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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 04 May 15 - 03:38 PM
GUEST 04 May 15 - 04:48 PM
Rapparee 04 May 15 - 10:40 PM
Amos 05 May 15 - 12:31 AM
Rapparee 05 May 15 - 09:20 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 May 15 - 11:09 AM
Acme 05 May 15 - 01:11 PM
Amos 05 May 15 - 02:07 PM
gnu 05 May 15 - 06:58 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 May 15 - 07:15 PM
Acme 05 May 15 - 08:40 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 May 15 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 06 May 15 - 10:43 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 06 May 15 - 11:16 AM
Amos 06 May 15 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 06 May 15 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 07 May 15 - 09:44 AM
GUEST,Don McBride 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM
Amos 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM
Acme 07 May 15 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 07 May 15 - 12:35 PM
Rapparee 07 May 15 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 07 May 15 - 03:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 May 15 - 08:00 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 07 May 15 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 07 May 15 - 10:43 PM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy 08 May 15 - 01:09 AM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 09:33 AM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 01:46 PM
gnu 08 May 15 - 07:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 May 15 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 09:24 PM
Acme 08 May 15 - 11:22 PM
Amos 09 May 15 - 01:00 AM
gnu 09 May 15 - 08:22 AM
Rapparee 09 May 15 - 09:50 AM
gnu 09 May 15 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 09 May 15 - 11:28 PM
GUEST 10 May 15 - 12:45 AM
Acme 10 May 15 - 01:40 AM
Rapparee 10 May 15 - 12:47 PM
Amos 10 May 15 - 01:13 PM
gnu 10 May 15 - 04:41 PM
Rapparee 10 May 15 - 09:22 PM
gnu 10 May 15 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:01 AM
Amos 11 May 15 - 01:25 PM
Amos 11 May 15 - 05:52 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:20 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 May 15 - 03:38 PM

Amos... not Apples were they? I thought Apples never lost their
crispy.

Tropme... yeah... love the lecture. That's why I posted it. As I posted on the Trompe thread...

OP... "I FUCKING love this lecture! This reminds me of many of my professors back in that day when wise wo/men were revered for their knowledge, experience and their ability to impart knowledge at such a grass roots level. Hear hear! Bravo!"

I remember "Smilie" Stevens. He'd walk in and ask, "Any questions?" He'd look around and, if there were no questions, he would smile (looked like a frog when he did)and walk out.

Then there was "Torf" Torffason. First day, he entered the hall by the door stage left of the lectern dressed as a Spanish swordsman (jaunty flat hat with a red feather and all), brandishing an epee. As he thrusted and parried his way to the lectern, he spouted mathematics and physics equations with an English accent in Shakespearean style.

And Chernoff, who, while explaining many mathematical concepts, brought everything back to bah-nah-nahs.

And who could forget Bullet Bob! His chalkboard writing was a work of art and as fast as one could speak. His eyebrows (eyebrow) were so bushy, it seemed he might erase the chalkboard as he moved along.

Then there was... damn... I forget his name! Not a hair out of place. He would be there before we arrived and he would make the chalk fly for the full 50 minutes. Nobody could keep up. The bell would sound and he would announce, "I haven't the time to finish the mathematical derivation of the formula but this is all YOU need to know.", upon which, he would chalk out a simple formula and say, "You kids are lucky."

And Harvey Semple. He'd walk around the drafting lab with a yardstick and pretend he was gonna bat someone in the back of the head with it.

What was the name of the philosophy prof that wore his Toronto Maple Leafs jersey EVERY day? He had a lisp and would always discuss the last game at the beginning of class. When students would comment, he would make them pronounce "Leafs" with a lisp. Great prof. Great guy.

There are more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 04 May 15 - 04:48 PM

Well, there are several theories. One is that the parametric RAM battery died, making the whole system act dead. Apples work great until they don't. The "don't" typically is much less common than in machines running a Microsoft OS.

I am deep into a reread of "Love in the Time of Cholera" by the Old Master Marques. It is draining my desire to do anything else but read the next bit. Fortunately I can get away with it.

SO that's what I am gonna do just now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 15 - 10:40 PM

Dear GUEST,

You sound like Amos, extolling the virtues of obscure books and Apple computers. However, Amos would never read "Love In The Time Of Cholera" -- no, he'd read El amor en los tiempos del cólera. And he wouldn't go on about parametric batteries, but simply state that the flatula overheated, causing a cascade effect in the RM5 array of the P/N junctions that in turn busted it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 15 - 12:31 AM

It was, aloof and clannish
Who now confess I don't read Spanish
And therefore had to read Marques
Not en español, but en ingles.
And though it will not make me famous
I am as always, simply Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 15 - 09:20 AM

You put a 'y' on the word before 'Amos.' Shouldn't it be an 'e'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 May 15 - 11:09 AM

Har! Har! Har! Good one, Rap! Well, I am a free man again, eh? I done my community servise and they let me go. And my flippin' legend just keeps growin' by leeps and bowndes. A lot of people must wish that they was me. That is what I figger. The only problem is that I been band from the liberry. Again! That makes 3 times now. I wonder if Jim MOrrison could of matched that?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 May 15 - 01:11 PM

Let's hope he doesn't discover all of those little community library boxes popping up on people's front lawns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 15 - 02:07 PM

Rap and Shane, when are you two getting together to compare notes? A well-deserved match for both of you galumphin owl hoot slumgullions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 15 - 06:58 PM

Is 375g of bacon, well fried and patted with paper towels, a healthy snack?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 May 15 - 07:15 PM

He don't dare come arowned here becoz he knows that I would kick his ass, eh? What the flip are these liberry boxes on people's lawns SRS? I ain't seen any in Blind River.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 May 15 - 08:40 PM

Shane, they're not at gutter level, that's probably why.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 May 15 - 08:59 PM

I got no flippin' idea what you are talkin' about, SRS. Anyways, I don't think this here town can support more than 1 flippin' liberry. Most people here do not read that many books, know'm sayin'? It ain't like the beer store. That place will NEVER go outta bizness! And it's a good flippin' thing!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 15 - 10:43 AM

Shame, some libraries sell beer, wine, and liquor.

But here's something to help you out (and yes, it works and it won't kill you).

Get a clean garbage bag. Empty a bunch of cans of fruit in it, the kind in heavy syrup if you can get them (don't add the cans, throw them away). Add a couple packages of dry yeast, like your momma used for baking bread, or add a couple slices of old bread (not moldy). Now pour in a quart of very warm water. Get a straw, like you drink through and a bendy one is best. Twist the top of the garbage bag around the straw and tie it tight. Put the whole thing is a warm place, and bend the straw if you can so so it points down. Let it sit for about two weeks and you'll have some fine drink.

But remember, only a REAL man can take the hangover and I seriously doubt that YOU can deal with any of this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 May 15 - 11:16 AM

Are you kiddin'? I can flippin' handle it, man! No word of a lie.   And it sounds easy! I am gonna do just like you said. I just gotta get the canned fruit first. This is gonna be good!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 15 - 03:51 PM

Yep--mutual deserving in action! Goo'ness, what a crop of malarkey, hein? Ma foi! Lorsque le Rapparee c'est un mecce epouvantable, et le Shane c'est un mecce horrible et degalasse, on va voir un peu de drôle ci-dedans! J'en suis sur!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 15 - 10:02 PM

Oui , Amos , et que la recette fonctionnera comme il l'a dans les prisons pour de nombreuses années. Le résultat a été comparé à une bile aromatisé refroidisseur de vin, mais je suis certain que Shane va en profiter comme il n'a pas de goût dans la liqueur ou autre chose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 15 - 09:44 AM

Cher Maman, I must be the only one who stayed sober last night. Everyone else seems to have gone to some drunken orgy where they drank the Devil's rum, sang, broke up bars, beat up cops, and caroused with questionable companions.

But not me! I followed your teachings and stayed home, eventually loading the new refrigerator with the food from the old one and then putting on my Winnie-the-Poop jammies and wending my weary way to beddy-bye.

And I didn't wet the bed last night, either!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM

You shure lead a dull flippin' life, Rap! Ha! Ha! Well, somethin' strange happened last night, eh? Somebuddy broke into the grocery store and alls they seem to have took was a lotta canned fruit and a couple other cheap items. I hearn about it at the gas station. That don't make no flippin' sense! Who the flip steals canned fruit??? What for? If you are gonna steal...make it worth yer flippin' while, eh? This is the first time the grocery store in Blind River has ever been robbed, so people are talkin' about it a lot.

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM

I was curled up with un coup de rouge and a good, but not important, book.

That wicked Rapparree was SO busy composing sl;andirons allegations he forgot to open his widdle back-flap!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 May 15 - 12:16 PM

Rap, are you going to bury the old fridge in the back yard or under the porch with those old freezers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 07 May 15 - 12:35 PM

Them sl;andirons allegations are the worst kind!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 15 - 03:08 PM

It was taken off by the undertakers to where old fridges go when their work is through and they retire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 07 May 15 - 03:57 PM

That would be like...our backyard, eh?

You should see all the junk that is back there. We got stuff goin' back at least a hunnert years, I think. Piles and piles of it.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 May 15 - 08:00 PM

It was me! I did it! I stole the canned fruit!

The recall of Bluebell frozen fruit bars has resulted a run on other brands of frozen fruit bars at my local supermarket. There are now none of any kind available! People are buying them all up and hoarding them. I am going to have to make my own to avoid going into frozen fruit bar withdrawal.

Hence, the supermarket burglary in Blind River, Ontario. It was an easy choice because there's some loser up there who's a surefire patsy. The cops are probably knocking on his door as I type.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 07 May 15 - 09:15 PM

You are a major fliphead and a bolthole, Bee-Dub-whatevertheflip! You are also a flippin' liar! I know this becoz...becoz....ummm...

Wait a flippin' minute here. Ah...?

Well.......

Okay, fine. HE did it! Bee-Dubya-Ell stole all that stuff from the Blind River supermarket, eh? And he just admitted it too! Boy, what a terrible bad antisoshall person he must be! No shame, eh? I hope they lock that darn fliphead up and throw away the flippin' key!

Flip me.

Later. I got work to do.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 15 - 10:43 PM

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah, May 1--Sid Larkins was hanged at 11 o'clock yesterday morning at Pocatello, Idaho, for the murder of Josie Hill at Idaho Falls on Christmas. When the trap was sprung the body shot into the air, rebounded once, and then hung limp. Larkins' neck was broken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy
Date: 08 May 15 - 01:09 AM

(1895) "Larkins made a statement denying all knowledge of the affair. He also warned all young men, as they feared death, to beware of dissolute women and whisky, saying his case should be a warning."

What is little known by the general public is that Sid Larkins had become aware of the fact that the secret order of lizard men had taken over the government and the courts in the State of Utah and the general region. It was for this that he was executed in order to hide the dire activities of the lizards and their descendants right to this very day!

Read all about it in the next issue of Final Revelations Magazine!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:33 AM

I didn't say it was recent. Geez, some people!

As for your lizard people, we've pretty much killed 'em all off. Sure, one or another will pop up in the statehouse or be elected to Congress (you can tell 'em by their forked tongues) but eventually they're taken care of as folks out here have always done. When we find their eggs we burn 'em, of course, in a funeral crematory. Haven't found any viviparous ones yet but we know how to deal with them too.

Their hides make pretty good boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 01:46 PM

Certain parts of their anatomy also make long-lasting, high-bouncing, golf balls and are eagerly sought after by those who run around in a pasture hitting their balls with a club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 15 - 07:29 PM

If y'all ain't never heard The Cleverleys, y'all ain't heard shit. The most entertaining band of entertainers on the face of the earth. YT has over 60 videos but ya gotta search em out. Here's one about yer lizard. Lizards?

Now.... on to a much more pressing affair. I posted regarding bacon and my post was ignored. Perhaps y'all thought it was not a serious post or that it wasn't worthy of comment. Well, I have just set another package of bacon in a frying pan so, if I die in the near future from a fucked up cardiovascular system, it's YOUR fault. It will be on YOUR head. Do you want that weight on your mind? If not, check out The Cleverleys and I will only eat some of the bacon. Hahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:11 PM

Gnu, whether eating an entire package of bacon at one sitting is healthy or not is beside the question. It's disgusting either way. Bacon is a low-dosage food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:24 PM

We buy bacon, cook it, drain it, cool it, and freeze it. That speeds up BLTs and other things because you can cook a couple of pounds in advance. We use a griddle with a couple of bacon presses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 15 - 11:22 PM

Gary, I responded to someone recently about bacon, but it apparently wasn't you. Stay healthy, get your butt down to the Getaway this year. Maybe some more of the MOAB clan can get together. But you won't make it if you have a bacon-induced stroke. Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 15 - 01:00 AM

Them Cleverleys are as cleverly as boys can get, you betcha!

Advice to the wicked: do NOT try and remove a hard drive from one of them unimodular iMacs for the first time. Wait until the fourth or fifth time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 15 - 08:22 AM

NOW I read the posts about bacon. Although, I did not eat the whole package in one sitting. Took me three, over about an hour. Took two beers to wash it down. I figure the 175# will be about 174# tomorrow... just retaining fluids. Hmmm, better check my BP. 116/74 at 69 bpm. Apparently, bacon+beer is good for the BP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 15 - 09:50 AM

Your systolic gets much lower and you won't pass the exam.

Mr. gnu is cordially invited to a weekend of music, song, and drunken lechery, also called Getaway 2015, which will be held at West River, Maryland, on the first weekend in October. Mr. Rapparee is certain that arrangements for at least one bodhran or other weapon can be arranged, as can some sort of transport from and to Baltimore-Washington International Airport. Should Mr. gnu elect not to come, arrangements will be made for Ms. Jacqui Morse to thump him repeatedly on the head with a heavy thimble.

Répondez s'il vous plaît ASAP.

Cordially yours,
Mr. Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 15 - 11:13 AM

Dear Mr. Rapparee,

Mr. gnu, for whom I act as agent, has directed me to issue this correspondence to assure you that Mr. gnu would gladly attend the event in Maryland if various circumstances which preclude his presence were not existent. Additionally, he hopes to attend someday.

Signed under seal for Mr. gnu by,

Sue Yoo, LLB, Barrister and Solicitor
Pluckem, Fuckem and Chuckem Ltd.
Bank of Nova Scrotum Building
Sweet 4263
1 Main Street
Moncton, NB
Canada $1$ 1$1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 15 - 11:28 PM

Dear Sue,

Didn't you "date" my friends Jim, Brian, Tom, Roger, Dennis, and Steve one night when you were in college? I seem to remember a orgy party the details of which shall remain closed...maybe. Yes, I have photographs and a grainy 8mm film and yes, it's you "sweety pants".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 May 15 - 12:45 AM

The Advocate GEneral of Domestic Mishaps and Coordination wishes to advise Mister Gnu that any college student will be glad to fill in to cover the alleged circumstances with which he wishes to justify his absence at said Getaway, for a cost less hazardous than said thimble and collateral consequences. The Advocate General requests Mister Gnu rethink his position in light of this more current information.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 15 - 01:40 AM

Part of that more current information is that your mom might enjoy someone else's cooking for a few days and you should come meet the rest of us face to face, if we all make it this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 15 - 12:47 PM

Shall I try to convince Eiseley??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 15 - 01:13 PM

Absolutably!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 15 - 04:41 PM

I would have to hire someone that Mum doesn't know. Not a good idea.

BTW... the lobster was great! I gotta do all the crackin on accounta she can't do it anymore so it makes me feel even better when I serve it up. So was the chicken dinner on Wednesday from which I made chicken soup last night... mmmmm! The two dozen roses (12 white and twelve red) that I delivered Wednesday are now flowered out and are beautiful. Gotta get a pic. She really liked the card even though I didn't write it. >;-) The HBird feeder has been up for near a week but no Hummers yet... sigh. Got three hanging pots up on her garage eave yesterday. Yellow, red and purple Mini Petunias. She has been having a good week and it brings joy to my otherwise "life". She deserves it... raising me for 58+ years has been exasperating for her, I am sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 15 - 09:22 PM

I certainly cannot imagine why it would be, gnu. I am certainly certain that you were a model child and grew into a model adult.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 15 - 09:55 PM

Thank you, Rap.

But, indeed, this forum is about Blues and Folk. So, perhaps it is time for a more serious approach toward the music rather than me being... oh, never mind... let's get serious about real folk music. This American classic from the Ozark Mountains has always provided me with a dose of comfort and reality. Bugs me that some don't consider it a true classic piece of American art.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:01 AM

There are many pieces of music like that, pieces that pierce your heart and soul and brings reality back to an unreal world. They keep you going when the mountain seems too steep to continue the climb, when the road is nothing but nails and potholes, when the river is too wild and cold and the night to dark, when the bridge to other side seems about to collapse into the Stygian canyon below, when the unknowable loads of the future seem too much to bear, when straining a bit of joy from life seems impossible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 15 - 01:25 PM

But nobody does it like Bugs, am I right? Noooobody.

Save your nickels, save your dimes,
Make a trip at Getaway time
Don't be shy and don't be lame,
Come to Getaway all a same!
Yeeehaaw!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 15 - 05:52 PM

In half an hour my new Minimac will have on it all the files my iMac had on it before its logic board blew out. This will be great relief to me, as I was in morbid fear that immortal lines might somehow be lost to human ken for all time, denying the sunlight of their wisdom and cheer to countless needful generations of Homo Novae and delaying the birth of genuine civilization in the West. Now I know this horrible fate has been avoided, the bomb of darkness defused, the barbarous bullet dodged, and I can rest easy and pursue my more ordinary labors with a tranquil heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:20 PM

Minimac is a little hamburger, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:21 PM

Or am I confusing it with an Indian tribe of the NB/ME area?


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