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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 30 Mar 12 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 12 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 12 - 04:41 PM
Amos 30 Mar 12 - 02:21 PM
gnu 30 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 12 - 10:13 AM
Amos 30 Mar 12 - 09:19 AM
Acme 29 Mar 12 - 11:27 PM
gnu 29 Mar 12 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 12 - 06:20 PM
gnu 29 Mar 12 - 02:42 PM
Amos 29 Mar 12 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 12 - 09:29 AM
Little Hawk 28 Mar 12 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 12 - 06:55 PM
Acme 28 Mar 12 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 12 - 06:30 PM
Little Hawk 28 Mar 12 - 02:46 PM
Amos 28 Mar 12 - 02:38 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 12 - 02:08 PM
Little Hawk 28 Mar 12 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 12 - 09:33 AM
Acme 28 Mar 12 - 01:06 AM
Eiseley 28 Mar 12 - 12:44 AM
Rapparee 27 Mar 12 - 11:45 PM
Amos 27 Mar 12 - 11:35 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 12 - 05:11 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Mar 12 - 04:53 PM
Amos 27 Mar 12 - 12:20 PM
Rapparee 27 Mar 12 - 09:28 AM
Amos 26 Mar 12 - 11:58 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 12 - 10:18 PM
Rapparee 26 Mar 12 - 04:54 PM
Amos 26 Mar 12 - 01:29 PM
Little Hawk 26 Mar 12 - 11:29 AM
Acme 26 Mar 12 - 10:53 AM
Amos 26 Mar 12 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 12 - 09:57 AM
Rapparee 26 Mar 12 - 09:56 AM
Amos 26 Mar 12 - 09:32 AM
Acme 25 Mar 12 - 11:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 10:51 PM
Amos 25 Mar 12 - 10:25 PM
Little Hawk 25 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 09:43 PM
Little Hawk 25 Mar 12 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 09:04 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 25 Mar 12 - 08:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Mar 12 - 08:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 10:27 PM

Have noticed that some comments on behalf of our members have been spoofed in other threads by those-who-are-not-mentioned-by-name-around-here. If you see your names (or made up characters' names) being taken in vain on guest-posts, drop me a PM w/ date and place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 10:10 PM

Well, Monday I'll be gone. You won't have me to kick around anymore.

Okay, I'm going to SLC to fly to BWI on Tuesday. And I'll have a 'puter with me, so I'll be checking in. So you will have me to kick around. But I won't be at home if you come visit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 04:41 PM

So may I assume that you have no comment on your decision not to comment?

(I'm trying out for a job on Fox News.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 02:21 PM

Better a Not in your will than a knot in your willy, I allus say. Well, I don't really. This is the first time I have said it, and I probably won't say it again.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 01:31 PM

That's a definite will-not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 10:13 AM

Well, I have to check:

Do you have a comment now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 12 - 09:19 AM

No gnu comments, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Mar 12 - 11:27 PM

That would be "gnu comment."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Mar 12 - 11:04 PM

Read my lips.

I did not and do not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 12 - 06:20 PM

Do you have a comment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Mar 12 - 02:42 PM

I have no comment. Next question.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 12 - 11:06 AM

HE was just distraught because Earl died.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 12 - 09:29 AM

Last evening Purcival Pluvial dropped into the Legion Hovel. He's been banned ever since that unfortunate incident with the lizard, but he came busting in, soaking everyone in sight with that pair of silly water guns. When I say "dropped in" I mean it literally, as he fell out of the the big cottonwood, the old "Hangin' Tree," and through the empty skylight.

"Outhouse Oscar" Grogan, quarter-brother to old "Bathouse John" Grogan of Chicago, was so annoyed with the dilution of his whiskey that he kicked Purc out the way he'd come in. Purc rose straight up, hit his head on the "Hangin' Branch", and fell like a rock through the exhaust vent over the grill. He regained consciousness of a sudden and ran around with the seat of his pants a-fire.

After setting fire to three drapes and a half dozen tableclothes, Purc sat hisself down in the mash tub. This wasn't a good idea, as the alcoholic content of the contents was quite high and the sheet of blue flame pretty much finished Purc's body hair (such as it was) as well as scorching the paint off the ceiling. It did put out the fire in his pants, but it plumb ruined the next still run and whiskey will be short for the next two or three days.

Four or five fellas grabbed Purc and threw him out into The Permanent Snowbank with instructions not to come back until he could conduct himself in accordance with the regular rules of Legion decorum.

It was a fairly typical night, except for the drapes and the tableclothes because now there's nowhere to blow your nose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 10:29 PM

If Chongo had been on that flight, the trouble would have been ended even sooner....like, within about 2 seconds or less.

Chongo is going to put Chimpanzee air marshalls on all American flights after he gets elected. That should considerably raise public confidence in the safety of air travel. (if you've seen the well known "trunk monkey" ads, you'll know exactly what I mean...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 06:55 PM

From what the news reports it appears to me that he had a breakdown and everything happened the way it should have happened. I'm glad they were able to get him out of the cockpit.

It's my contention that, as in this case and previous ones stretching back to September 11, 2001, the passengers are quite willing to take an active part in stopping "bad behavior" on planes. Things would be a lot easier at the gates if TSA realized this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 06:42 PM

Whoa. Sounds like the Air Bleu pilot was reading all of the Mudcat shooting threads yesterday. Sent him over the edge. He should have hung out with MOM instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 06:30 PM

Well, it used to be lots deeper, from Red Rock Pass clear to where it joins the Snake River there was plenty of water. Of course these days there's so many diversions that the ol' Portneuf is just a trickle of its former self.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 02:46 PM

Well said, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 02:38 PM

IF we were to reinstitute mandatory military service, the old boat would be better drafted.

Like most souls, though, what she really needs is a deeper river.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 02:08 PM

Not enough room...there's only three inches between the bottom of the boat and the bottom of the river during high water season and less most of the year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 01:11 PM

They oughta keelhaul the kid who did that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 09:33 AM

She could do it from behind a huge pile of balloons, or from the deck of the "Robert E. Leek" -- the steamboat that plies the Portneuf from Pocatello to Lava Hot Springs.

The boat was originally called the "Robert E. Lee" but you know about kids and graffiti....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 01:06 AM

Eiseley, you're going to have to sing fast to reach that many children by the time the summer vacation starts! Best put it on YouTube and put something funny or shocking with it so it goes viral - then they'll all see it and you'll be a rock star when you approach the classroom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Mar 12 - 12:44 AM

Such poetry, Rapparee! Or doggerel might be a better description.

I'm almost finished with a new composition we'll sing to 7986 school children class by class to urge them to read in the summer. I'll have to record it and post it to youtube or somewhere.

I'll show the lyrics to MOM tomorrow after I make sure the meter is correct for the tune.

Now to bed!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:45 PM

Here's a good one, Amos! The tune is "The Wearin' of the Green."

In that town called San Diego when the workers try to talk,
The cops will smash them with a sap and tell them "take a walk",
They 'throw them in a bull pen and they feed them rot-ten beans,
And they call that "law and order" in that city, so it seems

So we're bound for San Diego, - you'd better join us now
If they don't quit, you bet your life, There'll be an awful row,
We're comin' by the hundred, we'll be joined by hundreds more,
So join at once and let then see the workers are all sore.

They're clubbing fellow working men who dare their thoughts express,
And if old Otis has his way there's sure to be a mess.
So swell this army, working men, and show them what we'll do
When all the sons of toil unite in one big union true.

We have put the town of Aberdeen with others on our map;
And the brass bound thugs of all of them were handy with the "sap".
But the IWW's are boys who have no fears,
And we'll whip old San Diego if it takes us twenty years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 11:35 PM

ANd dat's da troof from da hoss's mouf, Rastus!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 05:11 PM

What do Lady Gaga, Madonna, Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Vanilla Ice, and Michael Bolton have in common?

The answer to Chongo's problem: PLAGARISM!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 04:53 PM

You are definitely onta somethin' there, Amos. A few songs like this about the evils of war and bankin' scams and the corporates causin' little match girls and teen proskirts to die in poverty could bring the whole rotten mess crashin' down!

I am gonna commission funds to get a buncha them kind of songs written right quick. I just gotta find someone with the gift to write 'em, that's all.

I think I'll run a newspaper ad and see who responds. Then get my pal Lady Gaga to record 'em. This is gonna be HUGE!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 12:20 PM

Dear Gawdamighty, but you have fallen into a deep, moist, mawkish pit of sentiment, Booquemanne.

It strikes me that if songwriters poured their talents into writing similar schmaltz about the Demon Conservatism today, they could start a real whirlwind, a sea-change in the mass consciousness, a new awareness on the dangers and evils of mindless Me-tooism. Limbaugh would be out of business as folks went around humming snatches of ballads about poor matchmaker girls who dies for lack of universal Health Care, or starving women forced into prostitution who died on a back-alley kitchen table because abortions were illegal, and so on. This is an idea with a great deal of promise, and we have such irresistible archetypes to pattern upon, such as those provided herein by the Nobly Sentimental BOokmanne.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 12 - 09:28 AM

Also found in the DT, Amos.

"Oh dear, I'm so tired an' lonesome,
I wonder why mama don't come;
She told me to shut up my blue eyes,
An' 'fore I'd wake up she'd come home.

"I think I'II go down an' meet papa,
I reckon he stopped at the store;
It's a pretty big store full of bottles,
I wish he wouldn't go there no more.

"Sometimes he is sick when he comes home,
An' stumbles an' falls on the stair,
An' one time he come in the parlor,
An' kicked at my pore little chair.

"An' I 'member how papa was angry,
His face was so red an' so wild,
An' I 'member he struck at pore mama,
A-smilin' so meek an' so mild.

"But I reckon I better go find him,
Perhaps he'll come home with me soon,
An' then it won't be dark an' lonesome
A-waitin' for mama to come."

Out into the night went the baby,
Her little heart beatin' with fright,
Till her tired feet reached the gin-palace,
All radiant with music an' light.

The little hand pushed the door open,
Though her touch was as light as a breath;
The little feet entered the portal
That leads but to ruin an' death.

"Oh papa," she cried as she reached him,
An' her voice rippled out sweet an' clear,
"I thought if I come here I'd find you,
I knowed that you'd surely be here!"

A moment the bleared eyes gazed wildly
Down into the face sweet an' fair,
An' then as the demon possessed him
He grabbed at the back of a chair.

One moment, one second, 'twas over,
The work of the fiend was complete,
An ' his pore little innocent baby
Lay quiverin' an' crushed at his feet.

Then swift as the light come his reason
An' showed him the deed he had done;
With a groan that the devil might pity
He knelt by her quiverin' form.

He pressed the pale face to his bosom,
He lifted the fair golden head;
A moment the baby lips quivered,
Then pore little Phoebe was dead.

Then in come the law so majestic
An' says with his life he must pay,
That only a fiend or a madman
Would murder a child that-a-way.

But the man that had sold him the pizen
That made him a demon of hell,
Why, he must be loved an' respected
Because he was licensed to sell.

He may rob you of friends an' of money,
Send you down to perdition an' woe,
But so long as he pays for the license,
The law must protect him, you know.

God pity the women an' children,
Who live under the juggernaut rum;
God hasten the day when against it
Neither heart, voice or pen shall be dumb.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 11:58 PM

From "Wellman's Miscellany", 1871, edited by the Reverend J.K. Wellman, from a story ent6itled "A True Incident", author unknown.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 10:18 PM

touch, not tough. Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.

Out in the gloomy night sadly I roam,
No one to love me, no friends an' no home;
Nobody cares for me, no one would cry,
Even if poor little Bessie should die.

Mother, oh, why did you leave me alone,
With no one to love me, no friends an' no home?
Dark is the night an' the storm rages wild,
God pity poor Bessie, the drunkard 's lone child.

We was so happy till father drank rum,
Then all our troubles an' sorrows begun;
Mother grew paler an' wept every day,
Baby an' I was too hungry to play.

Hungry an' tired I've wandered all day,
Askin' for work, but I'm too small, they say;
All day long I've been beggin' for bread,
Father's a drunkard an' mother is dead.

Oh, if some temperance men only could find
Poor wretched father an' speak very kind,
An' if they could stop him from drinkin', why then,
I should be very soon happy again.

Is it too late? Men of temperance, please try,
For poor little Bessie will soon starve an ' die.
On the damp ground I must now lay my head,
For father's a drunkard an' mother is dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 04:54 PM

I don't frequent places where alcoholic beverages are sold!! Lips that tough liquor never touch mine*!















*Mine liquor, that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 01:29 PM

Stilly, I think we have differing concepts as to what is savory in the way of images.


:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 11:29 AM

It sounds like the kind of thing he's always accusing Chongo of.

(Obviously a case of unconscious projection on Rap's part...he mistakenly sees his own sins in Chongo. How sad! Let us hope that one day Rapparee sees the light and offers Chongo a heartfelt apology for all those unkind and inappropriate criticims he has made of an ape who is loved and respected by all who know him and who would NEVER enter a drinking establishment without wearing pants.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 10:53 AM

Pause and savor the image.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 10:25 AM

I didn't know Rapp was the kind of guy who walk into a restaurant wearing no pants, but it doesn't surprise me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:57 AM

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have to wear socks and shoes or they won't let me into restaurants and stores.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:56 AM

I just wear a lightweight long-sleeve shirt and a hat or cap during the hot season. Pants are optional, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 12 - 09:32 AM

It's odd, ya know. My grammae were a Campbell a Clark, as Anglo as they come, and my father raised in Rochester, my mother in Roxbury. But somewhere down the cascade of time we must have picked up a Roman gene, so I wasn't left with pale white skin, but a tad of color enoughto fend off the sun. Wherever that lick of the tarbrush came from, I am suitably grateful.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 11:42 PM

Gary, I am Irish and Scandinavian. Blonde, blue eyes, pasty white. And I don't do heat particularly well either, but here I am. Someone has to do it. And I figure if I can do it, all of you can manage a few days. Rap probably gets a fair dose of heat in the summer up there in the high desert, so I'm not the only one of Mom's kids who has to suffer it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:51 PM

It's all part of The Call, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:25 PM

Well, Rapparee promising booty is kinda like Rapparee writing those Shakespearean sonnets. Besides, he may not have noticed but the phrase "booty calls" has a new definition int hese modern times...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM

Hmmmm. Pretty tempting, I must admit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:43 PM

Duty, booty! Booty calls! Pillaging! Murder! Rapine! Piracy! Sacking! Looting!

Surely you want in on all that, don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:05 PM

Very cool. You know, I really would like to come, Rap. But I can't. Duty calls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:04 PM

I did it! I did it! I snagged 44244 without even planning to do it!

Talk about AWESOME!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:53 PM

Alright, alright, you don't have to come if you don't want to. But you'll miss out. Even Mom will be there, more or less sober.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:47 PM

JLOTMABLMYAIKE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 12 - 08:15 PM

Belle Fourche, South Dakota is the geographical center of the US. Wanna have everyone meet there?


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