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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 05 May 11 - 02:28 PM
Amos 05 May 11 - 02:42 PM
gnu 05 May 11 - 03:00 PM
Eiseley 05 May 11 - 03:20 PM
Acme 05 May 11 - 10:58 PM
Amos 06 May 11 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 06 May 11 - 09:57 AM
MMario 06 May 11 - 10:09 AM
Amos 06 May 11 - 11:41 AM
gnu 06 May 11 - 12:55 PM
Rapparee 06 May 11 - 02:06 PM
Amos 06 May 11 - 05:25 PM
gnu 06 May 11 - 06:19 PM
Acme 06 May 11 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 06 May 11 - 11:25 PM
Acme 07 May 11 - 09:32 AM
Rapparee 07 May 11 - 11:41 AM
Amos 07 May 11 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 07 May 11 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 07 May 11 - 10:26 PM
gnu 08 May 11 - 09:55 AM
Acme 08 May 11 - 10:52 AM
Amos 08 May 11 - 11:03 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 May 11 - 11:58 AM
Amos 08 May 11 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 May 11 - 12:46 PM
gnu 08 May 11 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 08 May 11 - 02:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 May 11 - 03:18 PM
Rapparee 08 May 11 - 09:05 PM
Amos 08 May 11 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 08 May 11 - 10:00 PM
Acme 09 May 11 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 09 May 11 - 10:34 AM
Amos 09 May 11 - 11:11 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 May 11 - 12:20 PM
Amos 09 May 11 - 12:47 PM
Little Hawk 09 May 11 - 02:04 PM
Eiseley 09 May 11 - 07:38 PM
gnu 09 May 11 - 07:52 PM
Amos 09 May 11 - 11:29 PM
Acme 10 May 11 - 12:26 AM
Amos 10 May 11 - 10:13 AM
Eiseley 10 May 11 - 10:31 AM
Amos 10 May 11 - 01:24 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 11 - 03:35 PM
gnu 10 May 11 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 11 - 04:39 PM
GUEST,freds 10 May 11 - 08:10 PM
gnu 10 May 11 - 09:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 11 - 02:28 PM

And it's all even numbers! That makes it very magical indeed. This is, for all of us, a truly touching moment. Let you all rejoice and be glad that I have achieved this. Send presents. EXPENSIVE presents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 11 - 02:42 PM

...An' he drove me half distracted
With the waggin' of his jaw!
An' the tellin of his stories!
Boys, you have my guarantee
There never was no rounder
Who could brag like Rapparee



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 11 - 03:00 PM

Aliens or evangelists.... that's a tough choice. Get probed or fucked up the ass?

I'd go with the aliens on acconta they don't ask fer yer donations. Heck, the aliens probly got free beer and you KNOW the evangelists ain't got none. Well, they probly have beer but they ain't gonna let you have any to ease the pain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 May 11 - 03:20 PM

Butternut Cookies

1 cube butter
˝ cup brown sugar
˝ cup white sugar
1 egg
1 cup pureed butternut squash
2 cups flour
1 tsp. Baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
˝ tsp cardamom
˝ tsp nutmeg
1 cup golden raisins

Cream butter and sugars. Stir in egg and squash. Mix together flour, soda, salt and spices. Add, then beat until smooth. Stir in raisins. Arrange by spoonfuls onto cookie sheets. Bake until lightly browned, about 10 to 14 minutes at 375.

This is the recipe I will make tonight for my children, using frozen squash so I know they'll get a bit of vegetable matter into their systems.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 May 11 - 10:58 PM

What a clever mom you are, Eiseley!

Have you tried the trick of running things through a garlic press (or a Foley Food Mill if you have a lot) to disguise what they are? My son was picky about onions so in things like guacamole I'd run both garlic and onions through the press, giving the flavor but making onion invisible.

Not broadcasting when, but undergoing mental countdown until #2 child is back here for the summer. Will retrieve him soon. I'm such a lucky mom, to have such beautiful smart children . . . and that's not bragging!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 11 - 09:55 AM

The NYT, quoting the OED:

piepowder (n.)

(1) A wayfarer, esp. an itinerant merchant or trader. Chiefly in pl., in Court of Piepowders n. (also in sing.) a summary court formerly held at fairs and markets to administer justice among itinerant dealers and others temporarily resident.
(2) 2. = Court of Piepowders n. at sense 1. Also in pl. with sing. concord. Also attrib. in piepowder justice.

Used in a sentence in 1712 by J. Arbuthnot:

"Dost think, that John Bull will be tried by Piepowders?"




1. Pause and reflect that you have just read the words chosen by a being living in the eighteenth century, who naturally used "dost", for example, and breathed the same air you do.

2. Use piepowder in a sentence that shows its meaning.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 11 - 09:57 AM

I'm expecting the return of my nephew any day now, probably in July. He'll get out of the Marine Corps Disciplinary Barracks at Camp Pendleton then, unless he beats up another guard. I'm lucky to have such ugly and stupid relatives. Actually, I'm lucky to have any relatives at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 May 11 - 10:09 AM

Hi Mom! Have you watched the Ultimate cookie Challenge on Fod-TV? These are suppossed to be top notch bakers....but they sure sound dumb the way they edit the clips.

first challenge in the contest....make chocolate chip cookies but incorperate one (or more) of the "surprise ingredients.....

They all seem bamboozled...and can't imagine what they are going to do....

but among the ingredients:

ginger
cardoman
black pepper
white pepper
zuchinni
sweet potatoe
pink peppercorns


I've ***HAD**** cookies with those ingredients. Any of the spice could be added to chocolate chip cookies and go well. so could zuchinni I've had chocolate zuchinni cake and chocolate chip zuchinni cookies before.

Sweet potato would go well w/ the spices and with choco chips.

So What is their problem?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 11 - 11:41 AM

Their problem is that "No problem, been there, done that..." television doesn't electrify viewers!! So it doesn't procure ad revenue!! No duhh!!

I don't like the idea of cardamom chocolate chip somehow...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 May 11 - 12:55 PM

Eiseley... sounds deeelicious. What's the yield?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 11 - 02:06 PM

She's at a meeting today, but I happen to know she gets about 120 bushels per acre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 11 - 05:25 PM

Mine gets about 20 miles to the gallon.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 May 11 - 06:19 PM

Mine gets about 20 l/100km. You must have some big cookie sheets. Of course, I can haul a shitload of cookies through rough country.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 May 11 - 10:48 PM

Sounds like Rapparee's nephew gets about 1 Piepowder court per enlistment period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 11 - 11:25 PM

He's only gonna have one enlistment period, and that's over in July. Kid's probably gonna get married and then head for the U of IL to get a degree or three in Electrical Engineering. By the way, his fiancee's in the Army Reserve -- and outranks him.

And it wasn't that long ago I was carrying him home from the cemetery... Gee, time goes fast when you're having fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 May 11 - 09:32 AM

Just so you weren't leaving him at the cemetery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 11 - 11:41 AM

Well, we were conducting a few experiments we found in an old book and I thought it would be easier to start with a fresh young body instead of a bunch of parts we'd have to stitch together.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 11 - 12:38 PM

See, some people don't understand the core difference between a hospital and a cemetery. That's a shameful indication of the state of modern education.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 11 - 03:21 PM

Anyway, even with the electrodes in his head he's made an outstanding US Marine. He also has "Semper Pie" tattooed on his right shoulder (he had a lousy tattooist).

Amos might have seen him -- he's stationed at Miramar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 11 - 10:26 PM

Amos, I've worked in both hospitals and cemeteries. Of the two I much prefer cemeteries because the clients don't complain as much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 11 - 09:55 AM

Happy Mother's Day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 11 - 10:52 AM

Happy MOM's Day, MOAB Mother of all BS Threads!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 11 - 11:03 AM

M is for the murky fumes she sends out
O is for the osteosis on her mind;
T is for transgender tribulations,
H is for the harms she leaves behind.
E is for the erstwhile help she offered
R is for the Ramen she fed We.
Put them all together they spell M-O-T-H-E-R,
Which is half of what Mom inspires in me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 May 11 - 11:58 AM

Hi, chimps and chimpettes! Ol' Rapparee posted somethin' on another thread that was so good I gotta share with all of you. He was havin' an argument with me and he said this:

"Dear Mr. Chongo,

I can out-shoot you with any weapon you care to name, from a sling to an 81mm mortar. Name your place and time: any weapon, any range out to a kilometer and a half (1,500 meters), any caliber. This challenge includes grenades (hand, rifle, or weapon-launched), flamethrowers, rifles, shotguns, muskets, submachine guns (i.e., machine pistols) of any country, pistols, crew-served weapons (e.g., mortars or quad fifties) and so forth. It also includes spears, bayonets, knives, clubs, maces, morning stars, swords of all types, la savate, and braggin' about fightin' (which you are quite good at).

You should be aware that I am a quiet, unexciting sort of guy unless I get riled up. THEN the mountains tremble at my name! The waters part in fear and thunderstorms run and hide! Volcanoes and earthquakes bow to me as their master. I'm then meaner than a buckskin dun with a burr under his saddle, an alligator with the toothache and a Tasmanian Devil with his fight up all rolled into one! I've gouged out more eyes, bit off more ears, and spit out more noses than any other ten men. My Father was the hurricane and my mother was the plague and I'm cousin to TNT, C4, dynamite, and gunpowder! When I'm riled up I'm as techy as nitroglycerin and I'm the bringer of Chaos!

Please don't get me riled up, because then I'm not responsible for my actions."



*****

Damn good, eh? I am now tryin' to convince him to be one of my speechwriters for the 2012 campaign, the "bluff, rant, and bluster" section...

;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 11 - 12:13 PM

Oh, my garsh, I ain't heard such language since Mike Fink wrassled Davy Shmockett down on the Tascaloosa.

I yam most impressed and awe struck and all other correct emotional responses carefully tailored top meet your arbitrary requirements...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 May 11 - 12:46 PM

I was impressed too. There ain't too many in this world can outdo Chongo Chimp when it comes to rantin' and boastin' and blusterin'...but Rapparee...well, I think the man might have an edge on me there. And I am not too proud to admit it.

I can't figger how he has stayed married so long. Maybe his wife is deaf? Or maybe she just don't care.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 11 - 01:18 PM

His wife? I'd be REALLY scared a her!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 11 - 02:13 PM

You should damned well be! Her daddy taught her to shoot a .45 revolver and she can shoot the gonads off a flea at 200 meters with it -- and a female flea at that -- without damaging the flea none. Her momma used ta nurse her to sleep while she cleared the land near Washington, DC that they homesteaded. Her daddy was in WW2 and stopped, single-handed and without any help, German Panzer units from overrunning Strasbourg during the Battle of the Bulge. She's also got a JD and ain't afraid to use it. You should tremble like an aspen leaf if you ever so much as think about thinking about thinking about incurring her wrath!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 May 11 - 03:18 PM

I got no intention of incurrin' her wrath. I try to avoid havin' confrontations with women cos I feel that it ain't right to shoot a woman or knock her teeth out over a difference of opinion...so that leaves me in a sorta weak position when it comes to havin' disputes with "the fair sex". I usually just mumble somethin' that sounds like I might be agreein' with them, say "What's that I hear outside?", and make a quick exit.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 11 - 09:05 PM

By the way, the front of my house looks really nice. Now on to the backyard!

The people who do that sort of thing are coming tomorrow to aerate the whole lawn. Right now there are 50 hot-pink flags all over the place indicating where sprinkler heads are. It looks like a marked minefield and I got soaked putting them in place. So far no golfers have confused the yard with a putting green or something, even though golfers ARE easily confused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 11 - 09:57 PM

Mom:

You will be delighted to hear I have replaced my stolen computer with one of these. At least I won't be having to restart at random intervals.

If you ever get a chance to see a one-woman performance called "Let Me Down Easy", don't miss it. It is phenomenal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 11 - 10:00 PM

Oh. an iMac. I thought maybe you'd gotten something in the Linus line, something good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 11 - 12:33 AM

It's pretty to look at, but I hope you kicked the tires, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 11 - 10:34 AM

I've heard they get moldy and tend to clot if you don't keep them in the refrigerator when they're not in use. They also have a "Best Used Before" date and they're not organic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 11 - 11:11 AM

You-all are talking puredee nonsensical flibbertyjibbet talk, now. The iMac is the high plateau of the art of the home computer--a Unix core with a fast but lovely graphic interface. Just for example, when I wanted to turn off the function of the CapsLock key, because I hate it when I keep hitting it, it took < 30 seconds. It set itself up and brought on board years of past work files and parameters and settings and did it all in a couple of hours. It would have take twice as long trying to do the same in a 586 Wintel environment, I suspect.

It has more computing power than I will ever need unless I suddenly become a graphic artist, which is not likely to happen, or a movie director.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 May 11 - 12:20 PM

What if you suddenly become a pimp? Or a jailbird?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 11 - 12:47 PM

Then I won't need anything very capable or smart, and will hire a chimpanzee.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 May 11 - 02:04 PM

Good answer. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 May 11 - 07:38 PM

Poor Rapparee! There is a standoff over at the Legion Hovel and I'm afraid Rap is in the thick of it. There are squad cars about three deep around the place, and they've cut the power and the water. But I can still hear the singing (bellowing) from my place. I don't know the whole story, but apparently they decided to hold an Eisteddfod, and until they run out of voice power, we won't be seeing any posts from Rapparee.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 11 - 07:52 PM

Welsh bastards!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 11 - 11:29 PM

Oh it's no go yer Eistefodd
It's no go, Blavatsky
All we want is Chongo Chimp
Carried off in a taxi
It's no go the Fifty Kay
It's no go for Shatner
Work at a job from nine to three
And come home to Judge Wapner.

Mother Macneice of Beeyess-on-Tapp


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 11 - 12:26 AM

You guys are going to have to keep MOM afloat for a few days. I'll report back later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 11 - 10:13 AM

Well, what happened at the Hovel? Enquiring minds want to know...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 May 11 - 10:31 AM

If I strain my ears above the birdsong, I can still hear the rhythmic wails from the Hovel. I'm afraid Rapparee is still a captive of that musical atrocity.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 11 - 01:24 PM

The tribulations of Rapparee restrained by anarchic dissonance in the filthy confines of the Hovel provide an opportunity for song-craft of Lehererian magnitude!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 11 - 03:35 PM

What is filthier? The Idaho Legion Hovel? Or Shane McBride's bedroom? That is the burning question of the day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 11 - 04:08 PM

Where does it burn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 11 - 04:39 PM

Where indeed? And why? And for whom?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 10 May 11 - 08:10 PM

We have reported this planet to the Interuniverse Pure Food Organization. Your DNA is disgusting. You may assume that you will get a "Clean Up or Close Up" order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 11 - 09:07 PM

You talkin ta earth? You talkin ta earth? You must be talkin ta earth cause we're the only ones here.


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