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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 Aug 04 - 06:34 PM
Amos 15 Aug 04 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 04 - 12:32 PM
Acme 15 Aug 04 - 11:54 AM
Acme 15 Aug 04 - 11:53 AM
Amos 14 Aug 04 - 02:21 PM
Acme 14 Aug 04 - 01:45 PM
beardedbruce 13 Aug 04 - 06:47 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM
GUEST 13 Aug 04 - 04:44 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Aug 04 - 04:41 PM
Amos 13 Aug 04 - 04:39 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Aug 04 - 04:37 PM
GUEST,Meeting Rapaire 13 Aug 04 - 04:33 PM
GUEST,The Supremacy Of Eddore 13 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM
Acme 13 Aug 04 - 01:39 PM
Amos 13 Aug 04 - 01:37 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Aug 04 - 12:26 PM
Acme 13 Aug 04 - 12:22 PM
khandu 12 Aug 04 - 10:03 PM
Amos 12 Aug 04 - 08:44 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 04 - 05:40 PM
Acme 12 Aug 04 - 05:29 PM
Tweed 12 Aug 04 - 10:00 AM
khandu 11 Aug 04 - 08:59 PM
Little Hawk 11 Aug 04 - 08:53 PM
Amos 11 Aug 04 - 08:50 PM
Acme 11 Aug 04 - 01:53 AM
GUEST,mmario 10 Aug 04 - 02:03 PM
beardedbruce 10 Aug 04 - 01:57 PM
Amos 10 Aug 04 - 01:51 PM
Little Hawk 10 Aug 04 - 01:01 PM
Amos 10 Aug 04 - 12:49 PM
Acme 10 Aug 04 - 12:20 PM
GUEST,MMario 10 Aug 04 - 11:18 AM
Acme 10 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM
GUEST,MMario 10 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 04 - 09:57 AM
Acme 10 Aug 04 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 04 - 09:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Aug 04 - 01:29 AM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 11:17 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 09:46 PM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 09:28 PM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 05:18 PM
Amos 09 Aug 04 - 10:08 AM
Acme 09 Aug 04 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 04 - 09:55 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 06:34 PM

Perhaps an extension of string theory. Rope Theory -- intergalactic ropes of "stuff" that we could use to pull ourselves along from place to place. Ropes of gravitons, maybe, all strung out along interstellar and intergalactic paths between stars and galaxies, the ropes caused by the distortions that mass produces (see "rubber sheet" examples of the Relativity Theory) and similar to what happens to the bedsheets when you toss and turn all night (as mass does -- planets and suns rotating, etc.).

Or just punch through the fabric of those "wrinkled sheets" to get to where you want to go.

You can get to Pluto in about a week if you continuosly boost at 1G for half the distance -- you can figger it out, it's like that old "how long will it take to go x miles if you're going y mph?" problem, only a little more complex. As for the power source for such a boost, well, 'tain't no reason not to shoot off a-bombs behind our ship and ride the shock wave -- nuclear explosions aren't anything new in space. Or better yet, let's get crackin' on controlled fusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 03:29 PM

What it really take to break these surly bonds and achieve the kind of speeds necessary for trans-galactice relocation?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 12:32 PM

4326. The atomic weight of thionite, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:54 AM

Oops. NOW it's 4325.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:53 AM

Are we going for tiny increments now? Okay, whatever it takes to boost this Mother back up to the top. The cat's been a little slow today, blinking in and out. 4325


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Aug 04 - 02:21 PM

I have learned always to answer that question with "Yes". It seems to stop 'em dead in their tracks.

4324...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Aug 04 - 01:45 PM

Are we there yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 06:47 PM

Blastoff!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM

It's a Valerian word meaning "scary."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:44 PM

firghtening?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:41 PM

besides - with Gharlane dead (and it is dead) you haven't a chance even WITHOUT the Children of the Lens.

you might as well be the Galactic Overlord - you are so laughable.

Bubba-bubba is more firghtening. (especialy when s/he/it has the labrador with her/him/it)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:39 PM

I have been a Gray Lensman (Hon., Ret.) for a number of lifetimes, and I am glad to inform you that the Eddorian post is fraudulent.

Grimace Haldebear
Gray Lensman


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:37 PM

hahahahahahahaha!



considering that a quintet of CHILDREN can whup your ass - if you had a gender I'd say you had brass cojones threatening us - (but you don't - so I won't.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Meeting Rapaire
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:33 PM

Wenatchee is much warmer than Pocatello has been, and the air is smoky from the fires.

Thionite? Won't the Lensmen want to know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Supremacy Of Eddore
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM

We find you worms have continued to frustrate us in out quest. Haldive, even thionite, haven't corrupted you to our need. Therefore, we must use the ultimate weapon to destroy your civilization. It is encompassed in a mere three of your words. You are powerless, even with the help of your Arisian friends, to stop us now that The Plan is accomplished. And here are the three words that will strike terror into your hearts and, now that the time has been fulfilled, explain to you the doom that approaches:

Four More Years!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 01:39 PM

oops, typo: Wenatchee.

Interesting call on that storm, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 01:37 PM

Concerning the Horrible Storms Bearing Down on FLorida:

Charley and Tropical Storm Bonnie, which moved ashore Thursday in Florida's Panhandle with lighter winds and less rain than expected, also bring the potential of heavy rains this weekend from Georgia to New England as they move up the Atlantic seaboard.

Emergency management officials asked about 1 million people, mostly in Hillsborough and Pinellas counties, to leave flood-prone areas as Charley closed in. Tampa, St. Petersburg and Clearwater are the major population centers in the region.

All residents of MacDill Air Force Base, on a peninsula in Tampa Bay, were ordered out, with only essential personnel remaining. MacDill is home to U.S. Central Command, the nerve center of the war in Iraq


Ya gotta wonder whether the guys praying to Allah are onto something, or what! :>) Sa'ala'am Alleikum!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 12:26 PM

*sigh*

I wish some people would spend a tenth - hell - a hundredth - of the amount of time posting the type imformation they claim to want to see on the mudcat as they do complaining about the "trash" others post.

okay - I got that out of my system while still putting it someplace most people won't see it...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 12:22 PM

Rapaire, had you perhaps consumed a beer or three before typing that post in Wenachee?

Right now I think it is cooler in Texas than it is in Eastern Washington. Amazing.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 10:03 PM

"KHANDU AND TWEED are actually one and the same persons!!"

Thank you for habing the guts to say that Tweed!! I hab thogt it ever since thet crazy mix-up wif the underware back last yar & now you hab comfarmed it!

It does sumpin warm & fuzzy to my innerds, I feel...I feel... I FEEL PRETTY!!!!!!

Kk, the Pretty King ob Mizippi & Mayor of Tweedsburg,Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 08:44 PM

If Ashcroft has his way, Rapaire, you may look forward to the day when the Feds come knocking at your door.

"Mister Rapaire? We're from the No Child Left Behind branch, IDaho and Dakota Section, of the Homeland Security Department. Our records show you did not attend school between the ages of 8 and 10. Under the law we require you, as a Child Left Behind, to come with us and spend the necessary year attending the level you missed, as soon as we can identify which grade it was you missed. You have 24 hours to get your affairs in order. We have notified the sheriff's office of this action and declared you a possible flight risk as a Child with Un-Normal Patterns."

Welcome to the Brave New World. You know what they will be teaching you? New Match.

Enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 05:40 PM

I am at a conference in Wenatchee, Washington. It is hot outside, there are wildfires a scant 20 miles away. So I haven't posted for a little while, 'cause I had to get here to do it.

1. I think we should have bumper stickers made. We can sell them to other 'Catters and suchlike depraved people and other (i.e., non-Catters, or the Great Unwashed) will think that we actually made such a trek. Or tee shirts. Tee shirts could add "Stage Crew" or something.

2. I was never nine years old. I went from 8 to 10 without stopping. This caused severe psychological damage, as well as messing up my school records. It still continues to haunt me.

3. I can't rememeber what this pint wasgoing to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 05:29 PM

I'm glad you've cleared up something else for me. I was 5 in 1959 so I couldn't possibly be the same as Khandu or Tweed. That's a load off of my mind!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 10:00 AM

My khing, I too wabz 9 in 1961. This explans a lotta things, and can only mean thet

KHANDU AND TWEED are actually one and the same persons!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Aug 04 - 08:59 PM

4302 has been mine since the MOAB birth! 4302 has special meaning for me! 4+3+0+2 =9! I was 9 years old in 1961 which, added = 17,which added = 8!

I was 8 in 1960 which was the year of Kennedy's election, & Kennedy was Irish which I am not! But. . . 7 years after 1960 there was 1967 & the summer of Love which I missed, being a 14 year old kid who had not heard of Kerry or Bush yet & had yet to lose my virginity. Nor had I done acid which eventually led me to post the original MOAB message! So you can see the significance of 4302!

me


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Aug 04 - 08:53 PM

Geez...for a moment I thought he was talking about that Maggie Thatcher inflatable doll.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 04 - 08:50 PM

(I found her down near thebottom, lying asleep. She'd been lying there since 1:30 in the morning and no-one had said anything. Nothing. I shook her gently. She murmured something from the depths of her abandonment. I had to lean over to hear what she said.


"
Pooooosssss.s.s.s.s.tttttt........................ Poooossss.sss.sss.ttttt."

I looked around anxious to help, not knowing what she could have meant. Sure enough, lying among the weeds not far from where she lay there WAS a post, weathered and kind of trivial looking, but surely a post, nonetheless.

I knew what I had to do....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 04 - 01:53 AM

But I still have first dibs on 5000!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,mmario
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 02:03 PM

me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:57 PM

ok, who had dibs on 4300?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:51 PM

Yeah...anyone Rapaire's size or smaller gets permanent free access to all his power tools. Good thinking, there LH!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:01 PM

Yes!!! Three more glorious and Shatneriffic links to add to my William Shatner file on my favourites list! Thanks, guys.

Now...I have a solution to the garage door problem, Rapaire. A permanent and elegantly simple solution. Here's what you do, Rapaire:

1. Get a professional carpenter to assist you.

2. Stand immediately in front of the garage door, either facing it or with your back to it. If facing, your nose should lightly touch the door. If looking outward, your back should lightly touch the door.

3. Carpenter traces an outline carefully around your body on the lowered door with a marker pen.

4. You get out of the way now, and the carpenter cuts the shape of your body neatly out of the door, and then finishes off any ragged edges with an attractive edging material in an appropriate color.

5. Presto! You now have a garage door that will NOT hit you if you should happen to be walking under it when it lowers!

6. In fact, you will be able to walk right through quite freely even WHEN the door is lowered! This is highly advantageous if you just want to go in and out of the garage, but do not need to move the car. Think of the energy that you will save by NOT having to activate the door opening and shutting machinery. Your electrical bill will be noticeably lower at the end of 1 year.

7. Fine tuning: It is wise to allow a little extra room around the edges of the opening in the door, in case you don't step in exactly the right place while passing through, so be sure to instruct the carpenter to cut out your shape leaving an extra inch or two around the outline. It is also handy to paint a set of footprints on the driveway showing exactly where to step when entering and leaving. This in fact is a foolproof method to avoid getting conked by the door EVEN if your wife is lying in wait TRYING to conk you with it.

8. If you plan to wear a hat sometimes, have the shape of the hat added into the cutout, at the top.

Many people have resorted to this simple method of garage door safety and beautification in beautiful Lakeland Orillia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 12:49 PM

First rate vision -- we had a fiction thread about this a fewyears back...but maybe we should head further south and surround the White House with vehicles going around and around, singing "Strangest Dream" and "Study War No More" through PA systems....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 12:20 PM

You'll need a wrap-around bumper sticker for this one:

International Mighty Mudcat Mystery, Music, Drinking, Selling & Busking Tour


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 11:18 AM

and on the bumpers of many more of the vehicles:


Proud Alumnus of NYCFTTS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM

And on the bumper of many of the vehicles, you'll find the following sticker. For those with a literary wit.

Great idea, Rap.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM

Now now - have a little respect for Max and his ladies and their privacy...

but it DOES sound like a GETAWAY!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 09:57 AM

Now, I just thought of something that would give the TSA fits. And it's all SRS's fault.

Let's suppose that ol' Bee Dubya started a Mudcat Tour. He loads on up and swings West toward Texas. Along the way a 'Catter or two from points in between joins him. Now we've got, say, two vehicles. When he gits to TX, SRS joins the throng and they continue West, pickin' up 'Catters and maybe droppin' a few off as they go. Through New Mexico, into California. Ol' Amos and Barky join up in San Diego or somewhere and the whole string heads North. They pick up folks in the Bay Area and up in Northern California, open mike and Joe Offer and others. Up to Portland and Seattle -- Miken, Deckman, Don Firth and all. By now the convoy is about a hundred vehicles long. Up to Alberta, pick up brucie, down to Western Idaho for Clint Keller and then East for Rangeroger, down here and I'll join up. Over Eastwards to Wyoming for Wyowoman and Sorcha and such and then Eastward Ho! Pick up Art Thieme in Illinois, and even Martin Gibson in Chicago (where we all ENJOY hot dogs). Of course, there's Big Mick and Co. in Michigan.

In the meantime, Kendall and Bat Goddess and Curmudgeon and MMario and the rest are heading Westward from Maine and suchlike places. Seamus and all them other DC-area 'Catters head Northeast, ol' Bobert and DougR and Tweed and Khandu and CarolC head eastward.

Now we got these mighty columns comin' from the West and the South and the North. Folks up in Ontario, folks like Little Hawk, from another column, heading towards the warm southern climes.

To do this right, airplanes start arriving in Philadelphia from Australia and England and South America and Japan and Ireland and Belgium and France and Germany and all them furrin countries. Icelandic brings in Skarpi and his lot. And on a given day, everyone descends on West Chester, Pennsylvania and eats Max out of house and home!

Screw them wimpy Kerouacs and Pynchons and folks! This here's the International Mighty Mudcat Mystery, Music, Drinking, Selling & Busking Tour! (The IMMMMDS&BT for short.)

Yeah, I ain't mentioned everyone, but you know who they are and where they'd join the caravansary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 09:24 AM

I'm glad the subject switched from You-Know-Who. It made me so billious last night I couldn't post to the MOAB. I just went in to lie down for eight hours or so.

I'd like to see your pottery make a Mudcat tour, BWL. Let us know if you think you'll swing through Texas sometime. I can't guarantee that I can afford to buy any (I have it coming out of my ears after inheriting much of my Dad's collection) but I always like to look at it. You could camp out here in the spare room and sell them at the Main Street Festival (late April, early May) in Fort Worth.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 09:18 AM

Take them Hoosiers, Bee Dubya. I've been to Nappannee more times than I care to count, and they got so much money there that you'll get giddy just thinkin' about it. Bunch of 'em are Amish, so be careful, 'cause them folks'll git your eyeteeth if you're not careful.

Where you goin'? Amish Acres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Aug 04 - 01:29 AM

Upon the morrow, I must away to the wilds of Nappanee, Indiana to attempt to sell southern-made pottery to people of the northern persuasion. I shall return in about a week, hopefully with huge bags of money, checks, credit card vouchers and other negotiable instruments. Take care of Mom while I'm gone. Make sure she takes her vitamins and don't let her play in the puddles without her golashes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 11:17 PM

A REVIEW of this BEST SELLING BOOK!

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA SHATNERICA!!!!


(Click title for Amazon site link)

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

This book has to be updated with new material!, November 21, 2002

Reviewer:
 
picardfan007 (USA) - See all my reviews

From what the author said in one of the reviews; his publisher altered his original concept and manuscript. My solution would be to repackage and update it. Shatty's Priceline troubles will hurt him again because there are still complaints in the news about that company. I have to say after reading Shatnerica I have a very different view of Captain Kirk. He may have had some talent but his arrogance is all that's left. He might have been a great actor if he acted like a human being and not the "leading man" he never was. Except on Star Trek that is. How many of the cast would want to work with him again?

I'd still have to say the author still accomplished his goal. He showed the audience that Shatner has none of the heroic qualities of a Captain Kirk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 11:08 PM

JUST WORDS
by Baxter Black

They were just words:

"Tear down the Berlin Wall" Reagan to Gorbachev at the Brandenburg Gate, 1987.
"Chance of rain. " Weatherman in Iowa during the '93 flood.
"Give me liberty or give me death." Patrick Henry, 1775.
"I wish I'd never read this book. . . so I could read it again for the first time." Dan Trimble about Hemingway's Old Man and the Sea, 1992.
"The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank." Erma Bombeck, 1976.

We often underestimate the value of words. "Good job, son." "Best cobbler I ever ate." "Did you paint that yourself?" "I'm really proud of you." "Thankya, love."

We underestimate their power. "You shouldn't'a let that kid beat ya." "Maybe you should lose some weight, Hon." "You should'a tried harder." "Not again; they've heard those stories before." "You do that every time!"

There are people whose opinions we truly value. There are people whose praise we'd die for. They are often two different things. Sometimes we genuinely would like to improve ourselves. "Yer lettin' your rope go too soon." "Give him his head." 'Always check the hind feet when you set him up."

Sometimes we just need encouragement: "You did the best you could. " "You looked like you won from where I sat. " "It sure runs better after you worked on it."

Most everyone is the most important person in someone's life. It is no small responsibility. It should be a crime if we don't realize and recognize that importance, because what you say can have such long-lasting effect:

"I believe you got the makin's of a world champion." Ty Murray's mom.
"I know you can do it, but be careful." James A. Lovell, Jr.'s wife.
"Believe in yourself." Martin Luther King's Sunday School teacher.
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." JFK.
"Write about what you know." My college English professor after giving me an F on a poem I wrote for a class assignment.
"You'll never amount to anything." Too many of us, too many times.

Words. . . like burrs under a blanket, like nails in a coffin.
Like a single match in a sea of gasoline.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 09:46 PM

I have, in my wisdom, directed to to the First Church of Shatnerology. Now, in my goodness, I direct you here.

No need to thank me. No, no, I simply do my humble best for the good of all MOABites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 09:28 PM

I try to be honest because I believe that it brings spiritual strength into the world, desperately needed in these days.

But it is twisting every nerve-ending, and torquing every fiber of being, to cleave to this principle when faced, in the typical perverse ways of Karma, with the one thing I would never want to communicate:

Shatner is to be brought back to life as James T. Kirk.

The story in its gory and incredible perversion can be found at this sci-fi site.

This is a sad day for New Thought.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 06:57 PM

Talk nice to your head, Rapaire, and acknowledge it was wrongfully hurt. Let your head know you appreciate it and want it to be whole and sound. Have your wife kiss it and apologize to it for pushing that button.

As an aside, if it is this easy between two individuals, just think how close we must have come in the 60's -- it is a miracle that no-one pushed the button.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 05:18 PM

Opener button's screwed to the wall.

We're gitting a new door opener.

My head still hurts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 10:08 AM

Sounds about right, but that doesn't mean you have to let her have a door-opener....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 10:07 AM

nice! I know a few women like that. They've written some interesting essays here and here and many other places. Hasselstrom has quite a few anthologies out (and a new one I'm supposed to review--perhaps I'll post it at Mudcat!).

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 09:55 AM

A WOMAN'S PLACE
For Karla Gambill
? by Wallace McRae

"A woman's place is in the home." That always has made sense.
They're just not built for riding broncs, nor fixin' barbwire fence.
The "woman's place" is well-defined throughout the cowboy West,
Besides, it's our tradition. Our old ways have stood time's test.
There's lots of things that women do way better than a man.
They're a whiz at washing diapers, or with a frying pan.
Those ladies are a comfort when a man ain't feelin' prime,
So, for cookin' or for lookin', give me a woman every time.
I've always advocated the old values of the West.
I believe, just like gospel, that the old-time rules is best.

A few years back I put things off, like I'm inclined to do.
When branding time come rolling 'round - I didn't have a crew.
And this girl, I'll call her "Laurie," said she'd agree to lend a         hand.
I thought she meant her husband! See, I didn't understand
That she meant her, you savvy now that I was in a bind.
I didn't want to break her heart. I couldn't be unkind.
She said she had these horses that needed lotsa miles.
I said we'd start at daylight. She says, "Great. And thanks," and smiles.
'Bout three o'clock next morning, while I'm still snoring hard,
I starts, and hears a creeping gooseneck ease into the yard.
We invites her in for breakfast, but she's already ate.
It's an hour and half to daybreak 'n I'm already late.
The crew shows up, but she's the one who gives me an assist
When Old Ranger trys to buck me off. She gathers cows I missed!
While I gees and haws Old Ranger, her horse rolls o'er his hocks.
She cuts us cowboys seven ways, 'n does it orthodox.
There ain't nothin' that that girl can't do! I'm feelin' like a dope.
At last in desperation, I says, "Laurie, wanta rope?"
She keeps six rasslers busy. We're all abustin' gut.
She even finds a branded bull that I forgot to cut.
For four long days she shows us how a real hand operates.
She rassles and gives shots and brands. She even "casterates"!
When we gets done I offer up to ride, to pay her back.

In the nicest way that she knows how, she lets me know: I lack
Some basic skills I never learned. My horses ain't the best.
They got more help than they can use. I prob'ly need a rest.

So:

"A woman's place is in the home," to me don't seem so strange,
Because I finally figured Laurie's "Home (is) On The Range."


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