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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 17 Dec 12 - 09:47 PM
Amos 17 Dec 12 - 03:17 PM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 12 - 01:59 PM
Amos 17 Dec 12 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 12 - 09:09 AM
Acme 16 Dec 12 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 12 - 07:08 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 12 - 02:43 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Dec 12 - 01:38 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 12 - 02:23 AM
Amos 16 Dec 12 - 01:52 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 12 - 11:09 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Dec 12 - 10:18 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 12 - 09:29 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Dec 12 - 09:20 PM
Acme 15 Dec 12 - 08:17 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 12 - 12:13 PM
Acme 15 Dec 12 - 10:56 AM
Jeri 15 Dec 12 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,999 15 Dec 12 - 10:27 AM
Amos 15 Dec 12 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 12 - 10:10 AM
Amos 15 Dec 12 - 12:06 AM
Rapparee 14 Dec 12 - 11:29 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 12 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 14 Dec 12 - 10:31 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 12 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 14 Dec 12 - 08:26 PM
Acme 14 Dec 12 - 08:23 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 12 - 07:00 PM
Rapparee 14 Dec 12 - 05:41 PM
Ebbie 14 Dec 12 - 04:08 PM
gnu 14 Dec 12 - 03:18 PM
Rapparee 14 Dec 12 - 02:47 PM
Amos 14 Dec 12 - 12:45 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 12 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 14 Dec 12 - 11:15 AM
Rapparee 14 Dec 12 - 09:30 AM
Acme 14 Dec 12 - 12:48 AM
Amos 14 Dec 12 - 12:25 AM
Rapparee 13 Dec 12 - 11:16 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 13 Dec 12 - 07:37 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 12 - 03:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 13 Dec 12 - 02:55 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 12 - 10:14 AM
Acme 12 Dec 12 - 11:10 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 12 - 10:54 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Dec 12 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 12 - 10:08 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Dec 12 - 09:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 12 - 09:47 PM

How are Gluon and the Freds? Any Good Ol' Boys wandering through the MOAB woods? I'm not talking about Chongo and Chinga and Shane. Seems we've gone a long spell without some major activity by our various magically real characters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 12 - 03:17 PM

You not only missed my point completely, you went around the block backwards to evade it!

LOL!!

Chongo will feel better when he takes a bit more responsibility for his mother and Chinga.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 12 - 01:59 PM

Now....don't get all verbose on me, Amos. I can only take just so much of that, you know.

It is more than crystal clear that reality exists. There may be a number of further realities also, though...always an interesting possibility. As for this common reality that we wake up to each day...oh, it exists allright! And, boy, does it ever get tedious at times.

Now, regarding Chongo...his reality has its own particular nature and follows its own typical path. Why do you insist on interfering in his reality, Amos? You have concocted dreadful stories about his alleged sister, to whom you have given a dreadful name. This is cruel and unusual treatment of an innocent ape who is merely trying to live out a life which makes sense to him. He naturally gets upset and he counters by interfering in your reality. He said today that he was shortly going to post something about how you hurt your back and gave yourself a hernia the other day when you attempted to lift your own ego.

Is it really necessary that we should carry on these pointless feuds between divergent realities?

Anyway, Chongo might get his feelings hurt! Think about that. And if that happened, he might commit random acts of violence in his reality.

You wouldn't want that to happen, would you? How could you bear the guilt of having caused it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 12 - 12:52 PM

LH, you writhe and flail against the simplicity of a great truth, one which deserves more consideration and respect: reality exists.

While I know you, among many similarly water-logged souls, would prefer a brand of existence in which all reality was merely a matter of instantaneous whimsical consideration, I am sorry to say this is not the case. Reality exists, and is firmly bonded and rooted in the spiritual plane as well as the material one, a mesh of intransigent, intractable agreements that make up a space-time continuum in which we swim as fishes unaware of water.

Now I appreciate that here in the sacred Halls of Mom, we are all at liberty to spout alternative versions of reality in whatever lyric or blasphemous manner we choose in the spirit of True BS, and to raise the standard of such art as high as we may do, and while I celebrate that larky, inspirational undertaking, I think it is important to remember that True BS draws its power from marked contrast with the core tragedy of our shared existence, namely that reality exists.

Therefore, I urge you not to lash out with ad hominem assertions demeaning the character and vale of those who share these hallowed halls with you here at Mom's place. We few, we blessed few, who strive for the perfection of the still, small, but powerful voice of BS in the world, need to honor and cherish each other as companions in arms.

So when I prod you in recognition of the boundaries of reality, and chide your figments as not being of that sphere, you should understand as well that this does not mean I do not relish them as figments, as masterful embodiments of the BS art in form and function. Let the figments fly, good Hawk! And allow me to poke at them from time to time as a basso contralto counter-point in the symphony of our grand endeavour, without therefrom fleeing into the sour dark corners of dissonance and chaotic invective.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 12 - 09:09 AM

Mom, stop hanging out with the heavy lifters and get back home where you belong. After all, several of the muscle-bounds, like gnu, Amos, and me, are here. Oogling others as they work out is, well, inappropriate for someone as well-bred as you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 12 - 07:10 PM

No point in fixing that typo after a great comeback . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 12 - 07:08 PM

That's "van" of course, not "wan." Although the last time Jane saw him she said he was "pale and wan for one beyond the pale."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 12 - 02:43 PM

Happy Birthday, Ludwig wan Beethoven and Jane Austen!!!

(You made such a cute couple.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Dec 12 - 01:38 PM

You would qualify as a national tragedy too, Amos...if you was important enough to. As it is, you only rate high enough to qualify as a local tragedy. And I don't mean in San Diego. I mean on yer damn street. I doubt that anyone livin' a street or two over can be bothered worryin' too much about it. There ain't no use anyway, worryin' about somethin' that can't be fixed.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 12 - 02:23 AM

I'M not the one living in la-la land, visiting LA, and communicating with my navel in Sedona, AZ.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 12 - 01:52 AM

The vehemence and energy invested by Rapparree in disputing against the fictional creation of LH's over-worked imagination is a national tragedy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 11:09 PM

Punk. My wife's an attorney. Go on, sic Ballsworthy on me. He'll face a libel suit so fast his eyes will bleed, so big I'll own not only his family jewels but the crown jewels as well, and you'll be sold to a zoo to help him raise the moolah.

And if you state, as you just did, that you were born and grew up in Africa, then you ain't qualified to be President.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 10:18 PM

Ya know somethin', Rap? Yer mouth is like a busted sewer pipe. It just don't stop gushin' the crap.

When the hell did I say I have never returned to Africa??? I been there on a few trips now and then, ya know, even checked out the old forest I came from on one trip, but didn't find much left of the way it was when I grew up there.

And now yer sayin' that leopards are an endangered species? Well, gee, what a shame! It'll be almost as bad as losin' the piranha fish to lose them leopards, won't it? Worse than losin' the mosquito! Look, buddy, if I had somethin' to do with puttin' them murderin' beasts in danger, that's just fine with me, see? I ain't sheddin' no tears about it, no sir! You mess with MY family, I mess with YOU!

I am startin' to lose patience with you, buster. Lemme put it this way. If Doctor Christian Barnard had lost as many of his patients as I am losing my patience with you, he'd have lost his damn license and probably have been charged with mass murder. You are pushin' yer luck, Bozo. Back off with these allegations about my relatives!

- Chongo

p.s. I ain't met Ballsworthy yet. I heard of him, though. If I do meet him, I am gonna fill him in on alla YOUR illicit activities real good, and yer gonna find yer ugly face plastered all over the craziest "news"paper in the UK under the headline:

LIZARD MAN of IDAHO IMPLICATED IN SATANIC BLOOD-DRINKING CULT!!! SACRIFICES BLONDE VIRGINS ON SECRET ALTAR IN UNDERGROUND POCATELLO LIBRARY VAULTS!!!!!

I know the kind of stuff this Hector character goes for. He'll love it. He'll be pursuin' you for the REST of yer LIFE, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 09:29 PM

Leopards are on the endangered list, and you have stated that you never returned to Africa. Which are we to believe? That you wantonly killed endangered species or that you lied in the first place? I'd also like to know if you've ever apologized to your mother and sister pimping them to Hector Ballsworthy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 09:20 PM

You people make me sad sometimes. Here you are goin' on and on about a fictional "Mom" that is nothin' but a long-runnin' conversation on the Net. Meanwhile, I am still mournin' my real Mom who was deceased many years ago, way back before I left the Old Country (West Africa). She got ate by a damn leopard! After I learned the use of guns, I found that leopard and I shot the bastard, cut out his heart and liver, and ate them! And I shot more than a few of his relatives too over the next coupla years, put a major dent in the leopard population in that area. I see a leopard, that leopard is dead.

Rap and Amos been runnin' a false story about my Mom ever since I went into politics, tryin' to destroy my reputation. Pretty scummy behavior! They will be sorry someday.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 08:17 PM

Hey MOM, after the rain last night there were more pecans on the ground under the trees. You want me to bring you some so you can make one of your pecan pies?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 12:13 PM

By definition, the first two numbers in the Fibonacci sequence are 0 and 1 (alternatively, 1 and 1), and each subsequent number is the sum of the previous two. See "Golden Mean".

So: 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,55,89,144 and so on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 10:56 AM

What are Bruce and Ebbie doing slumming in the MOAB? Careful or you'll tarnish your reputations!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 10:55 AM

Thanks a lot. Kicking this up one, but now I'm trying to spiraling my brain around the concept of Fibonacci thingies, which results in my thinking that a toaster divided by a bagel should equal a toaster and a bagel divided by a toaster. But the rest of it has numbers in it, so I figure I need to toast a bagel.

And eat it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,999
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 10:27 AM

The last post was 46667.

Properties of number 46667

Cross Sum:        29
Factorization:        23 * 2029
Divisors:        1, 23, 2029, 46667
Count of divisors:        4
Sum of divisors:        48720
Prime number?        No
Fibonacci number?        No
Base 2 (Binary):        1011011001001011
Base 3 (Ternary):        2101000102
Base 4 (Quaternary):        23121023
Base 5 (Quintal):        2443132
Base 8 (Octal):        133113
Base 16 (Hexadecimal):        b64b
Base 32:        1dib
sin(46667)        0.97762734419739
cos(46667)        -0.21034442202627
tan(46667)        -4.6477455155683
sqrt(46667)        216.0254614623

Just thought you'd like to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 10:24 AM

Ah, Monsieur, you underestimate the sheer courage of my clan. Penguins do not scare us a bit.

So long, Mom, I am off to the wilds of the Los Angeles hinterlands, far from all known civilization.

Back tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 10:10 AM

JUNE!!!???? Do you know what the Alaskan seas are like in June? Mountainous waves! Blowing sleet that covers everything with inches of ice! Temperatures well below zero, temperatures so cold that your breath freezes as you exhale! Snow that's meters deep on the top of the mainmast! Polar bears on giant icebergs waiting to ravage the ship's passengers! Flocks of rabid penguins rampaging in the streets of the State capitol!! You're going to Alaska in June???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 12 - 12:06 AM

SOme of us has manners, ya knows.

Ebbie, I believe we do stop in Juneau somewhere around June 9 or 10. I was not planning to overlook the chance I might get to see you all, but it is still months away. I will send details soon as I know them for certain!! Tell KT, too!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 11:29 PM

Oh. Why not?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 10:37 PM

Soitin'ly not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 10:31 PM

Did you call Amos "The San Diego Bawd"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 08:58 PM

Chongo should know. I'll ask him. He said he hopes that Amos does not get eaten by a Killer Whale or a Polar Bear on this trip to Alaska. He advises staying on the boat, not falling overboard, and avoiding wilderness areas. It's touching to see how concerned he is about Amos's welfare, considering all the slights he has had to endure from the San Diego Bard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 08:26 PM

She's probably in Arizona, where Alaskans winter over if they don't go to Hawai'i. But she's probably moved there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 08:23 PM

Hasn't Sarah shaken the dust of Wasilla from her skirts yet and moved to someplace with a big television studio for all of her gusty appearances?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 07:00 PM

I wonder if he will get to visit Wasilla while he's there? Maybe get Sarah Palin's autograph?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 05:41 PM

I hope Amos gets to Unalaska and sees The Bridge To The Other Side. Especially if he gets to go in, oh, say February. On a State ferry. The Gulf of Alaska is a scenic adventure then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 04:08 PM

466566 has a certain cachet.

Amos: "Alaska!! Cruising the Inside Passage, Ketchikan, Whittier, etc."

You are making big tracks, man. Whittier is WAY up there (as far as water goes)including involving the wide and often stormy Gulf of Alaska.

Ketchikan to Whittier involves a stop in Juneau, I hope you know, so may we anticipate being graced with your presence?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 03:18 PM

Whoa da bus MOM! So, I got the truck on defrost and I am naked and the doorbell rings. I hastily get new socks and tighty whiteies on and it rings again so I return to tee and PJs and answer the door. It's a jolly very fat man with a big silver beard and he's got a Kissmeass present for me. Screw Sandy Claws... buddy is bearing a bo'le a mooze from The Granite Planet!

Come Sunday, I shall boil and cut up spuds, fry two pounds of onions, throw me bo'le mooze in and pour a (a? hahahahahaaa!) Screech n coke fer ye n me and she's never hittin a plate! We'll eat er straight from da pan.

Got's ta get me mooze b'y!

Mmmmm... some shockin good, mezon, mezon!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 02:47 PM

Good for you, Amos. On a cruise ship or taking the Alaska State Ferry System and doing something right for once?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 12:45 PM

I am hard at work, making life better for my nears and dears. Meanwhile LH is playing hand-puppet with himself again. Sigh.

Hey Mom!! I'm going to Alaska!! Cruising the Inside Passage, Ketchikan, Whittier, etc. Whoo and hoo, sez I!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 11:30 AM

Amos is making a lot of typos today, Chongo. I think that perhaps he is experiencing extreme remorse over the very insensitive things he said about you, and has taken to the bottle. I do hope he doesn't do anything rash.

As for Rap, well...rash acts are pretty much daily normality for him, so I'm not going to worry about it. He has survived thus far, I expect he'll make out okay. Librarians, after all, are tenacious creatures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 11:15 AM

Hmmm. I get up this mornin' to see that my usual detractors, Amos and Rapparrazee, are at it again, slanderin' my name...worse than THAT, takin' my name in VAIN and utterin' what amounts to sacrilege!

The question is, what do I do about it? Should I be merciful? Spare them my divine wrath?

Or should I cast them both screamin' into the fires of Hell, there to burn in anguish for all eternity or at least until Woody Allen admits he's a whiny little putz?

Hmmm. Decisions, decisions...

I'm gonna have a drink, put my feet up on the desk, and give this some serious thought. Yessiree. It's a slow day, so this might take awhile. Don't hold yer breath while yer waitin', guys.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 09:30 AM

Poor Mom. To know that Stilly gets her two kids out of the house and takes up with two guys named Basil and Herb. Mom'll just DIE of shame, not having thought of it first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 12:48 AM

You heard about Basil, eh? And Herb? I suppose I will run a-fowl of the law. Deliciously so . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 12 - 12:25 AM

Man, I dropped by Chinga's place for a quick drink one night passing through Detroit City. You shoulda heard then names that started coming out of her mouth when Chongo was mentioned. They were the kind of words that even if he HAD been real he woulda wished he weren't. I strongly suggest, LH, that you do NTO imagine Congo or Conga or whatever is imaginary name is going into Detroit. She's likely to castrate him with his own front teet after she pulls them out of his head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 12 - 11:16 PM

You mean like the mother and sister you deserted and forced into a Life Of Shame? The only time you ever assisted anyone was to boost a drunk's watch and wallet and, while you were at it, his pants. You did indeed help a homeless fella kill off his bottle of Thunderbird once, and widows seem to like you really well when you're nowhere around. And I've spoken with the Pope (Benny's a good friend of mine) and he assures me that you will not be canonized -- ever. Truth to be told, he's thinking of declaring you the Eighth Deadly Sin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 13 Dec 12 - 07:37 PM

I'd say the same about you...but I'm way too nice to do that. Ook! Ook! ;-D Didja know that the Holy Sisters around here say real good things about me all the time, and speak of me as "a saint"? I am known far and wide for my selfless contributions to charity, my protectin' of the weak, my metin' out of dire punishments to the wicked and cruel, and all that kinda good stuff. The main reason I ain't been canonized, in fact, is cos I wrote the Pope a pre-emptive letter askin' not to be singled out in that fashion, cos I prefer just seein' the happy smiles on the faces of the widows and the homeless I have assisted, and I am way too modest to seek personal glory in public honors.

- Chongo

p.s. This is why Amos really hates me. He knows I'm just basically a lot nicer than him. Boy, does that ever stick in his craw!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 12 - 03:06 PM

And the lowest, scummiest one I ever thought up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 13 Dec 12 - 02:55 PM

I also let you keep callin' me "Chonga", Rap, coz I am merciful, and I know it makes you happy. I could squash you like a bug and wipe out all yer seed from the Earth for callin' me "Chonga", but I don't. I gotta be about the nicest deity one could possibly ask for.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 12 - 10:14 AM

Yes, right, sure.

Just turn around while we put these cuffs on you.

    You have the right to remain silent.
    Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law.
    You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future.
    If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning, if you wish.
    If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney.
    Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present?

Basil is a herb, right? And we all know about "herb." Lady, you're goin' down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Dec 12 - 11:10 PM

I plugged an oil radiator heater into a thermal plug out in the greenhouse. It has two sockets, so on the other one I plugged in the string of LED xmas lights that I put up last year. This way if it gets cold enough that the thermal plug turns on the heater I can tell because the lights will be on.

It isn't a gro-light glow, so I don't think the sheriff will stop by to see what I'm growing out there. (Basil, broccoli and onions.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 12 - 10:54 PM

Chonga, it's me all the way down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Dec 12 - 10:26 PM

I just let you think that, Rap, cos I know it makes you happy. That is what a nice guy I am.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 12 - 10:08 PM

Of course I don't. I am, after all, the reason for everyone's existence. Sheesh, don't you guys EVER learn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Dec 12 - 09:51 PM

He's got his faults, but at least he don't go around denyin' another individual's existence. Not like some I could mention.

- Chongo


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