 AM

that sounds more like an iamb.


"The mere fact of having published a book of second rate sonnets makes a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise. ~Oscar Wilde "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:21 AM

Dactyl: ONE an' two,ONE an' two
Iamb:   ONE-two, ONE-two.

:D

Anyway, the idea of Muhammed Ali floating like a butterfly and teaching poetry out of the side of his mouth is really silly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 07 - 11:56 AM

No! That's a sublime image. . .

Pow!

Should'a tried a haiku, it would have gotten you out of harm's way faster.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 May 07 - 12:02 PM

haiku is 5-7-5, yes?

Floats like butterfly
Teaches poetry in style
Muhammed Ali



but I prefer:


Seeking Brother lost
On yellow forms,still manly
From Indiana


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 12:13 PM

I gotta
Lotta
Respect for Muhammed Ali.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 01:58 PM

Black fighter floats and stings.
Out of his mouth,
Poetry lessons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:45 PM

Black fighter floats and stings.
Out of his mouth,
Poetry lessens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:48 PM

What, you don't like centered lines? ;>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:13 PM

That's what I'm doing: centering...

OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM........OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:19 PM

Have I mentioned that in planning a trip into the Great Frozen Land North Of The Canadian Border I've discovered that there is a town called Sexsmith, Alberta?

Really. It's up around Hinton and Grande Cache.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:06 PM

I can barely handle the codes of B, I, U, am more thankful than most that the mudcat shed "br" and invented the blickifier. I couldn't center copy if my life depended on it. Instead, I just make sure that my monitor is in the middle of my desk.

Don't even ax me about color. I'm John In Hoosierland, not John In Kansas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:20 PM

Aw come on, John. All these commands work the same way:

b
i
h1
h2
h3
h4
center
u
s


...and a couple of dozen others. They go in brackets, < and > to start an effect. You put the same thing at the end with a / before the letter in the brackets to turn it off. Turn on, turn off. Turn on, turn off. All there is to it, Mister Miyagi!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:27 PM

ok

I promise to educate myself. Maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:28 PM

center


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:29 PM

middle


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