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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM
lazy f 02 Aug 03 - 08:01 PM
Kim C 02 Aug 03 - 08:06 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 08:21 PM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 02 Aug 03 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 02 Aug 03 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 03 - 10:17 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 10:33 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 10:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Aug 03 - 11:27 PM
khandu 03 Aug 03 - 12:03 AM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 12:49 AM
khandu 03 Aug 03 - 12:51 AM
Dead Horse 03 Aug 03 - 04:52 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 10:17 AM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 03 - 11:29 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 01:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Aug 03 - 07:36 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 03 - 10:59 PM
khandu 03 Aug 03 - 11:06 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Aug 03 - 11:32 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 03 - 07:56 AM
Rapparee 04 Aug 03 - 08:21 AM
Kim C 04 Aug 03 - 01:47 PM
Dead Horse 04 Aug 03 - 02:53 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 03 - 11:52 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 03 - 08:52 AM
Bill D 05 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 05 Aug 03 - 11:24 AM
Little Hawk 05 Aug 03 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 03 - 03:29 PM
Little Hawk 05 Aug 03 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 03 - 08:29 PM
GUEST,Emily Dickinson (1830?86) 06 Aug 03 - 02:44 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 03 - 11:58 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 03 - 02:04 PM
Little Hawk 06 Aug 03 - 10:38 PM
Amos 06 Aug 03 - 10:53 PM
GUEST, Emily Dickinson (1830?86) 07 Aug 03 - 05:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Aug 03 - 06:22 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 03 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 07 Aug 03 - 09:46 PM
Tweed 08 Aug 03 - 12:18 AM
Amos 08 Aug 03 - 12:51 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge (en route) 08 Aug 03 - 12:58 AM
GUEST, Emily Dickinson (1830?86) 08 Aug 03 - 01:09 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 03 - 08:50 AM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 08 Aug 03 - 09:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 03 - 11:32 AM
GUEST, Emily Dickinson (1830?86) 08 Aug 03 - 06:06 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

You don't know the meaning of shame, do you? :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: lazy f
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 08:01 PM

aaaawww, he knows the meanin, just aint got none!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 08:06 PM

I would like to point out, I have had a strange 24 hours.

Last night, I was up late, as is often my habit on Fridays, and just before I turned off the tube, I saw twin midgets on an infomercial for some get-rich-quick real estate scheme. Twin midgets. Selling a real estate scheme. I thought, did I just see that?

And this afternoon, Mister and I went to the Chinese buffet. It is in a largely Hispanic part of town, so many of the other patrons were, understandably, Hispanic. I listened closely to the music on the stereo system, and it was..... Silver Bells. Christmas music. I'm at a Chinese buffet, surrounded by people speaking Spanish, listening to Christmas music. I thought Peter Funt might jump out at any second.

My fortune said, "You will soon be sitting on top of the world." I said to Mister, that probably means I'll trip coming down the stairs, and land on top of the globe in the hallway.

What else can possibly happen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 08:21 PM

Kim C...all this strangeness was planned!!! Yes, it is true!

In a previous post, you referred to me, khandu, as a god. Well, I am not a god, I am a King and I am a religion in some parts of the world, but not a god.

So the Big Guy read your post and said to Himself, "Hmmmm, so Kim C thinks King khandu is a god. I think I'll do something to get her attention." That's what he said to Himself.

Twas in the Spring one sunny day
My true love left me, she went away.
And now she's gone, but I ain't worried
And I'm Sitting on top of the world


Ever belly dance to that tune??

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:36 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:49 PM

Miz Penylopy, I went an made a goof an prest the rong key by miztak. I kin only say that I wuz blindid by yor beuty. Yu said I wuz a hillbilly but I aint. I ust to be an Inforcer for the Galaktik Overlard, but me an Bubba Bubba landed here under orders of the GO to twist Kandu an maybe Twed intu little peeces of chiken poop only we foun The Blues an went to Nashvil where I made sum muzik and Bubba Bubba was all drest in tight jenes an a t shirt whil she (she decidet to be feemal cuz before we didnt hav a sex or sex lik there iz here on Urth an ov course we didnt look much lik folks here) sung. Natchurly I am male cuz BB iz femal. I went intu a mall tother day an sum femals said I luked like the "yung Elfis only with mussles" which I tuk to be a compliment. Anyway now yu no what I luk like. I lik romantik stuf lik I am shur yu do an I lik everthin abot yu even yur bald spot which iz cute. I lik everythin about this plas except thes pantz I got to wer cuz they are way to tite in the crotch.

Miz P, I shur wud like to tak yu out to dinner sum nite an maybe a sho after words. Plez say the wurds that wil give me hope that my attenshunz are hopefull.

Yur freind
Debbie Earl


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:17 PM

Here in idaho, we
started partying in
honor of joe offer’s
nativity yesterday.
There have been 340
arrests for rowdyism,
drunkeness, and
assorted general
lewdness so far. This
will continue until the
roundup brings the cows
home. We’re collecting
potatoes and lentils for
joe, too – the biggest
crops in the great state
of Idaho!! Ain’t nothing
too good for joe!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:33 PM

YESSS!!!!!


Rapaire! I am sure proud Idaho is celebrating the

JOE OFFER BIRTHMONTH BASH!!!


along with us Mississippians!!

The only reason there have been no arrest here is because I am King, and I am the one who authorized the party!
But, believe me...there has definitely been a high degree of rowdyism,
drunkeness, and assorted general lewdness, with the Royal Queen, my Lucky Wife, Cheryl, leading the pack!

Yes, this is

HIGH FESTIVAL TIME

in Mississippi...all in honor of

Joe Offer

during his BIRTHMONTH!!!

What a Grand Time to be ALIVE in MISSISSIPPI and IDAHO!!!

Perhaps more states and countries will be checking in soon!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:47 PM

Whooooooppppppsss!!!!!!There went what little was left of the Queen's dignity...but what the hell...it is

JOE OFFER'S BIRTHMONTH!!!



(Uh...honey, I didn't know you had a tattoo there!!!)


Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:27 PM

Aw-ight dammit! Tha's enuffa thet Joe Offer's Birfday shit pollutin' up th' MOAB. Ah dun wrote th' fucker a nice pome on thet uther thred. Tha's all I'm gonna do. Tha's enuff. An' I'm shore Joe wu'd agree. Anyways, I don' like th' sumbitch enuff t' do any more'n that. An I think th' feelin's mootchual. Sorry, but if you gotta problem wiffit you kin jus' kiss my ass. An' once aginn, I'm shore Joe wu'd agree. Ya'll kin celbrate all you wanna in Mizzippi an' Idaho. Down here in Floribama, we'z goin' fishin' insted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:03 AM

Think about it...What if Joe Offer had never been born.....


Dang, that is a scary thought!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:49 AM

I haven't belly danced to bluegrass yet, but I did get busted dancing in the deli at the grocery store awhile back. ;-)

Here's a birthday shimmy for Joe. (shimmyshimmy)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:51 AM

A deli-belly dance!!! WOW!!! And you seem so pious!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 04:52 AM

A Navel Display!
Goshdarnit!
I didnt get nuthing like that fer MY birthday.
(slopes off, muttering about how life is so unfair)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:17 AM

There's a song in that somewhere, I am sure....Deli-Belly!! Deli-Belly!! Hmmmm. And a one....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:29 AM

Isn't that a disease one gets while traveling in India?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:18 PM

Groan.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:36 PM

Busted fer belly dancin' in th' deli, huh? What happened? The salami call the cops?

Reminds me of the time my wife's ex-husband got busted for indecent exposure in the grocery store. He had recently returned from a trip to India and had taken to wearing Gandhi-style breechcloths. He wore one into the local grocery and the manager called the cops. Now, this breechcloth covered at least as much of Bill as a typical pair of swimtrunks, but the cops wouldn't hear any of it so off to jail he went.   He spent the night in the pokey and was taken before the judge for arraignment the next morning. During the night Bill had unwound the breechcloth, which was actually a number of yards of fabric, and fashioned it into a reasonable facsimile of pants and shirt. When the judge asked him what he had been wearing at the time he was arrested Bill said, "Exactly what I'm wearing now. No more and no less." The judge said that he didn't see what the problem was and threw the charges out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:59 PM

Seein' as how this is the MOAB, and seein' as how the veracity level fluctuates, let me tell you about my old buddy Pete.

Pete played the banjo, which is in itself a sign of impending something or other. And while he wasn't a bad banjo player, let's just say that if they were keepin' score the banjo would usually win, usually bein' three times out of three.

Then one day ol' Pete got himself a gig. A real, paying-cash-money-so-you-can-report-whatever-amount-you-like-to-the-IRS sort of gig. And at a hundred bucks plus dinner and drinks for an evenin's work, Pete thought it was pretty good.

Gave Pete a bit of a swelled head. He took to callin' himself things like "Doc" Pete and "Lonesome" Pete and such, because he thought that they added something to his banjo pickin'. He also took to wearin' Oshkosh overalls and clodhopper work boots, because he felt that was more "banjo-y" than blue jeans, a work shirt, and sneakers. Pete was startin' to look at the Stars, thinkin' that this was just the beginnin', that (dare I say it?) someday he might even be on "Barn Dance" or "The Grand Old Opry."

Then he got the contract in the mail. He was to play at a place called "Shady Acres Club", giving a nice 90 minute concert of traditional banjo music to a private gathering there.

That was fine with Pete. And as the day of the concert drew nearer, ol' Pete was practicin' every moment he could get, and that was sometimes hard to do since Pete worked at the sewage treatment plant.

Pete drove out to the Shady Acres Club on the day, or rather evening, of the concert. He was a little surprised by the wall around the place and the wrought-iron gate, but it was, after all, a private club. Sort of a high-toned country club, he figgered.

At the gatehouse a naked man stopped him. This was unusual, because Pete had never stopped before for a naked man. (Why I can vouch for the truth of this statement is another, and somewhat sordid, story.)

The naked man invited Pete to state his business, and when he learned that Pete was the entertainment for the evening he invited him to leave his clothes in a locker at the gatehouse. Nobody, least of all his friends and acquaintances, thought to mention to Pete that Shady Acres was a nudist club, and the contract didn't state it. The contract did, however, make it clear that Pete was to "abide by the rules and regulations of the Shady Acres Club" and that meant, the gatekeeper pointed out pointedly, performing in somewhat less than deshabille.

Pete was ready to do anything, almost, for Fame and Fortune, and so he cast his doubts (along with his overalls and the rest of his clothes) to the wind, so to speak. When he was undressed and ready to perform, the gatekeeper took Pete and his banjo up to the clubhouse in a little golf cart type of thing. Pete kept his banjo case placed strategically during the journey, and during the walk to the hall, and while he was waiting in the wings, and during his intro, and while he walked on stage. He sat on a stool, carefully took the banjo out of the case, placed it carefully in his hands and lap, and looked up.

There were about 200 naked people looking at him. Naked people of all ages, shapes, sizes, and sexes. 200. Naked. People.

Pete gulped and shifted a bit on the stool. He cleared his throat to make his first statement to the audience, and in a high falsetto said something like "Hll o   ladiesan gen men my first Rocky Top."

And he laid into his rendition of "Rocky Top." Now, this was his strong peice. He'd been playin' it for ten years or more and he could hammer it out like a house a-fire. Usually, that is.

But right in the front row, naked as a jay bird, Pete had seen his old flame, Rita. The last time he'd seen her like that was when she'd sent him off to the Army with a real "Soldier's Farewell" that had thwarted the saltpeter in the mashed potatoes for two solid years. And the old memories came flooding back (so to speak).

Ol' Pete was risin' to the occasion, as they say, and the audience had probably never heard anything like it. As Pete played "Rocky Top," his banjo risin' on his lap, pushin' forward like a friendly dog.

It was a good thing Pete had played "Rocky Top" so often, 'cause his mind was on Rita and that farewell. His fingers, though, were doin' exactly what they'd done so often before, and those steel strings were movin' like nobody's business.

Problem was, the vibrations from the banjo and the memories of Rita were exacerbatin' Pete's problem. He couldn't stop, he couldn't stand up, he couldn't think of anything to do but play "Rocky Top" over and over.

After about the fourteenth rendition, Fate took a hand. Or something. Pete, being all sweaty in the spotlight and from his perdicament, slipped off the stool. He fell to the floor, and his, ah, problem, got caught in the banjo strings. The steel banjo strings. The steel banjo strings he was still playing.

I'll draw the curtains of charity over the scene that followed. Pete got his hundred, the club felt they owed that to him. The hospital expenses were considerable, especially the surgery. Worse, he was hard put to explain to his wife what had happened, how it had happened, and why the ambulance arrived to find him stark naked, held by a stark naked Rita, in a hall full of people who were clothed.

For you see, when the ambulance had been called, folks either left for their cabins and rooms or got dressed, so as not to embarrass the EMTs. And Rita, a trained nurse, was the first to arrive and try to give first aid.

Pete's given up the banjo for something safer. He now works on the local police bomb squad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:06 PM

Dang, Rapaire, that sounds an awful lot like what's going on here tonight in Mississippi as we continue to celebrate the

JOE OFFER BIRTHMONTH CELEBRATION!!!



Man, oh, man! It's a hot time in the old town tonight!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:32 PM

This sounds like a polka to me....

(To the tune of In Heaven There is no Beer)


I walked in a deli that's near,
to buy salami and beer,
but when I heard the song,
my belly started shaking right along.

I said can I have some cheese,
and turkey with pastrami if you please.
My belly still shaking to the song.
The waiter said I think there's something wrong.

He said you get out of here,
you look like you've been drinking too much beer.
But all I want is provalone
please sell me some for my trip home.

Some meunster, tuna salad, bologna,
roast beef, chicken, ham, pound of brie.
This song's to good to stop my knees
I'll leave if you sell me some salami.

Leave now or I'll call the cops.
I said no, just sell me some pork chops.
He came around the corner,
Now I know why he wanted me to leave, he had a boner!

I laughed as I left the store
shaking my belly all the more.
I'm hungry but not for you,
there's a deli down the street a block or two.


Ahhh please give me some salami, honey roasted turkey, avacodo, romaine and pesto on a baguette....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:56 AM

My God, Rapaire...that sounded like one of those bizarre stories that Bob Dylan used to make up when he did the talkin' blues stuff. "Motorpsycho Nightmare" comes to mind...

A banjo can deliver a nasty vasectomy or extended circumcision to the unwary player, which is one reason why I avoid them like the plague.

The other reason is the sound! :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:21 AM

Well, LH, that was part of Pete's problem, those nasty cuts, and the other was his wife. Seems like there was a lot of blood flowin' and Rita was using direct and pressure on the wound to stop it. Who knows what Pete's wife might have done if there hadn't been witnesses? He was pretty close to being Bobbitted all by himself as it was, and after they patched him up he was a man to contend with at the urinal, a real danger to those on either side of him. He thought for a while about getting a job as a lawn sprinkler or entering the competition for the new downtown fountain, but cooler heads prevailed.

I've been really lucky and haven't seen him in years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 01:47 PM

No, Bobert, actually, I was waiting for Mister to get his regular lunch fixins, and while I was standing there, I was sorta halfway practicing a dance I was supposed to perform for my class. Then when we went to check out, the young man bagging the groceries said, "Ma'am, I seen you over there bustin a move in the deli." ;-)

But I dance all the time in public. People should dance whenever the mood strikes them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 02:53 PM

Is that why some banjos have see-thru skins on 'em?
And do they make magnifying ones?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 11:52 PM

Kim - You will be intrigued to know that in Cuba, people do just that. They also sing whenever the mood strikes them. They are far less inhibited than their North American counterparts, I find. I think it's partly the warm climate, but it's also due to the lack of money and material luxuries...you make your own fun in a place like that, on the spot, instead of watching highly paid professionals do it for you on a tiny screen.

Man, how I loved it! I did have the advantage of knowing some great people there, which always helps when you're visiting anywhere.

You know, the nice thing about this thread is...it's everythread. You can talk about anything on it. I predict it will go on indefinitely.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:52 AM

I dunno, DH, I play trumpet. I've never seen a see-through trumpet and can't even imagine why you'd want one. Watching the valves go up and down would be interested, true, but the stuff at the spit valves might be a bit too much for some.

Now, maybe if I were a tobacco-chewing trumpeter it could be interesting. And once when I smoked I exhaled through the horn -- that was neat, watching the eighth notes and all come out and you should have seen the smoke from double tonguing!

What about see-through bagpipes -- a piobrach made of transparent plastic? Or a transparent accordion?

The mind continues to boggle at these ideas. Take them, make your fortune, and don't forget the Little People who helped you get there. Please, take them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM

now, if 'ol Pete had just played the French horn, it wouldn't have been nearly so traumatic....at ANY stage of the concert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 11:24 AM

Knew a sousaphone player in a marching band. As part of their schtick all of the brass would bend at the waist and then straighten while playing.

He was watching the baton twirlers doin't their kicks and things, bent from the waist, got tangled in his valves, straightened up.

His scream ended up as a falsetto, the parade stopped thinking it was an air raid siren, and the horses in the Sheriff's Posse became so frightened that the street cleaners went on strike. An entire wing of interceptor jets scrambled and nearly shot down an Ozark Airlines 747 before it was all sorted out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:14 PM

I was talking about dancing, Rapaire! You nitwit! I think your mind is deteriorating to the point where you may be worthy of lifetime appointment to the Chamber of Senators at the William Shatner School of BAAAAAD Acting.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 03:29 PM

LH, I was talking about dancing too. You shoulda seen the steps he was doing, sousaphone and all, right there on Main Street. Why, the last time a dance like that had been seen in town the cops had raided the place and Tootsy Galour had served 90 days in the old House Of Correction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:05 PM

Tootsy Galore! Yikes! The only woman in the history of film sexier than her was the incomparable Belle Poitrine.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:29 PM

I didn't know that you knew Tootsy, LH. She was like a mother to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Emily Dickinson (1830?86)
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 02:44 AM

PIGMY seraphs gone astray,
Velvet people from Vevay,
Belles from some lost summer day,
Bees' exclusive coterie.
Paris could not lay the fold            5
Belted down with emerald;
Venice could not show a cheek
Of a tint so lustrous meek.
Never such an ambuscade
As of brier and leaf displayed         10
For my little damask maid.
I had rather wear her grace
Than an earl's distinguished face;
I had rather dwell like her
Than be Duke of Exeter,                15
Royalty enough for me
To subdue the bumble-bee!

--Emily


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:58 AM

BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ....
BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ....
BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ....
BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ....


They don't call me BEE-dubya-ell fer nuthin!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 02:04 PM

Never forget this, Emily.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 10:38 PM

Oh, Rapaire, you insensitive brute! I think you owe the lady a heartfelt apology for that.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 10:53 PM

Nay, foreswear, Leedle Hack!! The BWL has done the word a great courtesy by staying true to what IS true. Let us thank him, and urge the Dead Poetess Aloft to do the same!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, Emily Dickinson (1830?86)
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 05:16 PM

UNTO my books so good to turn
Far ends of tired days;
It half endears the abstinence,
And pain is missed in praise.
   
As flavors cheer retarded guests     5
With banquetings to be,
So spices stimulate the time
Till my small library.
   
It may be wilderness without,
Far feet of failing men,       10
But holiday excludes the night,
And it is bells within.
   
I thank these kinsmen of the shelf;
Their countenances bland
Enamour in prospective,      15
And satisfy, obtained.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 06:22 PM

Emily, Emily, Emily... "Kinsmen of the shelf" my ass. Girl, you need to get laid worse than anybody I've ever known before. Come on, now. Give it up. What the hell you savin' it for? You wanna read books, stick with the kind that makes panty gravy, girl. Then, when it's all hot and bothered go find yoreself a man and see if he knows what to do with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 07:18 PM

Oh, my. I can't wait until Ms Penelope Rutledge sees fit to weigh in again and chastise you depraved scoundrels within an inch of your wretched lives...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 09:46 PM

Nether kin i lidle hak cuz Miz Penylopy is better lookin than a stream full of turdles, er a hedj full of litnin bugs.

Dont tell nobody but i think i'm goin to ask her to git hitched with me and then we kin liv together her an me an Bubba Bubba. With the three ov uz we kin probably hav kids an ill name one lidle hak jus fer yu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 12:18 AM

Yas, where has that damned absynthe addict been hiding her scrawny old butt anyhow? Probably hanging out on a Hull street corner whistlin' at sailors. You'd be a good match for her DebbieEarl. I am nearly certain she used to group the Allman Brothers back in the day. Ain't that right Mz.Penelope?

yerz,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 12:51 AM

What gender IS Debbie Earl, anyway?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge (en route)
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 12:58 AM

Mr. Bee Dubya Ell,

did you know that your name in a Semitic language spells bowel?

And did you know--but of course you didn't--that the bzzzzzzzz that Miss Emily Dickinson heard before she died in 1886 was a fly--a fly, you slackjawed Cro-Magnon. Not a bee.

Miss Emily, forgive them, for they know not what they say.

Yours,

Ms. Penelope Rutlege


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, Emily Dickinson (1830?86)
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 01:09 AM

THERE'S something quieter than sleep
Within this inner room!
It wears a sprig upon its breast,
And will not tell its name.
   
Some touch it and some kiss it,     5
Some chafe its idle hand;
It has a simple gravity
I do not understand!
   
While simple-hearted neighbors
Chat of the "early dead",             10
We, prone to periphrasis,
Remark that birds have fled!

E.D.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 08:50 AM

Amos,

See Debbie Earl's posting of August 2, 9:29 p.m. There are earlier ones, too, I think. Apparently DE and Bubba Bubba were strong-arms for the Galactic Overlord, but discovered blues and became whatever they are now.

MOAB has more digressions and sidepaths than reading a dictionary as a novel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 09:19 AM

Miz Penylopy i dint even git a glimps of yu butt yu wuz enrot so thats ok. that aint lik bean enfamlyway is it cuz if it is ill tak kar uv yu an the new hatched liddl uns. if yu wil let me no whar yu wil bee on the 27 i will defen yu aginst the marshuns or whoefer atax then to. Bubba Bubba sez hi or wood if i cud find BB. I suspek that BB iz stil out hangen arond truk stops tho lukin fur kando.

any way Miz Penylopy plez let me no an gif me hope cuz my indenshuns are onorabel onez an i wil mayk BB bee with uz so wee kin haf a lot of off springs. i no yull lyk that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 11:32 AM

Amos, you ask, "What gender IS Debbie Earl, anyway?" After thorough study of freds' postings to this and other threads I have concluded that it is a meaningless question. Debbie Earl is freds, not human. Freds do not make the same male/female distinctions among themselves that we humans do. It's far more subtle. You'd have to be freds to understand it. There do seem to be some tendencies toward what we humans would call "masculinity" or "femininity" and it appears that Debbie Earl exhibits more "masculine" characteristics than partner Bubba Bubba, but, there again, we cannot make conclusive judgements because they are freds, not humans. However, when it comes to interspecies relationships it appears that freds are sexually attracted only to female humans. Male humans may be all right to hang out with, but freds seem to find the idea of sex with a male human repulsive. They have no problem with eating one every now and then, but draw the line at screwing.

Then there is also the matter of the term "freds". Is it singular or plural? Well, it's neither. We humans must set aside some of our linguistic conventions when referring to freds. Debbie Earl is freds. Not "a fred". There is no such word as "fred" in freds' language. Also one never uses articles, definite or otherwise, when referring to freds. "A freds" and "the freds" are absolutely meaningless terms. "Freds" is the only word that is needed.

Hope this has cleared things up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, Emily Dickinson (1830?86)
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 06:06 PM

Dying at my music!
Bubble! Bubble!
Hold me till the Octave's run!
Quick! Burst the Windows!
Ritardando!
Phials left, and the Sun!

E.D.


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