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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rustic Rebel 02 Apr 04 - 11:40 PM
Amos 02 Apr 04 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 04 - 06:29 PM
Amos 02 Apr 04 - 02:31 PM
Acme 02 Apr 04 - 12:11 AM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 04 - 04:52 PM
GUEST,G-Aunt Tillie 01 Apr 04 - 03:58 PM
Acme 01 Apr 04 - 03:42 PM
Amos 01 Apr 04 - 12:26 PM
GUEST 01 Apr 04 - 11:35 AM
Acme 01 Apr 04 - 11:08 AM
Acme 01 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,MMario 01 Apr 04 - 10:25 AM
GUEST 01 Apr 04 - 09:17 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Apr 04 - 09:09 AM
Amos 01 Apr 04 - 08:10 AM
Rustic Rebel 01 Apr 04 - 02:26 AM
Amos 01 Apr 04 - 01:20 AM
Acme 31 Mar 04 - 11:16 PM
Amos 31 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 04 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 04 - 06:23 PM
Amos 31 Mar 04 - 06:18 PM
Acme 31 Mar 04 - 03:30 PM
GUEST 31 Mar 04 - 10:34 AM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 04 - 10:27 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 04 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 04 - 09:23 AM
Amos 30 Mar 04 - 11:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Mar 04 - 11:03 PM
Acme 30 Mar 04 - 10:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Mar 04 - 10:51 PM
Cheap Tracks 30 Mar 04 - 10:27 PM
GUEST,Reverend Raspberry 30 Mar 04 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 04 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 04 - 08:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Mar 04 - 08:17 PM
Amos 30 Mar 04 - 04:14 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 04 - 03:32 PM
GUEST,Shlio 30 Mar 04 - 01:09 PM
Amos 30 Mar 04 - 12:59 PM
GUEST,MMario 30 Mar 04 - 09:13 AM
Amos 30 Mar 04 - 12:06 AM
Amos 29 Mar 04 - 09:06 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 04 - 09:03 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Mar 04 - 07:57 AM
Amos 29 Mar 04 - 12:18 AM
Little Hawk 29 Mar 04 - 12:10 AM
Acme 29 Mar 04 - 12:06 AM
Rapparee 28 Mar 04 - 11:03 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 11:40 PM

You know I'm always in on a ride like that one. I like the idea of a glowing green monitor on glistening nakedness.

Stilly I'm glad my post made you feel poetic on such a fine spring day!

Now what did I do with my North Decoder ring? Oh, and Dr. Raspberry, do you come with cream?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 07:05 PM

I am sure the poem can and should be extended to include EGA, VGA, RBG, and WTFO monitors as well as flat screen and (when they arrive) 3D hologramic monitors. Bear in mind that Playgummer was writing at the turn of the last century and even brilliant and visionary poets can't be expected to get all the details right.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 06:29 PM

Well, I would ride my chair buck naked by the monitor's green glow, only I use a color monitor and it keeps changing colors. Would that be okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 02:31 PM

Come all ye loyal MOAB sons
And all MOAB daughters, too
And never let the scorn of others
Have a bad effect on you.

You may ride your chair buck naked
By the monitor's green glow
And never wear a stitch while here,
And no-one else need know!

So fear no bad opinion
Nor fussywussy wives
But follow MOABS freeing light
And live your own free lives.

The gossips and the bitches
Let them whisper where they will
And ride your keyboard starkers,
For the MOAB standeth still!

And for your freedom standeth tall
And evermore will do!
The MOAB's torch will never fall,
Held high by folks like you.


(Songs of Proud MOAB, 1899, Charles Whistlestop Playgummer, Rochester, NY)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 12:11 AM

Oh, geez, he's b-aaa-c-k. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 04:52 PM

What can be more pitiable than someone who refers to someone else as a "pitiful imatator(sic)"?

We don't "imatate" nor do we mutate. No siree. We boldly go where no one has gone before!!! (hint, hint)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,G-Aunt Tillie
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 03:58 PM

I have just heard that Father has filed for divorce

My prayers have been answered. Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish I say! Should have gotton rid of him long ago - the only good thing he has ever done he never acknowledge, poor little bastard child with a father that tries to pretend he doesn't exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 03:42 PM

MOAB likes being on top. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 12:26 PM

I have always been a little bit phobiaphobic -- bellieving not only that we have nothing to fear but fear itself, following the thinking of Franklin Roosevelt, but furthermore, believing with the estimable Doctor Jekyle of London that we have nothing to hide but hyde itselfe.

And by the way I have just heard that Father has filed for divorce.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 11:35 AM

Now the foab-ics have had the nerve to introduce ilk into their conversation. the nerve!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 11:08 AM

BTW--the originator of the second poem used an excessive number of quote marks. It's incorrect, but in the name of copying their poem exactly, I left them in place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM

It's such a beautiful spring day today, and Rustic Rebel's post reminds me of a poem I enjoy, so I shall post it. Feel free to skip it if you have something else you'd rather be doing:

Father William

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door -
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth; "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to this stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!

------------From "Alice and Wonderland"
   
And no contribution at Mudcat would be complete without a parody (even though the Lewis Carroll poem is actually a parody in itself):

Parody: Father William

"You are old, Robert Dole," said a charming young lad,
"And by rights you should fade from attention;
"Yet I see you on TV most nights of the week--
"How do you stay so famous? pray mention!"

"In my youth," said the Senator, cracking a grin,
"I thought deep on political virtues;
"But that's dull. Those tax-policy meetings wore thin--
"It's more fun to just make commercials."

"You're old," said the boy," and it seems quite a reach
"To imagine you waxing gymnastic;
"Yet you turned a back somersault there on the beach--
"What led you to motions so drastic?"

"In my youth," said Bob Dole, "I drank nothing but Coke,
"Which rendered my limbs quite inert;
"But now I drink Pepsi, I prance and I joke,
"Play hopscotch, blow bubbles, and flirt."

"You are old, Father Bob, one would scarcely suppose
"That your dong was as potent as ever;
"Yet you have fine erections, as everyone knows--
"What made you so awfully clever?"

"In my youth," said old Robert, "I ran with the girls,
"And exhausted my membrum virile;
"But now, with the help of these versatile pills,
"There's nothing as firm as my willie."

"You are old, Father Robert," the young man said,
"Like Carter, or Ford, or Bush Senior.
"Unlike them, you shill for considerable bread--
"Do you think, sir, that you are a wiener?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said Bob Dole, "you're a regular baiter.
"I've endorsements to do. I've no time for such stuff.
"You want purity? Interview Nader."

------------From someone in the UTA English Department


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 10:25 AM

to answer a question put on the foab thread - (pitiful imatator that it is)

should you be your own grandfather your are a multi-generational autofoab-ic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:17 AM

MOM's on top! MOM's on top!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:09 AM

By the way, as discussed before, the proper pronunciation of the acronym for this thread "MOAB" is "moe-ab". The proper prounciation of the upstart thread's acronym "FOAB", is "fobe" and its regular contributors should be reffered to as "FOABics".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 08:10 AM

Jeu des pommes ou jeu des roses
Dans leurs coeurs ils sont tous sauvages
Dans les plus hautes branches
Les rossignol rient, mais en peur pour leurs ages.

Welcome back, RR! Heliumination can be resolved thoguh the practice of ordinary breathing and continuing to notice locations where one is being.

A simple but certain rememdy as long as you first discontinue the exposure to heliumination.

Like many Fathers in this weary world, the Father thread is a weak substitute indeed and should not be counted on.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 02:26 AM

Helium. That's what I said.
Helium, makes my hair turn red.
What ever it is, going on around here,
makes me want to stand up and ....
say helium. Oh please get me out of here before I am tracked down, spinned around, associated and contemplated, as a member of who,
else could it be besides you,..
and me, I confess I can't see, when I'm heliumnated.
That's what I say... Heliumnated, no other way...
Heliumnated.

Hi all you people of the bullshit hour. What's happening? I see we have a father image now and that's quite comforting to those of us that need a father image in our lives.
I only have one problem with that thread though....
Non of the fuckers know how to spell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 01:20 AM

Oh, no -- our threadity here is bounded by, at a maximum, 6 or 8 posts. The fact that some bizarre inner melding has kept us loyal to a single thread is purely coinkidents.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 11:16 PM

I wish more would follow Little Hawk's lead on other threads, though. There's too much out there lately to try to read through to get to the end of so many of them. One risks a faux-pas by going straight to the end and posting. At least here, I don't feel any such obligation. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM

Little Hawk, that's cheating!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:28 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:23 PM

But, but...nothing's too good for Mother!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 06:18 PM

You Guys Are Much Too Good for This place!!

Love,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 03:30 PM

Just wanted to join in and send a secret message also!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 10:34 AM

Mothers have better immune systems then fathers - also more endurance. and longer life expectancy.

did you know the one of the few hereditary links to Alzhiemers is that statistically the older the FATHER at conception the more likely a person is to have alzheimers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 10:27 AM

Oh my gosh! It apeaprs taht an isndiuois vrius has etnered the MOBAS! Waht sahll we do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 09:24 AM

Reverend Raspberry, before I say "Yeah, okay" to that I'll have to ask my wife.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 04 - 09:23 AM

My secret message showed up as white letters on a blue background. Was that the right one? If it was, the delivery will be tomorrow night, Bee-Dubya. Usual place on the beach, usual time, send this message in Morse Code for the password -- the response will be "OK."

"I am not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son, and I'll continue plucking pheasants 'til the pheasant plucking's done."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 11:37 PM

BWL:

Did you spell that wrong?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 11:03 PM

SECRET MESSAGE for Reverend Raspberry follows:

THHHHHPPPPPPPTTTTTT!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 10:53 PM

Wow, indeed! From what I know about a "three way swing" (I think I came across the term in a Jacqueline Susann novel) this is far more pomp and circumstance than is usually called for.

If I were you three, I'd check into that nom-de-plume. I think (based on tbe last line) that William Shatner might have stepped in as the Rev. Raspberry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 10:51 PM

Well, since nobody found the SECRET DECODER RINGS, I guess I'll have to post the SECRET of the SECRET MESSAGES here.

To make a SECRET MESSAGE, just use the html tag "font color=white". You can't see it 'cause it's white against a white background. Sorta like a polar bear in a snowstorm, huh? To look at it, just hold your left mouse button down and drag your cursor over the empty area. The message will show up as blue.

Another SECRET MESSAGE follows:

THIS IS A SECRET MESSAGE!!! IF YOU ARE NOT A MOABITE YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS READING IT!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Cheap Tracks
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 10:27 PM

Wow.

He who shall, so shall he who.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Reverend Raspberry
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 09:57 PM

Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today to witness the joining of Mr. Bullshitter to Mr. Bullshitter to Mr. Bullshitter.
Never in the history of mankind has there been such a union known. A union of such significance should not be taken lightly, although it being rather askew and sanctimonious, non-the-less, it will alter all man's perception of holy unions in the future, therefore in it's uniqueness, let us go forward with celebration and joy.

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are three persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years, May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.

"Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficult and fear assail your relationship - as they threaten all relationships at one time or another - remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives - remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight."

Rings

Kisses

I now pronounce you a union of three Bullshitters. Live long and prosper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 08:50 PM

BS: The Father of all BS Threads 42   30 Mar 04 - 08:48 PM         Trace
BS: The Mother of all BS threads 2441* 30 Mar 04 - 08:47 PM

Did it! But Pop was on top, so I had to do this so Mom would be on top. This way Mom can hop on top of Pop. (Why do I keep wanting to type "Poop"?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 08:47 PM

I found my directional ones, yes, the North and South decoders.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 08:17 PM

Did anyone ever find the SECRET DECODER RINGS? I'm only asking because I just learned how to send SECRET MESSAGES and I wanted to encode the procedure for sending and decoding them into the SECRET DECODER RINGS so people like Tweed could read them.

SECRET MESSAGE follows:

If the town "Nantucket" had been named "Silver", there would be a helluva lot fewer lymericks.

Yeah, I know it's not very profound, but what did you expect? It's a SECRET MESSAGE, not great friggin' wisdom!


Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 04:14 PM

Ain't that the way it always goes??

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 03:32 PM

At the moment, the only thing keeping the Father thread from MOAB is the one about water at festivals. Since you'd probably share water at a festival, it can truly be said that what's keeping Father from Mother is passing water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 01:09 PM

BS has traditionally reproduced asexually, it is true. But with the advent of the virginity thread , I'd guess the mother is learning a few things!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 12:59 PM

Everyone knows that BS doesn't require a mate to reproduce

We profit greatly from instruction
On how "bull" reaches reproduction.
I'm glad to know it's no illusion
That mostly, it depends on fusion!
And no amount of idle wishin'
Will make it multiply through fission!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 09:13 AM

Everyone knows that BS doesn't require a mate to reproduce - What is this with the "Father" thread. BS is parthenogenetic - it reproduces by fission, the shedding of particles which then grow on their own and by spontaneous generation!

I suspect the whole "Father" thread thing is an effort of the current administration to further the "sanctity" of marriage and the nuclear family unit as defined by their own interpretation!!!!

since this verges on the non-BS I will now depart, having suitably expressed my outrage at this human interfernece in the natural reproductive habits of BS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 12:06 AM

To cleave to Mother I would rather;
But someone went and started Father.
Now "BS" has a family Unit
Which really fucks things up -- now doon'it?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 09:06 AM

Death isn't the deciding factor. No -- there IS "being" thoughout.

I'm not qualified for the sisyphus award, really -- I am not that fond of rock and roll.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 09:03 AM

Never thought of that, Bee-dubya, but with some of the kids I know it wouldn't be a bad idea. Their parents, too.

And I only gave the Sissy to SRS in only one category. I have no problem with Amos getting it as "Best Heavy Roller" or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 07:57 AM

Dang! I've been gone all weekend except for a brief check-in and I was wanting to respond to Amos' post "So am I the appointed heavy lifter these days?" by giving him the Sisyphus Award. Then I get here and Rap's already given it to SRS.

Shouldn't "Send the kids to be...." be "Send the kids to become...."? Aren't we becoming right up until the moment of death? Surely SRS isn't suggesting we off the kids!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 12:18 AM

LOL!! For me, it was the Episopalian minister accompanying my mother and arriving unexpectedly. Don't even remember why?!! But it was a hasty retreat at a tender age; and I still argue for Bergsonian. Rousseau being entirely too serious!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 12:10 AM

I mildly disapprove of all the foregoing...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 12:06 AM

Of course, you could both be on the wrong track entirely. We were just practicing our Shakespeare. Hamlet. A little soliloquizing.

To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 04 - 11:03 PM

A "Camus clause" sounds like someone who visits at Christmas.

"Send the kids to be..." sounds more Rosseauean to me -- blank slate all that. The promise of youth, inherently unfinished...ah, I remember some unfinished things from my youth...I wonder if she finally got dressed or if even now she is awaiting my return...damned inconvenient for her father to arrive that way, fresh from duck hunting and with a shotgun in hand...I almost sprained my ankle diving out the window...good thing I saved my pants, though...well, perhaps I go see when I go back that way next...oh, wait, she'd be about as old as I am now...I'm still a kid, but she'd be an old lady, probably...nah, I'll let her keep her fond memories of me....


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