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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 21 Mar 04 - 08:19 AM
Amos 21 Mar 04 - 12:33 AM
Acme 21 Mar 04 - 12:31 AM
GUEST,Dee Keednappers 20 Mar 04 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 04 - 10:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Mar 04 - 09:29 PM
Little Hawk 20 Mar 04 - 08:02 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 04 - 07:39 PM
Amos 20 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,Dee Keednappers 20 Mar 04 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 20 Mar 04 - 10:12 AM
Tweed 20 Mar 04 - 09:13 AM
GUEST,Shlio 20 Mar 04 - 06:52 AM
GUEST,Shlio 20 Mar 04 - 06:40 AM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 06:13 PM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 03:03 PM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 08:45 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Mar 04 - 03:04 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 04 - 04:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Mar 04 - 12:51 PM
Amos 18 Mar 04 - 10:39 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 04 - 08:40 AM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 04 - 06:39 PM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 12:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Mar 04 - 12:46 PM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 11:59 AM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 04 - 08:53 AM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 04 - 08:49 AM
Rustic Rebel 17 Mar 04 - 05:09 AM
Amos 15 Mar 04 - 10:13 AM
Amos 15 Mar 04 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 15 Mar 04 - 08:57 AM
Rustic Rebel 14 Mar 04 - 11:56 PM
Amos 14 Mar 04 - 10:13 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 04 - 09:04 PM
GUEST,Thetis and Kalypso 14 Mar 04 - 08:48 PM
Amos 14 Mar 04 - 02:42 PM
Tweed 14 Mar 04 - 02:25 PM
Amos 14 Mar 04 - 02:01 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 04 - 01:33 PM
Amos 14 Mar 04 - 01:03 PM
Tweed 14 Mar 04 - 12:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 08:19 AM

Khandu plays guitar better than Bob Dylan or William Shatner. Khandu sings better than Bob Dylan or William Shatner. Only problem is khandu is a fan of both Bob Dylan and William Shatner so he probably wouldn't want either one of them to sacrifice on his behalf. Maybe the kidnappers would be amenable to further negotiations. Let's offer 'em Keith Richard. Hell, by all rights he should have been dead years ago so it wouldn't be a great loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 12:33 AM

Shatner's the best deal.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 12:31 AM

If we give you 11 million, will you keep him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dee Keednappers
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 11:18 PM

Jou sheetbirds only weesh wee had your Keeng khandu een Toleedo, Spain! Sorry, but jou guessed wrong! Ees Toleedo, Ohio! Ees reely dee asshole of dee Junited States. Maybee dee asshole of dee whole fookin' world. Great place to keep asshole like khandu!

Hokay! Here's dee deal. Wee want ten meelion of jour US dollars to geeve thees khandu prick back to jou. Eef jou cannot come up with ten meelion dollars, wee might consider a hostage exchange. Wee will geeve khandu to jou if jou weel give us William Shatner or Bob Deelan in exchange. Ees fair deel, no?

Seegnal jour acceptance of our terms by typing the word "uncle" someplace in dee next ten posts to thees thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:48 PM

Yeah, I'll go to the one in Spain. As far as I know I've never been to Spain. Can we snag a C-141 Starlifter? I'll bring the whole Idaho Legion if we can. They've never been to Spain either, although they do frequent some Mexican restaurants and drink tequila (well, they do -- they also drink paint thinner, squeeze Sterno, and make their own from ingredients I can't bring myself to describe).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 09:29 PM

Errrr... Judging from the accents of the kidnappers, it may be possible that our King is being held in Toledo Spain! No way to know for certain until they place their ransom demands, but if it is Toledo, Spain, I'll go. I've never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music. They say the ladies are insane there, and they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it. Never gonna lose it. I can't refuse it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 08:02 PM

Yeah. Ohio is the state that contains Spaw. Avoid the place, I say! However, to save Khandu I would be willing to go almost anywhere. But not Schenectady. Or Blind River.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 07:39 PM

I dunno if it's worth going to Toledo to save Khandu. I mean, LA or Manhattan would be bad enough, but Toledo?

Unless it's not the one in Ohio?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM

Khandu? Has he been away????

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dee Keednappers
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:31 AM

Si, jou eempeerialeest Yankee scum! Wee hab jour Keeng khandu! Ees not een no steenkin' Cleeveland though, jou dumbass buncha Greengo twits! Ees een fookin' Toleedo! Jou weel never find heem!

We weel advize jou of our ransom deemands for thees worthless sack of Meessisseeppee sheet een our next post. Start savin' jour pesos jou buncha broke-deek assholes or jou weel never see jour Keeng ageen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:12 AM

Tweed, could he be being held hostage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Surely he wouldn't go there voluntarily.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 09:13 AM

Yore right,Shlyoo abouf the BS rollin' around like the tide. It coats the shoreline obv Mudcat with foam an' froff and obv coars ef yore mama's name iz Benito Juarez then I guess yore right about Mother's day bein' tomorrow too!

Welcome to MOAB, Where nobobby gits out alive....except for Khing Khnawbag hizzelf. He haz made himself unusurly scarce obv late an' I fear he hav been khidnapped off to Cleveland or somewhar equarly obvscur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 06:52 AM

And a reminder - Mother's Day tomorrow


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 06:40 AM

And still the BS comes pourin' out.

I thought Khandu was trying to be a kinda physician, applying MOAB leeches to the cat to draw the BS out. But the leeches are gorgin' and can't be detached...And still the BS keeps comin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 06:20 PM

I'm witchoo, pal -- we oughta adopt the slogan:

MOAB--
We Do Humility Right!!!




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 06:13 PM

Amos, you know that I'm proud of my humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 03:03 PM

For those of you who are easily intimidated by Morphemes of Mass Destruction, I offer the follow:

Anapsid: primitive reptile having no opening in the temporal region of the skull; all extinct except turtles

(www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn)

Now, Rapaire, even the most solipsistic creation must have some purpose in its invention, and mine is to remind you of the benefits of humility and the bloody terrors of Hubris. How do I know this? That's how you invented me to know.

So tread softly good friend, lest you make my task burdensome, strenuous, or even bloody. This may bring a whole new dimension to the phrase "shoot self in foot".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 02:59 PM

For those of you who are easily intimidated by Morphemes of Mass Destruction, I offer the follow:

Anapsid: primitive reptile having no opening in the temporal region of the skull; all extinct except turtles

(www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn)

Now, Rapaire, even the most solipsistic creation must have some purpose in its invention, and mine is to remind you of the benefits of humility and the bloody terrors of Hubris. How do I know this? That's how you invented me to know.

So tread softly good friend, lest you make my task burdensome, strenuous, or even bloody. This may bring a whole new dimension to the phrase "shoot self in foot".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 12:21 PM

I created William Shatner. And yes, I'm ashamed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM

Would ANY of us exist without William Shatner?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM

Aw, Amos, you describe me to a tee. I kinda like bein' a minicephalic narssisic idiosyncratic solipsist. So that being the case, don't forget that without me you don't exist.

Thank whatever gods may be I'm not anapsid! I still have an open mind!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 09:55 AM

Geeze Rapaire! First you threaten to give away your own sister to these pinkos. Then you threaten to send me to them, without any prior consultation or consent. This verges on the narcissistic!! Not to mention idiosyncratic, minicephalic solipsism! Do you know how much it would cost you to send me? I ain't cheap, but I always deliver. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 08:45 AM

RR, I've been getting email like that recently....

If it would keep 'em away from me, I'd send 'em Amos. That'd fix 'em up good, lemme tell ya. Or better yet, Spaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 03:04 AM

Oh Rapaire, do not denounce your blood for either of the, blood sucking , non-orgasmic- re-introducing the pig blood-into your exisence, mother flogging, want to get into your pantaloom, matriarch nipple sucking, clan, from the other side of being altruismly really wanting to suck on the patriarchal tit.


Spelling doesn't count tonight for me just get my drift okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:54 PM

I'll GIVE them my sister! As long as they don't come after me I'll even give 'em my brothers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 12:51 PM

Like many other genetically inherited diseases, Republicanism often skips a generation. Many Democratic children of Republican parents have been deluded into thinking that the chain was broken - that the family curse had been exorcised - only to have their own children grow up to be flagrant Republicans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 10:39 AM

If we let them marry, they may come after our sisters. This has got to be stopped. The editors of NURTURE are a bunch of pinko faggot commy bastards.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 08:40 AM

Just discovered:

Scientists discover that Republicanism is hereditary....

The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle.

Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans'
unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle.

Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After all,"said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican." The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never freely choose that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich, you know."

Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just a phase they were going through.

The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products of the same parents and family dynamics.

A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so. Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with Republicanism.

Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating
conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy.

If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical
stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their political beliefs.

For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

But should they be allowed to marry?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:03 PM

OK, ok -- I tale it back. You guys are arguably NOT the best on the Whole PLanet. Or the whole planet. It is much too complex.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 06:39 PM

Watch it with the multi-grain bread, Amos. According to the American Heritage Dictionary (Fruit: 1a The ripened ovary or ovaries of a seed-bearing plant, together with accessory parts, containing the seeds and occurring in a wide variety of forms. b. An edible, usually sweet and fleshy form of such a structure. c. A part or an amount of such a plant product, served as food: fruit for dessert. 2. The fertile, often spore-bearing structure of a plant that does not bear seeds.) each loaf might actually be a fruit.

And if the Holeians did what they do to poor ol' Bee-Dubya...no, I hope that they did not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 12:57 PM

Sorry, BWL -- I meant "this whole planet". The Whole Planet is something else -- it is where 7-grain bread comes from, I think.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 12:46 PM

I beg your pardon, Amos! I, personally, am from the Planet Earth. I have never even visited the Whole Planet. Err... To the best of my knowledge, that is. Memories relative to some of those alien abductions are a bit foggy so it's possible I have been to the Whole Planet and simply don't recall it. Or maybe the Wholeians intentionally blocked the memory. Soldered a few synapses shut and such. I can't imagine why, though. What could there possibly be about the Whole Planet that they wouldn't want people to remember....

OH MY GOD!!!!


I remember something about it now! It's not the Whole Planet! It's the Hole Planet! It's where the anal probers come from! The little green fuckers who stick their nefarious devices up unsuspecting abductees assholes!

AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!


I think I'll go lie down now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 11:59 AM

This thread is an absolute crackup. You guys are arguably among the best people on the Whole Planet.

Love,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:59 AM

Aw, dear RR -- I love you too, but dinna be ensorcelled by the letters on your screen!! I have bad habts!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:53 AM

Botanically, pumpkins are fruit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:49 AM

Imagine Rod Stewart singing:

"Have I told you lately...I can't stand you?
Have I told you lately...you're a drip?

And so on...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 05:09 AM

Now just hold on a minute. I bring up melons of the moon and everybody runs with it. I bring up the pumpkin under Little Hawk's kimono and the thread dies? What is up with that?
Are we all vegetable verses fruit bias? Or is it just a man thing?
Personally I think the comparison of the fruits verses the vegetable thing is quite adaptable for this conversation as it stands,
Oh' Little Hawk, I want to see your pumpkin under the full moon light. Make it shine as bright as an orange.
And if you cannot go for this thought, I will say no more of this porange.

A false attempt at putting a rhyme to orange, and an even more false attempt at keeping this thread at the top of the page, but I ask you all,
Does it really matter what we talk about on this thread? I think not. As long as we don't have a continuing conversation about Bill Shatner, I think we are doing just fine.
Rustic

P>S> Amos, have I told you lately that I love you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 10:13 AM

the irght cvourse = the right course. Yptos lsay me!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:59 AM

RR:

Don't take it. Leave it alone. I promiose you this is the irght cvourse of action. Walk away from it, slowly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:57 AM

Gee whillikers! Could Thetis and Kalypso be torch singers from Chicago?

You know, very few female folksingers have a breathy voice and sort of exude while hanging over the piano or microphone. And even fewer where dresses that are sprayed on, except for the decolletage. I wonder why that is?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 11:56 PM

So Litle Hawk has a pazooza the size of a pumpkin pushing out of his wooden kimono I take it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 10:13 PM

Ya know, Leedle Hack, that there is some fine writing, artistry of the first order; and by all rights I should be entranced by it except for one detail. Viz, I have been priorly ensorcelled by the sultry invitations being wafted in my direction, like cosmic pheromones, by the fair Sireens, Thetis and Kalypso .

Hence, even and you wrte in the hand of David himself, I have no eyes fir your mortal prose, for I am called by the lust of Divinity itself. Forgive me, ole pal!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 09:04 PM

Found some of Mr. Chongo's scribblings today. From his old journal. It goes as follows...

I'll never forget March 13, 1943. That was the day when Eggs Benedict, the slipperiest con man
in the midwest, got chilled off by a few bolts of Chicago lighting. This bird had an alderman the
size of a pumpkin pushin'outa his vest from chuggin' too much hooch on payday. Now it was fulla holes. His moll was a skinny dame who worked as a torcher at one of them dives out on the
lakeshore. One thing I'll say, though, she had nice pins. She had no idea the North Side Gorillas were
fittin' her bo for a wooden kimono until the poor sap took a full clip in the pazooza.. There was
this trigger man named Doolan hangin' around by the meat wagon when they took out the stiff. I
made the guy the moment I saw him. He was from the Cleveland mob. A nasty lookin' mug with
a mush you don't forget, but you sorta wish you could. You hadda know this guy was
packin'some heavy heat. I seen him wave his mitt at the two torpedoes who done the hit in the
gin joint. Word was, there was a whole lotta mazuma up for grabs after Fat Freddy kicked off,
and the North Side boys was plannin' a knockover. Hatchetmen all over town. You could smell
it, like a storm comin'.   This meant trouble, but it also meant business in all probability, and
business is good. Ya gotta take what you can get in this town. Good whisky ain't gettin' any
cheaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thetis and Kalypso
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 08:48 PM

Hey, guys,

We don't sound like that at all. Ulysses liked our songs, as have a lot of other men and women. Our sister Ionone even has a career in the music business and has done quite well for herself -- she has quite a following singing under her stage name of Brittany Spears. And Jennifer Lopez -- the one you all call "J. Lo" -- has a real name as well.

They're the worst singers of the bunch, and even they admit it.

And as for those Parisian ladies Amos was going on about, well, Amos baby, try us on and you'll never want to come up for air.

Love,

K & T


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 02:42 PM

RIght-oh, Sir Tweed; I thought I had approximated it with my onomatapoetic construction "waahhhBWAH" but I think on reflection that it depends on whether you ar elistening to them from the street (where hawwwHEEEEEE is definitely a closer approximation of the reality) or from across the Seine ensconced in a third-=floor hotel room and wrapped in the tangled embrace of an auburn-haired jewel-eyed, velvet-tongued demoiselle with her thighs over your earlobes...under which circumstances it is definitely kind of closer to "waahhhBWAH" "waahhhBWAH" !

Or so I am told.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 02:25 PM

Amos, a Parizhun sireen go hawwwHEEEEEE hawwwwHEEEEEE....sort obv like a mule played backwards you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 02:01 PM

ROTFLMAO!! Who'd a thunk we'd have typographic onomatopoetics contest imitating SIreens, of all things!! LOL!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 01:33 PM

Maybe, since they're water nymphs, they go AHWOOGA! AHWOOGA! like the old WW2 submarines did when they dived.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 01:03 PM

They go waahhhBWAHwaaaaahBWAHwaaaaahBWAH, like Parisian sireens.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 12:01 PM

Yaz,yaz, but do you go...HOOOOOOooooEEEEE..... or are you them French soundin' Cloozo-type sireens?


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