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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 03 - 01:57 PM
GUEST 25 Aug 03 - 12:26 PM
Amos 25 Aug 03 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 25 Aug 03 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 03 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 03 - 08:50 AM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 03 - 11:23 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 03 - 10:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 03 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 03 - 09:20 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 03 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 03 - 07:48 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 03 - 06:13 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 03 - 05:14 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 03 - 04:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 03 - 01:46 PM
GUEST,The Deity 24 Aug 03 - 01:03 PM
Amos 24 Aug 03 - 12:25 PM
GUEST,GALACTIC OVERLORD 24 Aug 03 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 03 - 11:31 AM
GUEST,Mrs. Bee 23 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM
Amos 22 Aug 03 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 03 - 09:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Aug 03 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 03 - 03:33 PM
GUEST,MMario 22 Aug 03 - 03:06 PM
GUEST,"Debbie Earl" 22 Aug 03 - 02:52 PM
GUEST,MMario 22 Aug 03 - 11:24 AM
Amos 22 Aug 03 - 11:07 AM
GUEST 22 Aug 03 - 10:45 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Aug 03 - 10:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Aug 03 - 09:57 AM
GUEST,mmARIO 22 Aug 03 - 09:34 AM
GUEST,freds 22 Aug 03 - 09:24 AM
Amos 22 Aug 03 - 09:23 AM
GUEST,MMario 22 Aug 03 - 08:52 AM
Amos 21 Aug 03 - 11:58 PM
Rustic Rebel 21 Aug 03 - 10:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Aug 03 - 09:44 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 03 - 05:43 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 03 - 02:38 PM
GUEST,MMario 21 Aug 03 - 01:09 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 03 - 12:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Aug 03 - 08:48 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 03 - 08:23 AM
Liz the Squeak 21 Aug 03 - 01:58 AM
Tweed 20 Aug 03 - 11:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Aug 03 - 10:22 PM
Tweed 20 Aug 03 - 07:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 01:57 PM

Colonel Hawk,

Intelligence sources have reported the deployment of yet another cadre of anti-Martian troops over on this thread. Yes, the Mudcat Commandos under the leadership of Sargent Kat have been brought into the fray. Between Colonel Hawk and Sargent Kat, Tweetybird and Foghorn Leghorn don't stand a chance! However, whether or not you've got enough between you to put a whoop-ass on those Care Bears is still kind of iffy, especially since rumors abound of a new secret alliance between the Care Bears and this guy. (And we all know that Sargent Kat doesn't have a very good track record against giant mice.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 12:26 PM

there is a theory that s*it is NOT the waste product of the digestive system - rather that it is a symbiotic life form . the reason most organisms regularly produce deposits of sh*t is that in reproducing the symbiote has neccessitated more living space then available and part is expelled. Under rare conditions this species can exist outside of a host body - reproduceing by spontaneous generation


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 12:21 PM

Gets deeper and deeper, don't it? Hmmm.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 11:34 AM

You're on the right track, Rapaire, my lad! Now bear down, grit yer teeth, and do what must be done. If ya want some inspiration, watch a few old John Wayne movies, like "Sands of Iwo Jima". And remember this: there is NOTHING wrong with using WMD's and slaughtering millions of foreigners/savages as long as they are the Bad Guys and you are the Good Guys...and we are! Make no mistake about that, pilgrim.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 09:12 AM

Colonel!

A question, sir! A bunch of the troops, the ones who call themselves "The Cleary's Grove Boys," want to use WMDs. Sir, isn't it against the Geneva Convention, the Hague Conventions on Land Warfare, and human decency to create and use a musical group composed of castenets, ukuleles, accordions, bodhrans, bagpipes, a lute, and a grand piano?

The explosion warn't nothin'. Just some of the lads and lassies foolin' around. High spirits, you know. Pre-action hijinks. Don't worry about it. No big thing. And I'm certain we'll find most of the body parts eventually. Just a bit more paperwork, that's all. I have stopped the issue of hand grenades and have begun issuing water balloons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 08:50 AM

Morning Report, 25 August 2003, 0645 or so MDT.

Okay, Colonel. Almost half of the troops are assembled, and nearly everyone remembered to bring their firelocks. Some even remembered to bring powder and shot, but I had it taken away until they sober up. They didn't go home after being dismissed last night, but instead spent the night playing "Go Fish" and drinking Scotch-and-root-beer with various various Fallen Women In Low Dives (I considered assembling a firing squad for the insult to whisky, but using their own powder and ball to execute them seemed a bit declasse, so I decided to let their hangovers be their punishment).

Corporal Simpkins forgot his pants again. Two people, Miguel Machismo and Trixie "Boom-Boom" Jones, are on sick call for some sort of "burning when they go pee-pee," and I hope that this does not presage an epedemic.

A couple more folks wandered in a few minutes ago, but one of them went back home to get her purse.

Your orders have been received and at the moment we are issuing hand grenades to the troops.

Oops, I'd better go see what that big boom was. Later, dude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 11:23 PM

That's the spirit, Rapaire! Assemble your troops (those that can stand up...) at 0600 sharp tomorrow! We attack at dawn! All Care Bears shall be destroyed. Give 'em no quarter. Don't even give 'em a nickel or a dime. And if you run across any Teletubbies shoot 'em on sight!

Last minute espionage directive: Great Root Bear inflatable bears and Ronald McDonald inflatable clowns suspended over fast food restaurants are actually enemy reconnaisance vehicles. Machine gun 'em on sight! Oh, and Tweety Bird is a spy, plus he's terminally cute, so when you hear that whiny little voice saying, "Oooooo...I t'ought I taw a..." BLAST HIM INTO ETERNITY!!! Cats everywhere will thank you for this.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 10:28 PM

ah, Colonel, it's getting late and some of the troops have to be home before 2100, and they've got a bit of a walk, some of them, so I let them go home. We'll be ready and rarin' to go tomorrow, and 'most everyone will finally be sober. I also tried to make them stop gathering flowers, but they told me it was for camouflage so I said that it was okay. I think some of us will be marching off disguised as floral arrangements.

Anyway, Colonel, everyone's gone home and I'm going to turn in myself. Let me know if the Martians arrive tonight, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:26 PM

My children were of the appropriate age when Care Bears were in their maximum vogue around '84 or so. I actually took them to see "The Care Bears Movie". Fortunately, I managed to fall asleep after about the first five minutes. Unfortunately, the kids did not. It took years of counseling to get them to the point where they could distinguish fantasy from reality and they still both managed to grow up to be hoodlums.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:20 PM

I've investigated further, and can only say, "Jumpin' sh*t! Let's BLAST them l'il buggers afore they drag us all down to their level! Jaysus, the very survival of the human race (poor excuse that it might be) is at stake!"

We're off to off the Care Bears,
The invading Martian sods,
We'll stomp their heads and pee in their beds
And save our world because!
Oh, we're off to off the Care Bears
Those dirty Martian sods!

Little Hawk, the Idaho Regiment stands ready! Our marching song (above) is written! Our firelocks are on our shoulders! We have drawn our swords, and our trumpets shall never call retreat! The piper is tuned and he's pipin' away! Our packs are on our backs and the boat's on the bay! Our flax and wheels are sold! The girls (and boys) we left behind are weepin' for their Johnny and Joanie goin' to sea! We won't come back 'til it's over! The Harrow tomorrow we must cross! We few, we proud, we band of brothers (and sisters)! Where ever our colors are worn are changed, changed utterly! Wrap the green flag round me! Once more, dear friends, into the breach, once more! Remember the Alamo! Remember the Maine! St. Denis! They shall not pass! Mountjoy! For God, England, and St. George! Arount thee wench, the rump-fed runion cries!

What, Colonel Little Hawk, are your orders?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 08:59 PM

Whaddya mean, "the unknown"? I say wipe 'em out and do it now. You can't make me feel guilty about it either. I saw a good comic about them one time. On the left side was a panel showing the Care Bears, who were smiling sweetly at the reader and saying "I wuv you!" and "I care about your feewings!". On the right side was a panel showing the Uncaring Bears, who were glowering at the reader, smoking cigars, and saying "I can't stand you!" and "Who gives a rip!#?"

Har! Har! Loved it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 07:48 PM

Good Lord, LH! I never thought that you'd espouse genocide! Have we stooped this low? Is there no way that we can sit down with these and discuss matters? Must we immediately grab a gun? Is there no solution except violence and war? Does the word "humanity" mean nothing? They are creatures like us, possessed of a body and soul, a mind. They might be fuzzy outside, they might look differently, they might even be tasty and delicious when served with a roasted pepper sauce and a nice Merlot, but must we always approach the unknown with fear and violence?

For shame, LH! For shame!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM

I couldn't agree more Bee-Dubya! Care Bears are the very apotheosis of evil! They must be expunged utterly from this World by every means possible!!! Then there are the Teletubbies! Imagine a feature film called "The Care Bears Meet the Teletubbies". Now imagine it again at a matinee. Now jump off a bridge...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 06:13 PM

Bert evil? Ernie evil? No problem. I can accept the possibility of any Muppet being evil, especially Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear and the Swedish Chef. Everyone's always known that Muppets have the potential for evil because Jim Henson and Frank Oz were, after all, a couple of freaks who found a profitable niche for their weirdness. Where eccentricity lies, the seed for evil cannot be far away. Just ask Dr. Faustus.

But Care Bears are a different matter all together. They exude a special malevolence. They personify BLAND and BLAND is the worst kind of evil. There is no eccentricity where Care Bears are concerned. There is only DULL. Care Bears rot away the minds of young children in the same inevitable creeping fashion that Bazooka Joe and Coca-Cola rot their teeth.    Care Bears are the Valium of evil! There has never been any question of a Care Bear selling his soul to the Devil because Care Bears have no souls to begin with! They are the kiddie culture equivalent of The Walking Dead!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 05:14 PM

Bert may indeed be evil, but if so he's been driven to it by Ernie! Ernie is a sadistic, manipulative little creep who delights in emotionally torturing Bert and driving him to the brink of madness. This evil of Ernie's should be exposed in its full ugliness for all the World to see! And when the Martian invasion succeeds, it will be. I can guaran-dam-tee-it! Ernie will be osterized with extreme prejudice. His remains will be used to plug holes in leaky sewage pipes.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 04:44 PM

Ah, Bee-dubya-ell, there can be evil anywhere.
Even the most innocuous, most innocent, facade may be but a mask disguising evil.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 01:46 PM

Oh my God!!!! Care Bears!!!! It's far worse than I thought! Give me evil mutant cannibalistic slime creatures with 5000 volt anal probes over f***ing Care Bears any day! We'll all die from insipidness!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Deity
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 01:03 PM

Yes, it's Me. The Deity. God Almighty. Yahweh. Allah. Whatever you want to call Me.

Anyway, don't pay any attention to whoever is claiming to be the Galactic Overlord. I created that position hoping that someone or something could take some of the responsibility for this galaxy off of My shoulders. Didn't happen, so I abolished the position and laid off the incumbent.

Good Me, some of those I allowed to be GOs became power hungry! The one I just laid off (and there won't be another) was, well, here's a picture.
And here's another
, you can see the resemblence to another, earlier GO developing.

As for the impending attack, here
is a picture of your "enemy."

Well, I hope to Me that this clears things up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 12:25 PM

You sure that wasn't Guest Muffy posting that?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,GALACTIC OVERLORD
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:51 AM

HEY! EARTHPEOPLE! WAKE UP! THE MARTIANS ARE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR! THEY'RE GOING TO BE THERE ON AUGUST, 27! THAT'S ONLY THREE DAYS FROM NOW! IF YOU PEOPLE DON'T GET 1000 POSTS TO THIS THREAD BY THEN, YOUR WORLD IS DOOMED! THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID "DOOMED"! DO YOU WANT TO BEAR RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF TERRAN CIVILIZATION? AND ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO (A) BUSY (B) LAZY (C) UNCREATIVE TO POST A FEW WORDS TO THIS, THE MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS!

AND I HAD SUCH HIGH HOPES FOR YOU GUYS. TSK, TSK, TSK. YOU KNOW, OF ALL THE RACES OVER WHICH I EXERCISE MY OVERLORDSHIP, YOU FOLKS ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITES. IN THE OVERLORDLY SCHEME OF THINGS YOU GUYS ARE SORT OF LIKE DACHSUNDS. NOT MUCH GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT CUTE AND YAPPY. I JUST LOVE TO WATCH YOU CHASE YOUR TAILS. AND, IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN, I REALLY DON'T LIKE MARTIANS AT ALL. I'D HATE TO SEE YOUR CUTE LITTLE PLANET TAKEN OVER BY THOSE RUFFIANS.

SO, WAKE UP! POST OR DIE!

YOURS TRULY,

G.O.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 11:31 AM

Mrs. Bee, you are a wonderful and forgiving woman. I must ask you, though, if Bee-dubya's playing of the dobro and/or banjos is a condition of his forgiveness -- a penance. If so, couldn't you have done something less terrible, such as ten Hail Marys, ten Our Fathers, and a good flagellation? Sackcloth, fresh ashes, and kneeling in the snow holding a twenty-pound candle? The Inquisition?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM

Dear Mudcat People,

Please allow me to re-introduce myself. I am the wife of the individual who goes by the moniker of Bee-dubya-ell on your website. I posted to this thread once before, but it was a long time ago.

I just wanted to let you folks know that my husband has made a full confession of his lust for that alien trollop, Bubba Bubba, and I have accepted his apology. In all honesty, I don't think there was much to worry about anyway. Poor old Bee is at that age where the distinction between fantasy and reality has begun to blur a bit. He likes to fantasize about nubile young things, but the truth of the matter is he probably wouldn't remember what to do with one if ......well, you get the idea. He'd be much better off to stick with playing the Dobro. He can still do that fairly well.

On the other hand, Debbie Earl, (if you haven't been captured and returned to fungus-hood) I hear you like to hang out at truckstops and play the blues. If you're ever at the Flying-J truckstop on Interstate 10 just north of Loxley, Alabama, I think my phone number is still on the men's-room wall. We can run Bee-dubya off and you can have your way with all of his guitars. I should warn you, though, there are several banjoes in the house as well. If you are allergic to them please let me know in advance and I will make arrangements to have them removed (or incinerated).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 10:46 PM

BRUCE, BRUCE, MAN ... STEADY ON!! Please remember you are on a ricochet!! Doesn't that mean anything to you?? This is NOT a good time to make decisions or to throw yourself at semi-alien hallucinations just because they're not there!! Take a deep breath.

Settle down, get real. find yourself and build a stable center to grow from, man. You've been through a lot. Maybe it is time to leave the aliens behind, now...and believe me, I say this only out of concern for your well-being.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:52 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, please accept my heartfelt sympathy for your recent and tragic loss of Bubba Bubba. I am certain that she is now in a Better Place, and that you will pass through this Vale Of Tears and become a stronger and better person because of it. If there is anything that can be done to help...anything that doesn't involve money or unnatural acts...please remember that I'm here and then go ask someone else. But you do have my sympathy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:12 PM

Dear Debbie Earl,

Thank you very much for your kind words of consolation. They have really helped me get over the loss of Bubba Bubba. I know that you yourself are on the lam from your fellow freds and that they probably want to turn you back into something like this. Have you considered altering your current "human male" manifestation as a way of throwing them off of your track? A nice female closely resembling Demi Moore at age twenty-five would be a real good choice. If you decide to do so, please let me know. You know where to reach me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 03:33 PM

It could be, MMario....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 03:06 PM

Can that possibly be a true freds' posting above? A quick (though admittedly non-professional) word analysis points towards fraud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,"Debbie Earl"
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:52 PM

This must be done quickly, as They are looking for me and, I am certain, are monitoring from where posts are made to this thread.

Do not mourn, Bee-Dubya-Ell, as Bubba Bubba (as you know her/it) is only returned to it/her actual form. What you perceive as a fungus is only what appears in the dimensions you can apprehend. She/it is in excellent health as you can see by it/her color; I am certain that it/she is only restrained by a slight turning in the e-dimension, which will cause nothing but locus stasis.

Do not mourn for yourself, either, as in order to do what she wished to do she would have had to consume your protein. All of it, and with great mess. I am sure that you will appreciate the fact that you would have had to have been alive as long as possible while this was taking place. I speak only for you, as I do not know what Khandu might have thought of it.

The Labrador Retriever has been taken in by a wonderful family. I am not privy to what has happened to the R. Nigricans, but I suspect that it was thrown out, its genetic similarity to that of Bubba Bubba unappreciated.

I must leave, as I have already spent too much time here and They might, at this moment, be coming for me. Should I escape, I will attempt to post again in the future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 11:24 AM

I'd consider leaving the planet! And don't think joining the Martians will protect you! Not even the Manatees will be able to prevent the Wrath of Bee-dubya-ell!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 11:07 AM

Freds be afraid....be very fredly afraid...BWL is NOT someone you want to mess with, and he really had his heart set on the Heather Locklear lookalike lick-a-lot and sack-hopping contest. It was gunna be a reglar field day and now you gone and disappointed him badly. I were you I'd be leaving' town 'bout now...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 10:45 AM

I think I may be suffering from font envy


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 10:02 AM

See what you damned freds made me do? Made me so upset over the loss of my dear Bubba Bubba that I forgot to go back to regular font after the

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:57 AM

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Oh cruel world! The one chance in my lifetime to make it with a genuine alien who happens to bear a striking resemblance to Heather Locklear and you freds go and turn her into a stinking fungus! My God! If it had to be a fungus you could at least have turned her into a bunch of morels (Morchella esculenta) so we could have gotten a nice stir fry out of the deal. But, no!

I'm starting to dislike you freds just a little.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,mmARIO
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:34 AM

tHAT WEBSITE (www.missinita.com)is one of the most frightening things I have *ever* seen. ever. period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:24 AM

wee kapshurd bubbbaababbaaab las niht an turnt hurit bak intoo wat shud luk lik heer iz piktur aftr ithur chanjd bak heer iz piktur beefoor
wen hurit wuz wurkin in nashfill ithur iz in kusstoddy ithur las wurds in enklij wur bedub o beedub candoo wat wil hapun tu doggee nou hurit suks slym lik ithur shud nou too katj teppyarl yur wellkum


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:23 AM

Steal, hell...consider it a gift. Original, yes. That's one way to decribe it!

:>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 08:52 AM

where I suffered for years in the cultural desert that is Skaneateles, New York, a town that epitomizes spiritual and social stagnation on so many levels that it really ought to be made a national monument of some sort.

LH - I am doing my best to correct that situation with my inspired performance as 'Benjermin Laudley-Bellows : Town Crier' each Christmas season. Granted - I'm not sure that the culture I display is an improvement - but at least it isn't stagnant!

AMOS! is that original? May I steal it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 11:58 PM

In the twilight, sunlight fading
Down the stream, a herd is wading
Soft their coats as Eastern silk
Soft as phantoms, come the ilk.

When the trees and shrubs retire
In the half-light of the fire
When the stars are white as milk,
In the darkness, come the ilk.

Far from any kind or nation
Beasts of pure association
Herds of Linkage, implication,
Ilk born of identification

You who live upon your seeing
Recognizing different being
Differentiating now from then
Here from there and zone from zen,

Be ye cautious, careful, wary
In the dusk, a challenge scary
Ilk propose an undermining
All is "like...", beyond defining

Ilk will drain your mind of feeling
Leave you in connections reeling
Stripped and dead upon the heather,
With their mournful curse...WhatEVer....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 10:20 PM

So which one is Bubba Bubba?

Now I have heard that the milk of ilk is a tasty treat.
Not too sour and not too sweet.
But in order to get an ilk to milk,
you have to feed it good burbon, and do it on silk.
Rumor has it, this has been done before,
and the ilk milk is not totally, folklore,
But I have also heard it from many a stranger than we,
that if you drink the milk from an ilk, your eyes will see three.

Rustic Rebel, the King's Poetess Lariate


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 09:44 PM

HELP!!!! The Martians have got wind of our plans to thwart their invasion and they have captured Bubba Bubba! Click here!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:43 PM

In just what way did you look at manure piles, Rapaire?

Mario - I used to live in the Finger Lakes region, where I suffered for years in the cultural desert that is Skaneateles, New York, a town that epitomizes spiritual and social stagnation on so many levels that it really ought to be made a national monument of some sort. There are indeed a great many ilk around there. I can vouch for that. The school basketball team was called the Skaneateles Lakers. They were all wet. I forget what the football team was called. I cared little for football, so I never really focused on that. Matter of fact, I detested it. I was forced to sit through a couple of games by the school administration, which expected us all to demonstrate our school spirit by cheering and yelling. A few of the more naive and preppy kids actually did that, but only a few. The rowdy boys (of which there were a fair few) contented themselves by making rude remarks and leering at the cheerleaders. It was almost as much fun as the time I had the measles, that's why I remember it so well...

"Hail to thee, O Skaneateles, hail all hail we sing...." (Barf!)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:38 PM

I don't think that I'll be able to look a manure pile the same way ever again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:09 PM

as if this thread will have a problem reaching 1000 posts!

I have a question for the esteemed representative of the N.A.I.F. Do your figures include the Maritime Ilk of Cape Cod Bay and the Salt Marshes of Sandy Neck? (whose range extends nothwards to Glouchester on Cape Ann and south to Mystic Ct.) Because I know from personal experience there are still native Ilk in that location.

And in the FingerLakes region of NY state rumours of ilk sightings are frequent.

There is even suppossedly a number of ilk who roam from renaissance festival to Renaissance Faire thoughout the United States and even into Cananda!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 12:51 PM

God, the tension is just unbearable! I must have fruit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 08:48 AM

Liz, Liz, Liz....

So you want a precis, huh? Forget it. Even those of us who check in on this piece of crap several times a day don't have any idea what the hell's going on with it. Just go read the back of a cereal box and you'll know as much (or as little) as if you reread the entire thread. Or, perhaps, if you were to study that ring that forms around the inside of a toilet bowl....

As to what will happen when it reaches 1000 posts....

As long as it happens before August 27 (that means we have six days, gang) it will empower the Mudcat to thwart the Martian invasion that is slated for that date. That assumes that Max/Jeff foresaw the need for at least four digits in the "post number" field. If the field only has space for three digits it will amount to the Mudcat version of the Y2K problem, only it will be the P1K problem instead. If the system will not take the one thousandth post all will be lost. The Martians will simply have their ways with us. The fate of humanity hangs in the balance! (And the balance is being operated by some pretty out-of-balance people.) You may want to stock up on flashlight batteries and canned foods.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 08:23 AM

A summary, well then...

As I understand the most recent developments, Bee-dubya has the hots for making it with a space alien who may or may not be female, a labrador, Khandu, and bread mold; the aliens are looking for this one Bee-dubya wants to make it with; the alien's partner, who has or had the hots for Penelope Rutledge, has been struck by lightning; Tweed is promoting a four-way mud wrestling match between the alien, Bubba Bubba, Carol the Sailor, Sorcha, and Penelope Rutledge; Amos and Little Hawk have been chatting in French, insulting each other, while I've been trying to translate for those who don't speak French; Amos is urinating blue, and now the National Association of Ilk Fanciers is annoyed and threatening to post long threads filled with legalese.

Is everything clear now? Of course, you'll have to read the previous pages yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:58 AM

Gees - isn't this bloody thing dead yet?

Do you KNOW how long it takes me to catch up on all this... how about a precis please?

And what's going to happen when it reaches 1000 postings? Will the Mudcat collapse into a back hole?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 11:13 PM

Yore seecrit iz safe wif me BeeDubs. But Carol the Sailor culd prolly take bof them huzzies wif one arm tied behind her back. Thet girl is plum full of ilk and also knows a number of cardbord cutout celebertys. I know a promoter in Memphis wif casino connections. Mebbe we culd team up CaroltSg and Sorchy agin Bubbabb and that old floozy Penelope (who I habv suspected for a long time iz not human neither). It could be telecastered via public access TV across the nation.

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 10:22 PM

Tweed, Tweed, Tweed. Tssk, tssk, tssk. Carol C and Penelope Rutledge wrestling for the chairwomanship of the Ilk Ladies' Auxilliary indeed! Bite your tongue man. The only one truly worthy of the chairwomanship is none other than Bubba Bubba.

Now, I know what you're gonna say - something about "But Bubba Bubba ain't a woman! Bubba Bubba ain't even human! Bubba Bubba is freds!" Well, remember when you fell under the enchantment of Carol the Sailor? Well, I have been smitten. Yes it's true. I have given my heart to an alien who once tried to eat the King of Mississippi but had to spit him out 'cause he tasted so bad.

I have not yet broken the news to Mrs. Bee, so please keep this matter quiet until I've had a chance to talk to her. Thank God the children are all grown.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 07:57 PM

I porpoise that we,being ilk-minded and sommat in agreement in a couple of things, should band together and cretin a beneficent baste organization. Posonby a loyal l'order of Ilk's, wherein we consomme enormous quantities of beer and gude bourbon whiskey with any profits set aside for chartable causes or even a lodged hot tub to hold meetings in.
Surely they is more then a thousand left of our "ilk"

I wuld pay double admission price to see Penelope Rutabags mudwrassle Carol the SailorQueen for the chairwomanship obv the Il'kladies' Auxillyary. My money's on Queen Carol.


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