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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 31 Aug 12 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM
Amos 30 Aug 12 - 09:50 PM
gnu 30 Aug 12 - 01:42 PM
Acme 30 Aug 12 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 12 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 12 - 09:23 PM
gnu 29 Aug 12 - 06:35 PM
Amos 29 Aug 12 - 05:21 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 12 - 11:16 AM
Amos 29 Aug 12 - 10:49 AM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 12 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 12 - 09:26 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 12 - 07:21 PM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 02:43 PM
gnu 28 Aug 12 - 02:07 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 12 - 01:54 PM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 12:15 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 12 - 10:05 AM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 09:40 AM
Amos 28 Aug 12 - 12:14 AM
Rapparee 27 Aug 12 - 11:19 PM
gnu 27 Aug 12 - 09:08 PM
Amos 27 Aug 12 - 06:45 PM
gnu 27 Aug 12 - 03:47 PM
Acme 27 Aug 12 - 03:40 PM
Amos 27 Aug 12 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 12 - 08:24 PM
gnu 26 Aug 12 - 07:20 PM
Acme 26 Aug 12 - 07:02 PM
gnu 26 Aug 12 - 05:15 PM
Amos 26 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 12 - 11:14 AM
Acme 25 Aug 12 - 11:46 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 12 - 09:11 PM
Amos 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM
Amos 24 Aug 12 - 09:27 PM
Acme 24 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 12 - 11:21 AM
Amos 24 Aug 12 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:32 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 09:34 PM
gnu 23 Aug 12 - 06:29 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM
Acme 23 Aug 12 - 04:16 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Aug 12 - 09:40 AM

Which means "It's all right to live stupid, as long as everyone does it."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM

"Dum Vivimus, Vivamus" is my motto.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 12 - 09:50 PM

Where on earth do you suppose they came from? Shoulda mailed them off to Bobert. Live dangerously--but not too dangerously--that's my motto...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 12 - 01:42 PM

I do NOT drool IN my beer!

SRS... I hope you burned the herbs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 12 - 01:33 PM

I don't know about Mountain Men, but Mountain MOM decided to tackle the Arctic last night and defrost her upright freezer. You should have seen all of the stuff she chipped out of the ice! Where ever did she find that baby mammoth carcass? There were also lots of "herbs" in bags and some bags of small round seeds. Tossed 'em out in the yard behind the compost to see what grows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 12 - 09:52 AM

Goin' to the Museum of the Mountain Man today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 12 - 09:23 PM

If nominated I will not run. If elected I will not serve.

I've already served and what has it gotten me? Association with people who drool in their beer, whose pursuit of knowledge and enlightenment does not extend beyond the next joint, who are, in fact, EXACTLY like the people I not only served with, but went to grade school, high school, college and graduate schools with.

I can't seem to create more than what I have already created. Well, as we used to say in the Army, "Phooey!"

(Ma, I'm in Wyomin' agin.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Aug 12 - 06:35 PM

Talk about pressure. Geeze oh eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 12 - 05:21 PM

Proud sons and daughters of MOAB!

We are here in the midst of great effort, an effort which may cause strife and struggle, but whose reward shall be grand and historic. I am speaking of course of the grand march we are making for the Forty Six of KAY!!! I remind you, SIbs of Mom, that what we seek is no passing trifle to be soon forgotten. No! It is epoch-making!! Never in the history of Max Spiegel and Joe Offer has there been ANY thread of such magnitude! Such undying courage and perseverance!! Ad not to be gulled into somnambulistic complaisance by mere quantity, we have strived for PURE GOLD beyond the standards of ordinary threads, a richness of device, and intricacy of wit, a depth of twinkling insight UNHEARD OF in the ranks of lesser threads.

In the mighty folds of her verdant, blossoming vales and hills our Mom enfolds more dreams, hopes and aspirations, more glittering drama, more grim melodramatic confrontation, more ribaldry, more keen-eyed acuity, more dry drollery, and more untrammeled hilarity than all the works of SHakespeare, Chaucer, and Katzanzakis COMBINED!!    There has never been, nor ever shall be, a thread to rival Her!!

Then, brothers and sisters, gather here, and let us renew our intentions, our firm promises to the future, to the BS of tomorrow, and to the towering, iconic accomplishment of our many yesterdays, which comprise our precious, respected, esteemed and beloved Mom. ANd let us forge on, link by link, step by sweat, post by post, until the glorious brightness of that unimaginable beauteous event pierces the veil of our mortal souls and elevates every Being among us to new heights and pride of accomplishment: the Next of Kay!

Thank you for your time.

I am MOAB's favorite son and First Vowel, and I approved this message.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 12 - 11:16 AM

If only it could be bottled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 12 - 10:49 AM

Our Mom will always see us thorugh
The best, and worst, of times,
With Hawkster's decadent phantom crew
Born of a fevered mind,
And Rapparee, to chime us home
With scrofulitic rhymes.
How blessed we are, we sturdy few
Such perfect bliss to find!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 10:52 PM

LOL! Another fine poem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 09:26 PM

"O 'Melia, my dear, this does everything crown!
Who could have supposed I should meet you in Town?
And whence such fair garments, such prosperi-ty?"--
"O didn't you know I'd been ruined?" said she.

"You left us in tatters, without shoes or socks,
Tired of digging potatoes, and spudding up docks;
And now you've gay bracelets and bright feathers three!"--
"Yes: that's how we dress when we're ruined," said she.

"At home in the barton you said 'thee' and 'thou,'
And 'thik oon,' and 'theäs oon,' and 't'other'; but now
Your talking quite fits 'ee for high compa-ny!"--
"Some polish is gained with one's ruin," said she.

"Your hands were like paws then, your face blue and bleak
But now I'm bewitched by your delicate cheek,
And your little gloves fit as on any la-dy!"--
"We never do work when we're ruined," said she.

"You used to call home-life a hag-ridden dream,
And you'd sigh, and you'd sock; but at present you seem
To know not of megrims or melancho-ly!"--
"True. One's pretty lively when ruined," said she.

"I wish I had feathers, a fine sweeping gown,
And a delicate face, and could strut about Town!"--
"My dear--a raw country girl, such as you be,
Cannot quite expect that. You ain't ruined," said she.

             --Tom Hardy, The Ruined Maid


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 07:21 PM

Another lovely tale told in heroic verse by the Bard of San Diego!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 02:43 PM

Poor Lucy's father died one night
From a stroke at forty-three;
WIth complications caused by drink
And perhaps an S.T.D.
Her mother, she could not recall.
She went to Heaven, see,
When Daddy worked at a banking job,
And Lucy was but three.

And Daddy could not handle it.
The loss destroyed his heart.
The life he'd built had suddenly lost
Its one most precious part.
And so he drank, and drank again
And lost a job or three.
And Lucy wondered at his grave,
"What will become of me?"

A lovely lass of seventeen
And full of love and hope,
She quickly spent her savings bank
And found she could not cope.
She'd used a small inheritance
To pay her Daddy's bills.
And now she starved, no roof or food,
Beset with woes and ills.

She would not turn to the dirty streets,
She had her pride, at least,
And many's the offer she turned down
From a monied, hungry beast.
She held her morels dear and close,
While in this living hell.
And finally found her pathway out:
She became a chanterelle.

And now she tours in a velvet car,
And sings before the Crown,
And many a suitor, rich and kind,
She regretfully turns down.
Oh, there's many a song-bird on the wing,
From the Liffey to the Don,
But of them all, no man denies,
Our Lucy's champignon.

Aloyisius Allcott Winslow Lodge
Morels in Modern Thyme
Cordon Bleu Press, Le Vesinet, 1892


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 02:07 PM

"Kayak Hell's Canyon?"

Now THAT is just stunned as me arse it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 01:54 PM

To do whate'er I please

Speed through school playgrounds? Sell dope to children? Hold up banks? Play off key? Kayak Hell's Canyon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 12:15 PM

I'm not afraid of a wooden spoon
And I don't fear Momma's ire,
I just refuse to cringe or swoon
'Cuz I'm goin' to retire!

I'm walking out of the nine to five
To do whate'er I please,
And Still can have my blankets,
ANd Rapparee, the fleas.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 10:05 AM

Tsk, tsk. Calling attention to yourself again. Mom taught you better. You should have quietly gone to her and in a civil tone (using the magic words) excused yourself for interrupting and quietly asked her your question.

Is this what "getting short" does to your manners? If so, Mom still have that wooden spoon and isn't afraid to use it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 09:40 AM

Hey!! MOOOM!! UP HERE!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 12 - 12:14 AM

One thing to be sure of, Rapparree--you'll never find a mooter schoen.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 11:19 PM

Stilly, please don't talk about my mooter that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 09:08 PM

I shall accept/interpret, as the case may be, that, Amos, as, if not an accolade in my own mind, an approval of my attempt at the ultimate act of spoken comedy... one word placed in space and time in perfection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 06:45 PM

Well, there is that, also. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 03:47 PM

Jesus, SRS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 03:40 PM

Because it's moot?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 12 - 10:50 AM

You DO like to live dangerously, good Bookster. Not being a guitar playing saint like yours truly, see, you may not appreciate the sanctity of the groundd on which you presume to tread. To threaten a man's Martin like that just is not done. It's like questioning the virginity of one's mother. You just don't.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 08:24 PM

Amos, you bring that there geetar case ta Gitaway and lemme see iffen I kin deestroy it. Put yer Martin inside so's I know how I'm doin'...or that fancy new one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 07:20 PM

I hope da wasps ceder bats and buzz off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 07:02 PM

Hey MOM, I bought a cedar bat house today. I'm gonna have to get the tall ladder out and put this up on the garage. Until the bats find it I suppose the wasps will enjoy it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 05:15 PM

I bu pro fen? Is that Latin fer "only an ameteur drinks bog water"? I ain't up on the sytax in yer classy languages eh?

Round here in the bog country we goes by a cardinal rule fer yer drinkin. Stay up late and drink so yer still drunk when ya wake up on accounta who wnats ta wake up with a hangover... eh??!!

I see Japan won the World Series in REAL baseball just now. Must be that there radiation what allowed them to beat Tennesee eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM

Dang, we had one helluva fine small dinner last night. We had two physicists--one retired from UCSD and one high up in the technology circles of Qualcomm, and a third physicist, too, married to the latter, who does molecular modeling in software. We had a choreographer and an artist, and a 6 year old angel, and we atre most well and tippled the night away. Ibuprofen is my friend.

In less than a month I will be flying out East to visit Dani, and Janie, and Chance, and Micca, and Bobex, and Gene and Sandra, and gosh, I dunno WHO-all. I swan, seems like the best pickings are in that mid-Atlantic escutcheon. Anyway, hat's where I'll be.

Guess what I got to do today? All right, I'll tyell you! I got to take a power saw and slice up an ancient (1969) old guitar case that came with my D-35. Reason being that tyhe new, bullet-proof Hiscox case that was kindly provided with my Nick Apollino Apollo angel also fits my Martin perfectly. It's tough as nails, so I will just use it for either guitar. This brightens up the music room by removing one tattered old road-worn case. Yay.

Two weeks, Mom. Two weeks until I no longer have an excuse for not making up my mind what to do with myself. Yayyy!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 11:14 AM

Today we head for home. It's a long draw, over the mountains and plains, through South Pass. Haveta make sure the horses are fed and we-uns got food and water fer the trip. Fortunately the Indians ain't hostile -- anything but! because there are casinos all along the way. We don't visit 'em, but I'm glad to see 'em skinnin' the white man instead of 'tother way 'round fer a change.

Ain't got no more clean clothes no how anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 11:46 PM

Hey, MOM! Today I talked with old friends who I lost track of years ago. Turns out they're back in the town where they moved from last time I knew where they were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 09:11 PM

I ride a new Subaru, I've done left Cheyenne
I'm goin' back to Idaho, I've thrown in my hand
I've crossed all the coulees, no water in the draw
My clothes are all dirty, my feet are walked raw.

Ride down the little highways, ride down them slow,
For they're two-lane and snuffy and rarin' to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM

His eyes are crossed, my ole swayback
He limps and snoozes like a hack
His eyes are dim and lined with crud
There ain't much iron in his blood,
But for him I will stay the course,
My friend, companion, buddy, HORSE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM

Amos, don't worry none about retirement. You'll get old, sick, flabby and irrelevant real quick, just like the rest of us. You too can go sit on a bench in the park and say to the old fart next to you, "Now look at that 'un! Whoo-ee! she can park at my place anytime?" and you'll be talking about a pick up truck.

Don't worry about holding your liquor -- just grab the glass of metamucil with both hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM

And I'm singing my song:

"My rifle's rusty, my sword is bent
My boots are wet with rain
And my moldy socks and my stinky drawers
Have driven folks from the plain.
But my spurs are as crossed as my horse's eyes
My whiskey's cheap or free
What care have I for your rules or laws
I'm an in-law, Rapparee
I'm an out-law, Rapparee!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:27 PM

The clock is ticking down; in two weeks from today they will pull the plug on me, and I on them. This breaking of connection will resonate through all the rest of my years as a turning point, although I cannot say into what it is turning! It is understandable, then, that I am just a wee bit stirred up about it.

Across the wide, rich, redolent rolling hills of Wyoming, Rapparee's train is cantering steel on steel through the midnight blue evening. He knows, as he looks out the window, that he is being sent to prison. He knows it is no more than he deserves. But in his heart the thin, twee voice of hope and an appetite for unbounded liberty continue to ring, defying all the sobersided efforts of the Establishment to make this proud man humble by punishment.

He knows, deep down, that he will never be punished where it counts, will never bow, will never yield.

He is, and always has been, Rapparree.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM

He was so embarrassed he repeated himself!

Alas, a chocolate lab would go to waste here, I'm allergic. Good thing I am not allergic to dogs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 11:21 AM

And it's a damn good thing they don't...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:38 AM

Seems our Rapp has been looking for Lust in all the wrong places.

There's plenty of town lust in Wyoming, but they don't organize it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:35 PM

Oopsy. I meant LUSK, Wyoming. There is no Lust in Wyoming. I mean, there is no town Lust. Er...you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:34 PM

Oopsy. I meant LUSK, Wyoming. There is no Lust in Wyoming. I mean, there is no town Lust. Er...you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:32 PM

Hi, Mom! The Army said I was too old to re-up, so I stampeded their horses, spiked their guns and went AWOL. I'm now in Lust, WY, just up the road from Lingle. Casper tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 09:34 PM

A chocolate arm, and a chocolate leg
Are sure to build up flab
And costly both they're sure to be
In Stilly's chocolate lab!

Where chocolate dreams, they all come true,
And no-one ever fears,
And bunnies from the chocolate lab
Keep both their chocolate ears.

For just one time, before you pass,
ANd they lay you on the slab,
You really must pursue your dreams
At Stilly's chocolate lab!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 06:29 PM

Cost an arm and a leg? It can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM

I didn't think they needed a lab to make chocolate! I was under the impression it was a relatively simple process. It's a wonder the stuff doesn't cost an arm and a leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM

More I think on it, the more the similarities become apparent between Rapp and a chocolate lab. For example, you give a chocolate lab to a six year old, first thing he's gonna do is eat off the ears on it. Same with Rapp.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:16 PM

He has a sense of guilt like my chocolate lab has a sense of guilt - caught in the act and if I use "that" tone of voice (the one that turns my pit bull into a quivering groveling puddle of pup) he gives a MICRO expression that says "well, yeah, maybe" and then he's back to his old open gregarious "what, who me?" expression.


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