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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 15 Mar 10 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 10 - 09:56 PM
Amos 15 Mar 10 - 10:40 PM
MMario 16 Mar 10 - 08:40 AM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 10 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 10 - 10:48 AM
Amos 16 Mar 10 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 10 - 01:41 PM
Amos 16 Mar 10 - 01:52 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 10 - 06:04 PM
Acme 16 Mar 10 - 07:33 PM
Eiseley 16 Mar 10 - 09:01 PM
Amos 16 Mar 10 - 10:46 PM
Eiseley 17 Mar 10 - 12:33 AM
Acme 17 Mar 10 - 01:57 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 10 - 08:21 AM
Eiseley 17 Mar 10 - 09:22 AM
Amos 17 Mar 10 - 11:06 AM
Amos 17 Mar 10 - 12:47 PM
Acme 17 Mar 10 - 01:16 PM
Amos 17 Mar 10 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 10 - 06:11 PM
Eiseley 17 Mar 10 - 06:23 PM
Amos 17 Mar 10 - 06:24 PM
Acme 17 Mar 10 - 08:02 PM
Amos 17 Mar 10 - 08:47 PM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:29 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:29 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:30 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:31 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:31 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:32 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 01:33 AM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 03:16 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 10 - 09:06 AM
GUEST,gluon 18 Mar 10 - 09:16 AM
Amos 18 Mar 10 - 10:14 AM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 11:27 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 11:53 AM
Amos 18 Mar 10 - 01:12 PM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 04:13 PM
Eiseley 18 Mar 10 - 04:31 PM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 05:18 PM
Amos 18 Mar 10 - 06:54 PM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 07:41 PM
Little Hawk 18 Mar 10 - 08:23 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 10 - 09:44 PM
Acme 18 Mar 10 - 11:33 PM
Eiseley 19 Mar 10 - 09:10 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 09:09 PM

Everyone knows you get grapes on hackberry trees down here in Tejas. At least, that's where I pick them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 09:56 PM

My brother grows some that he got from my Mom's grape arbor who got them from HER Mom's grape arbor. Me, I'm not a grapist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 10:40 PM

At least not of the sweeter variety...



Miaouw!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:40 AM

Gee, I seem to have missed the conversationabout the Gilded Polymoth; one of the prettier of the spring night flying giant moths....and it's relative the Gilt Polymoth; slightly cheesier looking. These of course should not be mistaken for the Guilt Polymoth, which has a much drabber appearance and tends to hide.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 09:53 AM

That reminds me of the Gilded Pickle, a seminal folk club in Toronto a long, long time ago. Or was it the Purple Onion? Hmmm...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:48 AM

How very, very sad to see a great mind sliding towards oblivion. The next thing to go will be cognitive reasoning: this will happen right after the drooling starts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:07 AM

The Main Injector Neutrino Oscillation Search experiment, or MINOS, explores the properties of muon neutrinos produced at Fermilab. When sending a beam of neutrinos 735 kilometers through the earth to a neutrino detector in the Soudan Underground Laboratory in Soudan, Minn., scientists find that a significant fraction of the muon neutrinos disappears along the journey. The standard explanation is that the missing muon neutrinos morph into two other known types of neutrinos: electron neutrinos and tau neutrinos. This process is known as neutrino oscillations or neutrino mixing.

But could there be another explanation? Scientists are exploring alternatives such as the decay of muon neutrinos into yet-to-be discovered particles or the transformation of muon neutrinos into a fourth type of neutrino, which is often called a sterile neutrino since it would not interact with ordinary matter like the other three known types of neutrinos.

MINOS scientists found that neutrino decay is an unlikely option. They looked at two scenarios: First, the possibility that no neutrino oscillations take place and hence all muon neutrinos decay. Second, they considered the possibility that some muon neutrinos transform into other neutrinos and some decay during their trip from Fermilab to Soudan, which takes about four hundredths of a second. In both analyses, the MINOS results provide strong evidence against the existence of neutrino decay.

The MINOS results also disfavor the existence of a fourth, sterile neutrino. Past analyses have shown that if muon neutrinos are oscillating into sterile neutrinos, only 68 percent of the disappearing neutrinos can do so. The new MINOS analysis shrinks that percentage to 50 percent, and future MINOS data are expected to reduce it further.




I am greatly in favor of disfavoring the existence of sterile neutrino. My own hypothesis is that the neutrinos are being captured by wayward spations.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 01:41 PM

I don't believe in the existence of the MINOS Project. I think that they sterilize the poor neutrinos with their high-power x-rays and stuff and so the neutrinos can't reproduce and they are an endangered species. My mother used to have a coat made of neutrino fur and it was the softest silkiest thing ever, but you never see neutrino coats anymore because those bastards at MINOS are sterilizing them, poor things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 01:52 PM

Something right is happening, though, as the number sterilized keeps going down. Maybe it's some kind of quantum neutrino-Sildenafil frequency that is hotting them up faster than the sterilizing can take effect.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 06:04 PM

You got any movies of that? (wink wink nudge nudge)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 07:33 PM

I'm pretty sure I saw a program about that just yesterday on our second PBS channel, PBS World. They were mixed in with studies of swallows, wolves, dogs, and some kind of grass-eating small ape I've never heard of before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 09:01 PM

"Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins, for she vows she will not have him, and if you do not make haste he will change his mind and not have her."

Mr. Bennet raised his eyes from his book as she entered, and fixed them on her face with a calm unconcern which was not in the least altered by her communication.

"I have not the pleasure of understanding you," said he, when she had finished her speech. "Of what are you talking?"

"Of Mr. Collins and Lizzy. Lizzy declares she will not have Mr. Collins, and Mr. Collins begins to say that he will not have Lizzy."

"And what am I to do on the occasion??It seems an hopeless business."

"Speak to Lizzy about it yourself. Tell her that you insist upon her marrying him."

"Let her be called down. She shall hear my opinion."

Mrs. Bennet rang the bell, and Miss Elizabeth was summoned to the library.

"Come here, child," cried her father as she appeared. "I have sent for you on an affair of importance. I understand that Mr. Collins has made you an offer of marriage. Is it true?" Elizabeth replied that it was. "Very well?and this offer of marriage you have refused?"

"I have, Sir."

"Very well. We now come to the point. Your mother insists upon your accepting it. Is not it so, Mrs. Bennet?"

"Yes, or I will never see her again."

"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents.?Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:46 PM

As I recall the good Elizabeth remains steadfast in her refusal, thus eventually winning the mysterious Mister Darcy, is that correct? Ah, the joys of innocence past. Would the insanity of the world would retreat with the tide and restore that lovely landscape to view...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 12:33 AM

Yes, you're right. I'm afraid the denizens of that innocent past thought their own world was insane, too, though. It's only hindsight and recollection that turns a time golden. How rare to be able to say "Verweile doch, du bist so schön" to any moment. But I guess that's what we look for anyway, that fleeting chance for happiness---and ultimately why Elizabeth wouldn't marry Mr. Collins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 01:57 AM

I have re-read that several times. And all things considered, was very happy with the Jennifer Ehle/Colin Firth version of the film. Mr. Collins was quite obnoxious, wasn't he?

MOM liked the old movie with Laurence Olivier best (and did you know, writing credits on that film go to Jane Austen and Aldous Huxley!). I think it's because Greer Garson played Elizabeth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 08:21 AM

I prefer this version.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 09:22 AM

I figured you would. That cover is so awful I have to turn it over every time I happen to see it!
Eiseley
P.S. Not yet, Stilly, but soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 11:06 AM

Around my head, the women high and low
Whisper of Joe DiMaggio;
Of marriages and cash, and reasons why
But never a mention of Grand Slams and RBI.
Of ragged uniforms with tattered zipper,
But never why they called him "Yankee Clipper".
In thirteen years of various human fame
In nearly two thousand baseball games
Went to bat six thousand, eight hundred times
Made thirteen hundred runs, each one a little lifetime
Lifting and falling until over.
But this, the women seem to understand:
In 1951 Joe earned one hundred grand.
Batted .325 for thirteen years
And whispered in Marilyn Monroe's shell-like ears
If only for a while; this last
Always makes the women smile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 12:47 PM

Twenty years after Brave New World was published, Aldous Huxley, in 1952, used LSD for the first time. Ten years later, in 1962, he used it for the last time, having requested it as his means of easy passage through the doorways of perception. Perhaps he preferred using the latter to avoid having to live through the former --the New World of soma and Newspeak--or watch its slow persistent encroachment on the hearts and minds of those who were natively participants of the American experiment in brave freedom and individual responsibility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 01:16 PM

MOM's a little punch drunk this morning. Rattling around, looking for something in all of the closets. I'd never dare send her over to any of the de-clutter threads, she'd swamp the place with all of the junk precious finds she has picked up at garage sales and picked up along the road.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 02:46 PM

Mr. Bingley: But her sister Elizabeth is very agreeable.

Mr. Darcy: Barely tolerable, I dare say. But not handsome enough to tempt me. You'd better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles. You're wasting your time with me.

Charlotte Lucas: Count your blessings Lizzie. If he liked you, you'd have to talk to him.

Elizabeth Bennet: Precisely. As it is, I wouldn't dance with him for all of Darbyshire, let alone the miserable half.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 06:11 PM

Well, then.... (Order yours through the Mudcat Cafe's Amazon link.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 06:23 PM

Yes, that's much, much better. He reminds me a little bit of Spongebob's hero, Mermaid Man:
Undersea Superhero


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 06:24 PM

Oh, those hot-blooded Spaniards. Gotta love 'em!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 08:02 PM

So, Rapaire, are you back at work today? Or are you still on the road? Did you take enough Fix-A-Flat with you to get home?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 08:47 PM

Oh, that Rapaire, he's a damned dilettante, gallivanting hither and yon, smelling the desert in Spring. All because it's a little cold in his library. Sheeshe, that's just pure-dee pantywaist behavior, is what. That shirker!!

And...How about that gang of hand-gun sharpshooter lasses he's left loose back at Pocatello Public Number One?? Huh?? Who guarantees they're not some kinda major hazard, all trained up to use lethal force and nowhere to use it, and their handler goes off dilly-dallying. I tell ya, it's an outrage!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:29 AM

A little sonnet in the nick of time
Springs quickly to this Thread in words sublime


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:29 AM

But if to deviate from form's a crime,
You'll find this little piece all caked with grime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:30 AM

Because instead of following the rhyme
As Billy Bob would do for one thin dime,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:31 AM

I'll write in couplets, easier to mime
Than Shakespeare's form (and easier to limn).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:31 AM

Sure, writing doggerel might waste some time,
That might be better spent in slaking lime,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:32 AM

But if I don't, my brain might turn to slime,
Digested by the Alzheimer's enzyme.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:33 AM

So rather than be covered up by rime
I'll write this poem, and make it to the Prime!

34687


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 03:16 AM

Whoa. She really DID read MOAB all the way through, didn't she? How else would she know about that posting tactic?

Good score!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 09:06 AM

I strongly suspect she read the Cliff's Notes version. Or even the Cliff's Notes Notes version. She makes no mention of how the Idaho Legion saved the world when Mars attacked, or about freds, or about Ralphs, or any of our sometime-guests.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,gluon
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 09:16 AM

Quark!


Quark!


Quark!


Quark!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 10:14 AM

Well, never mind. She writes better than most, and clearly understands the art of BS, so she qualifies. And, sir, I note she writes her own stuff.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:27 AM

Don't hold that against her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM

Two more for your reading delight:

Emma

Mansfield Park

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:53 AM

I must say, for the parodists or whatever they are, Jane Austen is low-hanging fruit. She's so continually popular that these hangers-on are guaranteed some audience who simply stumble upon these offerings.

You notice they're not doing "Captain Underpants and the Werewolf."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 01:12 PM

Or "Captain Nemo and Spongebob Cavort Under the Sea"....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 04:13 PM

Well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 04:31 PM

Not yet, but SOOOON----I hope! (Long story)
Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 05:18 PM

"The Cat in the Hat meets Mike Myers"

Oh, wait, they did that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 06:54 PM

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 07:41 PM


3
    4
          7
               0
                   0


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:23 PM

OH!!! Be still, my beating heart!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 09:44 PM

I can but give heart-felt congratulations. I shall have the Idaho Legion hoist a keg or six to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:33 PM

Tell us instead about the drive home. Did you pick up any road kill to throw in the freezer or give any interesting hitch hikers a ride?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 09:10 AM

Here's a lift up, dear MOM.

A Code of Morals
Rudyard Kipling
Now Jones had left his new-wed bride to keep his house in order,
And hied away to the Hurrum Hills above the Afghan border,
To sit on a rock with a heliograph; but ere he left he taught
His wife the working of the Code that sets the miles at naught.

And Love had made him very sage, as Nature made her fair;
So Cupid and Apollo linked, per heliograph, the pair.
At dawn, across the Hurrum Hills, he flashed her counsel wise?
At e'en, the dying sunset bore her husband's homilies.

He warned her 'gainst seductive youths in scarlet clad and gold,
As much as 'gainst the blandishments paternal of the old;
But kept his gravest warnings for (hereby my ditty hangs)
That snowy-haired Lothario, Lieutenant-General Bangs.

'Twas General Bangs, with Aide and Staff, who tittupped on the way,
When they beheld a heliograph tempestuously at play.
They thought of Border risings, and of stations sacked and burnt?
So stopped to take the message down?and this is what they learnt:?

"Dash dot dot, dot, dot dash, dot dash dot" twice. The General swore.
"Was ever General Officer addressed as 'dear' before?
"'My Love,' i' faith! 'My Duck,' Gadzooks! 'My darling popsy-wop!'
"Spirit of great Lord Wolseley, who is on that mountain top?"

The artless Aide-de-camp was mute; the gilded Staff were still,
As, dumb with pent-up mirth, they booked that message from the hill;
For clear as summer lightning-flare, the husband's warning ran:?
"Don't dance or ride with General Bangs?a most immoral man."

[At dawn, across the Hurrum Hills, he flashed her counsel wise?
But, howsoever Love be blind, the world at large hath eyes.]
With damnatory dot and dash he heliographed his wife
Some interesting details of the General's private life.

The artless Aide-de-camp was mute, the shining Staff were still,
And red and ever redder grew the General's shaven gill.
And this is what he said at last (his feelings matter not):?
"I think we've tapped a private line. Hi! Threes about there! Trot!"

All honour unto Bangs, for ne'er did Jones thereafter know
By word or act official who read off that helio.;
But the tale is on the Frontier, and from Michni to Mooltan
They know the worthy General as "that most immoral man."


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