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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Nov 08 - 12:46 PM
Amos 04 Nov 08 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 08 - 01:48 PM
Acme 04 Nov 08 - 01:50 PM
Little Hawk 04 Nov 08 - 01:56 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 08 - 02:41 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 08 - 03:29 PM
Little Hawk 04 Nov 08 - 03:57 PM
Amos 04 Nov 08 - 05:09 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 08 - 05:13 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 08 - 09:55 PM
Acme 04 Nov 08 - 11:35 PM
Amos 05 Nov 08 - 01:04 AM
Little Hawk 05 Nov 08 - 01:47 AM
Rapparee 05 Nov 08 - 08:19 AM
Acme 05 Nov 08 - 10:05 AM
Amos 05 Nov 08 - 10:30 AM
Rapparee 05 Nov 08 - 03:18 PM
MMario 05 Nov 08 - 03:43 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM
Little Hawk 05 Nov 08 - 05:13 PM
Amos 05 Nov 08 - 06:01 PM
Acme 05 Nov 08 - 08:32 PM
Amos 05 Nov 08 - 08:49 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 08:47 AM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 06 Nov 08 - 09:41 AM
Acme 06 Nov 08 - 10:33 AM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 11:42 AM
Rapparee 06 Nov 08 - 01:03 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 01:07 PM
Acme 06 Nov 08 - 03:17 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 05:14 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 08 - 05:55 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 06:37 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 07:12 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 07:42 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 07:53 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 08:12 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 08:18 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 08:28 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 08:36 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 08 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 09:24 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 08 - 09:29 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 08 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 08 - 09:51 PM
Acme 06 Nov 08 - 10:45 PM
Amos 06 Nov 08 - 10:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 12:46 PM

Joaquin Miller was a good ol' Hoosier boy from the banks of the Wabash far away.

Now, Joaquin Muiretta....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 01:27 PM

AH, the Californian's own Robino Hoodo, the terror of Monterey.

He never died, you know.

They said it was his head, in the glass jar on display, pickled in brandy. But his sister knew better.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 01:48 PM

He still rides. You can see him on the nights of the full moon, riding his stallion El Caballo Negro, Manuel Garcia at his side, holding aloft the head of Captain Love as his powerful horse rear up and the rider shouts, "Muerto a todos!" and throws the grisly head at the viewer....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 01:50 PM

I saw an interesting ballet about Joaquin Murietta a couple of years ago. Well done.

These latest Hart-attacks remind me--I need to decide what to do about voles in the front yard. Get a have-a-heart trap and release them miles away, or let the dogs have a go at the compost. They love hunting out critters like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 01:56 PM

Ah, the joy of universal concurrence... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 02:41 PM

If they're not one of the endangered species let the dogs have at them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 03:29 PM

The next number is Stilly's, and anyone else who takes it is a cad and a poltroon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 03:57 PM

Ha!

Sue me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 05:09 PM

I am sure that with a little light-fingered skullduggery our own ignoble sibling Rapaire can provide you with a Have-a-Rapaire-trap, much cheaper. He knows where to get such things wholesale, by lifting them without credit from others.

You can him to provide you with a Podcast of his noble self reciting his wonderful composition, "The Jam at Gerry's Rocks", or perhaps his eternal poem, "Ozymandias", or his incomparable "RIding Through the Woods on a Snowy Evening".

That will bore the voles to death. Better still let him sing his memorable Italian song to them from an iPod set to Repeat:

"VOOOOOLE!   ARAY!!!   WOAHOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!

VOLE, AREZ! WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH!!!!!!"


They will flee, I guarantee it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 05:13 PM

To solve a vole infestation you must think volistically and consider the vole problem. Grasp the gestalt and you will grasp the vole thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 09:55 PM

Get a gas-tight bag filled with helium and tie it to their little tails. They will float away on your beautiful voleloon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Nov 08 - 11:35 PM

Whew!

I think the voles are out dancing in the garden tonight. I'll check when I go pull the Obama sign from the yard. In case a disappointed Texas neighbor decides to take it out on my sign or yard.

Have another glass of wine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 01:04 AM

Congratulations to the United States; not the blue or the red states, but the United States.

Tonight has marked the beginning of an epoch, and the watershed of a generation.

I am blown away at what has occurred in American history before my very eyes.

Thank you, America.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 01:47 AM

WhOOO-HOOO!!!!!!!!!!   What a celebration! Even Chongo and his buddies at the APP are celebrating, even though they pulled in less than half a percent of the vote. You know why? They know they can work with this new administration. Banana Dacquiris all around!

We Canadians are mostly very happy about it too, I can assure you, for much the same reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 08:19 AM

I just posted my concession speech.

Sorry, Mom. I guess a campaign warchest of USD 2.50 and a partially used phone card don't go as far as it used to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 10:05 AM

Someone needs to nudge Dubya and point out that THIS is what the word "Mandate" applies to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 10:30 AM

A two to one majority is indeed a mandate. A two-point-one majority is not.

I am deeply moved by the fact that Obama's election was a landslide in electoral terms, even though it was not in popular terms. In World Terms, no question.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 03:18 PM

Only Ebbie has read my concession speech.

I think I'll jump in the river and sprain my ankles, only it's too chilly out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 03:43 PM

where did you post it, Rapaire?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM

In the BS section, of course. I believe it's entitled "My Concession Speech."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 05:13 PM

You should have titled it "My confession and complete apology". The site would have probably crashed when fifty different people all tried simultaneously to open your thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 06:01 PM

You're wrong, sir. I read it scrupulously, and then clicked the little close button.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 08:32 PM

I read it also. It was perfect, there was nothing more to add. So I didn't. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 08 - 08:49 PM

Yes, that's what I meant to say.

It was perfect.

Right.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:47 AM

Rosa Parks sat in 1955. Martin Luther King walked in 1963. Barack Obama ran in 2008. That our children might fly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:20 AM

Well put.

The racial divide and the terrible history of the Civil War and Reconstruction left a unique mark on the history of the USA which has had repercussions right to the present time. We have now witnessed another huge step towards correcting the errors of that tragic past.

Obama's victory gives America a chance also to fully restore its dignity and respect in the international arena. What an opportunity! I hope Mr Obama is able to make the very best of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:41 AM

The time for cheering and shouting is over; it's time to get to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 10:33 AM

It's interesting hearing about the process of putting together a staff and cabinet. Diane Rehm is talking about it on the first hour of her program this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 11:42 AM

Rapaire:

It was not you who was elected--you may recall you conceded. Besides, I am at work.

And so is President Elect Obama.

You Republicans get so bossy sometimes!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 01:03 PM

Dear Mr. Amos,

In case it has escaped your notice, Idaho has two Representatives and one of them is now a member of the Democratic Party.

Idaho Republicans are suing because this has been the direct cause of several heart attacks and has "pushed" at least three people "over the edge," requiring them to be institutionalized.

By the way, I voted Sociable Anarchist Party.

Sincere yours, etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 01:07 PM

Sounds about typical--if someone else wins it causes you undue hardship, right? But if you win, it is obviously the "will of the people" and a "mandate" even if it was only a .5% margin.

You SOciable Anarchists are all the same.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 03:17 PM

It's actually the SocialAnarchist Orderly Brotherhood (SOB)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 05:14 PM

Idaho has been a hotbed of specism for as long as I can remember. I hope that Rapaire's recent run for VP on the American Primate Party ticket will have a reformative effect on many other Idahoans.

Chongo says that people in Idaho always look at him "weird" when he's driving around there or when he goes into a bar. One place refused point blank to even serve him! Disgraceful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 05:55 PM

That was the Bourbon Barrel on Lewis Avenue here, and they refused to serve him because he was drunk (threw up on the bartender, in fact) and molesting several of the (women) customers, one of who was a nun who had stopped in to pick up the altar wine for Sunday Mass. It took all the pull I could manage and then some to keep Chongo out of jail and the story out of the newspapers and the media in general.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 06:37 PM

LOCAL LIBRARIAN INTERCEDES TO KEEP DRUNK CHIMP OUT OF HOOSEGOW


Pleads Compassion for Fellow Simians; Charges Fuzz with Speciesism



Wodda story. Wait 'til Hannity and Colmes get a hold of THIS!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 07:12 PM

Now look, guys, the election is over! There is no need for spreading around these scurrilous and completely unfounded accusations, cos Chongo is not running for office now and he has no future plans to. I advise you to both back off right now or get slapped with a libel suit that will make your heads swim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 07:42 PM

"Your honor, these men have been spreading completely slanderous stories about my client!"

"And your client is whom, Counsellor?"

"Chongo Chimp, your Honor."

"And he retained you to prosecute these men, did he?"

"Well, no, your Honor, not exactly. His primary liaison officer, Little Hawk, retained me."

"I see. And did Mister Chimp then explain his case to you against these men?"

"No, sir. It was explained to me, and the evidence for it provided, by Little Hawk."

"Hmmmm. Well, did this Mister Chimp agree to this prosecution at any point?"

"Well, your honor, Little Hawk says he did."

"Counsellor, have you even met your client yet?"

"Well, not directly. Little Hawk has relayed all communications between us. But that does not change the fundamentals of our case, your Honor."

"We will reserve judgement, Counsellor, as far as that is concerned. So what is it that Mister Chump asserts these men have done to his harm?"

"That's Chimp, your Honor. Chongo Chimp. Your honor, one of them invented an imaginary headline stating that the other had had to intercede on behalf of a drunk chimpanzee. The story is scurrilous and false."

"I see. Was Mister Chump, your client, referred to in the headline?"

""Chimp", your Honor. Chongo Chimp. ANd not directly, but in the context of the discussion there was no question of the libelous intent."

"How so? What was being discussed?"

"The ending of Chongo Chimp's candidacy for President of the United States, your Honor".

"Well, why have I never heard of this candidacy??? I have been following all the political news very closely, Counselor. I have never heard of Mister Chimp. And what kind of a name is that, anyway? When did he declare this candidacy? What party did this man think he was a candidate for??"

"Well, er, your Honor, Chongo Chimp is not, that is...well his candidacy was a fiction, your honor, but it was being discussed as though it were real...".

"Oh? Like a high-school mock election? ANd what party did this man represent in this pretend election?"

"Well, you see...your Honor...um, that is...Chongo Chimp is not actually a man."

"What? Not a man??? A woman, then?"

"Well, no your HOnor, not a human, exactly...".

"Not human???? Not HUMAN??? Counselor you had better have an explanation for this, and it had better be good. Are you telling me that he was actually the drunk chimp in the headline? Are you trying to bring a lawsuit on behalf of a chimpanzee, Counselor????"

"Well, your Honor, not exactly."

"Explain yourself, buster, and make it fast. You are wasting my time. Who exactly IS your client and what sort of creature is he???"

"Well, your Honor...that is...I suppose he is sort of a playmate to the representative, Little Hawk. A sort of...well, perhaps he should be called an imaginary playmate....".

"BAILIFFFFF!!!! GET THIS PERSON OUT OF MY COURTROOM!!! If he reissts slap him in cuffs and put him in the slammer for contempt!!!   OUT!!!!!! OUT!!!!!!"


Yeah, it would my head spin, all right!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 07:53 PM

There are days when I have to pity you, Amos, given the fact that you live in some kind of fantasy world entirely of your own creation, a world in which only the things that you believe in are real while all else is open to question or outright denial. A world in which a heroically fought campaign on behalf of American apes and monkeys merits no recognition whatsoever. A world in which a spurious female chimpanzee with the hysterically unlikely name of "Chinga" spouts utterly ridiculous false accusations against a real chimpanzee named Chongo whom you, the iventor of the aforsaid "Chinga", have the audacity to claim is nothing but a figment of MY imagination! Good heavens, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I cannot for the life of me imagine why you weren't backing McCain and Palin in the recent election, because your taste for fantasy would suit you so well in that role.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:12 PM

Mwahahahaha!!! Let me get this straight...my figment claims she was invented by YOUR figment? No....wait...your figment denies the reality of my figment because you are a Valid Source of figments and I am not? Mwahahaha. And you want to haul the justice system into this mess of mirage pottage???? And you call ME a Republican??????Mwahahahahaha!!!!

I swan, Little HAwk, your pretense at umbrage about Chinga is almost as funny as your defense of Mister Chump Chimp itself!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:18 PM

As I have said before, Amos, I'll see your swan and raise you two ducks and an albatross. ;-)

You remind me of a slug, sir. You haven't got a leg to stand on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:28 PM

SO your yellow-brick road land is peopled with legless beings, as well as Chimps and hamsters?

How do you get any sleep at night?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:36 PM

An intriguing question. Are you sure you want me to answer it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 08:45 PM

SUre!! I am sure you wil, in any case, good Hawk. So I will steel myself.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:18 PM

If you don't calm down I'll "steel" you. Thirty-seven inches of steel, in fact.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:24 PM

Well...it's a lengthy process. I do a final check at the phone, fax, and computer to see if I have received any important messages from people like...

Winona. William Shatner. Chongo. Don McBride. Hillary Clinton. Putin. The Pope. And so on...

Usually I have not. But you can never tell, and I couldn't rest peacefully if I didn't check.

Okay. So with that done I prepare myself for slumber. I brush my teeth, floss, take out my contact lenses, wash up, that sort of thing.

I check to see if the guns are all loaded and the samurai swords are in their proper place, ready if I need them.

I doff my daytime clothes and spend a few minutes admiring my rippling muscles in the full length mirror. "Am I lookin' good tonight?" I ask myself. "Oooo! I'm lookin' GOOD!!!" I answer. A shame that Winona did not call...

I then sit in the lotus posture for 1/2 hour and meditate on the day's accomplishments. I repeat the mantra "Be as Shatner in all things, Be as Shatner in all things" over and over again silently in my mind. This mantra completely empties the mind of all extraneous thoughts and eventually results in placing the user in a blissful state of total calm and illumination.

My meditation completed, I pull back the covers, slip into bed, and am soon slumbering peacefully for exactly 7 hours.

And then it's another glorious day! ;-) (all the more so now that Obama has won the election, I might add)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:29 PM

Yes, you'll like him. After all, one of his plans is to invade Canada once and for all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:32 PM

You weel all perish at da border, mon ami. We stopped you cold in 1812-14, by gar, and we weel stop you again! Da moose and beaver 'ave been warned, and dey are ready!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 09:51 PM

Look. His real name is Roche (pronounced "Rock") O'Bama. His folks came from County Kerry and they were all in every "Rising" from 1680 to 1922 -- they're "Corca Duibhe" from near Ballyferriter. His entire campaign has been designed to get into office so that he can invade Canada and trade it to England in exchange for Ireland. And it's succeeding quite well.

Oh, by the way -- he's got another Irisher, a Clare man named John Holland, designing a boat that will fight underwater so that he can defeat the British Navy. Trial runs in New Jersey are coming up very soon now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 10:45 PM

tiptoes in

Night, MOM! I won't disturb the boys, just tucking you in. They're having so much fun piling up the BS fertilizer out back for the garden next spring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 08 - 10:58 PM

In fact I think the bloom is already starting to appear....


G'night my franz. Sleep safe in your country.



A


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