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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 22 Jun 04 - 09:58 PM
42 22 Jun 04 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jun 04 - 08:26 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jun 04 - 08:20 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 08:12 PM
42 22 Jun 04 - 05:57 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 02:51 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 04 - 02:15 PM
Acme 22 Jun 04 - 12:46 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 12:45 PM
42 22 Jun 04 - 08:02 AM
CarolC 21 Jun 04 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 04 - 09:04 PM
Amos 21 Jun 04 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 04 - 06:17 PM
Amos 21 Jun 04 - 04:00 PM
GUEST,the Great A'Tuin 21 Jun 04 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 21 Jun 04 - 09:07 AM
Amos 21 Jun 04 - 12:52 AM
GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley 20 Jun 04 - 10:50 PM
GUEST,Harald Bearshirt 20 Jun 04 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 04 - 10:19 PM
GUEST,The Omnipotent Krill 20 Jun 04 - 09:28 PM
GUEST,Harald Bearshirt 20 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM
Acme 20 Jun 04 - 11:17 AM
GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley 19 Jun 04 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 05:31 PM
Little Hawk 19 Jun 04 - 04:37 PM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 11:14 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 10:52 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Jun 04 - 03:32 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Jun 04 - 03:26 AM
Amos 19 Jun 04 - 01:33 AM
Acme 19 Jun 04 - 12:09 AM
CarolC 18 Jun 04 - 12:05 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jun 04 - 07:27 AM
42 18 Jun 04 - 07:17 AM
Ironmule 18 Jun 04 - 12:46 AM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 11:47 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 09:31 PM
Amos 17 Jun 04 - 08:55 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jun 04 - 07:43 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 04 - 07:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 09:58 PM

Little Hawk, you are an unrepentant worthless   monger of decrepitude and saccharine incompetence, a dark black fly on the white thigh of history, a boil on the smooth brow of Intelligence, and a foul odor in the underwear of Art.

Get the to a hatchery, go to. Th'art a squib and a sore.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 09:48 PM

It just makes me thirsty!

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:26 PM

Now doesn't everyone feel just great after reading that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:20 PM

Ahem!

BEAUTIFUL BALMORAL
by William McGonagall

Ye lovers of the picturesque, away and see
Beautiful Balmoral, near by the River Dee;
There ye will see the deer browsing on the heathery hills,
While adown their sides run clear sparkling rills.

Which the traveller can drink of when he feels dry,
And admire the dark River Dee near by,
Rolling smoothly and silently on its way,
Which is most lovely to see on a summer day.

There the trout do sport and play
During the live-long summer day;
Also plenty of salmon are there to be seen,
Glittering like silver in the sun's sheen.

And the mountains are rugged and wild to be seen,
But the woodlands are beautiful when Nature's face is green;
There numerous rabbits do gambol all day
Amongst the green scrubbery all lively and gay.

There's one charming spot most magnificent to be seen,
'Tis Balmoral Castle, the Highland Home of our Queen;
The surrounding scenery is enchanting to see,
While near by rolls past the lovely River Dee.

Therefore, ye lovers of the picturesque, away and see
Beautiful Balmoral Castle and its grand scenery,
And the sight will fill your hearts with glee,
As ye walk along the bonnie banks o' the River Dee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:12 PM

Aw, j, I yam repentant.

There are more important things than BS, and in fact I yam a woithless hypocrite having just chastised Doug R for buying a bunch of BS from down on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Play that banjo and rejoice that there are people who are willing to allow that they are BSing when they are!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 05:57 PM

I stand chastised with banjo in hand.

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 02:51 PM

All so true! Let us draw on the best that Franklyne and his contemporaries have to offer for inspiration, for models, for insight and beauty. But shall that be all? Never!!

We will take the ancient arts of BS and stretch them, extend them, we will boldly march beyond the furthest limits of history and into the scinitillating parameters of Future BS Unknown and Unimagined, finding the far horizons never before touched with BS!!


Into the future and Over the Top with MOAB!! Unleash the fire of your minds, and take BS to Unheard of Heights!! Onward!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 02:15 PM

Which reminds me that a historical examination of BS would be useful and, possibly, even profitable. And where better to conduct such than MOAB, or who better to undertake such an endeavor than the MOABites?

And so I offer this, extracted from a letter from the Earl of Oxford to his brother, Robert Cecil:

"My very good Broother, I have receyved by Henry Loke yowre moste kynde message, whiche I so effectuallye imbrace, that whatt for the owlde loue I have borne yow, whiche I assure yow was very greate, what for the alliance which ys betwene vs, whiche ys tyed so fast by my chyldren of yowre owne syster, what for myne owne dispositione to yowre selfe, whiche hathe bene rootede by longe and many familiarites of a moore yowthefull tyme there cowld have beene nothinge soo deerly welcome vnto me. wherfore not as a stranger but in the owld style, I doo assure yow that yow shall have no faster freende & wellwisher vnto yow then my self eyther in kyndnes, which I finde beyond myne expectatione in yow; or in kyndred, wherby none ys nerer allyed then my selfe, sythe of yowre systers, of my wyfe only yow have receyved Nieces. A syster I say not by any venter, but borne of the same father, and the same moother of yowre selfe. I will say no moore, for woordes in faythefull myndes are tedious."

And this:

"Shake-speare, at length thy pious fellowes give
The world thy Workes : thy Workes, by which, out-live
Thy Tombe, thy name must when that stone is rent,
And Time dissolves thy Stratford Moniment,
Here we alive shall view thee still. This Booke,
When Brasse and Marble fade, shall make thee looke
Fresh to all Ages : when Posteritie
Shall loath what's new, thinke all is prodegie
That is not Shake-speares; ev'ry Line, each Verse
Here shall revive, redeeme thee from thy Herse.
Nor Fire, nor cankring Age, as Naso said,
Of his, thy wit-fraught Booke shall once invade.
Nor shall I e're beleeve, or thinke thee dead.
(Though mist) untill our bankrout Stage be sped
(Imposible) with some new straine t'out-do
Passions of Juliet, and her Romeo ;
Or till I heare a Scene more nobly take,
Then when thy half-Sword parlying Romans spake.
Till these, till any of thy Volumes rest
Shall with more fire, more feeling be exprest,
Be sure, our Shake-speare, thou canst never dye,
But crown'd with Lawrell, live eternally."

Both of these are representative of a form of BS technically known as "laying it on thick".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 12:46 PM

A source of inspiration for us all:


    Courteous Reader,
    I have heard that nothing gives an Author so great Pleasure, as to find his Works respectfully quoted by other learned Authors. This Pleasure I have seldom enjoyed; for tho' I have been, if I may say it without Vanity, an eminent Author of Almanacks annually now a full Quarter of a Century, my Brother Authors in the same Way, for what Reason I know not, have ever been very sparing in their Applauses; and no other Author has taken the least Notice of me, so that did not my Writings produce me some solid Pudding, the great Deficiency of Praise would have quite discouraged me.

    BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, Preface, Poor Richard Improved: Being an Almanack and Ephemeris ? for the Year of Our Lord, 1758.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 12:45 PM

42, with all due respect it is exactly this sort of post which raises my ire and sets me to bemoaning the decline of BS in our time. You are capable of soaring to heights of BS, curlicues of excess and baroque extravagance, of inciting towering vibrations and flowering perfumes of BS. And yet you limit yourself to a tired play on an old quote.

Come, madam!! You can do better by far!! Why should you not give the Mother your best BS?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:02 AM

Oh mother where art thou?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 10:36 PM

insipid skies...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 09:04 PM

Ah, golly shucks, it warn't nothin' A-tall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 08:24 PM

Huzzah! How like a lark hath sprung
Bright BS newly from his favored tongue
That lightens hearts and scents the air
With pheremones from Bold Rapaire!
To whom all Mobites give paean
For bringing BS up again!

Back from the wasted, lowly pit
Not pure BS, just lowly s**t
Back from the hole, the dank retreat
Smelling of mouldy, tired feet
Out from the depths!! Anew, and young!
Praise be to Rapaire's sparkling tongue!!

Huzzah, huzzah!! Undo dim Darkle!
And let the MOAB's BS Sparkle!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 06:17 PM

Back then, wit arced across the insipid skies like the electric sparks from the equipment that brought the monster to life in "Frankenstein." Back then, all women were languidly sensual, albeit with rapier-like intelligence that pierced directly to the heart of any matter while the men were all ruggedly handsome studs of superb intellect and unrivaled perspecasity. Freshly scrubbed children, cute, but not to the point of nausea; smart, but not mouthy; polite, but not fawning, ran and played on the dewy lawns. Back then, everyone had a great, but not boring, job that took no more than three hours each day. Back then, when the day's work was finished and dinner had been eaten, everyone gathered in the backyard while Mom or Dad -- and sometime the neighbors as well -- played a Martin Dreadnought and sang the wonderful old folksongs that their foreparents had brought with them from the East and/or from the Olde Countrie.

Well-paid, competent, motivated teachers taught and eager students learned. Cars got at least sixty miles to every gallon of inexpensive gasoline, and a device was being developed which would allow the car to run on water. Every stream and river was sparkling pure and ran joyfully over gravelly beds. Disease was non-existent, and old people were treated with the respect due to their age and wisdom. Back then, Moab was a city in Utah.

And then,

Clinton/Reagan/Truman/Ford/Carter/Bush/Bush/Eisenhower/Roosevelt
or Thatcher/McKenzie/Gladstone/Disraeli/De Valera/Mendez France/De Gaulle/Blair/Stalin/the UN/Owen Ruadh O'Neill came into power and everything went to hell.

The world was filled with despair. Teeth decayed. Dogs yipped at their owners, cats scratched, bison trampled Volkswagens, glaciers melted, the sky turned bright pink, fish died in droves, moose trampled motorcyclists, cakes fell, bread failed to rise, mountains shrank, sex stunk, kids were foulmouthed, tires went flat, bicycles had three wheels, and then,

then,

MOAB sprang, full armed, from the ashes and bluebirds again sang in the willows beside gurgling brooks while little girls and boys played Tag 'midst the flowers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 04:00 PM

I weep. I thrash.
My teeth I gnash.
My clothes I render into trash.
My soul I damn, my self I fasch,
My hide breaks out in angry rash!
My Macintosh I nearly Crash!
And to new heights my wrath I lash,
And mutter "Sufferin' SUCcotash!"
And "So's your father's old moustache"
And floors and doors and tables bash
ANd walnuts crush and taters mash
And beef cows render into hash
And precious poems reduce to ash
While wasting precious piles of cash
And flailing absent style or dash,
While all around me Titans clash
And bleeding hearts I cruelly gash
Praying the MOAB gain panache
Recover now her long-lost flash!

Flash Gordon
First Boldly Goer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,the Great A'Tuin
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 09:18 AM

I'm a bit peckish lately krill, come over here, won't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 09:07 AM

Mr. Harry Lee, do you have nephews and neices? If you do, you must be Uncle Wigley and then I have to ask, how are Noodle and Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 12:52 AM

I thought Krill was those little half-plant lifeforms that get strained out of the sea by baleen whales!! Innit??


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 10:50 PM

I faced the impotent Krill centuries ago. They are the shit of starving dogs. Their threats are as empty as a used can of vaginal deodorant. Ignore them as you would ignore my previous post which should have read in the last sentence "Let there be bullshit".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harald Bearshirt
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 10:31 PM

Hard Old Bearshit waits on you, Krill! Longtooth is hungry, and will feast on your guts. Cowardly spawn of Nidhog, I myself, alone, will wait upon you and feed yourself to you as you lay dying. I will shit in your wounds and piss on your head, and send you armless, legless, and peckerless to Hel!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 10:19 PM

Dear M&O Dill,

I read your message to the Idaho Legion, those who were sober enough to understand it anyway. They had a coupla questions, though.

First off, Troutsucker said that he thought that krill were li'l ole microscopic shrimp that baleen whales and such fed on. Leastways, he'd been brought up that way, so he wants ta know what the heck you loock like and if yer bigger than a li'l ole microscopic shrimp. So please be good enough to make this here statement into a question and answer it, thanks.

Next off, Pinkytoes ask if you had a, a, well, a rectum. 'Cause she suggested that you stick a finger or tenykel or whatever it is you use for digitizin up there and keep stickin' it up there 'til you hear a great big sucking sound and you disappear up your own arsehole.

This last one was greeted with great applause and catcalls and whoops. One of the older fellers, who was at Bastogne with McAuliffe, said that we should give you the same answer McAuliffe REALLY gave to the Germans. So, here's an answer from the Idaho Legion. I cleaned it up some.

"Go perform a headstand and stick your elbows up your fundament."

It's kinda like Pinkytoes idea, only more acrobatic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Omnipotent Krill
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 09:28 PM

I am The Omnipotent Krill! You have no power that can stand against me. I command the legions of Arcturus and the planetary hordes of Thoth. I hereby announce the imminent takeover of the Internet, which includes this pathetic forum. Since this thread is clearly the lynchpin of Mudcat Cafe, we are now commandeering it for the purpose of terrorizing you all into cringing obedience. Prepare to be dominated utterly and used for our inscrutable purposes.

We shall allow you a little time to assimilate this information, panic, and discuss it among yourselves hysterically, before submitting to our absolute rule.

The Omnipotent Krill has spoken!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harald Bearshirt
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM

(From Joe Odin: This, like the rest of this Guest's postings, was originally posted in Old Norse and has been translated into English by the Mudcat Translator, which also makes good mead and terrific coffee. Problems with meter, scansion, and poetic technique are the faults of the Translator, whch still had old coffee grounds in it, not the poet.)

Hrald am I, bravest berserker,
My shirt-name given me ages ago
When as a young man slew I a serpent,
Slew I a fjord-troll, took many men's heads.
I, son of Eyvind, thrice son of the One-Eyed,
Was given my Longtooth in fiery Muspell,
Handed my Longtooth by Tyr himself,
Pledged to him my bloodtroth, my life to his service,
E'en though he told me a boy would end mine.
Then served I jarls, kings and great chieftains,
A-viking I went, gaining much gold
Killing brave warriors, the battle-lust on me,
Longtooth gore dripping, bearded with blood.
At last I came, a battle-wise berserk,
Pledged to the King, Frodhi of Halfdan,
Son of the son of Frodhi the Peace God,
Hand-trothed to Frodhi, who his own brother killed.
One Yule we kept not at Leidhra, this Yule to Haven
And northward we went. Frodhi the Good, Frodhi the Peace-God,
Father of Halfdan he had raised this small hall
And there Frodhi of Halfdan went to celebrate Yule.
Came there close jarls, warriors and chieftains,
Hand-pledged, but Frodhi, at ease but untrusting,
All weapons he garnered, filling the forehall,
And his death and mine thereby assuring.
After the feasting came Heidh the witch-wife
Frodhi had brought her, wise-woman she was.
Saw she the doom that was e'en then approaching,
Helgi and Hroar, true sons of Halfdan.
Hroar and Helgi, called Hrani and Ham,
Feeders of swine, yet sons of the king,
Sons of Frodhi's brother, who was by Frodhi slain.
With help from their kinsmen, Saevil and Regin,
They fired the hall and there many did burn.
I, Harald, handpledged to Frodhi of Leidhra,
Was therein unarmed, my Longtooth in Fore-hall and stolen away.
Yellow-red flames ate at the timbers,
Armed men blocked the low doors, many they speared.
'Til I with a bench and a post from the highseat
The battle-lust on me, broke through the wall!
Many I beat down, the post brain-bespattered,
And then a young man before me appeared.
Wearing a helm that nearly fit him, a shield in his left
And Tyr-Gift firmly held in his right!
I howled, my blood boiling, my hair all up-standing,
For the blood of this stripling my own blood was lusting,
And I swung the throne-post to break in his skull.
Had the blow landed he would have been splattered
But he caught it on shield-edge and it shattered the shield.
Leaping he thrust over the bench that I carried,
And Longtooth bit deep into my neck. I fell then.
My blood, hot and a-boiling, spilt by Helgi, I his first man.
Darker my vision, thought the fire leapt higher,
Knew I that Frodhi was lost in the flames.
They called out the women, children and servants,
All these came out, but never the queen.
Sigridh the mother of Hroar and Helgi,
Forced into marriage with Frodhi Hafdan,
Sigridh appeared to her sons in the doorway
Then true to her marriage, returned to the flames.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jun 04 - 11:17 AM

List of things to do on Sunday:

water yard
buy cat food
hardware store, numerous items on list
send MOAB back up to the top


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 10:32 PM

Having a natural predisposition to brilliance, I have had a keen interest in this thread since the day of its creation. MOAB has at various times displayed such brilliance that one could hardly look upon it lest one be permanently blinded. Even its darkest moments have outshown the brightest moments of every other thread.

To the future, I look with great anticipation. I perceive a MOAB that has evolved beyond the cyber world of its present confines unto a living organism. Even further, I see a MOAB that evolves beyond the physical into the eternal. . . what? . . . Did I hear MOAB whisper "let there be light"?. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM

I have just finished Hans Askenasy's book Cannibalism: from sacrifice to survival and found it fascinating. Some forms of cannibalism -- especially those wherein a relative is eaten -- would seem to be simply a mark of familial respect, whereas those in which an honored companion is consumed as a mark of respect seem downright eat-a-pal.





No, damnit, I'm not sorry!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 05:31 PM

Aw, LH, that's not what I meant. Go run that on your ex-wannabe friend Shathead, or whatever his name is -- he could use the exercise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 04:37 PM

Does anyone else want to practice "tiny face" and "silent scream"?

It's great for the facial muscles. Try it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:31 AM

Awright you MOABers. You have been slacking off seriously, and you know it. No excuses.

I want a return to the glory days of REAL bullshit, IMPORTANT bullshit, I want BULLSHIT THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

To do less is to do disservice to the Mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:14 AM

3550!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM

..49


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 11:13 AM

counting down (or up?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 10:52 AM

Welcome back, RR! Off the wall as usual, and refreshingly different!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 03:32 AM

P.S. I forgot to mention....
Stay tuned for next week-ends edition of... viewing the face.... eyebrows first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 03:26 AM

Ironmule-Welcome and please feel free to participate in our week-end- "Get to see your body in a different view" week-end.
This week-end, we will view the feet.
Everyone , remove your shoes and stockings.
Bring your feet up together, (this is not only a good strech practice, but it will also air you out)
Now, look at your heels.
Imagine an ass.
An ass that can move cheek to cheek.
An ass that is supple and vibrant.
Let your heels be the ass.
Go with the flow.

This ends our session for the week-end of June 19-21, 2004.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 01:33 AM

Flash! Mother De-vaporizes!!


Completely Out of Steam



The Mother of All BS thread barely missed catastrophic fall-off late today, a fate it has not suffered through all its hundreds of incarnations. It ran completely out of steam, and was flaccid and dull for a half-dozen posts, during which time it nearly fell off the days' lists. Fortunately a stout-hearted regular, though bored and exhausted, managed to pull it back up with her last wrist-fillip before crawling off to an exhausted and mortified sleep.

Film at 11.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 04 - 12:09 AM

what a day. Best I can do is a neutral boost back up to the top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 12:05 PM

Couldn't think of anything funny to say, Ironmule? Ah well. Keep trying. You'll come up with something eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 07:27 AM

Okay, but why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 07:17 AM

yes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ironmule
Date: 18 Jun 04 - 12:46 AM

So, if a tree falls in the forest, and no woman is there to hear it, is it still the husband's fault?

Jeff Smith ;^)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 11:57 PM

Why don't you excuse yourself until you can breath normally?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 11:47 PM

Farradh gach fíor, is fuíoll níor fágadh,        
Dearbhadh díble ar Bhíobla an lá san        
Cúis dar ndóigh ná geobhaidh tú saor tríd,?        
Cnú na hóige dá feo le faolras        
Is easnamh daoine suite ar Éire?        
Do mheath led chuimhne an síolrach daonna;        
Is folamh is is tráite fágadh tíortha,        
An cogadh is an bás gan spás dá ndíogadh,        
Uabhar na ríthe is ar imigh thar sáile        
Nuair ná deineann sibh tuilleadh ina n-áit díobh.        
Is náir d'bhur n-iomad gan siorrach gan síolrach        
Is mná ina muirear ar muir is ar tíortha,        
Connsaí chorpartha is borracaí óga,        
Is bonsaí bhrothallach fola agus feola,
Lóistigh liosta agus leigithí shásta        
Is mórgaigh shioscaithe d'imigh i bhásta;        
Is trua gan toircheas stollairí den tsort seo,        
Is trua gan tórmach brollaigh is bóta iad,        
Is minic iad ullamh an focal dá bhfaighidís        
Ag titim dá mogaill is molaimse a bhfoighne.        

                                     --Merriman


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 10:52 PM

Ach, Rapaire....I really appreciate the chance to review this classic bit of humor. It reminds me of some really great times past, swapping jokes with you. Musta been...what....five months ago??   :>))

How time flies when you are having fun. Since I reused the Navy Goat it is only fair, I suppose.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 09:36 PM

Damn, and here I wanted to see a couple of guys standing better than fifty meters apart, swinging great big chain saws.

Oh well.

Here's something else, instead:

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital during the
Great War. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a
number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to
examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa' yer
sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak
your place, painch tripe or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as
lang's my arm."
    The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient,
and immediately the patient launches into: "Some hae meat, and canna
eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit."
    This continues with the next patient: "Wee sleekit cow'rin
tim'rous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start
awa sae hasty, Wi bickering brattle I wad be laith to run and chase
thee, Wi murdering prattle!"
    "Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see
you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."
    "Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the
Serious Burns unit."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 09:31 PM

I am pleased to observe, however, that I have finally gotten Little Hawk's goat, which he most richly deserves.

Nice to see they are letting Canadians use familiars from the armed forces over here. A good exercise in diplomacy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 08:55 PM

I am so tempted to fall into this lizard brained chest thumping hairy-chested glare-fight. But I am of a higher order, and I don't resort to violence to resolve issues of verbal behavior. Sorry.

LH, if you find the plane of Agreed-Upon Reality, do let me know. We can use it as a starting point and evolve a wonderful understanding about something or other. I look forward to that point in your evolutionary advance.

Very best regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 07:43 PM

Ha! Amos is no doubt shaking in his little booties. I am ready for the challenge, yes, chafing at the bit. I will atomize his California oranges and defoliate his peach groves and leave him totally fruitless!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 07:14 PM

No, no! It is a duel au signal. One of the seconds, chosen by lot, will clap once and both will raise arms. Three seconds later, s/he will clap again and aim will be taken. Upon the third clap, three seconds after the second, both parties will fire at the same time.

If anyone is standing after the first fire, the seconds will determine if the principals (Amos and LH) are equal by having the principals "whip it out and prove it." If the principals do not agree to this, a second fire will be performed, and so on and so on and so on and so on, etc. ad nauseum.

Should both still be standing after the forty-third fire and no reconciliation is yet possible, the principals will have at it with chain saws having blades at least thirty-six inches in length, from the same distance from which the fires were done. This will continue until the principals are pooped.

Note: no provision is made for powder, shot, or gasoline (petrol).


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