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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 10 Dec 07 - 09:53 AM
Amos 10 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM
Amos 10 Dec 07 - 11:11 AM
Acme 10 Dec 07 - 12:05 PM
Amos 10 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 07 - 12:26 PM
MMario 10 Dec 07 - 12:41 PM
Amos 10 Dec 07 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 07 - 03:40 PM
Amos 10 Dec 07 - 05:17 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 07 - 05:33 PM
Amos 10 Dec 07 - 08:30 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 07 - 09:31 PM
Janie 10 Dec 07 - 10:41 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 12:07 AM
Janie 11 Dec 07 - 06:35 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 07 - 08:42 AM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM
Acme 11 Dec 07 - 10:30 AM
MMario 11 Dec 07 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 07 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 07 - 12:31 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 12:52 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 02:29 PM
beardedbruce 11 Dec 07 - 02:41 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 02:56 PM
beardedbruce 11 Dec 07 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 07 - 03:24 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 03:28 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 04:13 PM
Acme 11 Dec 07 - 04:21 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 04:29 PM
Acme 11 Dec 07 - 04:31 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 04:33 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 07 - 04:57 PM
Janie 11 Dec 07 - 08:08 PM
Janie 11 Dec 07 - 08:09 PM
Janie 11 Dec 07 - 08:12 PM
Janie 11 Dec 07 - 08:19 PM
Janie 11 Dec 07 - 08:38 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 09:33 PM
Amos 11 Dec 07 - 11:17 PM
MMario 12 Dec 07 - 09:31 AM
Rapparee 12 Dec 07 - 09:33 AM
MMario 12 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM
Amos 12 Dec 07 - 09:55 AM
MMario 12 Dec 07 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 12 Dec 07 - 10:04 AM
Rapparee 12 Dec 07 - 10:05 AM
GUEST,Janie 12 Dec 07 - 10:06 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 09:53 AM

I don't think it was hickory smoked...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM

Um, Rapaire...I don't think you should be giving Mom Panama Gold this early in the morning. She'll be useless all day! Her lungs aren't what they used to be, also. And she's not used to modern levels of potency...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 11:11 AM

Thanks and honors to Stilly for saving my poor brain from having to churn out thousands of fresh-blended-from-scratch quatrains, by providing us with store-boughten prefab ones. They taste okay, too, even if you don't know how they were made...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 12:05 PM

I chose a favorite old chestnut, full-bodied and with a real emotional bite at the end. Preceded by the prefab warning that I had to do some work before I went to bed. Clever, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM

Oh. I agree, Still, but I don't think Martha Stewart would.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 12:26 PM

Well, if it's okay for Stilly it's okay for Rapaire!

Achilles' wrath, to Greece the direful spring
Of woes unnumber'd, heavenly goddess, sing!
That wrath which hurl'd to Pluto's gloomy reign
The souls of mighty chiefs untimely slain;
Whose limbs unburied on the naked shore,
Devouring dogs and hungry vultures tore.
Since great Achilles and Atrides strove,
Such was the sovereign doom, and such the will of Jove!

Declare, O Muse! in what ill-fated hour
Sprung the fierce strife, from what offended power
Latona's son a dire contagion spread,
And heap'd the camp with mountains of the dead;
The king of men his reverent priest defied,
And for the king's offence the people died.

For Chryses sought with costly gifts to gain
His captive daughter from the victor's chain.
Suppliant the venerable father stands;
Apollo's awful ensigns grace his hands
By these he begs; and lowly bending down,
Extends the sceptre and the laurel crown
He sued to all, but chief implored for grace
The brother-kings, of Atreus' royal race
"Ye kings and warriors! may your vows be crown'd,
And Troy's proud walls lie level with the ground.
May Jove restore you when your toils are o'er
Safe to the pleasures of your native shore.
But, oh! relieve a wretched parent's pain,
And give Chryseis to these arms again;
If mercy fail, yet let my presents move,
And dread avenging Phoebus, son of Jove."

Or, to put the first stanza another way:

Η οργή Αχιλλέα, στην Ελλάδα το τρομερό ελατήριο των θλίψεων θεϊκή θεά, τραγουδά! Εκείνη η οργή που θλιβερό βασιλεψτε οι ψυχές δυνατού πρόωρου προ!ισταμένων που σκοτώνεται Ποιά άκρα άταφα στη γυμνή ακτή, η καταβρόχθιση των σκυλιών και των πεινασμένων γύπων έσχισε. Δεδομένου ότι μεγάλοι Αχιλλέας και προσπάθησαν, τέτοιο ήταν η κυρίαρχη μοίρα, και η τέτοια θέληση!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 12:41 PM

Rapire - you believe that old "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" stuff? How the heck have you survived this long.

Never, ever, EVER, assume that because it's okay for a woman it's okay for a man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 01:34 PM

Virgil, yet. Oy, such tsuris you gimme, Rapaire.

And MM is right, you know. I can think of several examples which are battery-operated.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 03:40 PM

Virgil, my bonny blue...bonnet.

If you knew Homer
Like I know Homer,
Oh, oh, oh what poet!
There's none so classy
As that Greek laddy
He even make Achilles classy!...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 05:17 PM

Well, that opening line sounded Virgilesque to me. Compare it the opening line of the Aenead and you will see what it is that fooled me. But I don't care. Your little poem was awful, so there.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 05:33 PM

Arma virumque cano, Troiae qui primus ab oris
Italiam, fato profugus, Laviniaque venit
litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto
vi superum saevae memorem Iunonis ob iram;
multa quoque et bello passus, dum conderet urbem,               
inferretque deos Latio, genus unde Latinum,
Albanique patres, atque altae moenia Romae.

sounds like

Η οργή Αχιλλέα, στην Ελλάδα το τρομερό ελατήριο των θλίψεων θεϊκή θεά, τραγουδά! Εκείνη η οργή που θλιβερό βασιλεψτε οι ψυχές δυνατού πρόωρου προ!ισταμένων που σκοτώνεται Ποιά άκρα άταφα στη γυμνή ακτή, η καταβρόχθιση των σκυλιών και των πεινασμένων γύπων έσχισε. Δεδομένου ότι μεγάλοι Αχιλλέας και προσπάθησαν, τέτοιο ήταν η κυρίαρχη μοίρα, και η τέτοια θέληση!

???????

But I only wrote that little poem to show how much better yours are, Amos. My little verse cowers against the brillance of yours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 08:30 PM

"I sing of arms, and the man" sounds vaguely reminiscent of "Goddess, sing of Achille's wrath against the Greeks". Both use the fine frequencies of human aesthetics to glorify the bestiality of human insanity, not a very nice thing to do.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 09:31 PM

Yeah, but I'm going to post the entire Iliad (Pope's translation) and then the entire Aeniad (in Latin, of course) just like Stilly did "Barbara Fretchie."

Hmmm...maybe I'll post the Aeniad in pig Latin Latin....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 10:41 PM

Mother, forgive me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:07 AM

Why...did you shoot Rapaire? I think it might be self defense.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 06:35 AM

If he posts theAeniad in pig-latin latin, I may have to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:42 AM

My spurs are rusted, my coat is rent
My plume is damp with rain
And the thistledown and the barley beards
Are thick on my horse's mane.

But my rifle's as bright as my sweetheart's eye,
My arm is strong and free
What care have I for your king or laws?
I'm an outlawed Rapaire,
I'm an outlawed Rapaire.

CH: So lift your glasses friends with mine,
And give your hand to me!
I'm the tyrant's foe,
I'm freedom's friend,
I'm an outlawed Rapaire!


...and I ootshay ackbay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM

How interesting that your stirring poetic creation is so similar to this one:

The Rapparee   
(Tom Brett, James English, Seamus McGrath, Michael O'Brien)

My spurs are rusted, my coat is rent
My plume is damp with rain
And the thistledown and the barleybeard
Are thick on my horse's mane
But my rifle's as bright as my sweetheart's eyes
My arm is strong and free
What care have I for your king or laws?
I'm an outlawed rapparee

Lift your glasses, friends, with mine
And give your hand to me
I'm Englands foe, I'm Irelands friend
I'm an outlawed rapparee

The mountain cavern is my home
High up in the crystal air
And my bed of limestone ironribbed
And the brown heath smelling fair
Let George or William only send
His troops to burn or loot
We'll meet them up on equal ground
And we'll fight them foot to foot

Lift your glasses, friends, with mine
And give your hand to me
I'm Englands foe, I'm Irelands friend
I'm an outlawed rapparee

Hunted from out our father's home
Pursued by steel and shot
A bloody warfare we must wage
Or the gibbet be our lot
Hurrah! this war is welcome work
The hunted outlaw knows
He steps unto his country's love
O'er the corpses of his foes

Lift your glasses, friends, with mine
And give your hand to me
I'm Englands foe, I'm Irelands friend
I'm an outlawed rapparee



And notice how they spell it so sensibly!! Just the way it is pronounced.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 10:30 AM

D'you get your door fixed, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 10:33 AM

Responsible door owners should always get their doors fixed.

Otherwise the countryside will be overun with feral doors. When they aren't fixed doors tend to bang at the slightest provocation; they are open to any suggestion, and well, that just leads to swinging and then to....

let's just say it's a good thing to get a door fixed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 11:52 AM

At the moment we've just blocked it up so we don't even think of using it (it's levered back into the frame and locked as well). Getting someone to fix it right now is chancy at best. They're still building houses on spec around here, expecting Californios like Amos to move in and pay Big Buck$ for cheaply made houses.

The current estimate is that they'll sit empty for five or six years...costing the speculators tax money, repayment money, repairs as needed and so on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:31 PM

It's hardly MY fault you don't speak Irish, Amos. Or even own an Irish dictionary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 12:52 PM

Well, it is, really, sir. The amount of deviant, cross-eyed codswallopery you have posted here under the guise of factual dissertation, you could have conducted an advanced course in Irish in half the space. But I do not hold this against you, as in fact I know we all have to live up to Mom's expectations. Remeber, though, when you point a finger like this, where the otherthree fingers point.

Furthermore, it does not require speaking Irish to simply attribute a creative work to its correct author. That's not a function of language but of basic human decency. A standard from which, I might add, I have often fallen short myself. Thank goodness our Mother raised us to be indifferent to scruples.

As an aside, I used to think that the scruple was the currency of Portugal, and that ten scruples equalled one more and ten mores equalled a lifestyle.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 02:29 PM

The problem with doors of this kind is only suppressed by getting them fixed. It fumes on below the surface, and then surfaces again once they have knobs on. The root of the issue is their having to survive as latch-key doors in their earliest years. They are left feeling blocked and shut off, and keeping everything inside. Not that the problem doesn't have to be addressed. All those feral doors running around could open Pandora's box, or leave us open to terrorists, or other universes, or just anything!! We cannot maintain a society of civilized conduct where the society is just wide open to anyone anywhere because of the attitude of a bunch of swingers. That's they key to remember when they bolt.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 02:41 PM

Amos,

This subject seems to have unhinged you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 02:56 PM

Me!!!!? ME!???? Hopw about that Rapaire? He's a complete lintel case on the subject. Totally over the threshold, jamb-for-brains lintel.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 03:01 PM

also true


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 03:24 PM

Someone's knocking at the door, somebody's ringing the bell,
someone's knocking at the door, somebody's ringing the bell,
do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in.

Someone's knocking at the door, somebody's ringing the bell,
someone's knocking at the door, somebody's ringing the bell,
do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in.

Sister Stilly, brother MMario, Beardedbruce, Spaw and Peace,
uncle Amos, auntie Sins, open the door, let 'em in, oh yeah.


This is a brand new song I just stole rewrote plagarized wrote. Just keep singing the same things over and over until you're sick of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 03:28 PM

Well!! That didn't take very long at all!

NOW what shall we do?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 04:13 PM

AT twenty one
ANd thirty four!
Rapaire's obsessing
ABout Doors!
Here in
Our Mama's
Hideaway!
Olay!!

Just write a post
And you will see!
How quickly we
Respond with glee!
Here in
Our Mama's
Hideaway!
Olay!

A post, or two
And you'll be hooked!
Just tell your friends
That you are booked!
Booked into
Mama's
Hideaway!
Olay!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 04:21 PM

It was quite warm this morning. Misty, and foggy. Surreal, almost.

I checked the mail a little while ago and noticed it had gotten several degrees cooler, so decided to walk the dogs now before it got chilly.

The rain started about two blocks from the house. A drizzle for a few moments, nothing to worry about. Then the big drops started. One of the dogs started tugging. We started trotting. Poppy hates the rain and I had to rein her in or she'd have pulled me over (they walk beside me in the "heel" position but she wasn't having anything to do with that in the rain). We got soaked.

A couple of minutes after we got home it stopped.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 04:29 PM

If your mail gets several degrees cooler, without other explanation, you might want to find out if it is seeing someone else. You never know about these things. Either that or buy yourself some new perfume or maybe something, you know, slinky like. That ought to handle the problem.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 04:31 PM

I think the mail is seeing the door. I've been shut out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 04:33 PM

Take the mail inside and show it the door. You don't have to put up with this stuff.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 04:57 PM

Stamp it first! That'll teach it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:08 PM

Twenty-one ought thirty-nine is running out the door
Shoes and stockings in his arm because the rain does pour


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:09 PM

Twenty-one ought forty tried to hand him out his tam
And as she stepped upon the porch, she heard the front door slam


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:12 PM

Twenty-one ought forty one began to scream and cringe
As with a mighty wrench and groan, the door ripped out a hinge


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:19 PM

Twenty-one ought forty two and twenty one ought forty-three
Began to dance and shout with glee
As twenty-one ought forty four ---

Okay. That's enough versifying for me.   Got any potato chips?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 08:38 PM

The sad fate of feral doors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 09:33 PM

What a shame!! Someone ought to give those doors a decent home, clean them up and put some decent paint on 'em. Why they'd have a whole new view on things, a totally different way of seeing what's In and what's Out.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 07 - 11:17 PM

(Hums) Twenty-one thousand and forty five bottles of beer on the wall,
Twenty-one thousand and forty five bottles of beer!
If some should add just one beer to them all,
There's be Twenty-one thousand and forty six bottles of beer on the wall.
Twenty-one thousand and forty six bottles of beer on the wall
Twenty-one thousand and forty six bottles of beer!
If some should add just one beer to them all,
There's be Twenty-one thousand and forty seven bottles of beer on the wall...


(exit stage left, kicking an empty tin can, whistling.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 09:31 AM

meanwhile, several (okay - closer to TEN) hours later....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 09:33 AM

(Enters kicking a can and singsing loudly and off-key)

Twenty-one thousand and forty five bottles of beer on the wall,
Twenty-one thousand and forty five bottles of beer!
If some should add just pi beer to them all,
There'd be Twenty-one thousand and forty eight.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679
8214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196
4428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273
7245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094
3305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912
9833673362440656643086021394946395224737190702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132
0005681271452635608277857713427577896091736371787214684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235
4201995611212902196086403441815981362977477130996051870721134999999837297804995105973173281609631859
5024459455346908302642522308253344685035261931188171010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303
5982534904287554687311595628638823537875937519577818577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989
3809525720106548586327886593615338182796823030195203530185296899577362259941389124972177528347913151
5574857242454150695950829533116861727855889075098381754637464939319255060400927701671139009848824012
8583616035637076601047101819429555961989467678374494482553797747268471040475346462080466842590694912
9331367702898915210475216205696602405803815019351125338243003558764024749647326391419927260426992279
6782354781636009341721641219924586315030286182974555706749838505494588586926995690927210797509302955
3211653449872027559602364806654991198818347977535663698074265425278625518184175746728909777727938000
8164706001614524919217321721477235014144197356854816136115735255213347574184946843852332390739414333
4547762416862518983569485562099219222184272550254256887671790494601653466804988627232791786085784383
8279679766814541009538837863609506800642251252051173929848960841284886269456042419652850222106611863
0674427862203919494504712371378696095636437191728746776465757396241389086583264599581339047802759009
9465764078951269468398352595709825822620522489407726719478268482601476990902640136394437455305068203
4962524517493996514314298091906592509372216964615157098583874105978859597729754989301617539284681382
6868386894277415599185592524595395943104997252468084598727364469584865383673622262609912460805124388
4390451244136549762780797715691435997700129616089441694868555848406353422072225828488648158456028506
0168427394522674676788952521385225499546667278239864565961163548862305774564980355936345681743241125
1507606947945109659609402522887971089314566913686722874894056010150330861792868092087476091782493858
9009714909675985261365549781893129784821682998948722658804857564014270477555132379641451523746234364
5428584447952658678210511413547357395231134271661021359695362314429524849371871101457654035902799344
0374200731057853906219838744780847848968332144571386875194350643021845319104848100537061468067491927
8191197939952061419663428754440643745123718192179998391015919561814675142691239748940907186494231961
5679452080951465502252316038819301420937621378559566389377870830390697920773467221825625996615014215
0306803844773454920260541466592520149744285073251866600213243408819071048633173464965145390579626856
1005508106658796998163574736384052571459102897064140110971206280439039759515677157700420337869936007
2305587631763594218731251471205329281918261861258673215791984148488291644706095752706957220917567116
7229109816909152801735067127485832228718352093539657251210835791513698820914442100675103346711031412
6711136990865851639831501970165151168517143765761835155650884909989859982387345528331635507647918535
8932261854896321329330898570642046752590709154814165498594616371802709819943099244889575712828905923
2332609729971208443357326548938239119325974636673058360414281388303203824903758985243744170291327656
1809377344403070746921120191302033038019762110110044929321516084244485963766983895228684783123552658 etc. bottles of beer on the wall....

(Exits any way he can, dodging empty beer bottles and rotten fruit)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 09:37 AM

MOM!
Rapaire's spewing numbers again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 09:55 AM

AN' he's copyyyyying meeee!!

Make him stop!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 09:59 AM

and all over the brand new carpeting, too!

Do you know how hard pi is to get out of a carpet?

it STAINS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 10:04 AM

I can post pi to a trillion decimal places if you want....

Oh! Oh! I know! e! e=2.718281828459045235360287471352662497.... I can find it out to at least a million decimal places if you'd like! It could be your Christmas present!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 10:05 AM

It could be your Yule log...hahahahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Janie
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 10:06 AM

I knew I should have shot him when I had the chance.


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