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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 02 Jun 08 - 06:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Jun 08 - 06:38 PM
Amos 02 Jun 08 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jun 08 - 07:07 PM
Acme 02 Jun 08 - 07:42 PM
Amos 02 Jun 08 - 07:56 PM
MMario 02 Jun 08 - 08:42 PM
Amos 02 Jun 08 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 02 Jun 08 - 09:54 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jun 08 - 09:54 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jun 08 - 12:08 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 08 - 08:54 AM
Acme 03 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 08 - 11:53 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jun 08 - 12:18 PM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 03 Jun 08 - 03:41 PM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 03 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 03 Jun 08 - 04:14 PM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 04:17 PM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 10:52 PM
Amos 03 Jun 08 - 10:59 PM
Acme 03 Jun 08 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 08 - 09:06 AM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 10:24 AM
Acme 04 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 08 - 12:38 PM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 01:59 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 08 - 02:01 PM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 02:03 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 08 - 02:14 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 08 - 04:05 PM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 05:32 PM
Acme 04 Jun 08 - 07:30 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 08 - 08:29 PM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 08 - 09:28 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jun 08 - 09:33 PM
Acme 04 Jun 08 - 11:08 PM
Amos 04 Jun 08 - 11:20 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 08 - 08:45 AM
Amos 05 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM
MMario 05 Jun 08 - 10:33 AM
Acme 05 Jun 08 - 10:52 AM
Amos 05 Jun 08 - 11:14 AM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 08 - 11:45 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 06:25 PM

And on they came, like dust from hell,
Their drumming shoe like hail,
Their fiery breath and murd'rous gaze
And their flying, wind-swept tails.

The jockeys bent and cried and sang,
"Come on! Big Girl, come on!"
Around the flag at 23-8,
And straight to the end of dawn.

They hammered the turf with flashing feet,
And they filled the air with thunder.
The bettors gasped and watched Big Mom
With hope, and awe, and wonder.

She had come abeam of the very tip
Of the tail of bold Bright Glim,
And Big Mom smiled and stretched a tad,
And moved to the flank of him.

And the ladies fluttered their summer fans,
And recovered from summer swoons,
As a ripple of hope ran through the crowds
On that burning afternoon.

And still they roared and thundered on,
Bound onward toward the nine,
But the back three started to feel the heat,
Falling back in a long, thin line.

Brown Derby would not quail or flinch,
Moving out like a beast of steel,
ANd behind her Bright Glim raged ahead,
With an anger you could feel.

Then the crowd fell still, while on the stretch
While the trainers muttered and cussed,
On the far-away stretch they saw every horse
DIsappear in a cloud of dust.

The shyster on the field PA
Could only mutter and stew,
For they couldn't make out one horse from the next,
WHile the dust-clouds whirled and blew.

But the clump was driving fast as hell,
Faster than well-oiled dreams,
And the crowd grew wan, with a muffled gasp
And a few well-muted screams.

On down, on down, those ponies ran,
Into the rising sun,
And the hopes of every betting man
Hung balanced on their run.

And the gentlemen curled their mighty hands,
And the ladies whispered in dread,
As the distant cloud moved down the stretch,
With the nine in sight, ahead.

....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 06:38 PM

24,000 is mine. So is 23832. All the really good numbers are now mine, because Mom gave them to me as a present for coming home even thought everything was late, including the airplane from Dublin (2 hrs. 45 mins.) and the even the bus up from SLC today. And I didn't cuss at all, and Mom's proud of me for that that she said I could have all the really good numbers from now on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 06:45 PM

Now is he summer of our deep content
Made bitter winter by this bookish son;
All of the finest steps thrown down,
Ruined each thing we have begun,
Now in the presence of Rapaire,
No summer light will bless our gaze;
There is only one sky there,
Where giant egos, only, blaze.
Go to, go to, thou shadows stark,
Thou summer breezes soft, belay.
Now is our playground chill, and dark;
Now to dark night succumbs pure Day.

Willshake Speariam
Sonnet MMVIIXXIX
"Fool's Cap and Pixie's Panties"
Lincoln, Derby, 1865


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 07:07 PM

Hey! Fantastic horse racing verses there, Amos! Bravo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 07:42 PM

I have established that, beyond a doubt, my dogs like peanut butter.

I have also verified that the catahoula is a complete idiot.

Sweet, but an idiot. I have been trying to teach her "catch" and even a peanut butter filled toy bounces off of her snout. The pit bull figures the game out in no time. Poppy can catch her food, but I haven't managed to get past that. I bought the toy to fill with food and will have to be very patient. I want this dog to learn to catch and fetch. But first she has to open her mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 07:56 PM

Start up close and hand her the food saying "catch".

Then inch a way a bit at a time, as far as you can reach her.

Then from a few inches further, a gentle toss.

Etc.

Thanks LH. I love acknowledgement for my efforts at heroic verse.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 08:42 PM

twenty-two


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 08:52 PM

"One fine morning in the middle of the Precession of the Equinoxes
this 'satiable Elephant's Child asked a new fine question that he
had never asked before. He asked, 'What does the Crocodile have
for dinner?' Then everybody said, 'Hush!' in a loud and dretful
tone, and they spanked him immediately and directly, without
stopping, for a long time.

By and by, when that was finished, he came upon Kolokolo Bird
sitting in the middle of a wait-a-bit thorn-bush, and he said,
'My father has spanked me, and my mother has spanked me; all my
aunts and uncles have spanked me for my 'satiable curtiosity; and
still I want to know what the Crocodile has for dinner!'

Then Kolokolo Bird said, with a mournful cry, 'Go to the banks of
the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with
fever-trees, and find out.'

That very next morning, when there was nothing left of the
Equinoxes, because the Precession had preceded according to
precedent, this 'satiable Elephant's Child took a hundred pounds
of bananas (the little short red kind), and a hundred pounds of
sugar-cane (the long purple kind), and seventeen melons (the
greeny-crackly kind), and said to all his dear families,
'Goodbye. I am going to the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo
River, all set about with fever-trees, to find out what the
Crocodile has for dinner.' And they all spanked him once more
for luck, though he asked them most politely to stop.

Then he went away, a little warm, but not at all astonished,
eating melons, and throwing the rind about, because he could not
pick it up."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 09:54 PM

I received this heart-warming story in my email and I wanted to share it with the MOABites:

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but
being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over t he railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jun 08 - 09:54 PM

They could have saved everyone a lot of trouble by just telling him when he asked...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 12:08 AM

That last post of mine was concerning Amos's story...

Um, Rapaire? Shane seems to be very ticked off at you all of a sudden. Something about you "bombing" his gazebo? In the backyard?

I think he must be experiencing the DT's or something. Must've mixed too much beer and hard liquour, I guess...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 08:54 AM

We flew over Blind River and I arranged for a drop of beer, liquor, and food. Oh, sure, it was all slightly used, but I guess there's just no pleasing the boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM

Amos, Poppy can catch her food. I have little dog biscuits that she catches very neatly. I just can't get her to extend that practice to anything else. So maybe she isn't so dumb, she'll only catch food. . .

LH, tell Shane to scrape the gazebo boards together and pile them over the gift and it'll seem just like he has an outhouse in his backyard, just like the good old days. Isn't nostalgia wonderful?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 11:50 AM

Mom,

Rapaire's GOTTA read every post since he left, dunnee? Well DUNN 'EE???? Say he's gotta!




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 11:53 AM

But I already have. I'm a speed reader, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 12:18 PM

Ha! Great idea, Stilly. I will inform him at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 12:21 PM

Well, you must have missed the substance, then. Mom shoul make you do it over.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 03:41 PM

Reading goes faster when you don't sweat comprehension.

I learned that from Ronnie Reagan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 03:57 PM

YEah, yeah, but there's a risk to that approach, Rapaire. You might take some non-BS aboard totally withoput realizing it, and end up thinking some serious though in the middle of the night when Mom wasn't around and you would have no-one to play with except yourself.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM

That's why I've always had a hole or two in the bottom of my pockets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 04:13 PM

I think some of the fainter MOABites would offer a hearty "Ewwwwwww" to that image, kind bookster.

I am delighted to see you back. I notice no thanks for the rest of us who took up the heavy burden of your abandoned share of the work around here. Not so much as a nod. See if we reciprocate when next we take our vacations.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 04:14 PM

One thing about Ireland that really impressed me was the number of wind turbine generators. It seemed that there were some nearly everywhere we went (well, maybe not in the heart of Dublin, but you know what I mean).

There was a story in the West Clare newspaper though about a terrible accident at one of the wind generator sites. It seems as if a truck hauling septic tank removal smashed into the turbine blades. The headline read, "IT FINALLY HAPPENED!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 04:17 PM

Reminds me of the days back before prejudice was a no-no, when the Olympic COmmittee wanted to hire a Formosan doctor as the chief medical examiner for the athletes. It stirred up a helluva a row. The athletes all argued they were in perfect condition and would not stoop to being physically probed and tested by a yellow person. The Committee tried to call their bluff, but the fit shunned the Han.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 10:52 PM

I am proud and happy that Barack Obama has made American history--Part One--by winning the delegates necessary to secure the nomination of the American Democratic Party for the next Presidential election. His talk in Saint Paul, tonight reminds me why this came about.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 10:59 PM

Hell, I think MSNBC hoked up links on me, but if you can find his speech, listen to it.

It was awesome.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jun 08 - 11:26 PM

MOM fell asleep in the middle. Muttered something about "there's gonna be more where that came from. . . snortttt"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 09:06 AM

I thought she said "There's going to be more...snort...where that came from."

I am reframing from claiming the first Special Number because I am generous and caring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 10:24 AM

There's something wrong with that sentence, but I can't put my finger on it...generous and caring...hmmm...just doesn't quite jive somehow. Something wrong there...hmmmm.... oh!!!! Maybe it's just not really true!! Could that be it?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM

Let me gesso--it's the "reframing" part that has you fooled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 12:38 PM

Shane is generous and caring too. He is. It's just hard to notice because he covers it up so well, having an image to maintain.

They have apparently cleaned up all the crap in the backyard and have also removed the remains of the gazebo. It turned up on the front lawn of the Catholic Church in Spanish. The police are investigating.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 01:59 PM

Never heard of gazebos coming in different languages. I guess all these guys come from different parts of Wonderland. They never seem to hook up while in the deep forest and they pop out of the rabbit hole at unpredictable and uncoordinated intervals.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 02:01 PM

Spanish is a small town, Amos. It's east of Blind River along the TransCanada Highway, not very far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 02:03 PM

So when you say you've been learning to make love in Spanish, you're just talking about the basement of the Catholic Church there? Wahahahaha!!! That is SO funny. It's almost as though you set it up that way on purpose.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 02:14 PM

Yeah, it is amusing, isn't it? It provides the opportunity for so many great double entendres.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 04:05 PM

French kissing in Spanish while going Dutch treat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM

With a Belgian heifer.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 05:32 PM

Or a Candian sausage?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 07:30 PM

You're dropping all of those names of nationalities because you're such cunning linguists, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 08:29 PM

Did you say that tongue-in-cheek?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 09:11 PM

That's a different position you're taking there, LH...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 09:28 PM

My brother used to have a tee shirt that said, "I Am A Cunning Linguist." At the time he WAS a linguist for the Air Force.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 09:33 PM

Hmmm...yeah, I guess I might better have said tongue-in-groove.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 11:08 PM

Lips, anyway. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 08 - 11:20 PM

Gee! Spot on!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 08:45 AM

Humph. Mom doesn't like all of these innuendoes that she's not making.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM

NOthing worse than a half-baked failed innuendo, I say. They really only taste right fully baked.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 10:33 AM

Have you ever seen a flaming innuendo? Spectacular - but the timing is critical.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 10:52 AM

Amos and Little Hawk are off in nether nether land.












A perfect 10. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 11:14 AM

Hmmm-- sort of a Peter Panspermia effect, hmmm?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 11:45 AM

Oh, dear... (laughing)


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