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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 09 - 06:02 PM
Janie 02 Mar 09 - 06:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 09 - 06:22 PM
Janie 02 Mar 09 - 06:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 09 - 06:55 PM
Janie 02 Mar 09 - 07:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Mar 09 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 02 Mar 09 - 09:03 PM
Acme 02 Mar 09 - 10:56 PM
Amos 02 Mar 09 - 10:57 PM
Ebbie 03 Mar 09 - 12:06 AM
Janie 03 Mar 09 - 10:38 AM
Amos 03 Mar 09 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 03 Mar 09 - 11:46 AM
Amos 03 Mar 09 - 11:54 AM
Rapparee 03 Mar 09 - 12:11 PM
Amos 03 Mar 09 - 12:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Mar 09 - 01:28 PM
Rapparee 03 Mar 09 - 01:57 PM
Amos 03 Mar 09 - 02:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Mar 09 - 02:45 PM
MMario 03 Mar 09 - 03:02 PM
MMario 03 Mar 09 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 03 Mar 09 - 04:09 PM
Amos 03 Mar 09 - 05:40 PM
Rapparee 03 Mar 09 - 06:41 PM
Acme 04 Mar 09 - 12:57 AM
Rapparee 04 Mar 09 - 08:02 AM
Amos 04 Mar 09 - 08:32 AM
Acme 04 Mar 09 - 10:13 AM
Amos 04 Mar 09 - 11:11 AM
Amos 04 Mar 09 - 12:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Mar 09 - 03:30 PM
Amos 04 Mar 09 - 03:59 PM
GUEST,Rapaire (In Chicago) 04 Mar 09 - 08:28 PM
Amos 05 Mar 09 - 01:00 AM
Janie 05 Mar 09 - 06:38 AM
GUEST,freds 05 Mar 09 - 10:41 AM
Acme 05 Mar 09 - 11:52 AM
Amos 05 Mar 09 - 12:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Mar 09 - 12:40 PM
GUEST,Lilly June 05 Mar 09 - 01:02 PM
Amos 05 Mar 09 - 02:04 PM
Amos 05 Mar 09 - 03:40 PM
Acme 05 Mar 09 - 07:34 PM
Amos 05 Mar 09 - 07:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Mar 09 - 09:42 PM
Janie 05 Mar 09 - 09:52 PM
Amos 06 Mar 09 - 01:30 AM
Amos 06 Mar 09 - 08:58 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 06:02 PM

You base-ten people amuse me with your superstitious belief in the special power of numbers ending in "000". Had it not been for that big hunk of space rock that hit the earth some millions of years back, thus changing the course of evolution and allowing mammalia, not dinosauria, to become the planet's dominant animal class, the most highly evolved animals would be the descendents of dinosaurs, not shrews, and they'd have four digits on each appendage, not five, which means they would use a base-eight counting system, not the decimal system we use. In base-eight, your precious '28000' is '66540'. Not so special any more, is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 06:11 PM

Well, triple aught to you too, you....you....you swamp dweller, lizard lover you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 06:22 PM

The most highly evolved dinosaurs at the time of the great extinction were probably about as intelligent as our deer. Not exactly dripping with smarts, but a helluva lot smarter than the lowly underbrush-dwelling mammals from which we evolved. They were much farther from being lizards than we are from being hedgehogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 06:28 PM

Ah, but how did they rate on emotional intelligence?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 06:55 PM

Emotional intelligence? They were warm-blooded. That's a start.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 07:41 PM

Heck, so is Rapaire.

For that matter, so are Shane, Chongo, and the Legionaires.

Not sure about Gluon. One must have blood before issues of cold or warm blood have relevance. Yes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 08:07 PM

Gluon has no blood, but he does have plasma.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 09:03 PM

I would never "set up" a lady, tho' I might provide set ups for a lady.

As for dinosaurs, I used to know some only they moved up to Inuvik when Yellowknife became too crowded. Haven't heard from them in a long time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 10:56 PM

I see I missed that footrace to the next milestone, but I'm glad Janie beat the boys to it! I didn't have snow as an excuse, I was working on stuff today. Funny how that works, when you have a job. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 09 - 10:57 PM

I am very proud of all of youse,
You never make me sing the blues,
You're all adept, but one who ain't
Rhymes "mineral" with "self-restraint".

You're fluent, glib and full of spark
The best e'r descended from the ark!
But one, as dull as last year's paint,
Rhymes "mineral" with "self-restraint".

Your quick and sharp with fresh bull-shit,
Colorful language, thick with wit!
Except for one, who sans constraint
Rhymes "mineral" with "self-restraint".

Here's the bright, the pure, the great
Who brought us through that Twenty Eight
And to the rascal, thick but quaint,
Rhymes "mineral" with "self-restraint".

Onward brave spirits!! Onward climb!
Perchance to reach Great Twenty-Nine!
Except for one, who, growing faint,
Rhymes "mineral" with "self-restraint".


A

(Actually Rapaire's parody on Gilbert was very cunning.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 12:06 AM

I'm reading another history of Juneau's early days.

The first winter - 1880 - about 20 miners stayed over. They built rockers and sluices and stuff until the snow came and stayed and then just kind of sat and waited for spring.

The next summer one of them was asked how they had made out. And he said, "Mainly we lived on snowballs and pepper."

Isn't that a great line?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 10:38 AM

There is definitely a song in there somewhere, Ebbie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 11:09 AM

Lovely expression. Snowballs and pepper and old leather uppers,la da de da de da de da.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 11:46 AM

Amos is jealous of my use of internal rhyme. And before he screams "NOOOOO!!" I will hasten to inform him that if the lines he questions are translated into Mamulique he will quickly see his error.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 11:54 AM

A ridiculous notion on the face of it, sir, as there were never more than twenty-words of Mamulique ever collected. I am sure you are prevaricating about the prospective consequences of translation. There are no living speakers of the tongue, anyway. This is a pathetic red-herring, glimmering and stinking in the moonlilght like a lonely stoplight looming through the wet mists of time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 12:11 PM

See? I knew that you'd attempt to obfuscate my reply in a pathetic bid to save face.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 12:17 PM

Another of your large collection of cockamamie "knowns" which are free of any observable connection to the actual. BEsides, how can you save face in an ASCII-based forum? What type of face do you have?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 01:28 PM

Hey now, don't be dissin' The Cockamamie Knowns! They're a great band! Their sackbut player kicks, well, sackbut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 01:57 PM

And their virginal player is, well, virginal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 02:42 PM

But their harp player is a Harpie. And don't even ASK about bagpipes, or the guy who plays the scuttlebutt.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 02:45 PM

Hey Mom! 'Splain somethin' to me! When you remove the skin or rind from a vegetable before cooking, it's called "paring", right? And after that skin has been removed, the vegetable has been "pared", right? Now, the prefix "pre" means "before", right? So a vegeatble with its skin still on could be said to be in a "prepared state", right? But a vegetable that has been cooked is also said to be "prepared". So first it's prepared, then it's pared, then it's prepared. Huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:02 PM

it's a paradox anyway, because if before paring the item is prepared; but prepared would normally mean it was pared prior to purchase, in whihc case it would not need paring, because the prepared item was already pared.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 03:11 PM

Maybe rather then prepared it should be termed "antepared" as in antebellum or antedeluvian


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 04:09 PM

I've always called it "peeled."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 05:40 PM

There are two different paths to a single root (and one skin). The Latin root preparare, to get ready for something beforehand, is the same root as the one from which we get paring, I think, and it originally meant to reduce something little by little (since about 1500). It comes from an old root implying the birth of a calf or small animal. Parare, Lat. means to get ready, while preparare means to get ready beforehand. When you pare a vegetable you are making it ready, but you are also preparing it if you do it before you need to use it. If a vegetable is moving along a rail track at the speed of light c, and is observed by a chef C standing on the nearby platform X, then it will appear to the observer C to never quite arrive at readiness. It's all relative to temporal distortion.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 09 - 06:41 PM

I thought this somehow apropos.

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money? "You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right
next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans
come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand
behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his
thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.

"Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by
the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", she says. "not everybody pays".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 12:57 AM

So I guess he's ready to get on a plane in the morning, eh? Cork, look out. Here comes a real character.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 08:02 AM

Yes, he is. After he eats, showers, gets dressed, and things like that. Then tomorrow he's going to take an east-bound Aer Lingus flight to Shannon, assuming he doesn't get the Petty Hitler at the checkin counter he got last year. If he does he's going to be more than a little POed and will make the PH's day for him.

Ta, Mom. I'll try to check in if I can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 08:32 AM

Alas, Rapaire, poor Rapaire. Oi knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite
jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a
thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is!
My gorge rises at it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 10:13 AM

You want some eggs with that Hamlet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 11:11 AM

SUre, but don't leave them on the porches of mine ear...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 12:11 PM

He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, a boy's love, a whore's oath, a fencer's position, or a librarian's certainty..." said Lear.

And we all know that without purely spiritual powers, there is no certainty on the momentum and position of any particle, including Rapaire's, at any single moment.

Therefore, as you dream of Rapaire performing Aerolingus on his way to Shannon, remember he may perfectly well be riding bareback on the steppes of eastern Siberia. Ya never know which way the cat is gonna jump.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 03:30 PM

Hey, Mom! How come Amos always calls Rapaire "Good Rapaire"? I just got through talkin' with Wanda, one of the floozies that works at Velma's, the "dance hall" across the street* from The Legion Hall, and she says the boy ain't much good at all. She says if it's true that you are what you eat, Rapaire must eat nothin' but Minute Rice.


* Calling the thing between The Legion Hall and Velma's a "street" is being extremely kind. "Mosquito infested quagmire composed of equal parts mud, horse manure, and cow manure with the occasional dash of Legionaire puke tossed in for variety" is a more accurate description. But since it's hard to fit all that into the address line on an envelope, they call it a street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 03:59 PM

There are many forms of goodness in the world, BeeDub, as you well know. SOme folks, the shape-shifters of virtue, transmigrate from one kind of goodness to another; if they're not good at stealing cookies undetected, they're being good at eating them, enjoying them, digesting them, or contributing them back to the environment.

Besides, I only use that phrase when I think I might have gone too far in annoying Rapaire, and am trying to make him hold still for the next black banderilla in my own little tercio de varas.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire (In Chicago)
Date: 04 Mar 09 - 08:28 PM

Amos has finally forced me Over The Edge and I will flee to Ireland and drink Guiness and Smithwick's and Even Stronger stuff.

It's all his fault. He should feel very, very, guilty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 01:00 AM

MWahahahahahaha!!!!! Mom, can I have some more ginger snaps??? Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 06:38 AM

Geez - how can we miss him if he won't go away?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 10:41 AM

Who is going away? Will their DNA be available? Is it tasty?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 11:52 AM

Busy week, MOM! Amos and Janie will have to hold up the fort. I have to keep leaving to go to work.

I know, I know, but someone has to do it. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 12:34 PM

I, too, go to work. But Mom is never far from my mind. As the favorite-behind-the-throne, I take my duties seriously.

Freds, his name is Rapaire Smith, and he will be available for tasting at the Comida de Todos Facones bar in Valencia, Spain on Tuesday evening next week. Don't miss it!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 12:40 PM

Hi, Mom! Did you know that if you are on land and you're not in some extreme environment like the South Pole or an artificially sanitized environment like an operating room, you're never more than four feet away from a spider?







Did you know that the spider's name is "Harold"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Lilly June
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 01:02 PM

Hi ya'll. My name is Lilly June and I work at Velma's Dance Hall across from The Idaho Legion's Legion Hall. Ya'll don't pay no attention to what my so-called coworker, Wanda, said about Mr. Rapaire earlier. Rapaire ain't no worse than any of the rest of that Legion Hall bunch. They is all a little quick on the draw, if you know what I mean. At least he takes his boots off first.

I don't know what got into Wanda. After all, we is floozies, not debutantes! You don't work in no dance hall if you're lookin' for true love. It's line 'em up, take their money, make 'em holler, show 'em the door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 02:04 PM

You don't work in no dance hall if you're lookin' for true love.

A hard-bitten case indeed. No Normal Floozie would pen such lines; they all have hearts of gold, as big as the Panhandle, and are highly tuned to the faint traces of real color in quartz and real love in gennulmen.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 03:40 PM

I suspect this was a proxy post in Rapaire's solipsistic self-defense.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 07:34 PM

Sure as shootin' Shane didn't write it. Or Chongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 07:48 PM


Visit the U.S. National Debt Clock




There...don't you feel better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 09:42 PM

Hey, Mom! About five miles north of where we live is a sign that says "Caution, Deaf Child". It's been there since we bought this property sixteen years ago, possibly longer. Shouldn't it say "Caution, Deaf Adult" by now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Mar 09 - 09:52 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, Harriette had a hissyfit when I called her Harold this afternoon.

Tried to bite me, she did.

Now she's a mere smear on the linoleum.




Hey MOM, I fooled around for two years and now have to scramble to get enough CEU's in to renew my license come July 1. So I'm headed down to Fayetteville very early in the morning to get some new ideas for treating OCD. Want I should wave at Ft. Bragg for you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 01:30 AM

Wave over and over and over and over and over and over.......



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 09 - 08:58 AM

Good morning, Mom!! Here's a smoothy, a big plate of Egg-Os and sausage links, three eggs scrambled as you like 'em, Vermont Maple on the side and country butter made fresh from Rapaire's memories.


A


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